Zefie: Hey, I'm the Disclaimer Poster Girl! I belong on posters! And movies, and fanfics, and TV shows, and broadway! I belong everywhere, in the whole world! Oh, and in his VERY minor role (he might have a bigger cameo time in another chapter), Reeves belongs to ProtoNeiko! By the way, I own nothing here except Gruntylover4eva! You can borrow her if you like, but make sure to give credit where credit is due or I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT! Teehee!

The neon lights strung up in the sign cascaded rapidly as the sign swung by the wind like a drunken Christmas Tree (…the hell?). The lights helped to point out the large, ugly wooden sign that hung above the shop in the Dun Lorieag server. And the sign, scribbled in red crayon, read: "!elas rof serugif noitca kcah."

"Ah hell!" groaned Nuke Usagimaru, the writer of the sign. "Now no one will know I'm selling .hacker action figures!"

At this point, Nuke was panicking and decided to get players' attention by throwing the pointy action figures at them. This worked, for the most part. "Ow! What the &$? Why in hell's hamster did you throw a doll at me?" Yelled a character named Marlo.

"What? They are not dolls, they're action figures!"

Soon, lots of people started visiting and buying .hacker action figures, after Nuke threw figures at people of course. Oh, and Nuke accidentally decapitated a blue robed Wavemaster carrying some sort of grass by throwing a figure at his head.

"What do you mean, you have no Grunty figures," yelled a male player with dark brown hair in the back and light brown bangs covering a blue bandana. "How am I, Reeves, Hero of all things small and piggish, supposed to lead a successful campaign without a beloved Grunty action figure? Are you asking for a Reeves Super Power Death Dealer Strike?"

"Uh, um, no?" Then the player called Reeves stormed off. After awhile, Nuke actually began making a lot of money. "Here ye here ye! The Nuke action figures sells at an extra low price so that everyone can buy ME!"

No one bought a Nuke action figure.

Well, for the most part, Nuke's business continued to do very well. The Balmungettes especially loved the Balmung figures. "OH MY GOD, BALMUNG FIGURES! Now we can undress him!" Even Sora bought some figures, namely figures of himself, Subaru, Mimiru, BT, and BlackRose. The action figures had quickly become a valuable item. Even oh-so-serious BT secretly bought a figure of herself.

And, while no one was watching, the Wavemaster Tsukasa secretly stole a Piros figure, looked it over, then whispered to himself. "Hmm, so that's what Piros looks like…"

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Zefie: Now it's time to tune on in to the fic that never ends!

Log it In, Log it Out, Log it In, Log it Out 5: "Little Things Mean A Lot"

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Message Board

Topic: Weird Grunty behavior

Hey, admins, if you are reading this, what's up with the Grunties lately? Just yesterday, a Grunty ran up to me to get my attention, then the Grunty put its head in a toilet and drowned itself! –BillyJean

Re: Weird Grunty behavior

Hey, you're not the only one who has noticed the odd behaviors! I witnessed a Grunty purposely gain attention to itself right before it jumped off one of Dun Loreiag's cliffs, killing itself! What the hell is going on? –MajorTom

Re: Re: Weird Grunty behavior

As usual, the admins are staying tight lipped. –RooPaul

Re: Re: Re: Weird Grunty behavior

We admins are looking into this matter. SO RESPECT YOUR ELDERS YOU DAMN KIDS! –Lios, BraveHead

Helba was innocently floating around the streets of Carmina Gadelica with her big head full of thoughts. Thoughts like: "I wonder what the whole Grunty suicide thing is about?", "I wonder why I can only hover a few inches off the ground?", "I wonder what bananas taste like?", and "Gee, my shirt is too tight. I should probably loosen it."

Helba had also gotten some action figures, which she thought looked a lot like the players they represented. The only figure she was unsure about was her own. It was weird, but it looked like she had two baby Grunties tied to her chest. (…dumb big boogalooed woman! I hate her)

But another intriguing thing was that Balmung had been avoiding people. Why? Well, she was so busy thinking that she did not notice that she had hovered off one of the balconies, then she drowned. When she logged back on, she felt stupid. But Lios was waiting for her when she logged back on. "Ah, Helba. There you are!"

"What do you want?" she groaned in annoyance.

"Do you have anything to do with the Grunty suicides that have transpired lately?"

"Uh, no. As far as I know, the Grunties are just being stupid again." Helba had a firm belief that Grunties were just dumb animals. True, they are dumb, but they are useful. "I doubt they even have brains!"

"Maybe…there is a secret Grunty conspiracy going on here!"

"Lios, you're just paranoid. We should be focusing on important things here, like these action figures!" She proceeded to wave her figure of herself in front of Lios. "See, aren't they spiffy? Hey, how come my boobs are bigger than my head in these figures?"

Lios looked at YOU, the reader. "I seriously doubt Helba's brain is in her head."

Gruntylover4eva's bottom lip was twitching and her eyes were filled with tears. Even her nose seemed to be filled with sadness. "NO GRUNTY FIGURES! Waaaaaaaaaa!"

"Woah, look, why don't you by a figure of me?" suggested the cotton candy hair colored Nuke.

"I get it! You're RACIST towards Grunties! You bastard!"

Nuke head tilted about 90 degrees. "Huh?"

"That's it! I'll make my own action figure shop devoted to Grunties! And when my shop becomes more popular, I'll bury your shop and KILL YOU, you racist!"

As Gruntylover4eva stomped off, one thought crossed Nuke mind. 'Geez, everyone who likes Grunties are frickin' weirdos!'

The small bridge overlooking the canal of the river in Mac Anu afforded a beautiful view into the orange, tranquil evening sky. The sun setting and the stars starting to glitter made for a romantic sight for couples. Subaru and the Wavemaster Tsukasa sat together on the bridge overlooking the view.

The Wavemaster Tsukasa turned to look at Subaru. "Are you bored? I mean, we haven't talked a lot…"

"Ice cream…" was Subaru's remark.

"Huh? You want ice cream?"

"Who can't love ice cream. Ice cream is sweet, and even after it is gone, it leaves a great taste in you," Subaru looked over to the Wavemaster Tsukasa. "Kind of like you."

"…"

"Even when you are not here, even when I cannot find you, I still feel good because I know I will." Subaru leaned closer and put her hand on his/hers/whatever-you-call-Wavemaster-Tsukasa. "Tsukasa, I love you. You love me…right?"

'Holy MOLY! Red alert, red alert, red alert! A GIRL is telling me she loves me! I mean, it was noly about a day ago that I discovered I became a Wavemaster and even sooner that I discovered I had grown a penis! Does that necessarily make me a guy? Or is she a lesbian? What the hell is going on?'

The Wavemaster Tsukasa just sort of…burnt out, with his/her eyes dilated and mouth hanging open. As Subaru pressed on his/her hand, he/she yelled out startlingly: "Um, I love you too!...?"

Subaru's eyes widened. But it was not widening of surprise; rather, it was widening of recognition. She hated the fact that she would have to get off the computer soon because she had to install jet engines on her wheelchair, but she had to do what she had been yearning to ever since the Twilight incident. She kissed him/her. Not a normal 'Hey, I'm bored, wanna kiss' or a 'Look, over there! Haha, kissed you when you weren't looking' type of kiss. This was a real kiss.

Before Wavemaster Tsukasa knew what was going on, Subaru and his/her tongues met. Their tongues met, waved hello, shook hands, had a nice dinner, tickled each other, went bike riding with each other, then their tongues parted.

"……" Wavemaster Tsukasa was more dumbfounded. Then Subaru tenderly kissed him/her again, then lick his/her cheek, then licked his/her ear, then licker his/her eyeballs, then licked his/her nose, showing her loving passion for him/her.

Subaru turned so red that Wavemaster Tsukasa would've thought Subaru sunburned her face, then Subaru turned to leave. And as Subaru left, she left Wavemaster Tsukasa a figure of…Tsukasa (Wavemaster form, that is).

"…whoa," was all Wavemaster Tsukasa could say, with his/her eyes wide open with Subaru saliva in them. "I…I…I need to get…to work…"

Gruntylover4eva had set up her small Grunty trinket shop on the complete opposite side of Nuke's shop. Her shop was also conveniently placed next to a Grunty ranch on a cliff overlooking the beautiful horizon.

Luckily for Gruntylover4eva, she had actually been stealing some of Nuke's business, thanks to 'Grunty Freaks,' an online organization that liked Grunties, including a character named Reeve. Oh, and Gruntylover4eva cherished voctiry as she shouted to Nuke. "HA! PEOPLE LOVE GRUNTIES! HOW DOES IT FEEL, YA BIG GAY?"

Nuke rolled his eyes as he sold himself his seventh Nuke figure.

Nazi Grunty and the GLSS had just got done with their daily hoe down. Nazi Grunty then got in front of a podium that stood in front of a large, wooden Grunty ranch with a big picture oh himself on it.

"Guess what everyone? I am so proud of how your comrades kill each other, schnell! And you surviving Grunties, I can't wait to see how you kill yourselves, schnell!"

"Whoa, is it possible to eat your own head, dude? That would be narly!"

The Nazi Grunty just stared at the surfer Grunty that had spoken out in the crowd. "Someone shoot him." So a Grunty did. Tsukasa, however, just looked completely confused. "When the hell did Grunties get guns?"

"And guess what else, schnell? Our God had asked to see Tsukasa! Let's give a salute to Tsukasa!" So all the Grunties give Tsukasa the Hitler salute, freaking her out. "And let's all hail the one we worship that Tsukasa shall meet with!"

Many Grunties then sang in unison, "Hail Satan!"

Tsukasa's response was simply, "…WHAT?"

On her way out of The World, Subaru visited a field right quick to law down in the comforting shade of the world. And after composing herself about practically slobbering saliva on Wavemaster Tsukasa, she left, holding another Tsukasa figure. On her way out, she accidentally stepped on a red lycoris flower, killing it.

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Zefie: Well, I hope you liked this chapter! MortalSora had actually wanted to put a lot more in this chapter, but he tries to keep the chapters under 6 pages so that they do not become drawn out. So hopefully next chapter, you will get to read more, he says sorry. But another recurring theme for this story is: "It may not make sense now, but it will in the end." Oh, and this fic will! Now I must go off and destroy Rena! I wonder how many people got the cruel joke about the flower?

.hack/PREVIEW

Zefie: On the next episode of "Days of Our Hack," poor poor Shugo finds out that he not my REAL father! And that Aura left Kite for another person…a woman! Because Aura is really…a man! And are Helba's boobums really made of Jell-O? Oh the drama! Oh the humanity!

Lios: (turns to YOU, the reader) That's not really what the next chapter is about.