Dears, you thrill me!
Special and warm thanks to Shadowsbabe (heh, resisting an urge has never been his strong-suit, eh? Love to have your support, girl! Thank YOU!) :), Brunettepet (Thanks a lot for wonderful comments! I'm so glad to read you enjoyed it!) :), Scarlet Ibis (Oh, sounds lovely with a soundtrack. :) Happy you liked the chappy!) :), hmm... (Nice to read! And always happy to receive your thoughts, whenever however whatever. :) I luv to keep you interested! That's my job! Hope I'll continue to do just that!) :), keliz (Lovely. Happy to have released the choke hold. And aftermath is up ahead...) ;)
ReeseAnn (Ohhh, speechless is good. ;) And hmmmmmm... And no, no dream.) ;), kim (lol She is, isn't she. And interesting... we'll see.) ;), MaidenRo (smiling Happy you liked! Snoopy dancing, eh? Let me make my own version of it right now... There. Done. No, awesome that you enjoyed!) :), Megan (Hey! Hope you got my email! Sent it before I saw your review here, though. And as for the chapter – yay for the liking! Happy to read that you enjoyed the build-up and all it entailed!) :), Phaedra (Oh, dear. Sending Spike-bot over with aspirin as I type! Hope he'll make it better. He gives an outstanding back-rub as well, just a tip. ;) So great to read that you took to the story! Always amazes me when someone's willing to devote the time to read it straight through. Thank you!) :)
Crazy4mySpike (Wow. Wish I'd done a better job at hooking you on your first try, but am happy I got you on your second try:) And I'm happy that you decided to give it another glance too! Thanks!) :), SlaYeRGiRLkaL (I'm starting to get the hang of how your pen name's written. Good, eh:) Happy, happy that you liked!) :) and last but not least ororo (I could go into the analyzing bit of it now, but it will take away from later chapters. If it's still unclear to you when the story's finished email me and I'll most happily oblige! And I didn't get you wrong, in any way! I love feedback of any kind – okay, so the flamers aren't the most loved, but this wasn't one of those! – and to see that I get your mind working is a compliment to me! And I'm happy you liked the nice!) :)
Thank you to all!
And joy – I've been nominated for a VK award! I'm in two categories: Best WIP and Best Plot. Would love your vote! And many, many thanks over to Megan for the nomination! You rock, girl!
Alrighty. Here's a new chapter. Hope you'll enjoy.
A.M.L, Annie.
¤
Eteralia Exis
¤
Sometime during the night they had moved down to the bed. The covers were on the floor and they slept in a bundle of limbs, her hair spread out over his chest. As sunlight filled the city outside, they stirred at the same time. Buffy moved her head with effort to look up at him, and he met her gaze with one of those small smiles. She smiled brightly, though; pulling herself up to offer him a kiss.
"Wonder what time it is..." she said, putting her head on his shoulder as he absentmindedly played with one of her locks.
"Either really early, or very late," he replied.
She smiled again, not able to keep her fingers from sliding over his stomach. Then she brought one leg up and slipped on top of him. He brought her hair away from her face and they looked at each other with sudden seriousness.
"We probably won't remember it," she mumbled. "Later, I mean."
"Doesn't matter now, love," he said and she had the smile on once more.
¤
"So we finally get there and Darla goes 'Wait, wasn't that supposed to be in the middle of the square?'"
Buffy nearly choked on her orange juice before she started laughing. He chuckled as well. She kept a smile on as she took the last bite of her toast. They had made breakfast and decided to have it in bed. Both still naked and neither minding, the covers having been retrieved but lying piled up against the headboard.
"So... Darla bit... Angel?" she asked, Spike nodding and she proceeded: "Angel bit Drusilla who bit you. Quite the family tree. What about your real parents?"
"My father died in an accident, when I was six, so for most of my childhood I only had my mum. Missed my dad a lot, but I still thought mum was enough... More than enough. They were good people. Decent, hardworking."
"And they loved you."
"That they did," he agreed. "A long time ago."
"But you must've had people who loved you since then. Drusilla loved you."
"She loved me, pet, when it suited her. When she was tired of me she'd ask me to go away."
"And you did?"
"It only ever meant leaving the room. When she got sick... She'd have these visions, yeah? They told her terrible sodding things, gave her nightmares. For the most part she didn't mind them, but sometimes they frightened her and right before we came here she... I knew I was losing her, that's why we came here. She didn't even know where we were, at first. Then she felt the Hellmouth. Well, she got her cure. I got it for her, and did she thank me? Was she bloody grateful? She went back to Angelus as soon as he showed his bleeding face!"
"Calm down," Buffy soothed, reaching out a hand and stopping him as he was about to rise. "What else?" she encouraged.
"Angel... bloody poof! Never liked him, you know? But the women in my life..." he murmured, eyeing her before looking away from her. "I left with Dru 'cause of him. Took her as far away as I could bloody well manage. In Brazil things were good for a bit... But she was distant from the beginning. Looking at me strangely, like she didn't recognize me anymore. And then..."
He trailed off and Buffy placed a hand on his cheek, making him meet her gaze.
"Then what?" she pressed gently.
"Then she asked me why I couldn't kill you," he murmured. "She told me all she could see when she looked at me, was you." Buffy's hand dropped, her brow furrowing with astonishment. "I thought it was 'cause of this thing that happened before we left. I... I helped you. I had to. I couldn't take on Angel and Dru together alone. So you and I..."
He trailed off again.
"Wow," Buffy said.
Then she moved closer to him, kissing him on one temple before hugging him tight. He wrapped his arms around her as well, nestling his nose into the cranny of her neck and listening intently to the soft thumping of her heart.
"Ice cream," she said suddenly and he pulled back to look at her. "You don't happen to have any, do you?" He smiled, shaking his head. "Then I'll go get some," she said determinedly.
He held on tighter and she smirked, kissing him deeply before pulling away. He let her go with a disgruntled moan, rolling onto his stomach.
"Hurry," he called after her and she laughed, climbing the ladder and retrieving her clothes.
Getting dressed still wearing a smile she grabbed her wallet and ran out the door. Rocky Road, she decided. And some vanilla. And some chocolate syrup. She could almost taste it on her tongue. She paused her step, thinking. It was close to two o'clock in the afternoon, which meant her mother would be at the gallery.
I could take a quick shower, she mused. Get back there smelling all fresh and irresistible. After last night I sure could use it.
That thought brought a wider smile to her already smiley face and she giggled to herself. She felt so good.
I'll get the ice cream first, she nodded. Then I'll run home, hop in the shower and be back before he knows it.
¤
"Calor!"
The young god leapt out of his chair, facing the approaching elder.
"Yes, father?"
"Is it true what your sister is telling me?"
Ath appeared in the doorway and Calor gave her a deadly look before having his gaze back in his father's.
"I am almost done..."
"You? Yes, you are almost done, alright. Shed the spell this instant. You have no inkling as to how it might effect..."
"Sir, with all due respect, I have been training with Grei for more than is necessary to know how to properly form a spell. Sir."
"This instant," his father merely boomed. "Do you understand?"
"Perfectly, sir."
The older turned and left the room, Ath lingering.
"Thank you, that was quite formidable of you," Calor muttered.
"It had gone far enough," she said silently. "And you would not listen to me."
"Perhaps for once I was right and you were wrong," he remarked. "I have no influence over what the outcome of this will be, just as I had no influence over the actions they have all performed to bring them to the conclusion. It is true: the spell has run its course. Had you merely prayed patience for a few more hours, sister, you might not have had to alienate me."
"Cale."
But he turned from her and she sighed, leaving.
He closed his eyes.
"Eterall exis," he whispered. "Let it be lifted."
¤
Buffy let the warm water soak her head, pulling her fingers through it and reaching for the shampoo bottle. Putting some in her hair she massaged it into thick foam, liking the feel of it, enjoying every second of everything, it seemed. Even choosing the ice cream had felt wonderful. Paying for it, for crying out loud! She smirked to herself, stepping into the rays again, rinsing the shampoo out and hoping he would like the scent.
But then her movements began to slow down. It was as though she was blinded by a flash, leaning against the wall behind her she stared straight ahead until her sight cleared. She shook her head, feeling completely disoriented.
And then she began to remember.
¤
He was just zipping up his jeans when he heard the door of the crypt open. He couldn't keep the smile down, hearing her descend the ladder. As she entered the room, her gaze locking with his, his face dropped.
"Oh, bugger," he mumbled right before she drew one arm back and punched him so hard on the nose that he flew back, landing on the bed.
She was on him the next instant, pinning him down as she straddled him, her fist connecting with his face three more times before she said, voice strained with emotion:
"Give me one good reason why you're not dead yet."
He stared at her, at the burning rage in her eyes, and realized why he had come back to Sunnydale. It was crystal clear. A revelation. And he was so screwed.
"You... don't have a stake?" he offered as an answer to her question and one of her hands went to his throat, but she wavered and he saw it. "You can't strangle me, pet," he pointed out, her grip tightening.
"I can tear your head off, though," she bit back.
She didn't know what she was feeling. The anger was too ripe, and it spread through her too easily for there to be room for anything else. This creature had taken advantage of a situation that... She began to shake with fury and decided to climb off him, feeling as though she was about to ram her fist through his ribcage. Goddamn vampire! She got off the bed, crossing her arms over her chest as he sat up.
"How could you!" she exclaimed.
"It wasn't only me, and you bloody well know it!"
"Oh, my God, this isn't happening," she shook her head, shuddering before glowering at him. "Dammit, Spike, how the hell could you! Oh, right, you don't have a conscience. You can do whatever the hell you want, right? Well, I am telling you right now – if you're not packed and out of this city before sundown tomorrow, you will be dead."
"Slayer, I..."
"Shut up!"
She ran her hands through her still wet hair, taking a deep breath before meeting his gaze again.
"I mean it," she stated, his expression growing solemn.
She turned, and left.
He didn't move. Couldn't get his muscles to function.
"Well..." he murmured. "That was expected."
¤
She nearly turned and went back in. After all, she knew exactly where he kept his weapons. It wouldn't be very difficult.
But in the next moment there was another, but extremely bizarre feeling tugging at her, making her continue on her way faster than before as she fought it down with everything in her.
She arrived back at the house, dazed and out of sorts. Her whole being seemed suddenly drained and she closed the front door with a low click, wishing more than anything that her mother could be home. Just to give her a sense of familiarity. Everything felt foreign and far away. She walked into the living room and sunk down on the couch. It smelled nice, like home. She closed her eyes.
"Buffy?"
She eased her eyes open, resting them in her mom's. The Slayer had no idea of how long she had been asleep, but was thankful that it had been dreamless.
"My God, Buffy. Oh, my little girl," Joyce said, wrapping her arms around her daughter in a tight hug. "I was so worried about you. And how could you go back to that place! And you are grounded until...!"
"...I'm me again?" Buffy filled in, pulling back and holding Joyce's gaze for a few moments. "I'm me again," she then clarified and Joyce looked stunned before she smiled hesitantly.
"How?"
"The gang must've cracked it," Buffy shrugged, her face then turning regretful as she added: "I'm so sorry, mom."
"It wasn't your fault."
"Wasn't my fault!"
"Well, it wasn't. Was it?"
"I guess not," the Slayer murmured. "I just..."
"What?" Joyce asked as Buffy didn't continue, the younger glancing at the older before smiling a small smile.
"It's nothing," she then said.
"Has it got to do with...?"
"It's nothing," Buffy repeated, putting her arms around herself and looking away.
Joyce eyed her in silence, then patted her leg, saying:
"Of course, honey." She rose. "Are you hungry? I'll make you something."
She disappeared into the kitchen and Buffy rested her head back down, curling herself up into a ball. Memories kept washing over her. Of easy conversation, even of laughter, and of a friendliness she could only believe had been dreamed up by whatever spell she had been under... And then there was... kissing... and touching... and...
She closed her eyes tight, willing the images away, willing the warmth away, willing it all away until the ache where her heart was missing him so badly she wanted to cry, softly pulled away.
¤
"Mom. Mom, wake up."
"What...? What is it? Is something wrong?"
Buffy sat down at the edge of the bed, shaking her head.
"No," she said. "I can't sleep. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to go see Willow."
"Now? It's the middle of the night."
"I know; that's why I wanted to tell you. So you don't worry."
Joyce smiled at that, stroking Buffy's hair tenderly.
"Buffy, I trust you. I trust that you know what you're doing out there. But when you were fifteen..."
"I know," Buffy interrupted with a smile on as well. "I'll be back tomorrow."
"But you have school."
"I can skip it for a few more days... I hope. Don't think I could concentrate right now anyways. I need to... come back down."
"Alright, you're old enough to make that decision for yourself," Joyce said with another smile and Buffy returned it. "But waking Willow..."
"Mom, don't sweat it. I just need to ask her a question and then I'll let her go right back to sleep."
¤
"They're everywhere!" Willow exclaimed, sitting up and drawing a breath.
Realizing it had been a nightmare she let the air out with relief.
"Frog-dreaming again?" Buffy asked, seated on her own bed.
Willow turned her head to her friend, nodding.
"This time they were eating marshmallows and toasting their genius and hey – you're not supposed to know about frog-fear." Buffy smiled tryingly and Willow had a stunned expression on before she returned the smile happily. "Thank goodness! I mean, I didn't dislike you at fifteen or anything like that, but... I've missed you! So this means you're back... completely? To normal? Well... the normal that is you."
Buffy nodded.
"Do you remember anything of... what happened? Because when you woke up, the way you were before, you couldn't remember anything of... anything."
"Oh, I remember, alright," Buffy said, the tone of her voice making Willow raise her eyebrows. Buffy noticed and waved one hand. "Never mind, it's not... crucial. I just want to know what it was that did it. I need to know, Will. Was it a demon? That I can slay? Please, please, tell me it was a demon. That I can slay."
Willow grew hesitant and Buffy felt her hope sink like a rock.
"We still have no idea what caused it," the redhead said, expression apologetic.
Buffy frowned.
"No idea? How's that possible. You guys... made it go away, right?"
"We really didn't," Willow replied. "I've been researching my brain numb and I couldn't find anything that might indicate what or who did it. I guess our last bet is something divine, but it's so rare that they ever intervene that I don't..."
Buffy's expression was growing more set by the second and she interrupted by saying:
"No. I know who our last bet is." She walked up to the drawer holding her weapons and grabbed a stake. "I've been waiting for a good enough reason to kill him. Last bet: he loses," she added, walking out the door.
Willow stared at it as it closed, still not entirely sure of whether she was awake or still dreaming.
"At least there are no frogs," she told herself, pulling her legs up as she anxiously glanced around the room.
¤
I want it to go away.
It was all that she could think as she stormed her way through Sunnydale.
I want it to go away.
Her pulse was racing as she reached the door of his crypt, the stake in her hand felt fragile and strange. She swallowed hard, allowing herself a moment to brace herself before she kicked the door in and stepped through the doorway.
Of course he's not here, she thought. He's at the Bronze... Or maybe he's at Willy's. Probably eating kittens and cheating badly at poker!
She glared around the place, noticing the loveseat and having a rush go through her stomach that made her turn away from it. She rubbed her forehead tiredly, trying to make anything out of the different signals flashing on and off. One for stop, one for go. But she didn't know which one she was supposed to follow... Which context they applied to.
"Buffy?"
She swirled around, for no apparent reason hiding the hand holding the stake behind her back as she faced him. He looked questioning, and sleepy.
Oh, of course he could sleep like a baby! No guilt there!
"Just tell me why," she demanded.
He stared at her, seemingly growing more awake by the second.
Good.
"Hey, you seduced me, Slayer, not the other sodding way around," he then stated, taking the steps dividing them and with a harsh tug bringing her arm out from behind her, huffing before letting it go. "Sneaking up on me, are we?" he muttered. "How's that for unfair?"
She clenched her jaws together, meeting his gaze and feeling the oddest tingle up her spine. She loathed him in that moment. So deeply that she wanted to scream. Instead she exclaimed:
"This is all your fault!"
"My fault!"
"Yes! If you'd just sent me on my way when I first came here then this would never have happened! God, why couldn't you just act like your normal self and kick me to the curb! What the hell did you care if I couldn't stand being babied! This is so your fault!"
"You didn't come here because you couldn't stand being babied; you came here because you were told not to see me! I didn't encourage you in any bleeding way and you still saw fit to drop in uninvited and claim a space in my bed!"
She hit him at that.
Hard.
He stumbled to the side, regaining his balance with a growl as he vamped out.
"That's right," she nodded, taking a tighter hold on the stake, "make this easier."
He seemed to settle down, straightening his posture as he held her gaze and then shook his face back into humanity.
"I know," he murmured, "you're asking yourself how something like me could dare touch something like you. Something so pure and fine. Something so holy and sanctified. Something that's everything I'm not, yeah? Maybe what you should be asking yourself is how something like you would want to touch something like me."
She raised the stake with a look of fury and he smirked, holding his arms out.
"It's never this easy."
"It was all a game to you, wasn't it?" she asked, lowering the arm again, her gaze cold with detest. "See how far you could take it? Well, you sure took it all the way, didn't you? Are you proud of yourself? I know you've wanted me dead forever, but I had no idea just how warped you actually are!"
"Slow down," he said, furrowing his brow.
"Don't look so clueless! How long did you plan it!" she exclaimed, throwing the stake at him, though it didn't hit point first and merely fell to the floor with a low clank. "How much did it cost you! Who helped you do it! I want a name, Spike, not a shady description of a house or an alley or..."
He suddenly smiled.
"You think I did this?" he interrupted her and she rested her eyes in his. His eyebrows rose high. "You think I did this!" he barked. "I was perfectly happy before you tumbled through the bleeding door setting up camp! Look at that couch! Look at those cushions! That's all you! The sheets in my bed are you, Slayer! They even sodding smell like you! You think I invaded your privacy? What the hell did you do to mine? I didn't want you here, love, and I tried to make that clear; but you wouldn't take the hints. You barged right through them! You can't blame any of this on me! You're the one who did it. All of it! And if you're so buggering stupid as to think I'd conjure up this situation, I wish I could hit you as hard as you bleeding well just hit me."
"I didn't do this!"
"Then who did?"
"Not me."
"Of course not you. Has to be me then. Only I have no sodding idea how!"
"Then find out!"
"I didn't do it!"
She glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You should've taken me to Giles," she said.
"Bleeding right I should've," he huffed.
"You should've let them take care of me! Instead I was stuck here with you learning how to play poker and suck a chicken wing dry! You have so many talents, Spike, I am in awe."
"I thought I'd get some money off of you or I wouldn't have taught you how to play poker and I don't want to hear another bad word about those wings, Slayer!"
"Hah!"
"Hah what!"
"Hah, get some money off of me! Your schemes sure do come back to kick you over the head, don't they? You bleach the brain cells right out of there, don't you? I feel sorry for Drusilla, having to put up with your idiocy for such a long time. I can't even imagine having that sort of patience. Look at you! I can't believe I was stupid enough to let you...!"
She trailed off, gaze still scolding. His was beginning to burn as well.
"That's fifteen for you," she grumbled. "Thinking you know exactly what's best for you while very simply ignoring everyone else." He cocked an eyebrow. She gave him the look of death. "Have you packed?"
His eyes turned a darker shade of blue.
"I'm not going anywhere," he stated.
"Yes, you are – to hell, if you decide to stick around."
He didn't want to show how much that comment actually scathed him, his expression growing harder.
"Buffy, you can't make me leave just 'cause you're not comfortable with having me close by," he said.
"I'm comfortable. Very. But I don't want you here."
"Oh, I see. And since you own this town and everything in it I should immediately leave, is that what you're saying?"
"Pretty much."
"Slayer, you're not going to kill me."
"Oh? And why's that?"
"Because, love, you're not as high and mighty as you may think. You know you can't chuck all the blame for this on me. You know that that'd be... wrong."
She gritted her teeth.
"I was here first," she tried feebly and he smirked. "Please," she then added slowly. "Spike, can't you just go?"
He tilted his head a little, eyeing her.
"No," he then said. "Not before the chip's out."
She glared at him, annoyed once more.
"Right, so you can kill again. That'll make me feel the need to let you skip town."
"It's not just about the kill, you know?" he murmured. "It's about being whole..."
"Yada, yada, save it. I'm so not in the mood for it. You know, a part of me does wish that I could pity you, Spike; but I can't even do that."
She turned, but with a growl he was right behind her, twirling her back around to face him.
"I never asked for your bloody pity, Slayer, or your understanding. But you still saw fit to step into my world and rearrange every last bleeding thing, didn't you? I shouldn't 've let you... I shouldn't 've listened to anything you said, but it was out of my control the moment it started. I never was as weak as when I was with you. I don't ever wanna feel that way again."
She was staring up at him, taken and confused. Cornered. Finally she said:
"Good," and stepped back.
"Don't forget this," he reminded, holding up her stake and she blinked, trying to gather her thoughts, then she took the weapon with a bleak smile, which she killed off the following moment before turning and heading out the door.