A.N. I started this story like a year ago. I sort of lost my desire to keep writing but recently I got it back. If you've read this story before in one of my A.N. I talked about one of my friends being on drugs and how I'm using her experience to write this story. Much to my dismay, she died a couple months ago. I came across this story earlier and decided that I should finish it, for her. I changed it a little because I really didn't like the way I was writing it. So hopefully you guys read it.

This is dedicated to my oldest friend, Lisa: You are free as a bird now.

Of course I own nothing. Takes place after the season one finale, only Seth didn't run away.

Prologue

Marissa gazes into the mirror trying to figure out who the person was staring back at her. She touches her gaunt, heavy face and realizes that she's her own reflection.

Her eyes are sunken in. She looks tired, worn out, deathly. Marissa looks down at her fragile body. Her once naturally skinny figure has turned into unnaturally scary. Her collar bones pop out, as well as her shoulder blades. She had lost so much weight.

But why? She doesn't know, and no one will ever know. This, thing, was supposed to help her. It was supposed to make her feel better, not harm her, not make her disappear slowly. It was not supposed to control her. It wasn't supposed to make her entire life revolve around her numerous 'shoot-ups'. It was only supposed to be a one time thing, not multiple times a day habit, a dangerous habit. She wants to stop. She needs to stop, but she doesn't know how. So instead she craves it, yearns for it. She needs it.

She turns her arms out and examines her inner arms. The bend of her arms are scarred with little puncture wounds. Some were old, many were new. She can't remember how or when it got so bad. She needs it again. Everyday that she sees, it gets worse and worse.

Summer is worried. Julie and Jimmy are worried. Sandy, Kirsten, Hailey, and even Caleb fear for her. But no one knows what is really going on. No one knows what she's doing to herself, they only see the effects. They've all tried to help, but they can't. No one can help, except one person. The only person who could have ever helped, but he's gone.

She knows she's a lost cause now. She has accepted that, her future. It's only a matter of time until she fully disappears.

Marissa made her way to her bed, sits on the edge of it, opens her top drawer and takes out the only thing that makes her feel alive.

"There she blows There she blows again Pulsing through my vein And I just can't contain, this feeling that remains"
-The La's