Hi everybody!
This chapter was supposed to be up on Saturday, but I had to work and on Sunday I got sick, so I pray you can forgive me my negligence, it was unintentional! I was blow away by the great reviews, though, and they made me feel even worse for being so late with this chapter!
Warm thanks to: Kendra (heh, yeah! Lovin' is never wrong, eh? Nice you liked the blue sweater – and let me agree with the on/off comment ;) – and the "bloody" Buffy. Excited you approve! Hope to get more of it!) :), LindaM (laughter over here. Whippable he is, isn't he. It's sort of sad, really. More laughter. ;) And very pleased you liked the sex, it's always nice when I read I got it right.) :), Scarlet Ibis (Indeed. I totally agree. And would she seriously have left her mother and Dawn in his crypt if she didn't believe it would be safe for them? Spike's sense of his own mortality and the Slayer threatening it seemed a bit... dumb, to be frank. And yes, with the Parker pulling! Shaking of head.) ;),
ReeseAnn (Aw, well, thank you, you flatter me! Smirking is being done, and yes, for sure.) :), MaidenRo (Happy to do the driving. We'll see about that, won't we? Where they fit in, I mean.) :), Megan (Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes. I have to say, I'm smiling. It's wonderful to be able to evoke that emotion in you, and I won't lie about it.) ;), kim (LOVE the comments, girl. Sounds like I really got you going with this chapter, eh? Have to smile widely at that. And indeed, not a single moment when she wasn't safe.) :), Shadowsbabe (I agree with everything you wrote in your review! Of course I do! And very good question at the end. I could philosophize on it, but won't do that here.) ;)
Lila (so pleased you liked it! This is a bit longer, hope you'll enjoy it!) :), wolf116 (thanks for both. And hi:) Gone blonde on us. Laughing Out Loud! That's such a huge compliment I can't even begin to tell you. I love making you think. Thanks for telling me:) And say hello to your Hubby. Ick, Riley. I grant him a place in Buffy's history, but that's about it. I could rant, but won't. ;) Have to check the Calor thing out. In my mind, though, the gods have an obscured view and it isn't like looking through a looking glass, he can't see every last detail. Know I didn't make the clear in the story, but... didn't think I'd need to. Bashful. Sorry. :) And yeah, lucky, lucky and ungrateful Slayer.) :)
Shelly (happy you thought so!) :), spiked-gurl (Nice to read! Lovely you liked!) :), axlgroupie91 (very cool! Thanks a lot for devoting that much of your time to it! So great that you enjoyed it enough to do that! Thank you.) :), avihenda (neat name. And whoa! Amazing that you took the time to do that. As with axlgroupie just above you, it never ceases to humble me, or make me giddy with gladness! Thank you so much. :) Very nice to read that it's easy to follow the story!) :), Brunettepet (Great that you still seem to be enjoying it. :) Thanks for the dropping of comments, girl!) and last but not least SlaYeRGiRLkaL (too bad you lost the word. Curious now. :) Thanks, girl!) :)
To all, thank you sooooo much for the support. And again, forgive me for this being so late.
A.M.L,
Annie.
¤
Things Unspoken
¤
Buffy sat up with a jerk as her alarm went off. She looked at it and whined. She'd slept for two hours. Great. This should be a fun day. Practically falling out of bed she dragged herself into the bathroom, turning the shower on and waiting for the water to heat up. She didn't even want to look at herself in the mirror, knowing she would look at least half of the equivalent of how she was feeling.
She didn't want to be there.
She wanted to go... no, scratch that, she wanted to run back to him. She had a billion questions she needed answered and he was the only one who could answer them.
But she couldn't run back to him. She couldn't even walk at a leisurely pace.
She had to go to school. She had to face her responsibilities. She had to pretend as though last night hadn't happened.
He's in love with you, a part of her kept chanting.
No, he's not, another kept answering.
She stepped into the shower, turning the water from hot to cold and drenching herself in it. Getting out she was shivering, but ignored it, brushing her hair with harsh movements, skipping makeup all together and wrapping a towel around herself she headed back into her room. Putting on a skirt and a top she grabbed her jacket and headed downstairs. She was surprised to hear laughter at seven o'clock in the morning.
Ath looked up as Buffy entered the kitchen, a smile still on her face. A young man turned from where he was seated, smiling as well. Buffy furrowed her brow. The two of them bore a remarkable resemblance.
"Morning," Buffy greeted, still unsure of what to make of this.
"Buffy," Ath said. "Please, I would like you to meet my brother, Cale."
The young man got off the stool, reaching out a hand and she took it, shaking it slowly.
"Anything the matter?" he asked as she kept eyeing him.
"Sorry... I feel like I've seen you before."
"You did," he replied, letting her hand go. "Yesterday. You told me where the dorms were."
The pieces fell into place and she smiled.
"Right," she nodded.
"I didn't know he was showing up or I would've told you sooner. He came here last night... Your mother was kind enough to offer him half of the couch."
"An offer I could not refuse," Calor filled in, Buffy's smile widening.
There was something about those two that she couldn't quite put her finger on.
"Cereal?" Ath asked, grabbing the box and a bowl, but Buffy shook her head.
The last thing on her mind was food.
"I'll just have some juice," she said, pouring herself a glass.
"You need to eat something," Calor said. "One of the things I find most important for well-being on this... continent... is a healthy meal. Breakfast is said to be crucial to the rest of your day."
The Slayer cocked an eyebrow.
"Well, I've already crucially ruined the whole of this day, so there's no use trying to repair it," she said. "I have to get off to school," she added, putting the finished juice down and grabbing her pocketbook. "It was nice meeting you, Cale. Ath, need any help snooping around campus for the best candy-machines or least quiet study-halls, I'm your gal."
"I'll remember that," Ath smiled.
And with that Buffy left.
Calor sunk back down on the stool.
"Nice going," Ath remarked.
"What?" he asked innocently.
"I know you worry about her sometimes, Cale, but do you have to be so obvious? In this realm strangers are obtuse and often glaring, you can't be so blunt."
"Blunt?"
"Quote-un-quote: 'Breakfast is said to be crucial for the rest of your day'. What is that?"
"She's troubled."
"And who does she have to thank for it?"
"I did not mean for her to be troubled."
"No... You meant for her to see that if her circumstances had been different she would have fallen for the vampire she has sworn to want eternally really-dead. Not troubling at all."
"Alright, alright," he muttered sullenly. "She has always risen from the ashes before, this will be no different."
"Honey, once love burns you... Actually, I don't know how to end that sentence," Ath said, getting off the stool as there was a knock at the door.
Calor gave her a dark look, but she merely smiled, opening the door and being met by the sight of a short mortal, oozing nerves-on-end. His eyes grew slightly when they landed on her.
"Hello," she said.
"H-hi..." he replied, glancing over her shoulder. "Is Buffy in?"
"No, she just went to school. I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't be sorry. I mean, I'm sorry. I told her I'd be coming over yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to. I just wanted to see... if you were... okay."
She smiled suddenly.
"You must be Jonathan! I'm Ath," she said, shaking his hand. "Buffy told me I have you to thank for a lot."
"I should be thanking you," he shook his head, smiling a little as well. "Not for dropping at my feet all... the way you were, but for scaring away a girl that I've learned is absolutely crazy. By crazy I mean... mad."
"Really?" Ath asked. "You're welcome, then."
"Yes. I know it's early, I need to go... Have a meeting."
"Sure. Come by later, if you want. I'm attempting to bake cupcakes today; perhaps I can treat you to one if I succeed."
"Sounds... great," he said. "Bye."
"Bye."
She closed the door, turning to meet the raised eyebrows of her brother.
¤
Spike reached out for the one who was supposed to be lying beside him, or so his memory was telling him; becoming fully awake as the spot next to him was vacant. He sat up, looking around, perplexed.
"Buffy?"
He saw her clothes were gone and put one hand over his face.
"Bloody hell," he swore, voice muffled. "Bloody hell!" he repeated, rising to his feet and beginning to pace.
What did I do? What does this mean? Nothing. It means nothing. It means I'm loving someone who can't ever love me back.
He stopped at that, his gaze catching at a speck of dust slowly drifting through the air.
How could I fall for that sniveling, half-witted, goody-goody! How the hell did this happen!
And then he remembered her smile from the night prior, that brief moment of what seemed as nothing but honesty. That was who he had seen glimpses of for a long time... The girl he knew he had desired since he first laid eyes on her. But this love...
He pictured her before him, angry spitfire of a young woman. Or with that look of pure passion in her gaze. Or with that smile...
It was there alright, the wanting to be near her that was so strong he felt he should be able to touch it.
Fool, a voice taunted. You think she'll ever see you as anything but what you are?
"She did once," he stated defiantly.
Beginning to get dressed he glared at the sunlight falling in through the large windows. What wouldn't he have given for a rainstorm, or an eclipse; or someone making the sun set early, just for this one day? He could take the tunnels, but that'd only get him so far. She'd be in school and there were hardly any spots there shaded enough for him to seek shelter in.
He had to see her.
Patience, a new voice urged. Be patient. If you rush this, you know what you'll do. You'll get impatient, like you always get, and bloody well ruin it.
He clenched his jaws together, finally giving in and heading downstairs. Crawling onto the bed he lay on his stomach, closing his eyes and willing himself back asleep.
¤
"Yes, it is sad when a pet dies, it is," Buffy nodded, listening to the stream of sympathy pouring from her math professor. "Well, thanks," she said as the teacher finally wiped the hovering tear from the corner of her eye and went back to her desk. "Jeez," Buffy mumbled.
"Hey," Willow said, coming up to walk beside her down the hall.
"Hi," Buffy smiled wearily.
"You okay?"
"No, not really." Willow waited for her to elaborate, and Buffy sighed. "Last night..." She trailed off, meeting her friend's inquisitive expression. "I couldn't fall asleep," the Slayer finished.
"I hate it when that happens," Willow stated. "You up for lunch?"
"No, I think I'll grab an apple and go sit outside. In the sun."
Willow raised her eyebrows, then smiled.
"I'll join you."
"Okay," Buffy nodded and they headed for the cafeteria.
Ten minutes later they were seated on the grass. Willow took a bite out of her sandwich, Buffy eyeing her apple suspiciously.
"I hear they drench them in acid, to keep bugs off," she muttered.
"Well, not acid," Willow smirked.
"You seem chipper."
"I am. I am chipper. Everything's just... coming along quite nicely, I'd say. School, magic... Yesterday Tara and I met up and tried to work this mojo, but it didn't work, so instead we did this other thing, and it totally worked and it was so exciting." Buffy blinked; eyes still on her apple; Willow furrowing her brow. "Earth to Slayer."
Buffy turned her gaze on her friend and looked regretful.
"Sorry, Wills... I'm having difficulty with the concentrating today."
"'Cause of the lack of sleep," Willow said, Buffy feigning innocence and nodding a little. "Buffy, what's wrong? Don't think I can't tell when something's wrong, since when could you resist a green apple?"
Buffy grumbled, putting the apple down and running her hands through her hair; frustrated.
"Spike's getting the chip out and then he's leaving Sunnydale for good," she stated, Willow stopping her chewing to stare at her. "I set it up with Riley. It's decided."
"You're going to de-chip Spike?" Willow asked. "Won't that make him able to... bite?"
"Yes."
Willow's stare grew a few degrees hotter and Buffy had to look away, down at her hands, her fingers not able to stay idle as they began to pluck at one corner of the magazine she had brought with her.
"You're setting him loose?"
"He's not an animal, Willow, don't talk like that!" Buffy said.
"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed.
"I can't kill him," Buffy murmured.
"No, not with the chip in his skull, but if you get it out..."
"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed.
Willow grew quiet at that, her gaze turning searching and then her eyes widened.
"I see," she said silently.
"No... it's not like that either," Buffy mumbled.
"What then?"
"I know what I'm doing."
"I.e. setting him loose."
"I can't have him here. I can't have him around me."
Willow put her sandwich down.
"It's that bad?"
"Worse."
"Buffy, sending him on his way might work in theory, but don't you think if he goes away and you haven't put it behind you before he goes... that it might be really hard for you to do it if he's gone? I mean, you'll always wonder."
"Wonder what? When he's out of my life I won't be reminded of him..."
"Honestly, do you actually believe this'll help? And if you do let him go, what'll it do to you to know that you sent him out there again? He's dangerous. And I know you. It'll eat at you until you have to track him down and then what?"
"I'm not going to look for him!"
"This isn't the way."
"Then what! What am I supposed to do!"
Willow looked at her for a long moment, then said:
"You told me you were falling in love with him..."
"I am not in love with Spike!"
"Then what's this all about?" Willow smiled in that patient way, which suddenly made Buffy feel stings of aggravation all over. "You know how I feel about this. Spike's tried to kill all of us more than once. But there must be a reason for you acting like this. Find out what the reason is, Buffy, before it's too late. That's all I have to say. Eat your apple."
Buffy sat back against the large trunk of the tree they were under, picking up the apple and once more eyeing it before she took a large bite out of it.
¤
She sat in her English Lit. class trying to be objective, letting all the different things she had seen and heard and felt over the course of the past two and a half weeks interplay. She let herself remember the slow but steady opening up of him which she had successfully established when she had been the younger version of herself. All the emotions she had held for him then were still in constant motion within her now, battling furiously with those that resided there from years of seeing what he could do, what he would do to her if he ever got the chance.
The younger her had trusted him, she realized this. The younger her had seen him save her life too many times to believe that he actually wanted her dead.
Her hand went unintentionally to her shoulder and she wondered if there was a scar, she hadn't checked.
The current her brought up the fact that him not hurting her was no reason to trust him. There were sides to him darker than anything she could even imagine. He was vicious, calculating and for certain smarter than he seemed. He had most probably taken advantage of the situation as much as possible just to spin her head around.
But why would he do that? He would gain nothing from it; as apposed to leaving her to bleed to death would have gotten him plenty. Then again with the chip... And last night, he had patched her up as well, after saying that he needed to stay on her good side since she possessed the power to free him of his bonds... But then he had said he was in love...
She glanced at her hand, the only thing showing for it now being a quickly fading white streak on her skin. It would be gone by evening.
He's a demon, her mind stated.
That he is, she thought.
¤
"Hi," she greeted Giles at five o'clock in the afternoon, shoving a box into his chest as she entered his apartment, saying: "I brought the doughnuts."
"Lovely," he said, closing the door and following her up to the couch, where she took a seat. "Tea?"
"No, thanks," she shook her head. "It's not really a social call. I have something to tell you and also something to ask you. Which one do you want first?"
Giles sat down on a chair, looking around for a place to put the box and finally resigning to placing it on the floor next to him. Buffy waited for him to reply.
"I suppose the former."
"Last night I was out on patrol and nearly killed a vampire, but a demon jumped in and saved it."
"A demon?"
"Overly large, horns everywhere, demon by birth."
"And... you say it saved the vampire from being slain?"
"That it did. Then they merrily took off into the woods together."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, the merrily might have been exaggerating just a tad – but together they were. I don't know if they were together as in the biblical sense, I think they were both male. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just seem like an odd couple."
"Buffy."
"I'm sure."
"This is quite extraordinary."
"Adam's behind it." Giles raised his eyebrows. "When I lived with Spike, a few vampires came over to say hello, wanted to knock me around and all things nice. They were babbling about gathering their forces, Adam being about to lead them to glory. Very grand."
Giles stared at her.
"And you saw it fit to tell me now?"
"I didn't put it all together until now," she replied calmly.
"We need to locate Adam."
"No kidding."
"We should round up everyone right now and have them come over here so that we can formulate a plan..."
"Adam's been silent for a while... Riley's out of town for the next few days, I say we should wait for him. He knows the Initiative like the back of his hand. We may not be as tight as we were before, but I know he wants to stop this just as much as I do."
"You've had a falling out?"
Buffy smiled a little, giving a shrug.
"We'll work it out," she said, clearing her throat.
"Well, this is a large step forward. We may know what Adam's design is."
"War."
"Do you think?"
"With him having inside access to the Initiative... Who knows what sort of weapons he can get his hands on?"
"In light of that, is it truly wise to wait for Riley?"
"Perhaps not. But we need him. He's the only link we have to Adam. And he can answer any question we may have about the Initiative."
"I guess you're right," Giles murmured, taking his glasses off and beginning to polish them thoughtfully. "And what was it you wanted to ask me?"
She hesitated, then gave a shrug and said:
"Spike said something to me that I haven't been able to get out of my mind... We were talking about demons... and humans... and how humans have a soul where the demon... doesn't."
"Yes?"
"Well, how does that work, exactly?"
"It's not an exact science."
"I realize that," she replied, "but widely scoped. I mean, a vampire remembers the human's life, right?"
"Yes, it does, but its feelings are twisted around. It cannot feel remorse, Buffy. It is driven by its need to take life in order to preserve its own existence. There is no humanity left in a demon. They see the world as their own territory to dominate and if anyone oversteps their boundary they will make sure to get rid of them. They are selfish creatures."
"But..." Buffy said, regretting it as Giles fixed his gaze in hers questioningly. "Well, it's just... they can find a... mate and stay with her... or him... for a long period of time."
"Yes, of course. They often shun loneliness."
"But..." Buffy said again. "Well, isn't being lonely one of the deeper human emotions?"
Giles frowned.
"Where is this going?" he asked and Buffy smiled.
"I was just wondering. 'Cause I argued the side you're arguing and Spike... Well, he argued another."
"And which was that?"
She shrugged.
"I think I might like some tea," she said and Giles got to his feet.
"Of course," he said before heading into the kitchen.
She sighed, leaning back against the couch and knowing that she had to make a phone call.
¤
"Angel Investigations."
Buffy bit the inside of her cheek hard, then she smiled, saying:
"You should spruce that up a little, answer like that and people won't know what to reply."
She heard him smile and hers widened.
"Buffy."
"Angel."
"This is unexpected."
"Interrupting anything? Any important investigation going on?"
"No, not right now. The lines are busy, though, it's just a matter of time."
"I'm glad things are going well. ...They are going well, right?"
"Absolutely. And everything's well with you?"
She grew tentative, not exactly sure where to start.
"'Course," she finally said, choosing the easy way out. This wasn't something you spoke of over the phone anyways. "I was just having a conversation with Giles and I felt I had to call you to settle the argument."
"Okay... What was it?"
"Well... We were talking about demons and humans and ways of life and things like that and... he claimed that a vampire doesn't have feelings. None whatsoever. That they're sociopaths with no care in the world, except for themselves – don't take any of this personally."
"I won't," he assured, smiling again. "And what'd you say?"
"Well, things have been... a little crazy lately and I really need your perspective on this. We never talked about it. I was never... curious before, I guess, 'cause you had your soul and I didn't have to think about it. But now... I'd like to hear your side. I always figured you weren't linked to the demon. Are you... linked to it?"
There was a long silence and she almost asked if he was still there, but then she heard him shifting in his seat.
"It's very complicated," he murmured.
She slowly sat down; being in her bedroom at the dorm she had a seat at the edge of her bed.
"Could you try?"
"I don't want you to get the wrong idea, Buffy. When I lost my soul... all the things I did to you..."
"This isn't about that," she cut in. "Please, Angel, I know you. This won't give me the wrong idea. Hopefully it'll give me some idea. Don't worry; just tell me."
Another pause, and then he said:
"When the demon enters you all your problems go away. They suddenly seem like nothing at all. You feel completely free. Everything's new; everything's an adventure, even the hunt, the feed. You're reborn. You don't care about caring because everything tells you not to, and why should you have to? Taking what you want, getting what you want, going where you want, being whomever you choose... It's incredible. The demon of a vampire is a dark creature, Buffy, you know that. Some are more twisted than others. ...They want blood, seek it, and the vampire depends on it.
"When I was cursed with my soul my conscience came back and everything I'd ever done as the being I now was... It was horrific. I could barely move. The soul is stronger than the demon, and I don't know why. ...It keeps the demon in check. But they are linked. Angelus knew everything about Liam's life. When I came back I knew everything about the demon...To be honest, though, I don't know if it varies from vampire to vampire what happens to you. A human with a soul as thirsty for blood as the demon is, might not change at all just 'cause the soul reenters him. And a demon that is as strong as I know mine is might not be capable of wanting any emotion close to it..."
He trailed off and Buffy swallowed.
"Did you ever feel anything as Angelus?"
"I did," Angel said. "The feelings I chose to let in. Loyalty... pride... a need to be honest with those I kept close... Not Spike, necessarily, but you can't blame me for that," he added, laughter in his voice and she smiled weakly.
"No..." she mumbled her agreement. "...Did you love?"
"As Angelus? No. Not like Spike loved Dru. I couldn't. I desired, had to have... needed to own. But I detested the feeling that came with love. That clingy, have-to-be-where-you-are situation. I depended on me and wanted to be able to come and leave at my convenience, not someone else's."
He stopped there, being met by silence.
"Okay, I'll rephrase it then," she finally said, voice lowered. "Do you think you could've loved someone... like you loved me later... if Angelus had wanted to?"
"If he'd given into it, yes," Angel said without hesitation and she blinked.
"You've thought about this a few times, haven't you?" she then asked.
"A hundred years or so," he confirmed.
"Right," she mumbled.
"You have to understand, though, that a demon is in no way... stabile. Any emotion it suffers, it suffers to its bitter end. Love is no different than hate in that context. Treated unwisely... it will, without a doubt, spin out of control. I guess, for that reason, I'm grateful I never chose to feel it as Angelus."
"But, then, if there's no trust... And how could I?"
She trailed off, blinking and squeezing the phone so hard it creaked in her grasp.
"Buffy... is everything alright? You sound strange."
"I feel strange," she murmured. "I have to go. Study."
"Buffy..."
"Angel, I'm sorry. I can't talk right now. I have to go."
She hung up.
She wanted to focus on the last part of Angel's disclosure; but the statement, that had verified what the younger vampire had professed, weighed heavier.
This doesn't prove anything.
It was the first thought that came into her head, and it faded just as quickly.
Oh, my God.
That was the second one, and it stayed on a while longer.
Why had she never discussed this with Angel before? For years she'd been so sure of her view being the only way to go. That light was light and dark was dark and there was no middle-ground. Just as Giles had said: they think they feel something, but they really don't. Or they even might, just so far from reaching what humans would feel that it couldn't even be called a resemblance. Why hadn't she asked Angel? It was something that should be important to her...
No, it had never been important to understand the other side, she concluded. Demon equaled bad ninety-eight percent of the time, so ninety-eight percent of the time it was a no-brainer. But now those two percent were glaringly obvious.
Angel should know. If anyone should know and be honest about it with her, it was him.
She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It just clicked over to show 06:55 p.m. She looked out of her window. It had been dark for nearly half an hour.
She got to her feet, not yet sure of what she intended to do, but knowing she couldn't stay inside any longer. Patrolling would help. Grabbing the doorknob she opened the door and halted as her gaze landed in Spike's. He lowered the arm which had been about to knock.
"What're-what're you doing here?" she stuttered.
He cocked an eyebrow.
"I'm not here for class, if that's what you're wondering," he replied dryly.
"Then you shouldn't be here, should you?" she said meaningfully, her eyes following a girl who strolled past them, arms full of books and a frown occurring on her brow at the sight of the leather-clad bleached blonde.
"Would you believe it if I said I was in the neighborhood?" he wondered, the trace of a smile tryingly appearing around his mouth.
"Spike! You think I don't have more important things to do than fight with you? You think this is the peak of each day – see you and throw insults at each other until one of us explodes or..."
"Or?"
"Stop it!" she hissed, glaring at him. "Go away."
"Mh, like you did," he mumbled and she paused, feeling guilty.
"Fine, won't you come in," she said, grabbing his coat and dragging him in through the door as a second girl was giving him an odd look. "Exchange student," Buffy smiled at her. "Thinks I'm an R.A," she added, shaking her head and the girl smirked.
Buffy closed the door and turned to him.
He smiled a little. She didn't like the smugness on him. And she didn't like how she liked having him in her room, nor did she enjoy the creeping anticipation overcoming her as he eyed her softly. He thought he knew exactly where he had her, didn't he? Well, she'd show him.
"Now go," she said.
He cocked an eyebrow, then sighed, heading passed her to the door.
"Not that way," she protested, taking hold of the lapels of his duster and making him stop, their noses practically touching as he looked down at her. Oh, God... "Through the window," she murmured.
He studied her, then moved a hand up to her cheek, brushing his fingers up over it and into her locks. Her grip on the leather hardened. He could hear her heart beat quicken. He brought his thumb to her chin and made her tilt her head to the side, moving his head forward slowly to let his mouth connect with her thumping pulse. She drew a trembling breath as he parted his lips, kissing the spot softly.
"Oh, my God!" Willow's voice suddenly exclaimed, the redhead having entered the room without the two taking any notice, and then a heavy book connected with Spike's head. "Get away from her you dirty, low-life, scoundrel of a vampire or I swear I'll beat you into a bleeding pulp!"
He let the Slayer go, trying to avert the blows, but that was one ticked off Wicca.
"Willow!" Buffy exclaimed. "Will!" she repeated, grabbing the book in midair and taking a hold on the redhead.
Willow met her gaze, saw that there was no blood running down her friend's neck, and began to calm down. Then she looked at Spike.
"Well, I shouldn't have to say sorry. Chip or no chip, one never knows with you."
"I guess that's fair enough," he muttered, moving one hand to rub his sore scalp.
Buffy massaged the bridge of her nose, not sure whether she wanted to burst out laughing, or if she just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again. Finally she looked at Spike, meeting his gaze. He seemed as though he wanted to say something, but couldn't.
"I should..." he then murmured with a gesture to the window.
"No, no, we're not inhospitable," Willow said. "And the book-to-the-head treatment is reserved only for special guests. Please, use the door."
He hesitated.
"Please," Buffy said, "use the door."
There was a streak of warmth in his eyes and then he walked up to it.
The streak of warmth stayed with Buffy long after he had left.
"Willow..." she began.
"No need to explain," Willow intercepted.
"I wanted to say thanks."
"Who said Math and Science never comes in handy?" Willow quipped with a smirk, patting the book. Then her face grew solemn. "Buffy, what are you doing?" she asked.
"I..." Buffy tried, but she couldn't get any further than that. "What are you thinking?"
"I think you're about to break the heart of the sweetest, most generous and caring guy you've ever known. Riley loves you, Buffy. How can you do this to him?"
"It wasn't my doing! Spike came in here and... and..."
"I saw the look on your face."
"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked, blushing, though she tried to beat it back.
"You were completely rapt! And don't give me that expression; you didn't even hear the door opening. I'm beginning to agree that getting Spike out of town might not be such a bad idea after all. You can't trust him, you know that, and why would you get yourself into something you can't trust? The whole thing is volatile, and sure to blow up in your face. So snap out of it already!"
Buffy gritted her teeth, sidestepping the need to argue the point.
"I don't know how," she then muttered silently.
"It'll reveal itself," Willow said. "Hopefully in the nearest of futures. I'm going to Tara's."
"You're spending a lot of time there."
"Well, she has a single room and Miss Kitty's there..."
"How is Kitty?"
"Cute and cuddly and playful. We made this ball of yarn float around the room. She loved that."
Buffy smiled.
"I'm glad you have Tara. I know I haven't been around much lately."
"Yeah... I'm glad I have Tara too. But I do miss you sometimes."
"Girl's night in. We'll plan it this weekend," Buffy decided, Willow smiling her agreement.
Buffy put on her jacket and grabbed her stake.
"Patrolling? Isn't it a little early for that?" Willow asked as they headed out the door.
"I need to walk," Buffy replied. "Clear my head."
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you."
They parted, Buffy walking downstairs and out through the front door.
"I'm bleeding," Spike's voice stated behind her.
She didn't even turn her head, merely kept on walking.
"Serves you right," she said.
"For what?"
"Showing up unannounced. At my dorm."
"It's college! People are used to oddities."
She turned around at that, looking him over.
"You, my friend, are not an 'oddity'. An 'oddity' is a girl dressing like Marilyn Manson and listening to pop from the sixties. You are like a poster-add for the eighties."
With that she spun back around and commenced walking.
"If you think hearing you insult my appearance is my idea of a day's peak, Slayer... you might be a little right; that was kind of..."
"What are you doing following me around?" she stopped him. "Don't you have anything better to do than this? And can't you see I'm working?"
He walked ahead of her, blocking her path and making her stop again.
"You're a coward," he said.
"A what now?"
"You can't admit it, can you?"
"Admit what?"
"That this..." he said with a look between them, "it's been coming for a long time."
"You are so full of yourself," she shook her head. "Now, get out of my way."
"I'll move when you tell me last night meant nothing to you."
She clenched her jaws together.
"I don't know what last night meant," she mumbled. "I don't know what the past two weeks meant!"
"You do know," he said. "You just haven't made up your mind yet."
"And I suppose you have. Boom, just like that, you go from hating me to loving me?" she asked.
"Maybe it's that simple."
"Nothing's that simple."
"Buffy..."
"Don't," she stopped him as he was moving a hand to touch her again. "I'm messed up as it is. I can't see straight when you... do that."
He smiled then, backing off.
"I'll leave you to it," he said, turning and walking away. "You know where I live."
She watched him go.
Was he right? Had it been coming for a long time? No. She hated him at first sight. Well, he scared the hell out of her at first sight. Not that he was so scary to look at... but that air of self-assurance. The cockiness. The lack of fear of failure. He had always had a strength surrounding him that didn't come from recklessness, but from the fact that he didn't consider it to be that. He saw it as rebellion, as setting his own limits and then breaking them. She wondered if he had ever practiced any form of self-control.
Wasn't that what he just did? she asked, glancing the way he had gone and suddenly, inexplicably, smiling to herself.
A walk, she then instructed, to clear her head.