Hello to all! Time does fly. Now this chapter truly is very late, but I'm on semi-vacation and haven't gotten the chance to write! Here, at last, is another installment. Forgive me for the delay!

To whomever nominated me at the VK Awards, thank you very much! I'm always honored and happy when I get a nomination (this time two) and I was so excited to see that email in my inbox. I went: yay! (But more excitedly, which is hard to describe here.) ;) Thank you!

Warm and special thanks to w1cked angel (aw, now, don't be ashamed of poor Spikey! Some actions are inevitable for others to follow.) :), ReeseAnn (Oh, dear. Well, must say, that makes me feel like I did it right, but still, oh, dear. Happy you liked it, girl!) :), Scarlet Ibis (Whooooooa! I could get into such a discussion with you about this, but I won't do it here. I'll try and email you as soon as I can – for some reason I can't access my account on the computer we have here – and then we can talk about Spike and the eggs and Riley. I agree, it is a lame-ass alias, but Spike, though he's brilliant in many respects, has never been quite the unfoiliable (erg, pretend that's a word) super Big Bad as he has always wanted to be. He's not the cleverest vamp when it comes to scheming, and that's the way it is. Hell, he dated Harmony, that says something about him, doesn't it? ;) Alright, I hope you liked some part of the chapter and here's a new one.) :)

Brunettepet (hah. Oh, nice that you like Ath and Jonathan. :) And glad that you enjoyed!) :), nessie (Very nice that you like it and... read on to find out.) :), Grey (No, I can't. I'm building a plot – not a fluff piece, and thus I need those characters in there, to advance it. I hope that you like the Spike/Buffy parts that are in there. And I'm sorry I can't oblige you, but there's just no way. If you enjoy more Spuffy centered pieces, go to my other pen – mjaw – and read True Hearts or Scruffy and Fang or TRAppED. Those I focused on the Slayer and the Vamp intentionally. In case you liked my writing, that is. Alright, thanks for leaving your thoughts.) :), Anyanka (Very many thanks for your first comment, but many readers SEEM to care. And, further more, I care. I hate being late or not frequent in my updates and so I must apologies. :) And then with the thanks for the liking the chapter! Very happy you did!) :)

Thursday Next (Awesome to read! Very nice of you!) :), Megan (Well, thank you so much for all your amazing comments, girl! Really, you praise me too much, I blush! I am humbled, I assure you! Oh, I'll emails you – as soon as I can – and we can have a little chat. :) And I do write like you do, but I find – and I did write this in my last email to you – that often times I'll begin to figure out where I want it to go and write toward that. I've never used a mind-map or anything like that, though. I start a story, and if I'm inspired, I'll stick with it. And indeed if Buffy wasn't!) :) msberry (hey! Great to see you up there! Happy you like it!) :), kim (Very many great comments, girl! Seems like I'm doing something right, since you're obviously getting what I want to have said.) :)

Argentum Rosa (Whoa. Very, very cool that you had so many positive things to say. Thank you very much for that! Made me all giddy and happy all over! Here's another chapter!):), Amandamanda3 (Very nice to see you back! I'm thrilled you still like it! Here's a bit more!) :), MaidenRo (Sorry that it is so far in between. And I'll try to get the next chapter out more quickly! And my own creativity, eh? Icing Riley? Well, I guess I could come up with something... creative.) ;)

Spikez-babe91 (Thank you very much, I'm really happy to read that you do! Here's more!) :), hmm... (Thank you! I hope I will. I'll try my best!) :), ororo (hey, long time no see! But nice to see now! Hope you still like and... you know I don't answer anything. All I do is go la-di-da-di-dadidadida. La-di-da-di-dadidadida.) ;) effulgentgirl (Nice long review. And I do so enjoy it when you enjoy it! Well, you hated the cliffhanger, but hey... what can I do? I know, I know, not leave a chapter with a cliffhanger, but what would ever make you come back, then, eh?) ;), Spikaholic101 (It was very nice to read that you're onboard with the Riley bit in this fic. I have complete sympathy for the readers who really hate that he's in here, but I am trying to stick with the series as much as possible, and it's nice that you recognize that. And how did Spike get money for smokes and blood? By stealing, by cheating, by doing what he knows. Well, at least I think the Doctor had been around for a while. Perhaps not dealing in magicks every week. But once or twice a month, bringing in the better cash. Alright, that's my opinion.) :) Shelly (Muahahahahahaha. And here it is.) :), SlaYeRGiRLkaL (Oh, dear. Too long? On account of that I divided this chapter into two installments. Better?) ;)

This chapter was very long, so I split it in two. I hope you'll like!

A.M.L, Annie.

¤

When We Teeter

¤

Buffy was a tenth of a second away from falling asleep when the door opened upstairs, the slow scrape of it followed by footsteps. She blinked, propping herself up on her elbows and watching the ceiling. She reached for her stake, sliding off the bed carefully and standing just as she heard the ladder creak. A moment later she stared at Spike as he entered the room, stopping as his gaze met hers.

She couldn't believe it.

The relief that filled her at the sight of him was extreme enough to make her quiver.

"Should've figured you'd be here," he muttered, slipping his duster off and throwing it over one of the chests before he paused, eyeing her for a moment. "Then again – why are you here?"

She put the stake down on the bed, her gaze not leaving his.

"Thought you'd left," she murmured.

"So did I," he said.

Her face didn't change and he couldn't read it.

"I don't know what happened," he finally said, voice lowered. "I don't bloody get this... What I feel when I'm with you. Or just near you. But it's... changed me. It's made me want to change. I want something... more. I want you."

"Spike..." she began, but he wouldn't be stopped, approaching her.

"I'm in love with you."

She stared at him, her lower lip trembling with unspoken things.

Then she replied:

"You don't even know me."

He smiled at that, stopping before her.

"I know you," he disagreed softly.

She had a swirl in the pit of her stomach, fighting against it, but unable to stop it.

"Thought you think I'm set on killing you," she said, her gaze growing forceful in his as he was so close.

"I was set on killing you... look how that turned out."

"You just don't listen, do you? I can't trust you."

He eyed her, then replied:

"I don't want the chip out." Her eyes widened slightly at that. "Leave it in. If it gives you a sense of..."

"Of what?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "Control? The chip isn't a vouch for your honesty."

"I'm staying. I'll prove to you that I..."

"Prove to me? There's no way for you to prove anything to me. You've happily looked me in the eye for the past few weeks without even considering telling me about your little side-business..."

"Because I didn't... think, Buffy!"

"... and you would've gone on keeping me in oblivion for... how long? With a clean conscience! You think I could feel anything for someone who can't tell the truth and who constantly goes around lying to me! And who can't stop telling me all these things that I can't possibly deal with and who doesn't respect the fact that I have a boyfriend who loves me and cares for me and who I love back and I'm in a healthy relationship and you think I'd give that up for someone who smokes and gambles with harmless animals and fights with me and has hated me a lot longer than he's claimed he loves me!"

He looked at her, for once speechless and she met his gaze before she grumbled, pushing him out of the way and heading for the ladder.

"If there's nothing there..." he then asked; making her slow down against her will before adding: "what are you doing here?"

She was brimming with all these impressions. All these tumbling thoughts of what was right and what was her duty and how she couldn't do this again. She could not feel this way, in any way, about another immortal. And he had left, just like Angel.

But... here he was, back and telling her that he loved her and that he wouldn't go... And it made her quake with a longing that mixed with her blood; ran through her as easily as anything. And she wanted to smile at him because of it. But the way he made her feel powerful and needed and funny and warm and safe, it wasn't real.

It wasn't real.

"This isn't real," she mumbled, just when his hand caught her wrist and turned her around to face him.

"Look at me and say that again," he urged gently. "Tell me that you really don't feel anything. That it's all in my head. That you don't have the exact same bloody craving running through you right now, that I have... That all you want from me is what I do to you when the bleeding light's out. If you tell me that, right now, I'll believe you. And I won't bring it up again. ...But I can't go. So don't ask me."

Tears rose as she rested her gaze in his. She couldn't get the words out.

He loved her. She could see it in his eyes. She could feel it every time he touched her. And everything she had begun to feel for him when she was in the middle of the spell... all that she had refused to let it develop into since she'd gotten back to herself... She couldn't help the way hearing him say what she had wanted to hear him say, when she was younger, had the same effect now. She couldn't help it.

He watched her, waiting for her to respond, and finally it came.

She gently moved closer.

He knew that had he had a pulse, it would've been racing by now. She placed her hands softly on either side of his face. He could see how there was both tenderness and pain in her eyes. She was frightened of this, he knew that. He understood it. But she had to realize that he would never hurt her. His palms slid around to her back, carefully pushing her close to him and she moved her arms to wrap them around him, resting her cheek against his shoulder before nuzzling her nose into his chest.

He closed his eyes, taking in her scent and relaxing for the first time in a long time. He had been afraid he would never get to do this again, have her near. And her arms around him meant something; he had seen it in her face. He was right when he said that there was more between them than she wanted to acknowledge. He had to be, or she wouldn't be in his hold right now. He felt a tingle of triumphant joy. She didn't need him away from her, she needed him here. He had made the right choice in coming back.

She felt like she could stay with him and forget about the world beyond his embrace. It was so easy. If she just let herself give in she wouldn't have to deal with all the things that made her think that the passion she felt for him was wrong. And dear God, she had been so scared she'd lost him. So certain she'd never see him again. Convinced that it had all been for nothing. All the wondering, all the agony over what was happening with her. And with his scent filling her head she breathed truth.

And she broke away, taking a trying step backwards as she didn't feel like her legs would carry her.

It was too real.

He stared at her.

He wanted to pull her back, but his arms hung limp at his sides.

No.

"I'm with Riley," she murmured. "I... love him."

"Don't hesitate if you're gonna tell me that," he said, voice lowered, each word with the threat of growl behind it.

"I love him."

He felt like hot coals were running down his back. He shivered; just as suddenly seized with a chill that went right into his bones. He feared it would stay there, freezing him from inside, and presenting him with no way of thawing it.

Buffy.

She began to move toward the ladder. There was nothing he wouldn't have given up, to make her stay.

"Don't go," was the only plea he could conjure.

She stopped, turning partially to him and then saying slowly:

"Things lose shape in the dark, ever notice that? The night makes everything seem... simpler. You and I – we're best looked at in daylight. Bright, shiny sunlight. That's what I need."

"That'd destroy me," he murmured, and he saw her check herself before she blinked at her still wet eyes.

"Then you're not what I need," she said, but her voice cracked and she turned from him.

He let her go, watching her feet disappear up the ladder.

¤

Buffy knocked on Riley's door the following morning. She had barely slept, and ran her hands through her hair self-consciously. No matter how she'd tried it seemed the theme she was sporting for the day was Un-Mildly Disheveled. Both outside, and in.

The door opened and she smiled weakly.

"Hi," he said, not having expected her, but looking happy she was there.

"Hi," she merely replied. "I just wanted to..."

"What're you kidding, standing in the hallway like that?" he smiled, putting a hand firmly at the small of her back and escorting her inside the room.

He closed the door and she walked up to the window, staring at the green lawn below for the longest time.

"Buffy?" Riley broke the spell and she drew a small breath, but didn't turn to him.

"Spike... changed his mind," she said.

"About?"

"About the surgery tonight," she murmured. "He wants the chip to stay in."

Riley furrowed his brow.

"Why would he want that?"

She clenched her jaws together, then slowly turned to face him. Riley met her gaze, wondering. She shrugged a little, trying a small smile again. He smiled back, but his eyes were studying her. She pulled her hands through her hair once more, sighing, and he walked up to her, rubbing her upper arms before wrapping his around her.

"I have to go," she said, looking up at him and moving out of his hold.

"You just got here."

"To tell you that the operation's off," she said. "I have class."

"See you later?"

"Yeah," she nodded with another smile.

He watched her go up to the door and through it, closing it behind her. He waited a little while and then headed out as well.

¤

Spike woke up from ice-cold water being poured over him. A second later he was torn out of bed and slammed up against a wall, any form of sleepiness being well out of his system as his eyes met Riley's. Spike looked quizzical at the mortal's fury, but Riley wouldn't have it as he raised the hand not holding Spike's throat, and put the tip of a stake to the vampire's chest.

"Whoa, okay, hey!" Spike exclaimed. "I don't have any information to give, Adam hasn't been around lately. Now point that thing somewhere else."

"You know that's not what I'm here for," Riley gritted and Spike smiled a little, looking up at the human.

"You here 'cause of the chip?"

"I saw how you looked at her. At Giles'. You think this is gonna work? It won't."

Spike glanced at the stake and finally Riley brought it down, letting the vamp go as he stepped back.

"Look at you," Spike smirked, circling him. "All stiff-lipped and glare-eyed. You think this is all about the girl?" he wondered, stopping in front of Riley. "You're absolutely right," he finished. "And if you think coming here waving my death around in my face 'll make me back off, you really have no idea what you're dealing with. I understand why you'd fight for her, though. So you do that. I'll just stay right here, and wait 'til she comes to me."

Riley took a step forward, towering over the vampire.

"She never will. I know her."

"You know the Slayer," Spike retorted. "How well do you really know Buffy?"

He tilted his head a little to the side, questioning look on his face before he smiled slightly, walking passed the other and up to the bed, lifting the soaked sheet and looking at the mortal meaningfully before he reached for his pack of smokes.

The stake swooshed by his forehead and smashed against the wall above the bed, making him turn his head to Riley, who gave him a dark look before disappearing from sight.

Spike heard him ascend the ladder and growled to himself. Sure, the vampire was always good at putting on a show, but in reality he couldn't stand the thought of how the mortal represented everything the vampire could never be for her. Then again, why had the human felt the need to pay him a visit?

He muttered to himself before changing side of the bed, pulling the sheet up and soon going back to sleep.

¤

Buffy mashed another handful of popcorn into her mouth as she watched the movie on the TV-screen.

"I really didn't know that dancing chimps could be this entertaining," she said to Calor, who sat beside her, popcorn not anywhere near him.

"Some might call it an acquired taste," he smiled and she returned it.

She had needed a spot of social change after seeing Spike and then Riley and the turmoil now raging beneath her ribcage; and had decided to go home and see how Ath and Calor were doing. They were doing splendidly, and she felt sort of strange in her own home; like she was imposing on them. And they kept looking at her, seemingly thinking she didn't notice, and then exchanging glances with each other. Meaningful glances. And it was making her nerves tighten even more than they had during the day.

The chimps were helping with loosening them, though; and the Slayer tried to focus on that.

"My brother is becoming quite the expert on the television phenomenon," Ath said. "He is actually quite obnoxious, throwing in quotes here and there, acting as though it's the most normal thing in the world. Laughing at me when I don't get the joke. He's even getting Jonathan to duo up on me!"

"Ath, the Slayer isn't about to beat down the fact that you're not as well-informed as you thought yourself to be, that's not what she uses her power for! TV is an excellent source of information, and I am a sponge."

"You did not just say that," Ath rolled her eyes.

"I'm blue," he added to Buffy, who was smirking. "Shaped like a cloud."

Ath picked up a popcorn and dipped it into the chocolate syrup she kept at her side. Calor gave her a disgusted look and she smiled sweetly before putting it in her mouth.

"Have you seen the way she eats anything swimming in sugar?"

"It's a woman's prerogative," Buffy defended. "How else are we supposed to put up with you guys?"

"Amen to that," Ath nodded.

"We're that bad?" Calor wondered. "And yet every other word out of her mouth is Jonathan."

Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"You've been spending a lot of time with him, huh?"

"I guess," Ath shrugged and Calor snorted. "Yeah, I have," Ath corrected, throwing a popcorn at her brother. "He's fun and nice and... cute," she then smiled, Buffy smiling as well, then she grew serious.

Calor looked at her before he exchanged another glance with Ath.

"Oh, my gosh, they're bringing in the gorilla," Buffy said just as he was about to open his mouth.

She put a popcorn in her mouth and fixed her gaze on the TV again.

¤

A few hours later she was trying to fall asleep, lying in her bed. She wondered why it was that she had sought her way back home so many times over the passed few weeks. She liked college life, she enjoyed living semi-alone; she did miss her mother, but Joyce wasn't the reason she kept coming back to the house.

You know why.

No, I don't.

Buffy, you know why.

She closed her eyes tightly, then grumbled and rolled over on her side. Opening her eyes again they landed on her window. She clenched her jaws together, slowly pushing her covers off and getting to her feet, carefully walking up to it and stopping in front of it, glancing down and then leaning against it, resting her forehead against the cool glass.

She didn't want to listen to his voice, persistent in her head. His words slipping through her brain in a loop that was never ending, it seemed. Speaking of love and change, whispering promises that should be empty and hollow to her, but instead granted her the most amazing peace.

"God damn it!" she suddenly exclaimed, crashing her fist into one of the panes and having it split into a dozen shimmering pieces.

She took a step back in surprise.

"Buffy," Ath's voice sounded from the doorway, its tone reflecting the Slayer's emotion as she turned to face the goddess. "What are you doing?"

Buffy looked at the cuts on top of her hand and Ath noticed them too, frowning as she came into the room.

"What are you doing?" she repeated, grabbing Buffy's wrist.

"It was an accident," Buffy replied, pulling her hand out of the other's grip and walking up to her desk, opening a drawer and getting out a first aid kit.

Her movements were jerky as she got the lid off. She was fighting back tears she felt she couldn't justify; the wounds barely stung. And then Ath's fingers were by hers, making them stop their plucking as the dark haired said:

"Let me."

Buffy didn't look at her, merely had a seat on the floor and Ath grabbed the kit, having a seat opposite her and beginning to clean the blood away.

"Who are you? Really?" the Slayer asked.

"If I asked you that, could you answer that question? Could you define yourself?"

"I could try." Ath cocked an eyebrow. "And I'd fail. Miserably," Buffy sighed.

Ath met her gaze, putting the finishing touch to the bandage before she replied:

"I am here as a friend, Buffy. Do you trust that?"

The Slayer observed her for a moment, then nodded.

"It's just..." she began, the sound of Calor's voice, calling for his sister, interrupting her.

Ath looked apologetic.

"Sorry."

"No, no, go ahead," Buffy smiled.

"Are you... okay?" Ath wondered.

"I'll be fine. Go," Buffy urged.

Ath rose and disappeared through the door, and Buffy sunk back against the foot of her bed. Her left hand gingerly played with the tips of the bandage. She felt stupid, suddenly. And then her fingers went to her forehead, massaging it as she closed her eyes.

¤

Spike stared at the candle before him. Its flame was bright enough to light up the space that was the crypt. He watched it as it danced on its wick, oblivious to the role it played in the world. Never to understand that it filled a function; that it was there for a reason... that it had a purpose.

He had been sitting there for a very long time.

Inside there was an enormous feeling of terror, brought forth by the knowledge that what he was doing now was not only turning from his nature, but also the very web in which he had existed for as long as he could bloody well remember. He was crawling out of it, abandoning all that was connected with sense and leaving it for that candle on the table. Leaving dark and empty nights to come and sit in its light. To be warmed by its glow.

He buried his face in his hands, pulling his fingers into his hair as he rested his forehead against his palms.

What the hell was he going to do? With himself. With her.

What was he supposed to do?

"I can't just sit here and bloody wait," he grumbled.

But he didn't know what to say to her.