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Hello ALL!
I can't believe the day is here, and actually within the limit I set for myself! I'm happy, and sad, as always when I finish a piece of my work!
I want to thank everyone who has ever read this and left a note for me, short or long, I always enjoy hearing from you. Special thanks to everyone who supported me when it was taken off ffnet. Knowing that you wanted to read it through to the end pushed me to fight for another chance to post it. :) You're the BEST readers in the world, thank you so much for all your encouragement through the whole journey of this story.
Warm thanks to w1cked angel (I am SO happy you liked it! Thanks, girl!) :), ReeseAnn (lol! Always nice when you enjoy it! I just love getting you out on the edge of that seat of yours, you know me! And thanks for both reviews!) :), kim (I agree about the Joyce thing. So, so glad you approve! Great to read your comments on both chapters! Thank you!) :), Brunettepet (loved reading all your comments, girl, I'm so happy that you liked it! Oh, and erg about the spelling. I know, it's a pain in the ass and often times it really is just me not paying attention. Don't wanna come off as a slob though! Apologies. And thanks for the mention. And wonderful to read your reviews on both chapters, girl!) :)
Boeketjebloemen (heheh, never know, do you? I did, I did, post two chapters at once. Thanks and thanks for not thinking my nick's completely lame!) ;), MaidenRo (Well, I try. :) Well... I just hope you'll like it in the end. And thanks for everything!) :), Mel (Oh, no worries, here I am. I'm so pleased to keep you hooked till the very end! Great compliment, girl! Thanks, my friend!) :), AJ (thanks girl! Happy happy!) :), Scarlet Ibis (Hehe, glad you liked! Well, here's the quickest update I could muster! ;) Thanks for both reviews, girl!) :), Casey (Here's the last update. Happy you enjoyed!) :), Amandamanda (here it IS! The update I mean. :) So happy you liked it!) :) and last but in no way least Shelly (Not too long, right? Lol! Many thanks!)
To all of you, I'm obliged and blessed that you've stuck with the story! These are the last three chapters. No epilogue will be posted, it turned into a chapter instead. I hope you'll enjoy it, I really, really do, and will eagerly await your thoughts!
Always and forever with all my love,
Annie.
Catharsis
Spike had an odd sliver of warning run down his back as Adam fastened his gaze in his.
"You're gonna help me?" he asked skeptically, and Adam inclined his head.
"I would like to make you a... part... of my scheme for improving mankind."
"Uh-huh. Well, I think I'm filling my space prettily enough as it is. Got problems, issues just like the next man. And I'm growing fonder of them by the minute. Quick resolves will never work in the long run, I think."
Adam had the hint of a smile on his mouth before he said:
"This will. I assure you. And once you're down there, she won't be able to resist coming, will she?"
Spike furrowed his brow.
"What're you on about?"
¤
"Riley, please, listen to me," Buffy tried to sound her very most rational, but he'd have none of it.
"We were part in creating that thing, Buffy," he merely said, voice strained. "I was part in it. In killing Maggie... Adam's going down. Don't stand in our way."
"It's not your way! You're in my territory, and so deep in it you can't see the forest for all the trees, don't you understand that! You can't fight Adam with means he knows, he'll fight right back and you'll get killed. He was built by the Initiative; my gut tells me that he'll anticipate those weapons of yours and that they'll be no good."
"Awaiting command," the radio cracked to life.
"Hold," Riley replied, eyeing Buffy for a stretched out minute. "Everything we do from here on out is a gamble. And I would never let you go in there alone; you know that, don't you?"
"I won't be alone," she shook her head.
"For all we know, Spike's already dead."
He noted the flare of fear tearing across her face, and felt his heart sink slightly.
"You say you can't fight Adam with means he knows," he said. "He's fought you, he knows you; he'll kill you this time."
He reached for his radio and Buffy shook her head a little in silent protest.
¤
"Calor!"
He was shaken so violently it didn't take him long to wake up.
"How can you be sleeping!" Ath exclaimed. "Quickly. Move!"
He got up, tearing clothes on as he watched her pale face. He had rarely seen her lose composure like this, she was the calm one; but now she seemed about ready to come apart.
"What is it?" he asked.
She looked even more disbelieving.
"Search for the vampire," she then told him.
He frowned, doing as she asked and soon he had unknown scenery before his minds eye. He stared at it; then he fastened his gaze in his sister's once more.
"Repercussions," he murmured.
"He is not going to die," she stated, running out through the bedroom door and down the stairs, Calor on her heel.
She threw open the front door and stumbled into Jonathan's arms.
"John!" she exclaimed, more than taken aback.
"Are you alright?" he asked; worry creeping into his features at her disheveled appearance.
"Go on," Ath told Calor, who immediately began to run across the lawn and onto the street, quickly disappearing from view. "Jonathan," she said, keeping the panic at bay and fastening her gaze in his. "I can't do this anymore."
He looked uncomprehending.
"I know it's late, but at least I didn't wake you..."
"No, not that... I can't do this anymore," she repeated, feeling how her insides were ripping at the expression on his face.
"What-what do you mean?"
"I'm leaving, Jonathan."
"Sunnydale?"
The shock was glistening in his eyes and she hated herself, hated that she had to break his heart after he had healed hers. But he hadn't been supposed to meet her. She wasn't supposed to be a supporting part of his memory. So she had to wreck it. Wreck everything. She just hadn't thought she'd had to so soon.
"I-I don't understand," he murmured. "I thought..."
He trailed off and she bit back her tears fiercely, holding her hands back from touching him. Telling herself this was what she had to do, and she had known it all along. She had known this was what it would come to. But as she broke him, she felt she was breaking herself, and it was difficult to bear.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I never meant to make you think anything. I mean, it was fun, right?"
"So last night...? It didn't mean anything?"
He was getting angry now, and she wished she could grant him the release of taking his fury out on her, his hurt, release some of the pain she was causing him; but she was in a hurry.
"How can you treat someone like... like...?"
She smiled derisively, then gave him a peck on the cheek before simply turning and proceeding across the lawn.
"Walk away, that's mature!" he called. She reached the curb and then he yelled, almost pleadingly: "Just tell me why!"
"Because I have to," she murmured under her breath, not looking back.
¤
Spike felt apprehension blaring in the back of his head.
Get out, it said. Get out now.
He started backing away as casually as he could.
"I appreciate the offer, mate, really do, but I can't take it."
"I'm afraid this is one you can't refuse," Adam replied, his gaze drifting to the side and before Spike had time to think more than 'bloo-' two pairs of arms grabbed either of his, holding him in a tight grip. "I have no doubt your parts will help build some of my strongest warriors. Might even use you for my brother." Adam smiled slightly. "You will assist in the destruction of the Slayer after all. Don't you simply love irony?
Spike fought to get loose. Adam's smile merely widened.
"Did you think I didn't know from the second I came to you that you were involved with her? I am no fool! But you did your task, and perfectly so. I wasn't sure you would. I didn't know how stupid you truly were. You've sealed her fate, vampire. Her nobility for her friends will sink her in the end. Her bravery in the face of adversity. And when I put the knife to you, I'll make sure she knows of it. She'll come for you."
Spike's mind was racing. Looking at Adam he began to register the different parts he was made out of, how they were sewn together, and everything slowed. Adam noticed the change on him, waiting for him to speak.
"Warriors?" he finally said. "You're making..."
"An army," Adam nodded. "Yes. I was a project, I know. A project of war. A necessity to see if the demon world could be combined with the human. As you can see, it could. But not as mother had predicted. I have my own will. I will make my own world."
"You're thoroughly insane," Spike stated.
"On the contrary. I'm halfway there."
Spike felt the grip of his right arm begin to relax slightly. He kept his eyes in Adam's, bringing forth a patience he didn't know he possessed, knowing that he had to wait for the right moment.
It's gonna work, he told himself. Whenever a villain is babbling this much about their bloody plans, the captive always escapes.
"You think you're halfway there, maybe. But you can't put an army together in a cave in the middle of the bleeding woods. You need equipment, manpower, and where the hell will you get the parts for..."
He trailed off, eyes growing.
He could see the Initiative cages filled with demons, and everything became clear.
Buffy.
She needed to know.
He decided the moment was right, and tore loose. His left arm was restricted no more than three seconds longer than his right, but it was enough and he felt a large hand grab his neck before throwing him across the cave, making him hit the cave wall with a huff.
"Careful," Adam's voice sounded as Spike shook his head to clear it, raising it with effort as the demon leaned over him. "You could get hurt."
Spike glared at him, but this time Adam anticipated his movement and as he tried to use all his skill to get up and get lost, the demon grabbed him by the throat and held fast. Spike's hands went to the other's wrist, trying to pry his fingers away, but there was no use.
"You're nowhere close to a necessity," Adam stated coldly. "So I would play my cards with extreme care."
Spike's gaze grew as chilly as the other's.
"Go back to hell," he practically growled.
Adam merely tilted his head a little to the side.
¤
"Prepare to move forward," Riley spoke into the radio.
"You don't know what you're doing," Buffy said.
"Red Leader takes the eastern route, Green Leader takes the north. Over and out."
"Copy that, Team Leader. We're moving now."
"Riley," Buffy said.
Suddenly Ath materialized out of thin air right next to the Slayer, who jumped two feet in the air.
"Holy crap!" she exclaimed.
But Ath's gaze was focused on the cave. Buffy stared at her, and then felt a surge of fright as she took in her friend's expression.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Ath didn't reply.
Soldiers were soundlessly making their way towards the cave from either side of its opening, ducking down as they neared it. Buffy was about to say something to Riley, when there was the sound of someone bursting through the undergrowth, the branches behind Riley moving to the side, permitting Calor to come into sight. He blinked as he saw his sister already there, stopping at her side.
"I ran," he said.
"I teleported," she replied.
He furrowed his brow.
"I didn't know we could do that."
"Almost time to leave," she answered simply.
Buffy was looking from one to the other. She was about to open her mouth and ask what this was supposed to mean exactly, but Ath narrowed her eyes, the concentration on her face making Buffy's words pile themselves on top of each other in her throat.
¤
Adam's hold was hardening mercilessly. Spike began to realize – this was it.
He was waiting for his life to flash before his eyes, but the only image appearing was Buffy. Smiling and happy. Warm and soft.
God, he really would miss her.
¤
Outside the cave it seemed as though the very air was stilling. Buffy staring at Ath, unable to look away.
Then the goddess softly said:
"No."
The next second Buffy felt like she was in an elevator as it came to a dragged out stop at the bottom floor, a moment later it was as though she was floating an inch above ground, the feeling of descent not wanting to land in her feet. As she looked up she saw a leaf drifting through the air as if the wind carrying it had been put in slow motion. Three other followed it. The soldiers were practically standing still.
"What is...?" Riley began, but Calor silenced him with a look.
Buffy felt confused and yet focused. Splintered into a billion pieces, and yet completely poised. Racked with apprehension, and still full of sudden faith.
Ath looked at her, smiling a small smile. Buffy had a surge of expectancy break through everything else. Ath locked her gaze with her brother's. He gave a nod and she moved forward, walking confidently across the clearing taking her to the cave, the leaves slowly scattering to the sides. The soldier's eyes were unseeing when Ath stepped passed them. She brought the branches aside and disappeared out of sight
Buffy was about to walk in her footsteps, but Calor stopped her by putting one hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to him.
"He's in trouble, isn't he?" she asked, the words feeling funny on her tongue, and Calor looked regretful.
She felt something frosty capsule her heart as she moved her eyes back the way Ath had gone.
"What did she do?" she asked no one in particular; not expecting a response; not getting one.
Calor's hand began to weigh heavily on her shoulder and she was about to push it off, feeling as though it was about to drive her straight into the earth, when she was slung forward. She thought she would fall, everything going black even before she hit the ground, but then she saw the inside of a cave stretch out before her and realized she hadn't been pushed. Calor's hand was still on her shoulder.
He was letting her see through his eyes.
Her heart grew very quiet as she took in Adam and Spike's position just to her right. Her brain didn't seem to be able to process thought anymore, just impulse. The first being to intervene, but she was unable to, her feet seemingly rooted to the dirt floor of the cave.
She could see Spike's grip on Adam's wrist hardening, meaning Adam's surely was as well.
Soon it'll be too late, she thought frantically.
Suddenly she was somewhere else, with Calor. A place unlike any she had ever seen. She was standing aside, watching him. He looked different, yet the same. He seemed disgruntled. Ath came up to stand by his side. They were talking about something. Buffy strained her ears to hear. The switch only lasted a fraction of a second, and before she could grasp it she was pulled from it, back into the cave as Ath entered it.
But then Calor's hand relieved its pressure and the next instant she was outside, back in her own mind and staring at the stillness of the paused reality before her.
"Please," she whispered, taking a small step forward.
¤
There was no hesitation in the goddess as she walked right up to Spike and Adam, frozen in the position that would have lead to the disengagement of Spike's head from his body. Ath moved one hand through the air and released Adam's grip. She fastened her eyes on Spike, and he was freed from the state he had been in. She reached out and supported him as he looked around, disoriented.
"You'll feel better in a moment," she assured. "Come with me."
¤
Buffy thought her eyes were about to break into pieces. They were aching, and she couldn't figure out why. She had goose-bumps all over her arms and shoulders. She was shivering.
When the branches moved aside it felt as though she had been standing in that spot for a lifetime. And when Ath appeared, one arm around Spike's waist, she finally released the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Seeing the well-known form of the vampire sent a sudden thrill of relief through her, making the ice around her heart splitter and fall away. She blinked and understood why her eyes had been hurting, the glaze of tears resting there making her sight blurry as they began to retract.
She didn't notice how Riley was quietly observing her.
Ath and Spike joined them, and Buffy met his gaze. He had bruises around his neck. Buffy stepped up to him, placing one arm around his waist as well, supporting him without saying a word. Ath let her grip go, moving to stand beside Calor.
"You okay?" Buffy asked Spike, voice low.
He nodded, showing her he meant it as he carefully pushed away to stand on his own. He had his balance back. His eyes never left Buffy's face.
A wind came scuttling through the group and Buffy looked at Ath before glancing over at the clearing, where the soldiers were once more moving briskly forward. The Slayer turned to Riley, now her expression was demanding.
"They'll get hurt. Possibly slaughtered. Call it off. Now. We'll find a better way to do this."
He looked at her, then over at Spike before moving his gaze to his men.
"Team Leader to Red Leader," he said. "Abort."
"Repeat."
"Abort. Meet back at the House."
"Copy that. Aborting mission. Over and out."
The soldiers made themselves practically invisible as they immediately melted into the surrounding forest.
"I would like to ask the three of you to leave," Riley said to Ath, Calor and Spike, though he barely looked at the last mentioned, fastening his gaze back in his girlfriend's. "I need to speak with Buffy."
"Of course," Ath mumbled.
She and Calor turned and began to walk away, Buffy saying:
"Ath..." The goddess looked back at her, and the Slayer added: "Thank you."
Spike eyed Riley, then had his gaze rest in Buffy's, and at the look on her face he merely gave a nod before leaving as well.
Buffy let her eyes find Riley's. His countenance had softened. She didn't know what to say to him. He spoke first.
"I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you..." She knew instantly where this was headed. "My ears were still ringing from the book hitting me in the scalp, but I think the dizziness was something else... And I know you still have feelings for me."
"I do."
She did. And she didn't know if it was a sensation of slow liberation in her chest, or sorrow, or perhaps both.
He smiled sadly.
"But," he then said. "But I can sense you drifting now, every time I see you. I really didn't want to acknowledge it at first. And when I had to, you told me it wasn't what I thought. But it's like half of you is gone someplace else. I wanted to be that half, only me wanting it isn't enough."
"I didn't mean to..."
"I know," he interrupted her. "I know you didn't mean to. I believe you believed every word you've calmed me with over the passed few weeks. You do want what we have... It's just that you want it with him. If he had been human..."
He trailed off and her face was slowly traced by regret.
"I'm sorry," she finally said.
"I've been offered a spot with a group leaving Sunnydale. We fly out on the first of June. I'm going to accept it."
"Riley..."
"I can't stay here," he said, another small smile on his lips. "Adam will be my last target." He paused. "I hope you'll tell me if you need my help," he finally finished.
"Same goes for you," she remarked, smiling a little as well.
Then she stepped up to him, hugging him tight.
And so it was ended, just like that. But she knew if he hadn't brought it up, she would have.
"If he ever hurts you," he said now, "I'm coming back. Tell him that."
Her smile widened as they pulled apart.
"I'll tell him," she promised.
¤
Spike removed his duster, throwing it haphazardly into a corner as he entered the crypt. His neck was aching, but he discarded the emotion for the more pressing one of anxiety. More precisely, anxious waiting. She had to come. She would. She'd come. He didn't care that he'd been one pinch away from certain demise. He didn't care that by some miracle deed Ath had saved his life. He needed Buffy there. He needed to have her close again. He felt like he was driving himself mad, thinking about how she felt beneath his hands. If he'd never have that again he might as well have perished. She had to...
The door opened and she came through it. She stopped when her eyes landed in his.
She was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed from the run. She had never looked lovelier.
"Thought you'd be here," she said.
Her pulse was beating violently at her brow, in her throat. He observed her, the need for words leaving her. Before she quite knew how, she'd taken the steps dividing them and his arms were around her. She wrapped hers around his neck, a sob rising in her throat.
He closed his eyes, hushing her gently.
"God, I'm dumb," she murmured, pulling back and looking up at him. Then a smile split her face. "I'm so stupid."
"I promise you," he said gently, relishing the feel of her in his arms, carefully moving a lock of her hair from her brow as he finished: "I'll never say it to your face."
Soon enough a laugh broke through from her and he felt every single lingering trace of tension disappear from him. She was there. She had come. And she wasn't going to leave.
No, she wasn't going to leave. She felt as though she had set herself free. No more cages, no more imprisoning fears and restraining convictions. What she felt was right, or she wouldn't feel it this strongly. She was so good at walking in circles around herself, chasing shadows when she should look straight into the light. No more of that. But all of him. All of him.
She kissed him then. As she had before. Slowly, deliberately. Vanishing into him. And for the first time allowing herself the sweet pleasure of doing it fully.
His touch was tender as he began to undress her. His lips leaving her mouth, tracing their way down her neck and to her shoulder. She closed her eyes.
He lifted her and she clung to him, wrapping her legs around his waist as their lips met again. She groaned silently as he entered her. They wound up in the armchair, then on the couch, and finally downstairs. Sinking down on the bed they joined again, Buffy's body by now gleaming with sweat, her mouth carrying a smile. She had never felt this good.
Spike smirked at her expression, letting his tongue trail its way down to her left breast.
This must be what people write songs about, Buffy mused pleasantly, her fingers digging their way into his short strands.
Then she giggled, making him roll onto his back before kissing him deeply.
And poetry, she thought as his tongue danced with hers, his hands exploring her with all the knowledge of her they already possessed. And stories, she added. God, I'll never have enough of him. I'll never get enough.
And their movements intensified, their peaks reached together, their fingers interlocked and their eyes resting in the others as they slowly descended into each other.
Five hours later she was watching him sleep. His mouth was so soft, how could it host something as sharp as his fangs, how could it crave blood and death? No, it didn't. Not anymore. It craved her.
She smiled at the thought.
His eyes were closed, but she could still see them before her, as though they were watching her with that well-known warmth. Splendid and clear in what they saw in her.
She touched the scar of his left eyebrow, retracting her hand slowly.
How much of his history was still to be learned? There was nothing but a tingle of excitement at that thought, because it brought with it an image of a long future with him, of nights talking, and making love, and having him as near as he was now.
Moving closer she nudged the tip of his nose with hers before placing a gentle kiss on the middle of his forehead.
"I really do love you," she whispered.
His eyes opened and she drew a slight breath in surprise, then she held his gaze, waiting for his reaction. He looked at her for a long time. Then he reached up a hand and pulled her face near, kissing her deeply. She slid close, moving to lie on top of him. When they finally broke apart he rested his eyes in hers.
"Told you," he then said with a mischievous glitter in his blues and she smirked, boxing him on the arm before she giggled.
¤
"You still scared?" he asked softly.
It was something like an hour later, though she couldn't be entirely sure. She was comfortably ledged between his side and his right arm, her head on his shoulder.
"No," she answered his question. Then she smiled. "Maybe a little."
He smiled as well.
"I'm not," he stated. "I never was."
"Liar," she teased.
"I think I might get to be, though," he murmured and she turned her head to look up at him. "If you were taken away..."
"You gonna get mushy on me now?"
"I love you," he said simply. "I'd be damned if I lost you."
She smiled at that, pulling herself up and kissing him gently.
What had stood in the way of this? Why had she put up such a battle with her heart? It seemed so easy now, translucent in its simplicity of how well it was going to work out. There would be no heart ache, no pain. Just this warmth and swelling contentment. To look at someone she loved, to have him look at her, and know that what she felt would always be reflected in his eyes, it was a blessing. The best thing in the world. She breathed in his scent.
"You smell so good," she murmured. "How can you smoke so much and still smell so good?"
He smirked, raising his shoulders in a shrug.
"I didn't realize how much I missed you," she said, looking at him again.
"Funny, isn't it, how the old noggin' works?"
He stroked away her hair tenderly. She smiled.
"Truly. Funny."
He smiled as well, embracing her tightly.
"I'll never let you go," he murmured.
Her smile widened.
"I know," she whispered.
¤
Riley entered the cave. He knew nothing but the almost primal need to go there. Rounding an out-shooting rock formation his eyes met Adam's. Adam smiled.
"I have been waiting for you," he said.
"And now I'm here," Riley replied.