I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
--
He blinked.
He had just been thinking about something. No... someone.
"Mr. Malfoy?" The voice was coming from the other side of the door in front of him. Suddenly, it burst open and several people in lime green clothes spilled in. A dark-haired man was staring at him with a panicked look on his face.
"Mr. Malfoy, what did you do?"
The man seemed to be talking to him, but he couldn't fathom why he was being called Mr. Malfoy. After all, his name wasn't...
was it? It was. No, his name was...
He couldn't quite... it was like having a word on the tip of his tongue--
Suddenly, he noticed that he was holding a long, thin stick of wood in his right hand. It was smooth, and slightly warm to the touch.
"Mr. Malfoy, please, what did you do?"
He looked back at the dark-haired man.
"Why..." His grey eyes examined the man's face. "Why are you calling me that?"
---
Hermione sat on her bed. She knew Harry would probably be coming any day now, but she almost wished he wouldn't. The hours when he visited her, were hours she couldn't be with Malfoy.
--
Her door swung open, startling her. Harry walked in cheerfully.
"Hey, Hermione!" He sat down at the end of her bed and looked at her.
"Sorry I havn't been visiting that often, it's just... you know, work can be crazy and all that."
She stared down at the blanket on her bed.
Harry sighed. Suddenly, his demeanor changed.
"Hey, you'll never guess what happened here this morning."
He pulled both his legs up on the bed and settled down.
"Ok, you know Malfoy is in here, right--"
Hermione froze.
"As turns out, he had a wand hidden away in his room somewhere--"
The blood in her veins must have gone to ice.
"And the Healers sensed magic being done, so they went to check his room--"
Her heart wasn't beating, she was sure of it.
"And when they got in, he had oblivated his own memory!"
She must have been dead by now.
"They reckon he couldn't take the guilt of killing his own father, or the muggles must've really done something to him in that mental hospital--"
Hermione didn't hear anything else that Harry said.
--
With Ron, it had been different. Ron probably wouldn't have minded that she mourned for him.
But Draco... He would have hated it. She didn't know exactly what to do. Be sad? Feel betrayed? Hate him?
She'd seen him walking in the hallways. He looked different. He didn't have his trademark arrogance, or haughty manner anymore. He just wandered around, gazing at walls and people interestedly, looking like a little, lost child.
He was there, but he was gone.
--
She couldn't sleep, again.
--
It wasn't fair.
Twice she had let someone into her heart, twice it had been broken.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Ron was dead. He had been dead for years, and he was never, ever coming back. Draco was as good as dead. Maybe worse.
The Healers hadn't told him who he was. They had decided he was better off not knowing what he had done, what he had been through, or who he was.
He'd probably be in here for the rest of his life.
--
She hadn't slept for weeks. Instead of dreams about Ron, there were dreams of Draco. But these dreams were different. They didn't bear any resemblance to what she and him had together.
This time, her dreams really were romantic fabrications, and she couldn't stand it.
She couldn't stand living in a dream world anymore. She couldn't bear the thought of staying in St. Mungo's, having to see him be there, but not really be there.
--
Months had passed. Every time she saw Draco, she wanted to grab him and shake him. Yell at him, scream at him, hit him, and force him to remember. How could you forget?
How could you forget that you saved me?
Maybe this was what he had wanted. Maybe he had done it without telling her for a purpose. Maybe he was trying to teach her a lesson.
Maybe this was it. The last thing he ever said to her. The thing he was sorry about.
--
She couldn't mourn for Ron anymore. She couldn't even begin to mourn for Draco. She couldn't move on with her life, and just pretend nothing had happened. Just pretend everything was all sunshine and daisies and fucking great.
But she couldn't keep doing this either. She couldn't keep holding desperately onto the past, onto memories and dreams and whatever else she imagined life might be. So maybe she could do something else.
Maybe she could start trying, at least.
---
The Healer entered her room.
"It's time for your Sleeping Potion."
He sighed, took the vial of purple potion out of his pocket and sat down on her bed.
"Miss Granger... we want to help you. But we can't do that unless you let us."
For the first time, she looked up at him.
For the first time, she tried to reach out.
"Ok," she said.
"This time, I'll let you help me."
THE END.
---
Final Notes: To answer a reviewer - yeah, this is it. No sequels or anything, it's finito. This was pretty hard for me to write, angst doesn't come naturally to me, but yeah. It's not a happy go-lucky ending, and sorry, but it's just not supposed to be like that.