Encroaching Darkness
Warnings: contains mention of torture and rape.
Set in an AU season 8
Disclaimer: not mine
A/N: Many thanks to Jack and Jenn for beta'ing this for me.
She remembered the nightmares she'd had after Jolinar's possession, and the sense of violation that had come from having an alien life form rake through her mind and her memories, controlling her body.
She'd thought that she understood what it was to be taken host by a Goa'uld against your will, but even after everything she'd seen, she hadn't fully grasped the differences between Goa'uld and Tok'ra. Now she knew that Jolinar had been careful and considerate while rifling through her brain; Jolinar had been so fucking delicate that she'd practically worn kid gloves.
The Goa'uld currently occupying Sam's body didn't have any such compunctions.
xxx
Ba'al had tortured her, demanding information about Asgard technology, but now Sam knew that it had just been a game. He'd intended for one of his subordinates to take her as a host all along; he wanted access to her knowledge and he wanted to humiliate the Tau'ri who had combated his control of the galaxy for the last seven years.
She'd promised herself not to scream, and then heard her own voice crying out. She'd promised herself not to beg, and then she'd pleaded for mercy anyway. He'd just hurt her more, laughing as she moaned and writhed in agony.
She'd fallen silent as the Goa'uld slithered up her body and towards her neck.
xxx
When she'd fought against Jolinar, the Tok'ra had pushed back at her, subduing her without hurting her. Later she'd told Daniel that it had been a little like being trapped in a room of glass, slamming your fists against the walls without being able to break them.
Taraneh quelled her with pain, and enjoyed doing so. There was nothing to be gained from enduring unceasing agony; Sam learnt to save her strength for times when the Goa'uld would least appreciate the distraction.
xxx
The first time she tortured someone with a hand device Sam panicked and screamed, fighting with everything she had to gain control of her body. Taraneh took her (angerfeardistress) and fed it into the hand device until the light it emitted flared even brighter. It was long minutes before Sam could force herself to stop struggling. She couldn't even close her eyes when the man died.
Later she told herself that it wasn't her fault, repeating the words over and over as if they could absolve her of what she had done. They didn't, and she promised herself that next time she wouldn't stop resisting, no matter what.
xxx
As Daniel had once told her, it felt different using a sarcophagus when you were already healthy. Each time, Taraneh emerged in a viciously good mood, dispensing agony to her host and her Jaffa indiscriminately. Sam herself felt energised and less concerned. For a short time, it all seemed almost bearable.
With each session in the sarcophagus, the insouciance faded - and it took longer each time - she was filled with renewed determination.
She had to escape. There had to be some way to get the Goa'uld out of her, some way to get home.
It was impossible.
xxx
Earth had been captured and billions were dead. Sam had assumed that Ba'al would destroy it, but no, apparently he wanted to keep the home world of the Tau'ri as a trophy and a reminder to all his enemies of why they shouldn't stand against him.
At the time it would have felt like cowardice to run away, and she'd been too preoccupied with managing the evacuation of key personnel to even think about it. Ba'al had dialed the Alpha Site at the same time he had attacked Earth, and chaos had ensued. It was too late to wish they'd equipped the Alpha Site's gate with an iris, too late to realise that she should have gated anywhere rather than let herself be taken.
Hammond had died. The Colonel had been killed. She'd died too, but they'd resurrected her in a sarcophagus.
Daniel and Teal'c had been off world at the time, and she insisted to herself that they were safe. They had to be. They would come for her, and she would take back her body and leave with them.
xxx
Days passed, blending into weeks. She felt sick as the Jaffa fell, limbs sprawled out on the ground like those of a broken toy. Taraneh congratulated her on her anger and thanked her for her assistance.
xxx
She wished she could find oblivion in sleep, instead of living out Taraneh's memories in her dreams.
xxx
Taraneh grew her hair till it fell past her shoulders and leaned into Ba'al's touch when he ran his fingers over her bare skin. Sam suspected that his interest lay not in Taraneh, but in her. All too often, he ordered Taraneh to give Sam control of her face or voice as he used her body, taunting her as his nails marked her flesh.
The joy of having some control over her body, no matter how limited, was tainted by the realisation that Ba'al wanted to see her break under him, and Sam had to force herself not to wince or scream. Though she couldn't hide how she felt from the Goa'uld within her, she didn't want to give Ba'al the satisfaction of seeing her fear and disgust.
Sam hated being passive, but sometimes it seemed like the best way of resisting.
xxx
So much death, so much guilt. The next time Taraneh interrogated a prisoner, Sam made a decision and just watched instead of fighting for control. It would have helped if she could have vomited or wept, but that possibility was long gone.
Slowly she came to observe more carefully just how Taraneh used the hand device. Sam's own control of it was limited, and she had always struggled to make it work; in contrast, the Goa'uld used it almost effortlessly. Sam couldn't help herself: she wanted to understand how it worked.
Taraneh smiled at her curiosity.
xxx
Sam wondered how long it would take for the sarcophagus to destroy who she really was. Maybe that spark which was Sam Carter was gone already; maybe that was why she could observe the suffering of others with an almost scientific curiosity.
She told herself that Daniel and Teal'c would come for her before she changed irrevocably, but she no longer believed it.
xxx
She still fought to take control of her body, but lately she had started to doubt whether she would ever succeed, and how much she was even still trying. She didn't understand herself any more, and she didn't think she wanted to.
xxx
Sam always feared Ba'al's summons, dreading what she would see when she came to stand before him.
Teal'c knelt in the centre of his throne-room, naked to the waist, arms and feet bound, skin bruised and bleeding. Sam wanted to scream, needed to scream, and Taraneh lanced pain into her until she fell silent.
She needed to wait for the right moment.
She watched as Ba'al tortured Teal'c for information, and felt Taraneh's enjoyment at the sight before them. She felt her body tense, her skin flush with colour, her breathing quicken.
Teal'c refused to speak.
Two days later Ba'al nodded, and Taraneh stepped forward. Sam lunged, with everything she had.
A moment of concentration, a beam of light, and Teal'c was dead.
Sam felt weak. Sick.
Dead.
xxx
She was being torn apart from the inside out. It seemed impossible to her that anyone could live through such agony, impossible that she would still be herself when the torture ended.
Taraneh was walking, but Sam didn't think to question where she was going. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She was falling apart. She was dying. Time, location and purpose had given way to now and pain; there was nothing else.
It took minutes for Sam to realise that the pain had stopped, and more time for her to take in her surroundings. Only then did Taraneh deliver a sharp order.
Samantha Carter cried out in horror as the Jaffa placed Teal'c's body in the sarcophagus, but her face was still and her voice unheard.