The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Three: Herbology Sucks and so Does Gray Soupy Stuff

Authoress Note: Right...I wasn't supposed to post this until Friday, but then I thought, to some people on fanfiction.net, this is Friday...anyway, because I am a complete and total loser, I am going to re-read Prisoner of Azkaban tonight, and tomorrow, and because I am seeing the movie tomorrow, I knew I was not going to be on tomorrow, because I will either be reading the book or trying to not start drooling at the sight of Tom Felton...so, that brings me here...

This chapter is only three pages long, and chapter four will be like this as well...I wouldn't say that this is a completely pointless filler chapter...because it does help develop the pointless and random plot...anyway....

Dedication: This one is to Liza, because you dared to ask the question, "How could a person fail herbology? Why not potions?"

Disclaimer: If any of you saw the biography of J.K. Rowling on A&E lately, you would note that we look nothing alike. I don't even look like her, so how could I OWN her characters? Oh...but I do own Lily, Dan, Drew, and I sort-of own Bray and Jay, seeing as they are based off of real people, and I own the PLOT!!!!! So, if you even THINK about stealing this plot, I will find a way to sue you!!!!! Notice the many unnecessary expiation points!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, as in the words of some famous (and probably dead) dude, "Let the show begin!"

Wednesday, October 6th 12:42PM

Sitting by the lake, skiving lunch

Don't ask me why I am skiving off lunch, I just feel like it. Now that you mention it, I haven't felt like eating for a while. James had to force me to eat some lamb yesterday at dinner. And I have been feeling very depressed lately, too.

I don't want to be around people much anymore either, so I have taken to going down to the kitchens, get a coffee, then sit down there, listening to music. I suppose people are starting to think that something is wrong with me, because Sunshine and Happiness cornered me in a charms classroom yesterday, demanding to see my wrists, and do a blood check.

I mean, its nice and all that they care, but I just need some time to myself lately. It's really odd, though, because usually I thrive off of the company of others. I don't know...I have just been in a really crappy mood ever since Sirius and Libby broke up, but I know that their break-up has nothing to do with my mood, but oh well. I have got to go, Professor Sprout wants a word with me.

Lily

Still October 6th, just much later

Griffindor Common Room, listening to Sum 41, because I feel like it

Professor Sprout wanted to see me, right? So she brought me to her office, and sat down at her desk, and motioned for me to sit down in a lawn chair in front of her desk. I mean, honestly, a lawn chair. Doesn't Dumbledore pay these teachers more?

"Miss Potter," She said, pulling out a red folder labeled: Griffindor, Potter, Lily. "Lily, I hate to tell you this, but you are failing my class. You currently have a 17 percent, which is clearly failing my class. Because of this, I am administering you a tutor."

Ok, honestly, during her whole talk, I was studying my nails, wondering how much longer I could keep them burgundy before Snape would give me a detention. But the minute she said, "Administering you a tutor," I was like, Holy Merlin's Imitation Joe Boxers brand boxers with the flames on them instead of the little yellow bloke that smiles all the time on them. I was getting a tutor in HERBOLOGY?

Lily

Friday, October 8th, 6:51 PM

Outside Greenhouse Three

Tonight is my first session with my tutor...gads, that sounds sick...Merlin's Imitation Boxer Shorts, the door is opening...help me!

Lily

October 8th, (still) 11:58 PM

In the common room, attempting to feed my potions homework to Alexander Julian

Birds obviously don't like potions homework, because Alexander Julian just sputtered up potions homework, and flew away, probably to complain to other owls about owl abuse from their owner's sister...anyway, about my herbology tutoring session.

Now, when one is receiving tutoring in herbology, one would be dead board talking about herbology for two hours. That "one" is not I. In fact, when Sprout said that I was getting a tutor, I was thinking someone along the lines of George Davies, who is a total herbology geek, but instead I got somebody else.

I got Dan Malfoy.

The whole time I was completely stupid. Well, not really. Actually, and oddly enough, I was calm, cool, and collected. In fact, I didn't even blush. Usually, when I am alone with him I am like a Griffindor Banner. But today, I wasn't. It was really odd.

Gads, it is midnight, and I should be doing my homework, and not feeding it to James' owl...

Lily

Saturday, October 16th, 12:26 PM

Great Hall, watching Dan eating his grape yogurt (I didn't even know they had grape yogurt)

Jay stole you again, something about not writing so much, and keeping my grades up, because it was stupid for anyone to need a tutor in herbology. But honestly, who wants to learn about plants? I practically manhandled mum's begonias, or something with an odd name like that, one day just because they needed to be watered, and I couldn't figure where to put the water...

Lily

Still October 16th, 6:26 PM

Great Hall, again, looking at some gray, soupy stuff

Oh my holy piano chords! Did the house elves go on strike? Did Mr. Malfoy fail at persuading Hermione, his wife, out of spew? What is this gray soupy looking thing in front of me? Because this is not food, I can tell you that much.

Wait, Dumbledore is standing up. He is saying something.

"Our...lovely...meal is the doing of the sixth year muggle studies class. Eat up!" Then he, himself took a spoonful of the gray shit, and ate it.

You can visibly see him choking...and now he is coughing...and now, Professor Flitwick is screaming—actually, it sounds like the wails of a wounded pig—because Dumbledore just toppled down on top of him...now the muggle studies teacher, Professor Mara is giving mouth-to-mouth to Snape because he apparently couldn't handle the sight of Professor Flitwick in pain...I wonder if she likes Snape. I mean, everybody can see the looks she sends the greasy git when she is around him. We're not blind, you know...sorry, random thoughts...anyway...

Oh dear, Madam Hooch just stormed in. She looks, well, livid.

"Why was this gray...crap delivered to my room? What is this gray crap?" I didn't know teachers were allowed to swear! "I said—no—demanded that I get broccoli and lamb chowder! Not this junk!" You can see some of the sixth years in tears. "Honestly Dumbledore, I would expect more from the food of all things!" She yelled at the dieing professor. "Well, Albus, get yourself a new quidditch ref! I quit!"

And now she is walking out of the hall. Wait, she just threw the crap at the wall. And it hit a seventh year Slytherin.

The house elves seriously have gone on strike.

And now, pandemonium has erupted, and people are yelling "DUMBLDORE IS DEAD! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Don't these nitwits know that Voldemort was killed like, twenty years ago? And, guess what? It was my very own dad who killed him, too! Honestly, the brilliance of people these days.

I have got to go, somebody knocked over my ink...

Lily

P.S. What has happened to our grand place of learning? It has obviously gone down the loo...

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