The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Six: Misconceptions

Authoress Note: I really don't have anything to say....hmm....this is interesting...

Disclaimer: JK Rowling herself said that the Harry Potter books are about Harry, why would she write about other witches and wizards?

Dedication: To all my reviewers! Because you made my day brighter, and I love reading what you have to say. We should form and I Hate Hillary Duff Club with all of you who say that you hate her too. Even Avril hates her! (I read that in a magazine at my doctors office while I was waiting for my doom.)

Monday, October 29th, 11:42 AM

Potions, looking at a grease-stained chalk board

Dumbledore made us come to class today...I don't know why, because all I can think about is Dan. I mean that is ALL I can think about. By the looks of my books, I just might as well be some love-crazed third year, because I have Dan Malfoy written all over my potions book. Seriously, if he wasn't being threatened by house elves at this moment, I don't know how I could refrain myself from ravishing him on the spot.

Oh dear lord, listen to me now. I sound insane. Jay would kill me if she knew what I was writing. She would, I know she would. She better not see me writing, because the last time I was in class, writing, and she was in the class, she walked over to me, and took you, my dear diary, and tried to chuck you into the lake. I know she means well, but people are always going on about how keeping things bottled up is never good, and this diary is my way to not keep my feelings bottled up.

I WANT DAN BACK NOW! PLEASE, THE BLOKE WHO CONTROLS OUR LIVES, BRING DAN BACK TO ME! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!

See, I don't keep stuff bottled up. Although some might find this slightly disturbing—I don't see how—a diary can be extremely useful.

Oh, potions homework:

5-foot essay (what is it with these teachers and using the American system of measuring? What happened to the metric system?), on the effects of bat blood on truth potions...

This sounds like loads of fun. Really, it does.

Can you read the sarcastic-ness in what I am writing, Diary? Oh dear Lord, help me. I am asking a DIARY questions about what I meant. I really do have problems.

No news on the Dan front, as of yet. Dumbledore thinks that the house elves plan to return him soon, seeing as it is unusually quiet with house elf action...

Lily

Still Monday, 12:56 PM

Sitting on a piano in the Room of Requirement

Can some one explain to me why Hogwarts has had a mass blizzard in OCTOBER of all months? Perhaps I can explain this for you. IT WAS THE BLOODY HOUSE ELVES!

Seriously, it was.

Somehow, the house elves figured out how to change the weather, so nobody except them can change it. Seriously, Dumbledore went out, and tried to change the weather back to the cloudy, breezy, 50 degrees it had been. Now, it is twenty below, because Dumbledore's spell, instead of changing the weather, made it worse. So all classes have been canceled. Which is good, because it was double Herbology, and since Dan has been held captive by house elves, I have had some sixth year that is a super genius miss History of Magic to help me through the class.

So, I went to the Room of Requirement, and wished for a piano, and began pounding on the piano. No, I didn't pound on the piano exactly; I played Pachelbel's "Canon in D," and made myself cry. I have no idea why I would be playing that, but the evil piano teacher that mum hired for me when I was six made me memorize it, because I had "potential." Anyway, the fact was that I was crying really hard after I played it, and just sat there at the piano, crying really hard.

I just couldn't stand it anymore, I suppose. Everyone says that your seventh year should be your best, and you have no worries. But everything has gone wrong.

Mum goes off on me like, every week, even if I am at school, and then, Dan, who I am like, obsessed with, gets kidnapped by HOUSE ELVES of all things, and then his grandfather, who is insane, tried to kill him. Does that sound like fun to you? I didn't think so. Life is just screwed up. But I am not giving up. Nope, because everything happens for a reason, and I believe that everything will turn out okay. So I make this promise:

I will not do anything stupid or harmful if I can't take what life throws at me anymore.

There, now, I have to get to the library, I am supposed to be researching that potions homework...

Lily

Same day, I don't care about the time...

Why do I even write this?

God, I got called a Gothic Slut today. I was on my way to the library, when Libby, Sirius' Ex walked up to me, and pushed me into a wall.

"Like, watch where you are, like, going!" She said with a really nasally voice, sounding like a constipated valley girl from the States. "Like, You Gothic Slut." And then she walked off.

I am so pissed. First off, I am NOT a Goth, even if they can be the nicest people you meet, and second, I could NEVER be a SLUT! I am seventeen, and still a VIRGIN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I also know for a fact I do not dress like a slut. The only slightly skimpy thing I own is my SCHOOL SKIRT! Oh yes, I am a huge Gothic Slut.

I hate Libby. As soon as Dan is safely returned, and the whole house elf fiasco is over, I am attacking her.

Lily

Still Monday, 6:06 PM

The Great Hall, moaning with everybody else

I know what you are thinking, and no, we are not participating in an orgy, so get your mind out of the gutter. No, actually, Dumbledore has decided that to further be aware of our "cultural surroundings" we need to participate in American Holidays. Which means, that this year, my dear diary, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will be participating in the American Holiday of "Thanksgiving."

The announcement went like this:

Dumbledore: Youth of Hogwarts! Your attention please!

Snape: (Muttering, but you could still hear him, even though Dumbledore pretended not to) Youth my right sock...

Dumbledore: Right, as you all know, customs that are common amongst the magical children in the United States are becoming very common in our own school.

Binns: (wishfully, but loudly) I wish I could eat...

Dumbledore: So, to unite our two magical communities, Hogwarts will be celebrating a very important American holiday—

Nearly—Headless Nick: (Woefully, as if in pain) I feel your pain Albion. My birthday party will be horrible, as I cannot taste the food...

Dumbledore: (Sounding overly excited) Thanksgiving!

I swear one of the first-year transfer students from American flat out fainted, and her friend screamed,

"I thought I was rid of that cursed Holiday!" And fell down next to her friend, and began pouring pumpkin juice on her.

Dumbledore: (Obviously trying to ignore the distressed first years) And, as is traditional in America, all of you will be spending the day with your family—

I swear some of the Slytherins with the families that hate them fell over at this point.

Dumbledore: (Still ignoring the commotion) And, you will eat turkey—as is traditional in America—be thankful for what you have, and eat dinner with your families.

A vegitarian started screaming, "I don't eat meat!"

All I cared about was that we get to leave school for a day.

Dumbledore: I am sure that going home and participating in all of this at your homes would be a tad difficult, so, I have decided that your families will come to Hogwarts, even Muggle parents, and celebrate Thanksgiving here. You will also be watching the Muggle sport, Soccer, or as it is known in America, Football. That is all; you may eat.

I swear Dumbledore is insane. As soon as he finished talking, some people started CRYING because of what their families out say.

"But my WHOLE family is pure-blood! Father would never show up!" I heard Adrian Zabini saying to some of his friends, and had like, six girls hanging off of him, nodding in agreement, while sucking on his neck giving him like, twenty hickies. Well, he is wearing a turtleneck tomorrow, if he doesn't want Snape-who hates public, or any display of affection, even from his own house, talked about or displayed at school-to give him detention for a month.

Sirius is yelling at me to help plot a way to avoid having out parents come for Thanksgiving, because we all know that Mum would be inspecting dorms, and I—kind of—painted mine red...and put band posters all over the walls, and died my sheets and bead spread black...

Lily

Ten minutes later Same place

How can Dumbledore be thinking about THANKSGIVING when one of his STUDENTS is being held hostage by house elves? I really do think he had lost it. Really, Dumbledore should talk to someone, like, a shrink, about how he can worry about a holiday that ENGLISH PEOPLE DON'T EVEN CELEBRATE WHEN ONE OF HIS STUDENTS COULD BE IN MORTAL PERIL!

Oh god, now I am hyperventilating. Okay, breathe in...breathe out. Breathe in...breathe out...I should do that for a while...okay, I feel better now.

Lily

Tuesday, October 30th, 5:55 PM

Great Hall, staring at the fish

The snowstorm went away today. We had to go down to potions though, and it was FREEZING!!!

Lily

Oh, wow

Seriously, wow

First years cannot cook. There was eggshell in the fish. You don't even use eggs to make fish!

Anyway, the point is, is that Cassandra Bloom (no relation to Orlando Bloom, or so she says), who is a second year, was eating some fish, and started choking. Like, just randomly choking out of the blue. Dumbledore stood up, and said,

"Oh my," and Cassandra's best friend tried to 'accio' the eggshell to her, only she was standing behind Cassandra, and the eggshell only went further into her throat. Then, Snape, with his cloaks billowing and all, came over, and started yelling at people to move away, and put his arms around Cassandra.

I was like HOLY MERLINS IMMMITAION JOE BOXER BRAND BOXER SHORTS WITH THE FLAMES INSTEAD OF THE SMILING BLOKE! WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING?

And then, Snape did the Heimlich maneuver, and saved Cassandra from uncertain death by eggshell.

This, I believe, is a prime example of what supposedly "great institutes of learning," have fallen to. It's sad, I know.

Dumbledore is running out of the hall, screaming something about Dan...Oh, wait, THE HOUSE ELVES ARE—TURNING—DAN—OVER TO...US!

Lily

You are all pretty board now that this is over...so I have an idea! Why don't you review!

You know, it does take up time.

And it gives you something to do...

And you can tell your mum, who might be yelling at you to get off and clean or go to bed because you have somewhere to go in the morning, and you are not sleeping in until 11:30 like you did this morning, that you are doing something that will change some poor kid in America's day, because she got a note in her in-box saying that what she risks getting in trouble for not going to bed like, twenty minutes ago, is actually worth reading, and she should continue, even though she has the next four chapters already written, and then ending planned out!

Please review.

Thankyou for pressing the purple button. Enjoy your day (or night.)