The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Nine: Living in a Bathroom

Authors Note: My dog ate my lunch, and I feel like I want to throw up, I can't find any good songs to listen to, and I just now found out that "Interview With A Vampire," my latest read, is a movie. Does life hate me?

In other news, the amount of reviewing is amazing, and I would reply to some of your questions, but I am not in the mood. So, I will just post this, because nobody reads these anyways.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. And unless in JKR's will, she leaves me her characters, they will never be mine, seeing as she is probably giving them to her two children.

Dedication: To my fish, because I have no one else to dedicate a chapter to

I figured out it was November 10th! And it is 11:56 AM

Locked in the bathroom, hiding in the shower in embarrassment

The most horrible thing happened to me....

Lily

Two seconds later Same place

I can't even think about it.

Oh fine, I'll tell you what happened. I will, eventually.... oh fine... Well, we convinced the healers that I don't need a rape test. I swear that a healer looked pretty putout about that...anyway, I started on my homework, and was doing Professor Moody's "Past Experience Test" and discovered something.

In question 1,235-part A.F the question is, "Who are the only people who can see thestrels?" The answer is people who have seen someone die. And then I realized, I could see them, because I watched Lucius die. And then I got dressed. And I discovered something. My chest grew. Yes, my dear friends, I am not a size 48-B, I am now the smallest C-size possible!

So, of course this was reason to celebrate i.e. jump up and down in circles yelling, "I'M A SIZE C!" This would have simply wonderful if my WHOLE FAMILY was not outside the door, and Dan was not reading Play Wizard magazine at the time. Everyone heard me screaming, and like twenty people came into the room, wands raised, looking around for my attacker. Dan put down his magazine, revealing a very naked picture of a Quidditch Player, riding her broom, trying to catch a snitch.

"Lily!" Mum screamed, I swear the woman was insane at that point, "What's wrong?"

"Dan!" Draco said, "You really shouldn't be reading that here! Put that up." And then he took the magazine, rolled it up, hit Dan on the shoulder, and put the magazine in his pocket. And then I realized something.

I was standing there, in front of my whole family, plus the Malfoy family, in a pair of Dan's boxer shorts (I had my own underwear on underneath) because the hospital gowns are too breezy, and a black bra, with a hospital gown on my arms.

"Lily," Sirius said, "You might want to cover something up." And I looked down. And I blushed. I swear it was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. So I ran into the bathroom, and locked the door. Bray and Jay came over to the door, and knocked on it.

"Come on Lily..."

"Open the door..." I guess they are working on that completing each other's sentences thing...

"We will..."

"Tear the door down..."

"If you don't open it..."

"Now." They said together.

"Fine," I mumbled, and slipped a piece of toilet paper under the door.

"What does it say?" Somebody asked.

"Umm..." They said.

"Give it here." Somebody else said. "Oh." They said after a few moments.

"What does it say?" Somebody yelled."

"I need some new bras."

Everyone laughed. And then I realized something else. I had left you, dear diary, out, open on my last page of writing. So I did the sanest thing. I unlocked the door, and ran out there, grabbed you, another pen, and ran back into the bathroom. I was insane, I know.

Thus, I sit here, locked in the bathroom, and like, six people are pounding on the door, but nobody is coming in. Nobody at all.

Lily
Ten Minutes Later

In the bathtub

They are never making me come out. I think Dad even called the Special Forces Aurors, because I can here muffled talking about blasting down the door. But they will never make me come out of here. Not after what happened out there.

The good thing is that I have a bigger chest! Not that it really matters. Some of the healers were talking earlier, and they are keeping us here because we have "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." I know, even the name of the disorder is funny. So, I started laughing about it, and these people came in, and stole all of our candy, and they left, saying that they never should have let us have candy. But you know what, I don't care. Because they will never get me out of here!

Lily

Oh, God They didn't

They had a shrink apparate in here. Oh my God

This is what she is saying:

Shrink: Lily, my name is Healer Mana. I am here to help you get over what ever has caused you to lock yourself in this bathroom.

I cannot believe this.

Me: Oh dear Lord...

Shrink: Lily, I am here for you to talk. You have no shown any reaction to what has happened to you, and people are becoming very worried about you.

Me: What the f—

Shrink: Now, Lily, would you like to talk about what happened to you on Halloween?

Me: What are you going on about?

Shrink: Lily, I want to help you talk about how you feel inside about this "incident."

Me: I am dreaming...

Shrink: Lily, thinking that you are hallucinating can be a part of what you are feeling. Now, do you dream about that night, and Lucius trying to rape you?

I stopped trying to figure out why my parents sent me a shrink, and absorbed what she had said. And what she said was true. I had been dreaming about that night, and about what would have happened if I hadn't kneed Lucius. And then there were the dreams where I couldn't save Dan, and then I was about to be killed. And those scared me the most.

I had never really thought about my life, or put any thought to anything that had happened. Throughout my life, I have experienced some pretty traumatic things, and have not really had a reaction to it. And I think its because I don't care anymore. I never think about anything too much. I establish what has happened, and leave it at that. I don't over- examine things, or worry about anything. I just breeze through whatever people throw at me, and deal with it, and I don't let it bug me. I have no emotional attachment to anything.

Is that a bad thing? I really don't put any emotions into anything, like this whole kidnapping thing. Dan has been really quiet, and hasn't talked to anybody really, and I have just been like, when can I get out of here? I don't even have any of the disorders that people say I should have, what with the kidnapping and everything. But, I don't. I really don't have any emotions about anything. And then I started crying. And the shrink hugged me. It was freaky. I was having a bonding session with a shrink and all she did was hug me, and ask me if I wanted to talk.

I nodded my head no, unlocked the door, and threw her out, and locked myself back up. And this is how I now find myself, sitting in the bathtub, wrapped in a shower curtain, writing this, crying.

Lily
November 12th, 4:05 PM

Still in the bathroom

I have survived two days in this bathroom. All I did was summon my pillow and blanket, and some food. Everything else was here. So, it has been a pretty boring two days. The only thing half way interesting is when the shrink tries to talk to me though the door. That can get pretty funny, since I told her that she was an insane old coot, and she though I said that her shoes were cute. Then, she suggested I get tested for being a Seer, and having X-ray vision. If that doesn't suggest insanity, then I don't know what else will.

And through the notes that my family has slipped me, I found out that Sirius has gotten a new girlfriend. Her name is Elizabeth Wood. And I completely hate her. She is worse than his first girlfriend. Seriously. I have hated her since fourth year, when she did the whole black-to-pink- thing on Valentine's Day. I have nothing against a light pink color, but no, she covered me in NEON PINK!!! Oh well, things could be worse, I suppose.

Lily

November 13th, 11:45 AM

The Bathroom

My shrink just slipped this under the door. It's a pamphlet on mental health disorders. Why is a shrink giving me this? Oh well, there is a list of symptoms for each one. Hmmm...I wonder if I have any of these...

What should I look at...what about Major Depressive Disorder? What about that...hmm...

Lily

Still the 13th

Bathroom

I think I am depressed. That, or I have a very weak case of Bi- Polar. Seriously. That would all explain my mood swings, sleeping habits, my not being emotionally attached problem, why I don't want to be with people sometimes, and my sudden not wanting of food. Oh, wouldn't my shrink love to hear this. And, I have a headache, because they won't stop pounding on my door, and it is driving me nuts!

And, I am missing my music. I love listening to music, but locking myself in this bathroom has limited my listening. It's sad. They have like, twenty doctors out there, supposedly, according to the latest note, which is from my mother. The doctors are trying to see if I am suffering from some guilt, or something, which in a way, I think I am, because I really do feel guilty about the whole thing.

If I had never been born, none of this would have happened. Dan would not be in love with me, and my parents could have all the children they want, and not worry about having another four children, which is what Mum said when I was looking for a towel in their bathroom, and found a box of condoms in their bathroom.

I mean; it's cool that they practice safe sex and all, because if James and Sirius knew that, they would use condoms more often. And that would be a total plus, because then, I wouldn't become an aunt at age seventeen. And I don't want that, because then my brother would feel bad, marry the blonde bimbo, and then I would be related to a total bimbo, because she actually WANTED to engage in sexual activities with MY BROTHER! But, hey, I live with him, he's my brother, and the bimbo's don't. So, hey. That's my feelings on it.

So, I had the weirdest dream yesterday. I was standing there, in a pool, crying. And no body was around. I was just standing in this pool, in my school robes, crying. And I don't even know why. I was just crying. And then, this shadowy figure came up to me, kissed me, and then we made out. He left me, and then I started crying all over again. It was troubling. I have no clue what it meant, but it scared the shit out of me. I am having weird dreams about crying, and unknown men making out with me. That is almost as weird as that one dream when I did it with this one dude from this one show on satellite...but the dude was really hot...anyway...

People are trying to blast the door down, and I can hear the doctors yelling,

"Try not to scare her! She is suffering from intense guilt! Remember, she locked herself in there because she feels guilty about what has happened in her life! Be careful!"

No, I feel guilty because I was born, I am a complete waste of space, and I am still embarrassed about being in front of everyone in my knickers.

Lily

Two minutes later

I'm never leaving this bathroom

You know, there are people out there with worse problems than me...but still, I don't live me life by thinking about what I could not have, I say, I have this, so I am going to live life as I have with this thing, and I am not going to compare myself to somebody else, because I can't because judging people is against what God wants...right? Oh fine, that's the last time I tell you what that third year that is obsessed with God has to say.

But does that make me selfish, not caring about people who are off far worse than me? Does that make me a bad person? I mean really, there is an organization, which is called Magi-Peace, which is like Green Peace...I could join that, and give back to what I have taken...

I said I don't over think anything, but what am I doing now? Over thinking my life! I really do have problems. I really should stop doing this, I am over thinking again. Honestly, I don't blame people for sending a shrink in here! I need one, with all my insecurity issues.

Someone is pounding on the door again, oh for the love of punks everywhere, I will just open this door!

Lily

Thanky to all who have reviewed, and I would love you forever if you reviewed. Thanky.

ALSO: I have now formed the UnOffical 'I Hate Hillary Duff Club' Go to my homepage, and click on the "General" section, and you will find it. I am Red on that page....The Red Haired One was too long....

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