The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Eleven: Everything That Is Wrong In My Life
Authoress Note: Honestly, this is one of my favorite chapters. I have never felt more like Lily until four days ago, when I felt her pain in this chapter. Honestly. Anyway, I could go on forever, but I can't, seeing as I am going to try to get a different Blink 182 song stuck in my head besides "Blow Job," which is a funny song. The lyrics are:
It would be nice to have a blow job (repeat a thousand times)
From your mom (Strum guitar chord)
Dedication: To my red, red, red room. I love you very much. Even though it took two gallons of paint and a gallon of Pepto-Bismol Pink tinted primer...I still love you.
Disclaimer: TO TUNE OF BLINK 182'S "BLOW JOB" (The song can be found on "The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show")
It would be nice to own Harry Potter (Repeat a thousand times)
But he belongs to JKR...
Thank you!
November 16th, 12:36 PM
Gryffindor Common Room
They finally let us out of the hospital, and allowed us to come back to Hogwarts. My first day of school begins tomorrow, so they gave us today off. Only Jay, Bray, James, Sirius, Remus, and Drew know that Dan and I are back. So, nothing really interesting has happened around me since. Although, I still have to continue counseling.
Twice a week, during lunch, I have to go to a peer counseling session with somebody from the sixth year. I don't see how a sixth year could be my peer, but I suppose that as long as they are from Gryffindor, I really don't care who they are.
Dan hasn't talked to me lately. He really hasn't talked to me since he told me that he loved me in the tearoom and kissed me then, I don't even know if we are going out. When we got back from the hospital, he went and locked himself up in his dorm, and hasn't come down, but I am not worried about him. I really don't want to talk to him or anybody right now, so I am happy all by myself. I want to listen to some music, so I'll be off.
Lily
November 17th, 2:23 PM
Muggle Studies
NEVER go back to school on a day when we have muggle studies. It sucks. We are planning our Thanksgiving Day thing, which will be on the 25th. So, I'm stuck here for TWO hours planning this stupid dinner, because its double muggle studies. Does life hate me, or something? Because, honestly, the way things are looking, life does. I mean, lets make a list of everything that is wrong with my life.
Everything That Is Wrong In My Life
A list by Lily Audrey Potter
1.The muggle studies teacher is talking to the Vegetarian Club about the prospects of a tofu turkey.
2.I have just spent like, two weeks in Saint Mungo's, and two of those days were spent locked in the bathroom.
3.I was nearly raped by Lucius Malfoy. If that isn't traumatizing, I don't know what is.
4.Dan Malfoy, who I am in love with, who loves me as well, has yet to ask me to be his girlfriend, even if we MADE OUT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS!
5.Hogwarts is participating in Thanksgiving, a holiday that doesn't EXIST in the UK, and what's worse; OUR FAMILIES ARE COMING TO HOGWARTS FOR IT!
6. I have one of the most dysfunctional families in the world, I mean, my parents practice safe sex, I have six uncles, all of whom, except for Ron, have families of their own, which means that at Christmas there is at least forty people at the chosen person's house, which is usually mine.
7.We still don't have house elves at Hogwarts, which really sucks, because I was eating cold pizza for breakfast this morning.
8. I have to have a "peer mentor," who I meet twice a week, starting next week.
9. My mother owled me at breakfast; the Malfoys, Weasleys, Bells, Grangers, Dumbledore, the Longbottoms, Abbots, Diggory's, Woods, Johnson's, and the aurors are coming over for the Christmas party of the twenty-third. My house's maximum capacity is 100; this is pushing 400.
10.The number ten reason that my life has gone horribly wrong:
I have just gotten a note, from Dan, for me. Lord, help me.
Lily
Two minutes later
Muggle Studies doesn't end for another hour
I am going to go hide in my room and never come out. This is what the letter from Dan said:
Lil,
I am sorry about not talking to you, but I need to think some things out. Like where I want to go with my life. I know that there is something going on between us, but I think that it would be the best for both of us if we just stayed friends; I really want to think about what I need to do for myself in my life before I can have other people be in my life.
Yours,
Dan
He hates me. That is the only reason for this note. I must have been the worst snogger in the history of the known world. WELL I'M SORRY, BUT I HAVE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND! THEY ARE USUALLY TOO PREPPY FOR ME TOO LIKE THEM LIKE THAT!
Yes, dear diary, it's the sad truth. I am seventeen, and have never had a boyfriend. My brothers, not including Remus, have already been laid. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I am going to end up an old hag living in a cave outside Hogsmead. Woe is I.
Hags-ly yours, Lily
Same Day, 6:02 PM
Great Hall
Dad just owled, apparently Uncle Bill's oldest daughter just gave birth to her fifth child. It's name: Libby. Is it just I, or are things slowly getting worse and worse? My uncle and his wife name their child after the person who called me a gothic slut. My life is just one big blob that is spiraling out of control, and never stopping. And I still haven't gotten some new bras. I must do that on the upcoming Hogsmead trip. I need to make up a shopping list...I have run out of more than bras.
Lily
November 18th, 8:45 AM
My Dorms
Thank goodness that I am shopping today, my period started last night, and I have run out of pads. I would normally steal them from other people, but I am the only girl in my dorm, and all the other years banned me from their bathrooms, because last year I went in search of some pads, and completely trashed some of those bathrooms.
Anyhow, I came up with my shopping list.
Feminine products—MUST get!
Stop by that muggle store that they just put in—need some jeans and shirts, not to mention they have bras!
Stop by Honeydukes—almost out of chocolate, I ate all of it last night while I cried over Dan hating me, and read sad, depressing vampire stories.
Need more parchment, used the last bit on writing Libby an "I Hate You Note," in order to fuse the hate between us.
Ink, am running low on that...
Hairbrush, it mysteriously disappeared, suspect Sirius had something to do with that...
So, that's my list...oh, I also need socks, James doesn't take care of his socks at all, and he is the only one who would not notice that his socks are missing...
Sock-lessly yours,
Lily
Same day, 11:25 AM
Sitting outside the coffee house in Hogsmead
(A/N: I HATE to barge in right now, but the formatting has just screwed up, and it is almost midnight, and I need to sleep, so I am terribly sorry about it, I just don't have the time or energy to go through and fix it!)
Who knew that Hogsmead had a coffee house? I didn't. Anyway, as I
was looking through my purse for the galleons that it took to pay for
everything at the muggle clothing store, I found something. It was the
note that Dan gave me. I had forgotten that I slipped it in you, and
didn't see it fall out when I put you in my purse. Anyway, I re-read the
note, and I began to think about a few things.
First, he asked that we still remain friends. HOW CAN WE REMAIN
FRIENDS?????? He should know, that after you make out with somebody and
tell them that you love them, and then ask them to remain friends, THAT
IT NEVER WORKS!!!!!!!!!! NEVER! And he wants to stay friends? I don't
know if I can even be friends with him, I am this close to never talking
to him again.
And he said that he "Needs to decide where to go in life." What does
that mean? I mean, I don't know where I want to go in life, but I am
fully ready to let Dan into my life. I dunno, maybe he's gay.
OH MY GOD! WHY DID I WRITE THAT???? DAN ISN'T GAY! WHY DID I
WRITE THAT????
Well, he can't be gay, but I don't know how else to explain it, except
for that he might not like me, and I am wasting all this energy on
nothing. I need to listen to some sad music now...wait, they are playing
"That Thing You Do," by New Found Glory...this isn't depressing me...it's
making me feel...I don't know...I didn't know that this café played music...oh
well, the song is over...now they are playing "Touch and Go," by Dana Mase.
Now this is sad music...anyway, I have better go, I want to stop by the
bookshop near by, and my frap is gone...
Lily.
Sigh...
Sigh...sigh....
I hate my life. I just saw Dan, at the pub...flirting with some blonde
bimbo. Why does life hate me? Why? He won't let me into his life, but
he will let some blonde bimbo, who needs a better dye job, into his life.
What did I do wrong? What did I do to give myself such pain? Well, at
least I know he's not gay; he just hates me.
Oh well, I have just gotten finished up at Honeydukes, so I am just
going to head over to the muggle store and get the rest of what I need,
and head back up to the castle. Maybe some of the first or second years
need some help with their homework.
Lily.
Later
Common Room
Note to self: NEVER HELP FIRST YEARS WITH THEIR HOMEWORK WHEN THEY
ARE PRACTICING SWITCHING SPELLS. It's a horrible idea, with dastardly
results. They switched my hair for a cactus, and this one girl had a
melon for a nose. That poor girl, her nose was bigger than her face...oh
well, at least I knew the counter spell, and so we spent the afternoon
learning the disarming charm, even though they learn that in their second
year, it never hurts to learn something early.
When I was in the middle of teaching one of them this spell, in walked
Dan, looking like he had gotten back from a snog session. I was like,
"Had fun with your bimbo?"
And then he went, "no, it's really windy out." I looked outside, and
there wasn't even a slight breeze.
Then I went, "did you get into a fight?" And he nodded his head.
"Why?"
"You know that note I gave you in Muggle Studies the other day?" I
nodded my head. "Well, you left it outside the coffee house, and James
found it. After reading it, he came up to me, and punched me."
"Oh my gosh...I am SO sorry."
"No, that's okay Lily, because it's my fault."
"How is it you fault?"
"It's my fault for ever liking you." And then he left, and went up to
his dorms.
WHY DOES LIFE HATE ME???? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? I DID
NOTHING!!! SO WHY DOES LIFE HATE ME???? AM I CURSED? WHAT DID I
DO?????????????????????????
Lily
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Thanky.