DISCLAIMER: See previous entries.

You know one of the luxuries about working at a pizzeria in Jump City? My boss has a top-notch emergency shelter underneath the parlor accessed via a steel plated hole in the back room with a ladder going twenty feet underground. It was actually a converted cellar from back in WW2, and when my boss found it he used his 'family' connections to get it renovated. Because let's be honest here, this city bites the dust so often we might as well be in France.

But let's get recent. I was sitting on my section of the counter, waiting around for a delivery when the evacuation sirens went off outside and people started running by screaming. I shrugged and kept watching the cartoons on that TV stuck in the ceiling, I love Saturdays. My boss on the other hand sighed, walking out of the back room and seeing the havoc. He said we should get in the shelter. I lost track of who was winning the energy ball fight to ask.

"…you really mean it?"

He slowly nodded. I jumped right off my counter.

"WOOHOO!"

In a flash I was in the back room, sliding down the ladder into the shelter. Well, technically it's a shelter, but it's more like a three bedroom condo underground. He's got a big screen down there, digital cable, and a glow in the dark air hockey table. If we ever get in a nuclear holocaust, I am going to become the greatest air hockey player known to Man. Well, what's left of Man after the nuclear thing. So I'll be the greatest table hockey player known to…eh…those wiggling green things that scream for you to kill them out of mercy.

I landed on my feet in the living room area, flicking on the lights and the old fashioned jukebox before going into the kitchen to turn on the other utilities. An hour of me going through the usual disaster routine later a small group of people came down the ladder, sealing the hatch behind them. My boss, his wife, his daughter and her husband.

This little palace below the Earth's crust was partly a long-term shelter that was mainly short-term, and partly a place to lay low around tax season. So, why did he let me down here along with his loved ones? By now he knows I'm easily sacrificed yet capable. And I'm the only employee who doesn't hit on his daughter. Therefore, I'm like a son to him.

Soon enough we were all scrunched together in front of the entertainment center watching the news to find out what was happening. I had made popcorn. This happens so often the word 'doomed' is often used in place of 'inconvenienced'. This time it was a giant monster. I'd say it was from space, but after all these years in Jump City I could tell it was a nuclear mutant enhanced by cosmic rays. Judging by the tail length and the shape of its extra head, probably from the Jersey area.

After an hour of it just…well, standing there roaring the military was deployed. Hey, it's got atomic breath, instant retreat. By now my boss, his son-in-law and I had started up a chain of banter. I grumbled.

"I'm going beyond the old stadium, he looks tough."

The boss's son, Nico, snorted.

"You crazy? The grunts just cut its arm, I give it a few steps."

My boss boomed like a sensai.

"He's a big one. But not that big in a small way."

…he had to be an alcoholic in secret or something…Nico and I both placed a ten dollar bill on the coffee table without looking at each other or saying anything. The 'on location' (…standing in front of a green screen) reporter went nuts, the local superheroes had arrived. Nico and I glanced at each other, our bet had begun.

Things opened up with a crash. From this distance and camera focus, we could just see some specks coming up closer to the miscellaneous green monster and start shooting smaller, brighter colored specks. As they advanced the big guy roared for the two hundredth time, this time in pain as the tiny specks hit its eyes. It tilted back before falling forward onto its stomach. I tightened my jaw as I saw Nico's hand snatch up both dollar bills.

I was about to grab the remote and change the channel when things got interesting. The specks came even closer to the thing, the camera zooming in. The specks became five or six people standing in a line formation, facing the thing's body. One was glinting in the sun and bigger than the others. Hey, the guy who answered the door that one time. Who ever the rest were, they went flying when the thing's tail swept by and knocked them off their feet as it stood back up. It wasn't dead, just ticked. I cleared my throat, Nico put the dollar bills back on the table. Still in the ballpark.

Things really went fast after that. That big lug milked his bad breath issue all the way off the farm. This would mean certain 'inconvenience' for the Super-Specks hadn't he had the firing speed of an overweight turtle sprinting uphill in high heels. I'm serious, the thing had to rear back and inhale before every blast. The (now obviously six) figures had plenty of time to dodge, superpowers or not.

My boss took the opportunity to state the obvious, he explained what each little speck was doing to save our city. The one on the far left, was somehow causing a shockwave through the ground under the thing's feet. The speck in the…hang-glider thing was throwing explosives on its head. The two specks that were flying around like gnats and shooting randomly were apparently aiming for its eyes and doing so very well, the thing was trying to cover its snout but its arms were too short.

Speaking of arms, they were being bombarded with brilliant blue blasts coming from something that I honestly thought looked like a deformed hunch back/eagle hybrid. I nudged my boss, he was usually senile enough to get these details. He squinted at the screen and mumbled in Italian. I nudged him again and he did the same thing in English.

"The metal man is riding the green lizard bird."

I squinted hard, usually I only make this face to impersonate my boss but it brought into focus the distinct shape of the cyborg riding what looked like a green flying dinosaur. Ah, so that's what he was slurring about. A bionic life form flying around on the back of a poorly colored extinct creature. Man, Metropolis gets The Man and we get these freaks. I'd be better off delivering garlic bread in Gotham, it's where I grew up after all.

While this little team-up was going on the jolly green giant had started moving, at first it looked like he was stumbling but now it was obvious he was trying to step on specks despite most of them being airborne. I lost track of who was winning because I was calculating how big the thing was, and how far each step took it towards that landmark in the background of the main camera.

Soon enough the specks struck simultaneous winning blows, and the beast fell back onto its back spikes and second head. As its horned head slammed right into the old stadium we all jumped off the couch cheering. Well, except for Nico as I snatched both Grants off the board and stuffed them into the old Denim National Bank. My boss and his family were glad the city was safe from being destroyed. Me? Sure, my apartment was fine and none of my loved ones were dead. Did I mention I won ten bucks? And since we're all alive and still have our arms, I can play air hockey.

2 Days Later, 5 Hours After The City is Re-Populated

No deliveries for a while, sadly. Everyone's too busy rebuilding their homes and finding loved ones to order pizza. I give it a day, once all the families are re-united, they're gonna get hungry.

While I was sweeping the rubble that had flown through the broken windows of my apartment my sister called my cell. She'd been crying for hours when she got around to calling me, I had to calm her down before I could get the story straight. It was my brother Kyle. He'd broken out of the slammer again, they hadn't found him since he escaped two days ago. My sister, who took care of him when he was younger, thought he might be dead. Well, I calmly told her that our little brother wasn't exactly your average lost cause. It took three detectives to get him last time he knocked off a bank chain. He gets his moves from me. And his brains from…well, not from me, the stupid punk.

After she hung up on me to call the prison again for any updates I just shook my head to myself, snapping the phone shut and back into my back pocket while I swept up broken glass and wood chips. It's one thing to be used to living in Jump City. But it took a lot for us to get use to Kyle's problems. The scholarship into MIT he lost because he got arrested for hacking the college's systems. The crimes he pulled after he got out of Juvie, starting with jus car jacks but soon enough he was on the most wanted lists for massive thefts of precious metals. You heard me. He stole shipments of gold, silver, all before he turned sixteen.

The kid's a prime example of wasted potential. Had the world before him, tried drugs, went downhill from there. He took it pretty hard when my folks died, we were raised in a foster home in North Gotham. I got into the stunt man stuff pretty young, he tagged along. He's not exactly an adrenaline addict like myself, but he can still pull off some crazy things, just like his big brother.

Wherever he was now, he's on his own this time. I have a job and a life now, I'm not helping him run anymore. I finished cleaning up my loft before helping my boss fix until some one ordered a pizza. Actually, several pizzas. With an order of cheese sticks. Where to? It comes between 'S' and 'U' and it's in the middle of the lake. Yeah, them. Eh, you know, them? TUV, WX, Y and Z? Island? Screw it, it's the Tip-hog Titans.

This time, I came prepared. When I beached my kayak on their little shore this time around, I was packing it. Pizzas, hat, breadsticks, Government-Issue Titanium baseball bat, and a pair of brass knuckles. Actually, they're not really brass. Legally you can't own metal ones, only durable plastic. This is a hard-headed city. So I collected a bunch of Canadian pennies and melted them down with a propane grill to make my own. I call them my Canadian Copper Knuckles, patent pending.

I buzzed the intercom, no one responded so I just said I had some pizzas and will they send some one down to pick them up. I heard the elevator coming down, so I got a good grip on the bat, took a few test bashes to loosen up, spat out my gum and adjusted the crotch of my pants before getting in a batting stance in front of the doorway. Did I mention I played baseball in high school?

I tightened by grip as the door hummed open, shifted my weight to the side to bring the bat forward…then got a good look past the doorway…

Ten Minutes of Screaming and Kayaking like a Man Possessed

"…you deliver pizza, right?"

I was sitting on my counter section, hunched up in the fetal position and covered in a blanket, shivering. I slowly nodded, my boss thanked his God before trying to figure out what scared me so much. After three cups of hot chocolate I managed to tell him what was behind that door.

"…a green gorilla?"

I winced, nodding. He scratched his head, checking my face to see if I was serious.

"…did it give you tip?"

I just shook my head and broke down crying.