A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't updated sooner, home has been kind of hectic lately. I feel so special, both this story and my Crimson Dreams are getting really good feedback. ARIGATO!

WARNING: In this chapter, there is mention/action of self-mutilation. It's not too graphic but if anyone is offended by it then skip this chapter and at the beginning of the next chapter there will be a brief summary of this chapter. Also, at the very end of the chapter is the beginning of the shounen-ai for this fanfic.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, it belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.

Chapter three / Apology

The fire alchemist sat on Ed's bed, staring at anything and everything inside the room. He had not left after Ed stormed out.

He understood how Edward felt, but, at the same time he didn't. Roy had never lost as much as Edward Elric has and that's how it will always be. Sometimes it amazed him how the Fullmetal Alchemist was only sixteen. Sure sometimes he acted five, but most of the time, he acted as if he was hundreds of years old.

Mustang still remembered the day he had first met the Elric bothers. How Edward survived both the human transmutation and the surgery for the auto-mail was beyond him.

"What are you still doing here?"

Looking up, the colonel found the young boy leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. Roy knew Ed was still aggravated with him, but he still had to try.

Sighing, Roy looked straight at him. "I'm still here because I wanted … to apologize. I was out of line of mefor say those things. What happened wasn't something little that you can get past right away, and I'm sorry for that."

Shrugging, Ed walked passed him and glared out the window. "It doesn't matter. I'm in the military and I can't ignore my duties … not for any reason. Bedsides," he started, turning to now face the colonel. "I'm past it anyway. It wasn't something I could prevent so I shouldn't blame myself for something I couldn't alter."

Now, as much as Roy Mustang wanted to hear that from Ed, he knew that wasn't what he truly thought. He could tell by the way Ed just stared blankly out of the window.

'I bet he hasn't even realized it started raining outside because he's so zoned out,' the fire alchemist thought.

Edward gripped the windowsill, trying to control his emotions. Little bits of white paint chipped off because of the pressure from his auto-mail hand.

'Al, why did you have to be so stupid and take the blow for me? It was meant for me, not you. You could of gotten your body back and lived a normal life. I was the outcast while everyone loved and respected you. You had so much to live for!'

Letting out a little sob, Ed quickly walked to the bathroom and locked the door. Sliding down the door, he went into fetal position, letting his cries and sobs being muffledon his knees.

"Get a hold of yourself, Edward Elric. You can't fall apart now! You just have to work harder to find the Philosopher's Stone and then you can bring both mom and Al back!" Ed lectured himself.

Crawling over to the counter, he reached into the top drawer and pulled out a tiny pouch. Unzipping it, Ed took out something wrapped in tissue. After he took that off, it left a silver, metal, safety razor sitting in his hand.

Pulling up his left sleeve, Ed stared down at the countless scars already there. Seeming to be in a trance, the blond-haired boy lowered the blade to his arm. Slowly adding pressure, he dragged it across wrist. 1

A few moments passed, then a perfect line of crimson appeared, eventually rolling down his arm and dripping to the floor. Smiling slightly, Ed returned the razor to where it belonged. Then continued to gaze down at the blood that flowed out of him.

It had been a good twenty minutes and Roy was starting to get worried. Going to the bathroom door, he tried to open it.

'Damn, it's locked.'

"Fullmetal! Open this door now!"

A minute later, the door slowly opened. Revealing Ed pulling his sleeve backdown with an emotionless face. "What? You need to use it? Go ahead."

"You're not leaving again, are you?"

"Yeah, why? What's it to you?"

"Fullmetal--"

"Roy, don't try to make me stay … this place has too many memories." The last part was but a whisper.

As Ed started to reach for the door handle to leave the room, Roy shot his hand out and grabbed the young alchemist's flesh wrist. Ed instantly froze, trying not to wince but losing. Crying out, he tried to pry his arm free, but Mustang only tightened his grip … which only made Edward fall to his knees.

Letting go, the older man kneeled down next to his comrade. "Ed?"

"J-just go away," Ed mumbled, cradling his left arm; his back facing the colonel.

"Why are you hunching over like that?" Roy asked quietly while gently touching Ed's arm. When he jumped, he knew that something was wrong. "Are you injured?"

"Why … do you care?" Ed asked back hoarsely.

"Edward, face me."

Slowly, the sixteen-year-old turned but kept his face down.

"Look at me, Ed."

When the young state alchemist didn't move, Roy gently pushed Ed's chin up so they were looking straight into each other's eyes. He could see the unshed tears in Ed's eyes, as well as hate, confusion, pain, and abandonment. Taking a quick glance down at Ed's arm, he noticed a darker red mixed within the sleeve of his crimson coat.

Ed must of seen Roy looking because he placed his right hand over his wrist. Surprisingly though, that's all he did. He didn't fight Roy at all when he moved his auto-mail hand and slowly slid his sleeve up his arm.

Roy Mustang couldn't contain a gasp at what he saw.

On Edward's wrist, where were overtwenty scars scattered from his wrist to an inchbelow his elbow. What caught the brunette-haired man's attention however, was a fresh cut on the wrist that was still oozing crimson blood.

"Wh-why? Why would you do this to yourself?" Roy breathed.

Edward stared straight into Roy's eyes. "You want to know why? Fine. I cut myself because I went numb a long time ago. Ever since my mom died something inside me died along with her. When I almost lost Al after trying to bring her back, another part of me left. Now, Alphonse is dead … truly dead. The rest of myself was murdered by Scar when he slaughtered my brother; I can't feel anything. I have nothing left to keep me here. NOTHING! The only thing that's keeping me here, is the hope of finding the Philosopher's Stone to bring Mom and Al back. And right now, I don't care if I died reviving them. As long as they come back. That's … that's all I want." A single tear slid down his cheek to finish off his statement.

Pulling Edward into his arms, Roy lightly brushed the boy's hair. "But you're wrong. You do have something to keep you here besides getting the Philosopher's Stone."

Ripping out of the warm embrace, Ed glared. "And what exactly do I have left on this planet!"

Sighing, Roy placed one hand under the boy's chin again, while the other hand still on his back. "Me."

Before Edward could say or do anything, the colonel pulled him into a gentle, passionate kiss.

1- To kill yourself you would need to cut down your arm along the vein, but Edward just did across so it was just a way to make him feel.

A/N: Okay, if this chapter bombed, I'm sorry. I sort of just put random thoughts together to make another chapter. I'm suffering from writer's block right now so my other story might not be updated for a few more days. Anyway, please review!