The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Seventeen: My Life As A Rubber Duck
Authoress Note: Once again, you readers come out the lucky ones; the horrible event comes in the next chapter.
Disclaimer: Would someone who is your hero give you their characters for ten bucks?
Dedication: To all the people who have replied to the "I Hate Hillary Duff Club"
I have no idea what time it is
Locked in a potions classroom
Okay, how is it that I get locked in everything? And I wouldn't have gotten involved in THIS bitch fight, if Sirius hadn't grabbed my arm for support, and I slapped him, and then James ran to his rescue, as they were going against Dan, and then Dan came over and punched Sirius and slapped James across the jaw, and so then I pulled Dan's hair, and he pulled mine, and then Drew walked in, saw us, and hit Dan in the balls, and ran out of the room.
Then, James hit Sirius where the sun doesn't shine, and then Sirius fell over in pain, bringing me with him, and then I landed on top of Dan. Then Dan saw how close we were, and started making out with me.
Honestly! It wasn't my fault!
And then, Sirius saw us through his tears of pain, kicked James in the shin, James saw us, and then grabbed Sirius by the hair, and dragged him out of the room, leaving Dan and myself alone to make out. I suppose my brothers got caught, and then Dumbledore, with Snape, and saw Dan and I, (Dan's tie was mysteriously on the other side of the room, and my shoes where on Snape's head)
Snape started screaming, and said that all of us would be locked in different dungeons, and spends twenty-four hours in them.
Locked in potions classrooms for a whole day. And it had started snowing at that moment.
Then Dumbledore said, "Very well Severus. You have every right to punish them as you see fit, seeing as you are the new Deputy Headmaster."
"What?" Snape asked.
"Yes. I have decided to take a...little...vacation, if you will, to Zaire."
"...To what?"
"To Zaire, it's a small African island where everyone wear's lambs ear. A very refreshing plant to wear I hear."
"Albus, remember the last time you left? The youngest Weasley was taken to the chamber! And the year before that, when you left, Potter almost died, and then when you left when I went to school here—"
"I know, I know. But I am an old man, and need my time alone. Minnie already knows, so have fun!" And he left. Seriously, Dumbledore just upped and left! Snape just stood there, doing nothing, for like, ten minutes. Then he snapped out of his daze, and started yelling, and locked the four of us in different classrooms. For a whole day! And there are NO windows! And we have NO source of light, and God, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?????????????
Hour one of being locked in a potions classroom
It's really cold down here. And there is no fire to warm myself with...just bleak coldness, and darkness. Yes, I don't think that the darkness ends...
Lily
Hour two of being locked in a potions classroom
I can hear water...and I am probably missing the lines, because I can't see the paper...I think Snape has enlisted in help from the Chinese, and they are doing their infamous Chinese Water Torture...THE DRIPPING WON'T STOP!!!
Lily
Hour three of being locked in a potions classroom
The dipping will not stop...I tried to find the source of it...but that was hopeless. My boots are wet, I can feel it through my "I Recycle Boys" socks...God, that's cold...I want a new pair of socks...these are wet...and they are cold and it's bothering me...I hate this...
Lily
Hour four of being locked in a potions classroom
Just thought of something. If McGonagall is Headmistress, than who is teaching Transfiguration? I mean she can't do both, can she? I dunno, with my luck, my mum will be teaching it. That would be horrible! Because then, when we get into bitch fights...we will have no hope, because our parents would be here, and Dad will probably go with Mum because he hasn't been on a mission for a while...
Lily
Hour five of being locked in a potions classroom
I figured out Mum and Dad's age. Mum was twenty when we were born, so that would put Dad at twenty-one. I am currently seventeen, so Mum is thirty-seven, and Dad is thirty-eight. God, they are young. Like...I will be...twenty when Mum turns forty...wow...and I thought they were old...
Lily
Hour six of being locked in a potions classroom
Wouldn't the school notice by now that we are gone? I mean, surely its time for breakfast, and if Jay and Bray don't see me at breakfast, they usually go up to my dorm to search for me...hmm...this is most interesting...
Lily
Hour seven of being locked in a potions classroom
I have a Linkin Park song stuck in my head. The song is "One Step Closer," and I have no idea why the song chose NOW of all times to get stuck in my head. In other news, it started snowing in this dungeon, and the water froze over. This really sucks.
Lily
Hour eight of being locked in a potions classroom
I wonder if Hillary Duff's breasts are real...I mean, for a girl that skinny, they are quite large...and it would be quite easy for a girl like her to have a little nip or tuck there...
Lily
Hour nine of being locked in a potions classroom
I wonder if my breasts would ever get that large...I mean, that would be nice, although through some horrible event, Dan HAS discovered that I have them.
Lily
Hour ten of being locked in a potions classroom
I wonder what the mental state was of the man who invented the word "noodle" was, because it's a dead funny word. I started yelling the word "noodle" and fell over laughing.
Lily
Hour eleven of being locked in a potions classroom
I just thought of a joke.
A banana comes up to a cookie. "What are you?" He asks.
"A cookie," The cookie replies.
"What's your name, cookie?" The banana asks.
"Ahh...Chewy!" The cookie says.
Then all the other foods around them say, "Bless you!"
I fell over laughing. I really AM board if I am coming up with this crap.
Lily
Hour twelve of being locked in a potions classroom
If Dumbledore were going to an African island, wouldn't he get sun burned? I mean, his birthday is December 11th, and Mum always makes me get him something, so maybe I can give him the customary socks, and then sun burn lotion! He would like that. What color socks should I give him, though? Hmm...what about giving him five pairs of socks! That would work...as for their color...how about wild strawberry, macaroni and cheese yellow, wisteria, tumbleweed, and chartreuse. That would work! And then, I can get him toe socks for the other two days! Okay! This works!
Lily
Hour thirteen of being locked in a potions classroom
But really, if Hillary Duff's boobs WERE fake, wouldn't someone realize that? We should get Fred Durst to go in and investigate like he did with Britney Spears. That saved the world whole cahoots of trouble.
But, what if they are real? I mean, that is always possible...even if I don't want to think that it is...well, they could, and then a lot of the boys in fifth year would be out of gallons, seeing as they have a bet on the fact...
Lily
Hour fifteen of being locked in a potions classroom
Why am I talking about some chick's breasts? Am I really THAT board?
Lily
Hour sixteen of being locked in a potions classroom
Yes.
Lily
Hour seventeen of being locked in a potions classroom
I can't feel my toe...is this supposed to happen?
Lily
Hour eighteen of being locked in a potions classroom
I just felt my hair, it feels like ice. WHAT HAS HERBAL ESSENCES DONE TO MY HAIR?!?!?! THIS IS NOT AN ORGANIC EXPERIENCE! THIS IS FAR FROM ORGANIC! THIS IS CHILLING AND SCARY! I HATE MY LIFE!
Lily
Hour nineteen of being locked in a potions classroom
Okay, I don't hate MY life per-say, I just strongly dislike it.
Lily
Hour twenty of being locked in a potions classroom
Hate is such a strong word, isn't it?
Lily
Hour twenty-one of being locked in a potions classroom
I think I have gone insane. So far, I have managed to talk about Hillary Duff's breasts, my breasts, what to get Dumbledore for his birthday, Chinese Water Torture, McGonagall and Snape, Dumbledore getting sun burned, ice, snow, my hair, Linkin Park, a cookie joke, noodles, breakfast, my boyfriend, and hate. Something is wrong with me.
Lily
Hour twenty-two of being locked in a potions classroom
Only two more hours...
Lily
Hour twenty-three of being locked in a potions classroom
I should publish this diary, and I shall call it, "The Mumblings of an Idiot." Or possibly, "The Inquiries of an Insane Red-Head." Or, I could call it, "The Punk That Wrote." Or I might entitle it, "The Ramblings of a Potter," Mum would love that one. How about, "My Life as a Rubber Duck." Okay, so that was weird...Oh! "The Girl Who Wore Black," that sounds good. Or, "The Misshapen: Their Story." Okay, so it's only really about one person, but still...I could title it, "The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter," I like that one. It's better than, "My Life as a Rubber Duck..."
Lily
Hour twenty-four of being locked in a potions classroom
I SEE LIGHT!
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AND IT REALLY HURTS MY EYES!End Interpretation: Thanky to all the reviewers, you make my days better.
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Faithfully writing,
Red