The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Twenty-Two: I Turned Them Into Snails
Disclaimer: No, not mine
Dedication: To my dog, who gave me inspiration while on a walk.
December 20th, 5:56 AM
The Common Room
Personal note: The orange Tic Tac's are DISGUSTING!!!! McHenry, who told me to call her Abigail or Abby, has decided that we must try them out, and see if they are fit for her lessons. She happened to be fond of them; I spewed mine out the second the taste set in. It was horrible. Anyway...
The crying house elf told us its name. Its name is Caethes. Weird name, and Abby said that it's a Welsh name meaning "slave." What a lovely thing to name somebody. Well, it is a house elf, so...you know, this topic reminds me of Dan for some reason, so lets not talk about this.
Hold on, there is nothing else to talk about. Oh pooh. Now, I have run out of things to talk about. Abby is reading "Romeo and Juliet." I wonder if part of her mourning period is to read stories where lovers end up committing suicide because they can't be together because of their stupid families. Oh well, it's her life, not mine.
Lily
Later
Skip saving the Queen, saves me! Abby is walking around repeating the lines,
"Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!
Snatching Romeo's dagger
This is thy sheath;
Stabs herself
There rust, and let me die.
Falls on Romeo's body, and dies"
It's quite depressing, listening to someone scream, "O happy dagger!" over and over again. It's scary, too. I think she might be suicidal. This is scaring me. Now she's saying,
"What's here? A cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! Drunk all, and left no friendly drop
to help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
to make die with a restorative.
Kisses him
Thy lips are warm."
She is becoming rather...freaky...with this whole thing. I better go steal Shakespeare from her before she tries to make a one woman show out of it, and try to kill herself twice.
Lily
Later
My dorms—packing
She didn't try to kill herself, thank God. But something horrible did happen. Mum came here. She apperated in here, and started yelling, saying that hiding from my fears was doing nothing, and that Jay and Bray ran away from home. That got me moving. Mum wouldn't tell me anything, so now I have to go home. Abby is coming too; she was walking around contemplating whether or not to jug a whole bottle of vodka. I tell you, my teachers are insane.
So then Mum saw her, and started arguing with her over the vodka, and Mum ended up banishing it. Then, she rounded on me, and asked me if I was driving my teachers to drowning themselves in alcohol. I said no, it was her idiot American boyfriend. And then Abby broke down into tears, and started telling Mum the whole story of her "jack ass boyfriend with a pimp cane stuck up his arse." Her words—not mine. So here I am, packing while Mum has a heart-to-heart with my teacher. Oh what joy?
Lily
Later
My Bedroom
Dad is blasting Queen. Right now he is playing "We Are The Champions," and dancing around singing it off-key, and Mum is twirling around, humming it, dusting. And Abby is asleep; trying to sleep off the Vodka she chugged on the way over here. And Jay and Bray are sitting on my bed, hugging while crying. I suppose they had a showdown with their parents yesterday, and ran away from home. This is what Jay said went down; Bray was too busy crying, and saying that she turned them into snails to tell me the story.
See, their parents are muggles, and have a very appalling idea about the world that we live in, and hate the fact that they are half vampires. So whenever they go home its always very strained, and not enjoyable at all. So this time, when they went home, it was even weirder, because they have the whole thing with their real parents coming out. So, of course, their muggle parents were even more horrible, and yelled, and screamed at them, and their dad tried to hit them a few times, but Bray threw a chair at him, and knocked him out for a few hours.
So then, their mum got pissed, and started yelling, and then Bray went back to their room to throw all their stuff they didn't take to Hogwarts into a trunk, while Jay was yelling at their mum how it wasn't their fault that some insane vampire tried to sire them at the age of one. So then their mum starts yelling, and then Jay got so tired of it that she accidentally blew up their TV and the refrigerator and then Bray came out, with all their stuff shrunk, and saw what was happening, and accidentally turned their parents into snails.
They ran out of the house, and they started running for mine which is on the other side of the city, when they remembered they had their brooms, so they flew, and they were lucky it was dark and snowing out. So they showed up on my front porch half-frozen, and suffering of hypothermia, and found Dan out there, in his boxers, laying down in the snow, looking like he was going to kill himself.
So, that's their story. And I need to go; somebody needs me up stairs.
Lily
December 21st, 4:51PM
My bedroom
It was Mum. She found this CD called "No Doubt: The Singles 1992-2003." It's a pretty good CD, and because I like the music so much, and I did background stuff on her, and have decided that Gwen Stefaniis my new idol. I mean, she is an inspiration for a generation, and being in a band with all blokes, she is amazing. But, I am also in a band with all blokes, so it's okay. I mean their song, "Just A Girl," is so true. Now, if I could only get the guys to play No Doubts music. I already got yelled at six times because I was running around the house singing, "Don't Speak," and went up to Grandma, and went, "Don't speak, I know just how you feel." And then she went,
"Oh, so you know how I feel about your uncle being a fruit?" I swear my family is horrible.
So I walked away, and bumped into Dan. And he was blue. Don't ask me how, but he was. Then, Hermione saw him, and started screaming, and nearly threw him in the fire to make him skin colored. It was weird. And to top it all off, Abby has decided that being a drunk is the life for her. She went to a bar last night, and brought home a sex offender. Dad had to stun the man from groping the owl, and then Mum sobered up Abby, and locked her in the guesthouse.
So, I am having an enjoyable Christmas. I will write later, dinner is ready.
Lily
Later
My Kitchen
Holidays are boring. I have now figured that out. It's the same as it has always been. Mum is going insane because our house is not prefect for the party in...three days. And I still don't have a dress. It's okay; I can wear the black one that I wore last year. It'll fit, because I didn't really...grow. I mean, my boobs did, but the dress was big in that area anyway. Dad is sitting across from me, eating Fruit Loops. It's funny, because Mum yells at us if we eat cereal for anything except breakfast. But, I don't blame him, we had chocolate covered apples for dinner, because Mum can't cook, and grandma was visiting, and people seem to think we need chocolate covered apples.
"Lily," Dad is saying, "How old are you?"
"Seventeen."
"Good, I'm taking you to learn how to drive."
Oh goody. Now, I get to kill a car!
Lily
Hey all! I know, its been a while, but school had started, and I haven't even started 24, even though I have tons of ideas for this story. But I will tell you something to pull you over into the next chapter. Something big happens. Something Ron fans will love, and something fans of desteny will love as well. Especially if you are like me, and read WAY to many romace novels...of the trashy kind...anyway...