The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Twenty-Four: The Nightmare Before Christmas
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Dedication: To Joel, Benji, Billy, Paul, and Chris, for putting out your newest album. I love it.
Disclaimer: I have to beg my parents to give me money. I AM NOT JKR!!!!!
December 24th, 2:22 PM
Ron's Living Room
I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! I have a boyfriend! I have a boy—oh...Sorry.
Anyway, about the boyfriend...he wants me to go back home. I guess that Mum took it really personal when I ran away. She seems to think that I have gone, and am dieing in some snow bank in muggle London, and am trying to stay alive off of dead rats. Seriously, that's what she thinks.
So, Dan wants me to at least go to the Christmas Ball. He wants me to just go to the party, I don't have to go back home.
But I don't want to even go to the party. I don't want to go back to that house. I know that the minute I go back, I will be criticized out of it.
Dan left, telling me to think about it. So, I'll think about it.
Lily
Later
My Room
I have decided to go. I'm putting on my dress now. I really don't want to go, but I don't completely hate my mum, either. I love her enough to go to this party.
I just read what I wrote, and realized that I sounded like a stuck up bitch. And that's the last thing I want to be. My paragraph was really horrible. Really, only having it in me to love my mum a bit? I sound like Libby!
Anyway, the party starts soon, and I need to go...
Lily
Christmas Day, 4:56 AM
The Hall Bathroom of Potter Manor (AKA my house)
Yeah, I live in a manor...more like a castle...but anyway...this is what happened when I came. Dan already had his apperating license, so he took us both here. The minute I set foot on the front lawn, I was accosted by a mob of people, who dragged me behind some bushes and duct taped my mouth shut, and threatened to kill me if I tried to scream.
Actually, my best friends, along with their respected boyfriends and my brothers did the accosting and dragging, but no duct taped was used. Instead, I was attacked by Jay, who hugged me so hard; I thought she was going to suffocate me.
Sirius: Where have you been? We have all been worried! Mum's gone off the deep end!
Me: So? Isn't she always?
Sirius: No.
Drew: Where's Dan?
Me: I dunno.
Drew: Was he with you?
Me: Yeah.
James: Lils, where have you been?
Me: Uh...I ran off to Ron's house.
Everyone: (Collectively) Oh...
Me: Yeah...I don't think he's bi any more.
Remus: What?
Me: Well...Abby followed me...and they got really friendly with each other.
Suddenly Dad appears, scaring all of us.
Dad: Where they loud? Cuz I remember when Ron and Lavender shagged...urg...THAT was loud.
Me: Dad, I could have lived my life not knowing that.
Dad: Oh, right. I came out here to tell you something...oh yeah! Luna's already plastered, and running around singing, "God Save The Queen."
Bray: Right.
Sean: Mr. Potter, how does this affect us?
Dad: She gives lap dances to the person she is singing to.
All: (Collectively) Oh...
Dad: So, if she comes up to you, run in the other direction. Neville is in my lounge, having jello shots, trying to erase this day from his memory...
And then he walked away. It was quite odd, but at least someone told us about it.
Me: We have to save Neptune!
Drew: Why do we need to save a planet?
James: No you idiot! Neptune is a person!
Drew: Oh...
James: Duh! Now Lily, why do we need to save the little bugger?
Me: Because, his mum is plastered, and his dad is following suit! He needs saving!
So, I stood up from the bushes, and ran into my house, throwing my shawl at Ellette, one of our house elves, and ran into the ballroom, and searched the room for Neptune. I found the poor boy; he was looking miserably at his cub of punch. I thought looked like he needed to do a little underage drinking, but we won't go there.
Me: NEPTUNE!
Neptune: Huh?
Me: How are you?
Neptune: At least your mum isn't giving people lap dances while sing, "God Save the Queen."
Me: You have a point.
Neptune: Yeah.
Suddenly, Luna stumbles over, and, seeing an open lap, begins giving HER OWN SON a lap dance.
Luna: God save our gracious queen! Long live our noble queen! God Save the Queen!
Neptune looked like he was going to die. And if I was in his position, I think I would too.
Luna: Send her victorious, Happy and glorious, Long to reign over us, God Save the Queen!
As soon as she finished her um—song and dance ensemble...she went off to entertain some old senile bloke. Anyway, I sat down next to Neptune, and was looking at the table decorations, when I noticed something. It was a little sign with this written on it:
Green Day
Presenting
American Idiot a Rock Opera
Will be shown at 8:00 PM
I read that, and jumped out of my seat, holding this little card.
Me: NO WAY!
Neptune: What?
Me: Green Day is performing their ROCK OPERA TONIGHT?
Neptune: Well, yeah.
Me: NO...BLOODY...WAY!
Neptune: Yes!
Me: THIS IS SO COOL!
And then, I began jumping up and down, screaming about Green Day. That's when mum found me.
Mum: LILY!
Me: Oh...hello.
Mum: BABY!
And then, she proceeded to try to kill me. She was hugging me so hard, that I couldn't breathe.
Me: Mummers! I—can't—breathe!
Mum: Oh...right.
And so she let me go, but held me at arms length.
Mum: Where the hell were you?
Me: Uh...Ron's house.
Mum: I see. And where is your uncle?
Me: Church.
Mum: He's gay, and he prays?
Me: I think Abby changed that, though.
Mum: Really?
Me: Yes.
The lights suddenly dimmed, and I was yanked away by a mysterious arm, when I was suddenly face-to-face with Dan.
Dan: (Low, and really sexy) Hey Lily.
Me: Oh, hello Dan.
Dan: Did you hear who was playing?
Me: Yeah, Green Day!
Dan: I am really looking forward to it.
Me: Me too.
Dad: Hey, you two! Wanna to get close to the front?
I looked up at Dan, and he nodded, and we wove our way to the very front of the mini mosh pit that had formed in front of the stage. The room became completely dark, except for one small, dim light, which was centered on some nameless person playing three guitar chords, before the stage lit up, drums and bass joined, and Billie Joe Armstrong sang, "Don't want to be an American idiot."
It was awesome. Green Day did wonderfully, if I do say so myself. When they got to the song, "St. Jimmy," I sang it to Dan, and he, in turn, sang, "She's A Rebel," to me.
Eventually, the show ended, and, as an encore, Billie Joe came back on, and played "Good Riddance" for us. It was really cool. But, as everyone was going back to their seats, and some orchestra began playing Christmas songs, no one noticed Jay and Sean slip away...
But what I did notice was Dan kiss me, and then pulled me out into the hallway, where we sat on a couch, and just watched the stars. We did that for what seemed like hours, when Drew and Bray suddenly ran over to us.
Drew: You know how Luna was pissed?
Me: Yeah...
Bray: Well, you see...(giggles uncontrollably)
Drew: She summoned a bunch of mad penguins. And they started chasing people, and tried to eat the tubular bells players. She hiccupped, and about fifty giant snapping turtles appeared, and they tried to attack the Minister of Lichtenstein. And then, somehow, all these piranhas flew out of the tuba player's tuba, and attacked people.
Me: Oh my...
Dan: All because Luna was drunk?
Bray: Magical malfunction. You want to know who the fish went after?
Me: Who?
Bray: Adonis.
Me: Are you serious?
Bray: Yeah.
Me: Tha—
Sirius: You guys!
Dan: What?
Sirius: You would NEVER believe what I just saw in the library.
Me: What? Ancient books on sex?
Sirius: Well, that and something else!
Bray: Out with it!
Sirius: Sean proposed to Jay!
It was at this point that Bray fell over.
Me: What?
Sirius: Yeah. There was a ring and everything.
Me: WHAT DID SHE SAY?
Sirius: Um...you see...I got caught.
Me: By whom?
Sirius: Remus. He was walking by, and saw the book I had open, and dragged me out of the library before I could hear a reply.
Bray: But...my....OH MY GOD! SHE COULD BE GETTING MARRIED!
Me: Bray, she...YOU'RE RIGHT! OH MY FREAKEN CONVERS!
Needless to say, Bray and I spent the next ten minutes screaming about the fact that Jay could possibly getting married, when a giant penguin waddled past us.
Drew: THAT'S A PENGUIN!
Dan: Drew, I'm sure—HOLY SHITE! THAT'S A PENGUIN! RUN!
And so we ran. Into the library, actually. The first thing we saw was Jay and Sean snogging, and then we caught our breath, and noticed that they were snogging.
Bray: JAY!
Jay: (Hides hand behind back) Bray! Lily! What are you all doing here?
Drew: A penguin chased us in here.
Jay: Okay...
Bray: (To me) see any ring?
Me: (To Bray) no...you?
Bray: Nope.
Me: Jay, is there anything you would like to tell us?
Jay: N-no, not really. Why?
Me: Oh, just wondering. No reason, really,
Jay: Okay.
Me: Yeah...
Sean: So...did a penguin really chase you in here?
Drew: Yes!
Suddenly, there was a noise that could only be described as a war cry.
Sean: What the hell was that?
Sirius: (Casually) that's a penguin.
Sean: A Penguin.
Sirius: Yeah, a penguin.
Sean: Why are penguins attacking the door?
Sirius: Because, Luna became completely smashed, and she had a magical malfunction.
Sean: So, that's why there are penguins trying to kill us?
Sirius: Yup.
Sean: I see...
Meanwhile, Jay had pulled Bray and myself aside, and was leading us to the wizarding law section, and pulled out a book.
Me: Jay, what are you doing?
Jay: You guys, I have something I need to tell you.
Bray: (Aghast) YOU'RE PREGNANT?
Jay: No. I'm not.
Bray: Oh...okay then.
Jay: You guys...Sean...proposed to me.
Bray fell over again. I just sat there, not saying anything.
Jay: Lily...say something...please.
Me: Wow...Jay...this is really...big.
Jay: I don't know what to say.
Me: What do you mean; you don't know what to say? The answer is really quite obvious.
Jay: Yes...but...
Bray: You accepted, right?
Jay: I...uh...not yet, anyway.
Bray: Then go. You know it's what needs to be done. Go, say yes.
Jay: Okay.
And then Jay left, probably to go to Sean, and talk things over.
Bray: Well, this is an eventful year.
Me: You can say that again.
Bray: Well, this is—
Sirius: THE PENGUINS ARE COMING! DREW, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TAUNT THEM!
Me: Oh, great.
Later
My Room
Sorry, Luna needed the loos. So anyway, back to the story...
There was this sickening crunch, as a huge wing shot through the door, and was flapping around wildly. Jay started screaming, and Bray jumped up on top of a table and screamed,
"El pingüingo!" And leaped off the table, and hid behind Dad's defense books. Drew went and hid with her, while the rest of us stood frozen, as another giant wing shot through the wall. Screams could be heard out in the hallway, and someone screamed about something chewing their foot off. I started crying at this point, because I knew every one of us was going to die. And on Christmas Eve, too!
Things got even worse, as a giant, but burned, wing flew through the door, allowing an even larger hole to appear in the door, and half a penguin could be seen.
Dan screamed, and then ran to a window, and put his foot through the window. Then, he kept on breaking the window, until there was a decent sized hole. Once he had done this he said, "It's only a few feet, and we'll land in the pool. Okay, Drew, you jump first."
Drew: What?
Dan: Come on! It's the only way out.
Drew: No!
Dan: Fine! Let the penguins eat you alive!
Drew: Okay! I'm jumping!
Bray: (Hysterical) YOU COULD DIE!
Drew: I'd rather die jumping, rather than being eaten alive by penguin!
Bray: THEN I'M GOING WITH YOU!
And she jumped out of the window, just as there was a loud cracking sound, and Sean yelped,
"They broke the wall! They are attacking us!" So, Drew jumped through the window, and ended up in the pool, next to Bray, who was crying from the intensity of it all. I can see why, because we were jumping out of a window to escape crazy giant penguins. Jay followed Drew, then Sean, and then Sirius took the leap, and then there was only Dan and I left. Dan pushed me slightly towards the window, and I crawled into it.
"What if I don't make it?" I asked him, reaching for him.
"You will, trust me Lily." And with those words, I jumped.
And that's all I remember. I woke up on the front lawn, unharmed, thankfully, and ran into the bathroom and threw up. I have no idea what happened to the penguins, all I know is that Luna has been taken in for alcohol level testing, and seeing if she was too intoxicated to realize what she has done. I'm pretty sure she was, and still is. They let her throw up before taking her in, and Neptune is sitting in the hallway, in the fetal position, rocking back and forth, muttering to himself. I'm afraid the poor kid's lost it.
Lily
Christmas Day, the Burrow
11:46 AM
Because of the destruction of our home, Mum and Dad deemed it necessary to have a good ol' Weasley and Potter Christmas, and go to the Burrow for the holidays. Of course, this meant that the Malfoy's came with us, seeing as I have never had a Christmas that did not consist of sitting on some over-stuffed couch, glaring at my brothers and Dan and Drew, because they got something I wanted.
So, here we are, at The Burrow, and I am watching Fred and George charm mistletoe to follow Jay around. Only, the mistletoe is stuck right in front of Mum's old room, where Jay and Sean have holed themselves up at because they want to "talk". Sure....I'm gonna fall for that old lie. Like Bray saying last month that she was going to the library with Drew.
Bray just read what I put and yelled, "We really DID go to the library! I made Drew get six books!"
"Yeah, but we won't talk about what they were about!" Drew yelled.
"Vampires you brainless git!"
Anyway, whilst they fight over that...oh, James wants me to listen to something...he's listening in to Jay and Sean's conversation, with a shocked look on his face...I wonder why...
Lily
Later 4:56 PM
Dinner Table
Oh my freaking socks! I did not want to over hear that!
So, James says, "Come! Listen to this!" So I go over, right? Well...I press my ear against the door, and hear something I really shouldn't have.
Jay: Mummm....this tastes soooo good!
Me: (Whispering) what the hell?
James: I dunno.
Me: Shut up! I'm listening!
Sean: I'm glad you like it.
Me: What...oh Lord...
Jay: Yeah...where'd you get it again?
Me: (Gulps) Where?
Sean: A South American country. I forget the name right now. It's really rare, and it's usually something on the Minister of Magic of those countries can get.
Me: James! What does he mean! I mean...oh dear—
Sean: No! Don't put it there!
James passed out. Seriously. He couldn't take it anymore. And I was about to storm in there myself and break it up...with my eyes covered of course. I wasn't about to walk in on a potentially mind scarring situation with open eyes...that's just disturbing.
Jay: Oh, sorry...
And, I covered my eyes, threw the door open, and screamed,
"STOP! SOME OF US ARE SCARRED FOR LIFE!"
And you know what they did? They began laughing!
Jay: Lily, its coffee.
Me: Oh...right... (I uncovered my eyes)
Sean: Columbia! That's where it's from! It's a really rare form of Columbian coffee!
I really felt like slapping myself right now. I mean, I thought that they were—well, you know. And I was about to be mentally scared for life! So anyway, Sean leaves, saying he needs to go owl his family and Jay goes,
"I told him yes."
"Really?" I said.
"Yeah."
"Does Bray know?"
"Yes, I already told her. I also have a memory to share with you." And she pulled out a Pensive.
"Where did yo—"
"I made it. I was skipping class one day, and felt really bored, so I made this. It was really easy."
"Jay, why have you been skipping classes?"
"Because, I'm bored!"
"But—you're in all advanced classes."
"Yeah! And they are really easy! Anyway, my memory..."
And the next thing I knew, I went swirling into the library at my house, before it was destroyed by penguins, of course.
Sean came up to Jay. Jay was sitting in a window seat. As Sean sat down, facing the moon, nearly full on this Christmas night, he stretched his arms out towards her. Jay settled onto his lap, and he wrapped his arms around her.
As they looked up to the moon and the stars, Sean brought out something small. He whispered into her ear, voice soft, "Marry me?" as he a ring onto Jay's finger.
She looked down at the ring. It was a thin silver band with a small diamond. Jay turned her head and looked up into his face. "Yes," She whispered back. They sat in the window all night, watching the sky.
End Annotations: So...that's Christmas. I hoped you all liked it. I would like to thank Liza for writing that proposal. I know it was perfect for this story. I'd also like to thank Randy, 'cuz if you hadn't spent your time bugging me about writing this, this never would have been done. And C, because...uh...you didn't go to Homecomming either!
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Red