Chapter 12: Magic, Anger, and Tentacles

Umi was dancing around excitedly, waving a Puni Puni Poemi DVD case.

"I really don't think you should be so happy. What if it's a trap set by the Sailor Senshi? There is a Sailor Moon cameo in it, so I've heard," Fuu worried.

"WEEEE!!! Now we got the perfect weapon! WEEEE!!!" Umi was squealing, paying no attention to Fuu.

"Why don't we watch it then. It might give us ideas on how to defeat the Sailor Senshi. I heard that the Sailor Moon cameo gets beaten up by the main character," Hikaru suggested.

Rainbow Sparkles looked around at the Kino household in awe.

"Wow, you have such tall ceilings! I bet that helps Kurumi a lot," she gasped. She then abruptly remembered one of the two reasons she was there and she took a brown bracelet out of her bag, which also included paper, pencils, and also various drawing materials such as crayons and markers.

"What's that for? Jewelery so we can get into the minds of cutesy magical girls and parody them?" Mortimer asked. Right after he finished his sentence, he felt a strange force coming from the bracelet and knew that it at least was more than it seemed to be.

"No, it's your Sailor Senshi thing. Michiru told me to give it to you," Rainbow replied, holding up her own wrist, which bore the dark green bracelet of Sailor Peppermint. Mortimer shrugged.

"Are we going to write down those ideas for a magical girl anime parody or not?" he asked, pointing to all the art supplies.

"Oh sure. What kind of parody should we do? The kind where the stereotypes are there but they're exaggerated or a parody where the characters break the stereotypes?"

"Can't there be both? The villains can be one group and the good guys could be the other," suggested Mortimer. Kurumi then entered the room, slightly surprised to see Rainbow there at first, but then she remembered what she had been told.

"Can I help make the magical girl show? I like that kind of anime," she asked cheerfully. Rainbow started to tell her to leave, but Mortimer shushed her.

"Of course you can, since you're such an expert." Kurumi happily sat beside him on the floor, not noticing the sly tone in his voice.

"What about the main character? Maybe she could be a mean bully type who likes fighting monsters. But she could also be very smart at school, too," Rainbow suggested.

"Why would the main character be mean? That's not right! The heroine is supposed to be sweet, kind and loving to everyone!" Kurumi protested.

"In a regular magical girl story, yes. But we're making a parody. A magical girl story that doesn't fit the norm and at the same time, makes fun of the annoying cliches those kinds of stories are saddled with," smirked Mortimer.

"Annoying cliches? What do you mean?"

"The cutesy, stupid main heroine. The shy brainiac. The hot-headed rich snob. The energetic tomboy. And the cool, aloof older girl who the others admire. Those are the members of the stereotypical magical girl team. And they always fight villains who are trying to get rid of romance, hopes, and generally are persecuted for even suggesting that logic and science are better than..."

"Enough!" Kurumi shouted, interrupting Rainbow, "Enough! Who NEEDS logic and science when we have this beautiful world of feelings?!"

"Okay, Forehead Girl, I hear you," Mortimer snickered.

"Huh? Forehead Girl? Why did you call me that? That's mean!"

"I was just saying what I FELT like saying."

"No, that's not what I mean! I mean nice feelings! Feelings of love and kindness!" Kurumi cried.

"Anger and hatred, as well as scorn are all legitimate emotions," Rainbow countered.

"Anger and hatred are evil! They must be wiped from the face of the Earth!"

"Hmm, then should we get rid of you? You seem pretty angry right now," Mortimer quipped. Kurumi roared with rage and lunged at Mortimer's throat; Rainbow tackled her and the three of them crashed in a heap on the floor. A long black slimy thing suddenly writhed over them, followed by several other slimy things. Kurumi looked up and screamed as about 12 tentacles swiped across her face.

"No octopus is going to eat me! Chocolate Power, Make Up!" called Mortimer. Brown ribbons surrounded him and he was wearing a Sailor Senshi outfit. Just like Pierre before him, he did not turn into a girl.

"Caramel Power, Make Up!"

"Peppermint Power, Make Up!" Kurumi and Rainbow followed suit, transforming in a flurry of green and aqua lights. The mass of tentacles, as that's all it was, squirmed away, confused by the transformations.

"Crystal Surround!" called Sailor Chocolate, and the tentacles were encased in a crystalline structure. Unfortunately, they broke free, spraying rock bits all over the place.

"Crescent Beam!"

"Supreme Thunder!" Sailor Caramel and Sailor Peppermint tried their attacks, and a few of the tentacles shriveled and disappeared.

"Okay, let's try it again! Crescent...OOOF!" Sailor Caramel gasped as one of the tentacles smacked her down. It was growing larger, especially at the top where it now had a bulge like a head.

"Mr. Chocolate. Mr. Chocolate. Aren't you turned on?" it asked, a strange voice coming out of the head part.

"Turned on? Shut up! Crystal...OW!" Sailor Chocolate was interrupted as a beam of energy shot out of the tentacle head.

"Hear me out. Don't you want pleasure? Shall I tie up these girls? I know you men like to see girls tied up, it's in those sex cartoons," it pleaded.

"That's disgusting! I don't need the other Sailor Senshi tied up!"

"Mortimer, don't argue with it! Supreme Thunder!" shouted Sailor Peppermint, but the monster-head dodged the blast of electricity. A few more tentacles were destroyed though.

"Don't be so sexually repressed, you stereotypical stuffy Englishman!" the monster bellowed.

"I said, shut up! Crystal Surround!"

"Crescent Beam!"

"Supreme Thunder!" All three attacks shot at the monster, the first encased the head in translucent stone while the other two blasted the bottom half. The head disappeared too, along with the rest of the monster.

"Sex cartoons? What are those?" asked Kurumi when she was sure it was all over for the moment.

"I did hear Serena say something once about there being some anime shows where they show characters having sex, and often tentacles are in there for some reason. Probably phallic imagery," Rainbow guessed.

"What was in the Magic Knights' minds when they sent that thing?! Why did they send a stereotyping monster?!" ranted Mortimer.

"Shouldn't we get back to making that magical girl parody story?" Rainbow reminded them.

"No, not that! Why do we need to make fun of magical girls?!" Kurumi whined.

Fuu sighed as she watched the scene in the water mirror. It hadn't gone the way she had expected, but then, her expectations were based on the false premise that the targeted Sailor Senshi were old enough to have watched things like Puni Puni Poemi.

"W-what was that anime?! That was creepy...how could they call that comedy...those poor girls..." Hikaru was mumbling in a corner, shaking.

"Um, Hikaru, I think we should've read the label. It said that this anime is rated 'for 17 and up.' I knew it had some tentacle sex jokes in it, but I didn't know it would go that far...but maybe the monster still worked..." Umi babbled, staring blankly at the DVD case.

"No, it didn't work. The monster was defeated," Fuu stated.