The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter

Chapter Thirty-five: Sometimes I Just Hate My Brain

Author's Note: So…here be the next chapter. I know it's short, but it seems like everything I write just comes to a natural stop during the middle of the chapter. It's not my fault! Honestly!

Disclaimer: I am too poor to wear socks. Okay, so I didn't feel like putting any on today, but still. My pants are from Wal-Mart. There you go. So obviously, JKR, people who work at Bloomsbury, Scholastic, or Rainforest publishing companies do not shop at Wal-Mart. No, they live in some large big city (London, New York City and what ever big city is in Canada, respectively) and shop at Gucci. So I am obviously not any of these people. So I do not own Harry Potter and related material, and the following items: eyeliner, Converse All-Stars (Although I own two pairs of them), and AIDS.

Dedication: To the people at my school who have to take the stupid state testing. This is what the state considers the universal solution to the education problem. As much as I love you, I still laugh, because I get to come to school three hours late!

March 20th, 8:30 AM

The Great Hall

I'm eating breakfast with Heath, and Jay and Bray are finally getting into the final plan for this prank on Libby. It's taken a lot of planning, but we finally came up with something. It's the best thing we have ever come up with. It's even better than that time I attacked the quidditch team with crappy muggle pop music. No, this is WAY better.

We are turning Libby into a fish. And then we are going to feed her to Mrs. Norris.

No, I wish we could, but I already have too much detention, I am still up for possible expulsion, and I don't want anyone to die, even if she is my arch nemesis.

So instead, we are going to turn her hair into Medusa look-alike snakes, only instead of becoming stone, people will not be able to stop laughing. Then, at lunch, her boyfriend will suddenly morph into a giant spider, and then she will be turned into a giant squid for three days. No one is going to be injured, and if anything, the worst thing that could happen is that Libby gets her hair wet.

This is going to be perfect. I can hardly wait for another five days.

Lily

Later, Noon

Library

Heath has pulled me in here, saying that he wanted to talk to me. He set me down in the Transfiguration section of the Library and walked away. I don't know where he went, but it's getting a little odd, because Madam Sage is giving me a weird look, and glancing at the clock on the wall. Yes, I know its lunch time. But really, my boyfriend wants to talk to me. And it could be something important.

I see Heath.

Lily

Later, 8:05 PM

The Common Room

Sometimes I wonder how my life got so confusing.

Heath had taken me to the Library to finally explain all the cuts on his arms. This is what the conversation was like:

Heath: Lily?

Me: Yes?

Heath: Um…I need to explain something to you.

Me: Okay, explain away.

Heath: Well, you know about the cuts on my arms. And there is a reason they are there. Just like there is a reason that people call me a suicidal freak.

Me: I…I don't understand what you're saying.

Heath: Lily—I, I tried to kill myself last year.

I began to cry at this point. He seemed so…happy, and care-free. And then he tells me that he tried to commit suicide.

Heath: Lily, please, don't cry. I love you; I don't want you to cry over me.

Me: (blubbering like an idiot) you tried to kill yourself?

Heath: Yeah, I did.

Me: W-why?

Heath: Well, Lily, I don't know if I can explain that in the best way.

Me: What do you mean? Heath, you're not making any sense.

Heath: (frustrated) I knew that I wouldn't.

Me: What's going on?

Heath: I…I just don't know how to explain myself to you Lily, I just don't know how. Everything I think of just leaves me, and I don't understand my own brain. I know why I wanted to kill myself; I just don't know how to say it to you.

Me: Heath—

Heath: No. Don't…just…Christ, I'm crap with words. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't be like you and be so wonderful with words…I just don't…God…

And then it hit me. No, the reason that Heath tried to commit suicide did not hit me in the face. But what I could do with my life hit me. I should become an author! I know, it sounds incredibly stupid, and lame, but really, think about it. It fits how I am perfectly. I am constantly being yelled at for writing too much and everything…

Heath: Just…Lily…

Me: Heath, don't worry about it. You can tell me later. Gather your thoughts, okay? Just…think about what you want to say, and then tell me? Okay?

Heath nodded his head, and walked away, fingering something in his pocket. I picked up a few text books on some subject, I can't remember, and left.

The stupid thing about the whole thing is that while my boyfriend, this amazing guy who I am growing incredibly fond of, tries to tell me what he has kept to himself for all of these years, my goal and life and my ultimate career choice, comes to me. And it's writing of all things! I mean, really, think about this. Heath was telling me his soul as best he could, and my brain couldn't even focus on that one thing for that incredibly short amount of time. I feel so stupid.

Sometimes I just hate my brain.

Lily

March 21st, Noon

The train home

We, meaning Jay, Bray, and myself, kinda forgot that Easter Holidays is this week. This means that we are currently sitting on the Hogwarts Express waiting for us to reach the station, so we can all go and spend one week at my house. And this also means that I am finding every possible way to get out of learning how to drive.

"Lily, there is no possible way you can learn how to drive in one week. I mean, you have to sit through classes and crap." Jay said, stuffing a cracker in her mouth.

"Yeah, really Lily, it takes a long time to learn how to drive." Bray said in agreement, before going back to giving herself body tattoos with her eye liner. "Your dad just can't go, 'Lily! Get in the car! You're getting your permits!' I mean, your dad may be a little weird, but not like that. Or I don't think he would be like that…"

"You say that, you say that…" I said before taking you out. So now we are sitting around, doing nothing. Well, Bray is continuing to tattoo her leg, Jay is sleeping, and I am writing. It's the normal thing for us to do.

"Lily?" Bray is saying, "Lily…I think I've run out of body to tattoo."

Lily

Later, 7:50

My room, grounded

So, eventually, Bray had tattooed both my arms, my legs, and was working on my feet, when we got to Kings Cross. So we got off the train and people were giving us weird looks. But I don't think that matters. I always get weird looks. Like that time I came out of the bathroom with toilet paper in my hair.

Anyways, so we got to where my parents were standing, and Remus sees me, screams,

"LILY!" Runs, and jumps on me. All the muggles thought we were insane, and started muttering about drugs.

"LILY!" Mum screams, "What the hell is on your body?" I looked down; I was wearing a black short-sleeve shirt, green cargos, and Converse All-Stars.

"Um…clothes?" I said.

"No, on your SKIN! IS THAT EYELINER!"

"Um…maybe…"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'MAYBE'? YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLINATION!"

"Mrs. Potter, chill." Sean said, as him and Jay walked up to us. "It's just eyeliner. It's going to come off."

"Really Mum," I said, "Sean's right. It's just eyeliner. I mean, it could be worse. I could be having sex with my brothers."

Everyone looked at me. "What? It's true! I could be a complete whore, and have AIDS or something." And right at that second, Libby walked by.

"Eww! You have AIDS!" She sneered, and walked away, swinging some outrageously priced cow—I mean handbag, off her shoulder.

"Lily!" Dad said, "I thought you were a virgin!"

"I am! Honestly, I do not have AIDS, I am not having sex with my brothers, and no, I am not a whore." Then Grandmum stepped out of the car, when I was saying "a whore."

"When are we—LILY! YOU SHOULDN'T SAY SUCH THINGS IN PUBLIC! GINNY, GROUND HER!"

Then Mum muttered, "You're grounded."

Does anyone see the justice in this world?

Lily

Author Note 2: To answer a reviewer question as to why Lily was so clueless about the Heath-cutting thing, it is because she has never encountered this in her life, and still doesn't understand it. But soon, very soon, she will understand. Hopefully.

Author Note 3: Be happy you got this, I so ready to with hold this chapter for a while...

Please review, it makes me feel better at three in the morning when I am really bored and cannot sleep.