The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter

Chapter Thirty-six: Jail Cells and Drowned Rats

Authoress Note: Well, this chapter took a while to write. I eventually got over my writers block, and getting writers block for me is good, because it means that the story is coming to a close. You all might not view that as good, but I do. Because once this is done, I am going to read HBP and then hopefully come back with another story!

Disclaimer: I don't think JKR sits at her computer at ten in the morning on her Spring Break listening to Godsmack, writing Harry Potter. It just doesn't happen.

Dedication: To my sister's psychotic, suicide-attempting, murdering turtle. May it never hiss and try to kill me again.

WARNING: IN THIS CHAPTER, SELF-MUTILATION AND SUICIDE IS TALKED ABOUT. HENCE THE PG-13 RAITING OF THIS STORY. IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH THESE SUBJECTS, THEN PLEASE SAY SO IN A REVIEW, AND I WILL SUMMARIZE THE CHAPTER FOR YOU SO YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO READ IT.

March 22nd, 5:46 PM

My room, grounded

So my body art still has me grounded. My skin has a slight gray tint to it, though.

I can't go see James with the rest of the family, which sucks. Tomorrow is the second full moon since James was attacked, and this it is the night when they run tests on him to see if he is a vampire. He has been in a dark room since he was admitted for this reason; the healers fear he might be a vampire.

I don't think its fair, because I really want to see James. He's my brother too, and even though my best friend drew all over me that shouldn't impede me from going to see my brother.

Sometimes I really wish the stupidity would stop.

Lily

March 23rd, Noon

The Kitchen

Dad just walked in and threw car keys at me, and said,

"Get your shoes on; you're getting your permits."

I promptly ran out of the room, screaming in complete horror.

I mean, why do I have to learn to drive? I have two other brothers who can drive as well in this country, it's not just me.

Dad has found me again and is saying that he will ground me for the rest of the school year, and make me live with them after Hogwarts if I don't get into the car now.

That's black mail I tell you!

Lily

Later

Police Station, sitting in jail

My dear God.

The good news is, is that I passed my test.

The bad news is, is that once I had my permits; Dad took me out for a spin in the car. With me driving.

The city of London is now missing one light pole and a fire hydrant.

This is why I am now sitting in jail, waiting for the idiots who arrested me to set me free.

Why did I ever get in that stupid (and now wrecked) car?

Lily

Later, around Midnight

Still in jail

Dad's calling Mum, and I can hear her screaming all the down hear, and the pay phone is down the hallway. There is some stoned kid in the corner of this cell looking at his right pinky like it is God. Sitting next to me, is an old lady who is knitting, and keeps calling me "sweet cheeks," and tells me to wash off my eyeliner, because I look like a hooker.

Yeah, I started pounding my head against the brick wall behind me, too.

Dad's back.

"You get one call. I suggest you call Malfoy."

"Which one?"

"The older, stupider, male one. He's probably home." I have to go call Draco, and see if he will bail me and my dad out of jail.

Lily

March 23rd, 1:02 AM

Jail

Draco said that he'll come to bail us out tomorrow. So Dad and I are stuck here over night. I guess when Dad told Mum that he wouldn't be there for Weasley Sunday Breakfast, she asked if I was dead, and he said no, and then she started yelling at him, and then he told her that we were in jail, and she hung up on him. So now we have to wait for Draco.

The police have opened the door…and shoved another person in here. I feel like a chicken, just sitting here, in a little pen, waiting for someone to say, "Your time's up!" This new person is covered in blood, and is holding a knife.

"Whoops!" One of the police officers is back. "I'll be needing that knife. Its evidence you know, and you're not allowed to have weapons in the holding cell." And he took the knife from the guy covered in blood.

This is great.

Lily

Later, Noon

Home

Well, Draco finally showed up, and freed us from jail, and now Dad and I are home. Dad's in his study with Mum. You can hear her yelling, which if my husband had gotten himself and my teenage daughter arrested, I would be yelling too.

There is a letter on the table for me, it's from Heath. It's really thick, which is great, because I really want to talk to him.

I think Mum just threw something, because I heard something shatter. And now she is storming out, still in her dressing gown, going upstairs. I think I'll stay down here, thank you very much.

Lily

Later, 2:31 PM

My room, crying

I read Heath's letter, and I might never be the same again. This is what it said:

Dear Lily,

I hope your Easter Holidays are going much better than mine; my parents had gone to Paris last week, and won't come back until next week.

I feel really stupid because I couldn't explain myself to you last week, so I am going to try to now.

Here we go…

Last year, I had just moved here from America. Seattle, Washington, to be exact, and England was so…different. I think your accents are killer, I wish I had one, but being the new kid in sixth year was really hard. Everyone had their little groups established, and I was left there, alone. So I fended for myself.

Eventually, some people (who I am not going to name) singled me out because A.) I had no friends and B.) I was new and C.) I kept to myself. They really bothered me, they would beat me up, and say things about me, and it just ruined what self-esteem I had. It made me hate England, Hogwarts, and my life.

My parents were muggles, they produced records at an indie record company, that expanded and my parents were moved to the London offices. I was the weird child; I have an older sister and two younger siblings, and the only magical kid out of all of us. My sister made my life hell for me; my younger siblings thought I was a freak. My parents really didn't like the fact that I could blow them all to pieces if I wanted to, and made that fact known, and the fact that I wasn't their favorite child known too. This eventually made me depressed (or at least that's what my shrink says). I had anger and frustration built up in me, I had to fine a way to deal with it (again, from my shrink). This is where my scars come into play.

I eventually found a way of release, and it was self-mutilation. AKA, cutting.

Yeah, I know you're freaking out right about now. Everyone else does. But don't worry, this story has a slightly happy ending.

So day in, and day out, I would cut, and relieve the emotional pain of these comments or feelings of hate that was directed towards me, or I directed towards myself. I cut my arms, my legs, my shoulders, my chest, everything. I did this all last year, and, amazingly enough, Ravenclaws can be really smart, but they can also be really stupid when one of their own attempts suicide. I must have attempted suicide at least five times that year, maybe more. I forget. I just remember every time I would wake up, and still be alive, how mad that made me.

I made it through the school year, and summer came. Back to that stupid house, with workaholic parents, and siblings who hate me. Only the fact that I had found a way to handle everything made it slightly more bearable.

Eventually, my sister, who is a perpetual gold-digger, had finally found some rich dude to marry. She brought this man, (I think his name was Burris) around constantly, and he would just sneer at me, and make snide comments.

One day, after a particularly vicious cutting session, I had come down to find something with iron to build up my blood, when Burris smacked me on the shoulder. This caused many things to happen. 1.) I screamed in pain, as he had hit my deepest cut. 2.) He reopened the cut, which had only stopped bleeding, causing blood to pour out. And, 3.) By reopening this wound, blood ended up on my mother's precious carpet, which, as I was reminded constantly, was better than me.

This action caused my sisters to erupt into hysterics, for my parents to leave some struggling punk band in the studio as they rushed to see what had happened, and for me to feint, due to lack of blood.

My life was never the same again.

Suddenly, people cared about me, something that had never happened before. It didn't really bother me that people cared about me, I would have rather had them leave me alone, but that wasn't happening. I was hospitalized, and my parents quit their jobs for three months to watch me constantly. My sister was sent out of the house, and she lived happily with her husband, (who was found dead three months later, no doubt from her) and I started seeing my insane shrink whom I hate.

I go back to school, take the stupid antidepressants like they tell me, and then I met you, and now we are here, in present time, with me, sitting here, having no idea why I am telling you something I have told no one else in my entire life.

I have to end this soon, as the maids will be coming by and I need to clean up this mess I made trying to find the right words to say to you.

Out of all of this, I want you to realize that I did not do this for attention, and I really do love you, or I would not be telling you this.

Forever yours,
Heath

I'm crying. I really am crying.

Lily

Later, I dunno the time

On a bus to Heath's house

Whatever trouble I was in for getting arrested will be nothing compared to what trouble I am going to get in for running away to Heath's house. But really, you think I was going to read that letter, and toss it aside? MY BOYFRIEND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. FIVE TIMES! AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO REACT? ARE YOU INSANE?

The bus stopped. Why did the bus stop?

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am very sorry for the delay, but the bus seems to have broken down. It will take around two hours to repair." And the driver put his microphone back. Well, screw the bus! I'll walk to Heath's house!

Lily

Much Later

Heath's house

Well, I made it to Heath's house, abet soaking wet, but I made it. It had decided to pour halfway to Heath's house, so I looked like a drowned rat. When I got to his house, I rang his doorbell, and he answered it. He saw me, ran to go get a towel, put the towel on me, and hugged me. I hugged him back with about as much energy that a drowned rat can have.

"Oh Heath…" I said, beginning to cry.

"Lily." He said.

"Heath!"

"Lily!"

"Heath!"

"Lily!"

And then we kissed.

"Eww…Lily, you're all wet!"

Then I licked him. "Now you're wet, too!"

"Lily! You bad girl!"

"Oh, I know, I'm such a bad kid!" We laughed for a little bit, and made out for a little while, when he sent me upstairs to get changed and dry off. So later, we went back to his living room, made out some more, and fell asleep on his living room couch. And it's not like we had sex or anything, really people!

End Note: So, now the cat's out of the bag. Or the insane turtle is out of its cage. So to speak. Hope you all liked it, if I get bored Thursday, I might start 37, who knows.

Please review!