The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter
Chapter Forty: Ten Years Hasn't Changed a Thing
Author Note: I would cry, but I told myself I wouldn't. This is the final chapter of TDOLAP. Chapter 40. Can anyone say wow? It's amazing. And I have even more amazing readers. And you know what? I didn't abandon it, after all. I said I would, but deep down, this story is part of me. I want to thank each and every reviewer; you have no idea how good your reviews made me feel. You would say that I am on your Favorite Author's List, and I would spend the whole day in a daze, because someone liked my writing enough to do that. I am also informing my readers that after this chapter is posted, I will be taking a long-needed break from writing fan fiction. I might post a one-shot or something like that, but nothing major like this for a really long time. This took two years. Time, I'm afraid, as graduation is a mere three years away, that will be at a minimum. That doesn't mean I won't still read fan fiction. And I'll beta if anyone wants one.
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Disclaimer: For the last time, I do not own Harry Potter and Co.
Dedication: To everyone who has supported me, read this, listened to me whine, helped me write, beta read, brain stormed, critiqued, hated this, loved this, and just plain clicked on "The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter," this chapter is for you. Thank you. And for all the fan fiction authors who have lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, my prayers and thoughts are with you.
"Is everyone present for the reading of the final will and testament of Daniel Ethane Draconic Malfoy?" A ministry official said, looking at the small crowd of people. A woman in the back was sobbing, and a red haired girl in all black looked lost, as if questioning what she was doing there.
A man sitting in the front looked around. "Well, Cindy, it appears that everyone is here. If you could carry on with my brother's final will and testament, I'm sure Lily here would be very happy, as the poor souls out there would die without her advice."
"Drew!" A woman with extremely frizzy hair remarked, "Have a little more kindness! These ministry officials don't get paid for this!" She completed her statement by whacking Drew Malfoy on his head.
"Aww…Poor baby. Did your mummy hit you on your head?" Braessa Malfoy asked her husband, kissing the top of his head. "There. That should make it all better."
"Hem, hem." The ministry official said, looking at the small crowd. "Today is the reading of the final will and testament of Daniel Ethane Draconic Malfoy. His will is as follows:
"Dear family, and if I have any, friends. I'm sure some dumpy old ministry witch is reading this in hopes the ministry will start paying her to do this job. Anyways, this means that I have bit the proverbial dust, and am now lying in a tomb somewhere far, far away. Now, to begin auctioning off my prized possessions.
"But first before everyone starts attacking my will over the fine china (which, by the way Mummy, no longer exists after I threw a tantrum after I found out about Adrienne)—"
The woman with frizzy hair huffed.
"—I must give my darling Adrienne to a person of my choice. So, in the plausibly eventful death of me, Daniel Ethane Draconic Malfoy, I give full custody of my daughter, Adrienne Gwenyver Malfoy, to one Lily Audrey Potter. I have full confidence that my daughter will be taken care of, and that Lily, please, Lily, do this for me, and will take care of my daughter to the best of her abilities…"
The official could no longer continue as the very confused red-head fell over, and a little girl began crying.
"Why couldn't he give his kid to me? I'm his brother!" Drew exclaimed, knocking over a water pitcher.
"Reparo. Drew! Really! If you have not bothered to notice, you are going to have your own kid, so stop complaining!" Bray said, smacking Drew on his arm.
"YOU'RE CARRYING MY CHILD? WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE? MY BABY IS IN YOU! YOU SHOULDN'T BE STRESSING YOURSELF!" Drew said, transfiguring his wife's chair into a recliner.
"See Hermione, this is why I didn't tell him." Bray said.
"Okay, you're right. Here are your five sickles." Hermione, the woman with frizzy hair, said, digging out her purse.
"Earug…" Came from the rumpled body of one Lily Audrey Potter.
May 23rd, 2:31 PM
My Bedroom
Hello. My name is Lily Audrey Potter. And this is my second diary—EVER. I know, I am quite shocked too. But I have a reason to start a new diary nearly ten years after finishing my last one.
I am a mother. And I didn't even have sex with anyone! Like anyone would like to have sex with an advice columnist (What is your suggestion on the best way to have sex?). No, my freaking ex-boyfriend FROM TEN YEARS AGO decided to make me the mother of his only daughter. Why me is my question. Why pick someone who hardly remembers to wear shoes to work to care for your kid?
Oh great…she's crying. I don't know what to do to make her stop, either!
Lily
May 26th, 11:23 PM
My Living Room
So, to make the Screaming Child shut up (I swear, there was a reason I didn't want children), I resorted to what any sane person would do.
I ran to Mummy.
I held the kid…I suppose I should call her Adrienne, it is her name…anyways. Dad answers the door, and strange as always.
"Lily! Why…you had a baby! When did you have a baby? When did you get married? Why didn't you invite your family?"
"Dad…"
"Lily—you didn't have the child out of wedlock, did you?"
"…Dad…"
"Oh…I know your mother and I made that mistake, but really Lily, what did your mummy and I tell you about that? You know that's wrong, and—"
"DAD! Please, I did not have this child out of wedlock. And of course I would have invited you if I got married. No, I did not have a baby. Let's just say that Dan Malfoy had no idea what he was doing when he decided to place his child in my custody."
"You mean, that's not your kid?"
"No Dad. Dan willed his child over to me. Now, how do you…" Unbeknownst to me, the whole time my dad was rattling off, Adrienne had stopped crying.
"Hawy Poder!" She exclaimed, pointing to my dad, her eyes wide.
"Yes, sweetie, that is Harry Potter. He is going to be your new grandfather. Just like I am your new Mummy."
"Daddy?" She asked, looking around. "Daddy? DADDY!" And she started crying.
"Merlin...Dad! How do you make her stop?" And this is where my Mum worked her magic.
"Harry, why are you…Lily! Is that Dan's daughter? Oh bring the poor dear here!" She stepped outside, and took Adrienne from me, coddling her, and generally fussing over her. "Oh Lily, why didn't you bring her here right away? You know nothing about raising children!"
"No shit, Mum."
"Lily! No bad language around…well…"
"Adrienne, Mum, her name is Adrienne." I said, walking over to where my mother had placed her on the sofa.
"Well, Lily, go prepare a bath for Adrienne, she looks like she hasn't had one all week! And she needs one. Poor dear, Dan dieing suddenly like that!" She continued fussing over Adrienne. "Say, what happened to his wife?"
"He never had one," my brother, Remus said, cleaning off an apple. "He hooked up with some muggle girl and she left as soon as she found out he was a wizard. Left when she was seven months pregnant. Nasty shock for Dan. Sirius came running into my flat when Pandora was over, screaming about how Dan had a baby on his front stoop."
"He impregnated some random muggle?" My other brother, James said, drinking a goblet of…something. "Great blood by the way, Mum. You have to get me more."
"James, why can't you ever live on your own?" Remus said.
"Well, it's kinda hard to get a job. 'So, what do you do in your spare time?' 'Oh, I sit around; suck blood most of the time.' Yeah, that looks great on recommendations." James said, sneering.
"Well, you could work at Fred and George's shops." Remus said, biting his apple.
"I can't be out in the sun! You know that! It's hard enough living here!"
"…Daddy? Daddy…Daddy…" Adrienne looked at me. "Mummy!" She said, and reached for me. I scooped her up, holding her.
"Yeah, little squirt, it's me, Mummy."
"You know, James, I never thought I'd see the day when Lily would raise children! I mean look, she couldn't remember to put on new pants!" I looked down, and sure enough, I was still in my flannel house pants.
"Oh, shut up."
May 30th, 5:32 PM
My Cubical
You know, I just might murder the editor of the Daily Prophet. I know it's where I work and everything, but do you think they would let me have a month to work at home? I have to get Adrienne settled and all that jazz, and now they are threatening to fire me if I don't show up tomorrow.
Seriously, maybe Tom Finland should try raising a two-year-old who they just met last week!
Great. I have an owl.
Lily
Ten Minutes Later
My couch
You have got to be kidding. This is insane. Who would think of this? Oh, yeah. Libby. Seeing as her name is right here in bright pink ink. Well, it's good to know some things don't change.
The owl brought me this:
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Invites, you, Lily Audrey Potter, to join in your ten-year class reunion.
Dress is formal, and you are asked to bring any family or significant others you might have obtained.
Thank you,
President of the Hogwarts Reunion Committee,
Libby Vanderbilt
What in the world? A ten-year reunion? You have to be kidding me. This can't possibly be real.
"Lily!" Someone from the fire is yelling. I look over. It's Bray.
"Hey, did you get one of these reunion invites?" I ask her head.
"Yeah, but you have something more serious to worry about." She said.
"What's that?"
"JAY'S IN LABOR!"
Lily
May 31st, 4:23 AM
St. Mungo's
Jay is still in labor. The healers said that she is having twins. How lovely. Twins. Sean is freaking out, running around. He has coffee all over him, and is mumbling to himself. Bray is rubbing her abdomen, going over baby names with Drew.
"So, what if we have a boy? What about Max?" She is saying.
"No. How about Ronald? What is wrong with Ronald?" Drew is saying, writing Max on a scroll along with twenty thousand other names. Adrienne is sitting next to me, yawning.
"Mummy…Mummy…" She is saying.
"Adrienne, I am right here. Auntie Jay is having twins deary! And Mummy promised Auntie Jay she would stay here for the birth."
"…Okaw…" And she fell back asleep.
"Oh dear lord…LILY! How is Jay?" Great, Mum and Dad are here.
"Hello Mum. Jay is still in labor. She's having twins now."
"Oh, goodness."
Well, I need to go calm Sean down. He's crying because he doesn't know what to name his other daughter. "What about Molly? Does Molly sound okay? Or, what about Inyx?"
"Sean, you can't name your kid Inyx. That's my sister's name." Drew said.
"Oh…what about Pigmy?"
Lily
June 1st, 3:23 AM
St. Mungo's
I'M A GODMOTHER! I'M A GODMOTHER!
Jay gave birth to two perfectly healthy twin girls. They look just like their mummy; it's so cute to see them all together. My godchild is Danica Faye, whilst Bray has Edlyn Gwendoloena as her godchild. It's so cute, I love their names.
Drew was screaming when Sean came out saying that Danica and Edlyn had been born. "I'M AN UNCLE! I'M AN UNCLE! I'M AN UNCLE!"
"Yes Drew, you are an uncle. Now, hush. The people are giving you strange looks." Bray said, swatting Drew with The Witch Weekly. "Hey Lily, seems like the Prophet is missing their advice columnist."
"What?" I said, digging into my bag. "I know I sent that owl in. I told them I was working from home!"
"So? It's not like you're advice was the greatest. 'Dear Miss Advice, How do I apologize for turning my friend's face green? Not-So-Green' 'Oh, just let your friend turn you blue.' Really Lily, I think you're losing your touch." She said.
"Oh, shut up."
"Lily! Thank goodness!"
"James? What are you doing here?" I said, confused.
"In Dan's will, he said that I should be godfather incase he wouldn't live to see it. So I am…uh…the first born twin's godfather." He said, ruffling his hair.
"You mean, Dan was supposed to be godparents with me?" I asked.
"Yeah, only now, he's dead. And you have his kid. Say, Lily, you going to that Hogwarts Reunion? I'm not, but I saw the invitation on Mum's counter."
Shit. I COMPLETELY forgot about that. And we are supposed to send in our owls tomorrow…
"C'mon Lily, I'm going! You should too, it'll be fun!" Bray is saying, while she works on…something.
"Bray, my arm is not open for tattooing." Drew is saying, getting his arm back. "No matter how washable eyeliner is."
"Please Lily? I don't want to be stuck with him."
"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Drew exclaimed in his defense.
"Drew, you had a farting contest with a suite of armor. The armor won."
"Oh. Good point."
"So Lily, are you going to come?"
"I suppose…" I said, gathering Adrienne. "Adrienne's getting worn out. I'm gonna go home. Let me know if anything happens with Jay or Danica and Edlyn, okay?"
And I floo'd Adrienne and myself home. I need to work on my article, but I'm too tired…and Adrienne is in here complaining of bad dreams…Merlin, I hate motherhood….
Lily
June 23rd, 9:23 AM
Hogwarts, Gryffindor Tower
I haven't been here in so long. It's been ten years, which is way too long. This is my second home, I was born here!
And now Adrienne has found the floo powder.
And now it's all over Gryffindor Tower.
Anyways, the only other people who are here at the moment are Sirius and Remus, which is incredibly boring because they are having a contest, seeing how far they can get up the girl's stairs before it turns into a slide.
Someone's just walked in…oh…its Benny, one of my old friends. He used to play drums in my band. When I had a band. Only now I don't, because I am twenty-seven, and according to my mum people my age don't have bands. Pfft. Benny brought his pet snake, Ralph, and it's exploring the common room. Adrienne is following it, trying to touch it, but failing.
The door opened again and now…and now Libby is walking in.
"Oh…hello. I didn't know you all were coming. You should have simply let me know!"
"Yeah, Libby, but you know, sometimes people just don't want to let you know things." Sirius said, picking up his shoe.
"Whatever. You all need to go down to the Great Hall, we're having brunch."
So now we're trooping down to the Great Hall.
Lily
Later
The Grounds
This is what brunch was like:
Bray: LILY! OVER HERE!
Me: Bray, dear, you don't have to yell. I'm right here.
Bray: Oh, right…
Me: Where's Jay?
Bray: She had to take Danica and Edlyn to an appointment with the healers, Danica is showing signs of early magic.
Adrienne: Mummy…Dani is showing magic? I can do magic! Watch!
She looked over at Benny's snake and talked to it.
Adrienne (in a weird hissing sound): Issthic…Ashicissth…Ethicasth…
Bray: Lily…did…did you…
Me: Oh…dear Merlin…Adri…
Adrienne: Yes, Mummy? Oh! Mummy, watch this!
She said some more things to the snake and it did a rendition of a tango. Then the snake curled up and jumped about a bit, and slithered off.
Adrienne: See Mummy? I can make Ralph do tricks! Can I get a snake, Mummy?
Me: Uh…Adrienne…I dunno. Mummy doesn't like snakes…that much…
Adrienne: Oh pwees? Grand-daddy has one!
Me: Yes, dear, but Grand-daddy got the snake when Mummy left.
Adrienne: Okay, Mummy….
Bray: You're kid is a Parsletounge!
Me: …Yeah, I know…Did you know that?
Bray: Lily, I just watched her talk to Ralph and make him do the Tango.
Me: Yeah, right.
Jay (really excitedly): Bray! Lily! Drew! Danica is a metamorphous! Isn't that great?
Drew: That's great! Maybe Danica can turn into a snake and Adrienne can talk to her!
Jay: That's a great id—wait. Adrienne can talk to snakes?
Me: Yeah. My kid's a freak.
Bray: Now Lily, didn't your mother ever teach you anything? It's not what's on the outside that counts but the inside.
Me: Yeah, but on the inside my daughter talks to snakes and wants one! And I didn't even give birth to her!
Lily
Much Later
Some dark corner
You know, I thought that when I left Hogwarts that the needless gossip would go away, too.
Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently.
By the time I say that my kid is a freak, Libby walks up to us. She is apparently overjoyed that my kid is a freak.
Libby: Aww…how cute! Like mother like daughter! You produced a freak!
Me: First off, I did NOT give birth to Adrienne. And secondly, my daughter is NOT a freak. Finally—
Libby: Oh look! It's your freaky self-mutilating ex!
Me: It's not mutilation, its injury, and what are you talking about?
Bray: Hey! It's Heath!
Me: What?
I turned around, and there was Heath, walking towards us. You know, the Ravenclaw that I dated in seventh year. And then he left me because I was apparently still in love with Dan. This of course, is not true. But funnily enough, I ended up with Dan's kid any ways. Weird how things work out.
Heath: Lily, Jay, Bray, Drew! It's so great to see you guys! And Lily…you're married?
Me: Uh, no. I happened to "inherit" Adrienne. I didn't give birth or any of that.
Jay: What she means to say is that Dan gave her his kid when he died.
Heath: Dan died?
Jay: Yeah, where have you been for ten years?
Heath: I've been on tour.
Me: On…wait…on tour?
Heath: Yeah. I'm an infamous modern piano player. I have a couple music awards for it, too.
Drew: Well, good for you! Have you settled down at all?
Heath: No, not really. I've dated a few times, but when people see things other than my face, they get freaked out and leave.
I suddenly felt bad. I knew what he was talking about. He had scars covering his body, some not all that nice looking. I didn't care about them when we went out, I didn't know Heath cut for a long time, and when I did it didn't matter when I found out. It never occurred to me that others might be repulsed by his scars.
Me: So…um…
Jay: Look! Danica's hair is black!
Sean: Jay, it's been black all day.
Jay: Oh…right…
Libby: So, Lily, still have a thing for cutters?
Me: Libby, mind your own business.
Libby: So that's a yes, I take it? Funny, because I thought you might fall for a FUREK!
Bray (rubbing her protruding stomach): You know some people need to learn how to be nice.
Drew: Bray, you aren't a mother yet.
Bray (smacking Drew): Tell that to the lump.
Drew got down by his unborn child and started whispering to it.
Drew: Baby, you're not born yet. So Bray isn't a Mummy. Tell her so, okay kid?
Bray: Drew…just…go get me some food.
So Drew went to get Bray food, and Libby went off to her group of friends who look exactly the same, only they have children hanging off of them with their pinkies up as they drink from their bottles. She then told them about Heath and I being reunited and "our passionate love for each other that could not be restrained, and we jumped on each other the minute was saw each other." Um…yeah. Sure.
Maybe in a world where men dated advice columnists. Really, the dates are a drag. The bloke sits there for ten minutes asking your advice on the quality of the salmon, and if he should start eating kippers to raise libido. Not that kippers raise libido, because they don't. Then, they continue to ask your advice on what he should get his sister for Christmas and if it's impolite to send it twelve-year-old niece chocolate for Easter. It's then that you realize that the guy sitting across from you is forty-something and you are twenty-seven, with a two-year-old child at home, even though you have never had sex with its father.
Quite depressing, really.
So Jay decided to let Danica and Edlyn play, while Bray patted her stomach. It was just like old times, only two of us have children, and another is about to. Makes you feel old.
Bray: So, Drew and I decided on a name. We decided to let our kid have a good old normal name, because I think something about us should be well, boring and normal.
Jay: You mean, my kid's names are freaky?
Bray: No, they aren't THAT bad. I mean, at least your kid isn't named Moses or something. No offence to anyone named Moses, or anything.
Me: Hey, I have no complaints. I didn't name Adrienne, so I'm leaving it at that.
Bray: Yeah, you didn't have to sit up at four in the morning listening to Drew go on and on about how James would be a great name. It was then I reminded him that his best friend is named James.
Me: I worry about Drew sometimes.
Jay: Me too. At least Sean only woke me up at two to talk about the name Hayden. I then reminded him that we weren't having a son.
Bray: Lily! You should write a column on what to name your children!
Me: Bray…no…
Adrienne: Mummy! Lookie! A snake!
Me: Oh Merlin. What did you make it do this time?
Adrienne: I only made it slither across some lady who called me a loser.
Me: Who called you a loser?
Adrienne (pointing): That lady.
She was pointing at Libby. I wanted to scream. How dare she call my child a loser?
Me: …Did she scream?
Adrienne: No…I was kinda hoping she would…but she just looked at the snake, saw me talking to it, called me a loser, and charmed it off of her.
Me: Okay. Mummy will take care of it. You play with Danica and Edlyn. Mummy will talk to that lady.
I have to go kick some posh ass.
Lily
Later, but the same day
Hospital Wing
Libby and I had a huge fight. It was fun.
I walked over to her, and she looked at me, ready to start her usual stream of insults when I slugged her in the face. "Don't you dare call my child a loser."
"Well, she is." Libby said, clutching her face. "FREAK!" And she smacked me. I punched her, she grabbed my hair, I smacked her hand, she kicked me, and I grabbed her hair. We fell down on the ground, and rolled around, trying to pull each others hair out, kicking, until we fell in the lake.
"MUMMY!" I heard Adrienne scream as Libby tried to drown me.
"Lily! What are you doing?" I heard someone yell, and a strong hand grabbed me. "Lily, come on, get out of there. You don't need to be drowned." I turned around.
"H-Heath! Thanks, um…I needed that. Thanks." I grabbed a towel Bray held out, and turned to Libby. "Bitch," I said, and walked away to Adrienne. I grabbed Adrienne and hugged her. "Mummy promises on one will ever call you names again, okay?" She nodded and I kissed her on the top of her head.
"Lily! I'm naming my kid Sam!" Bray yelled.
"So, what's for lunch?" I said as I passed out.
Lily
June 22nd, 6:53 AM
On the train to London
Well, after I passed out, nothing really happened. Really, I was transported home and found a note next to some pain potion saying that Adrienne was at Bray's house. I'm on my way to London to go back to work. Bray is on maternity leave from her job at the Ministry (Press Representative for the Magical Monsters department), so she offered to baby sit until I can find a full-time baby sitter for Adrienne. I needed to go back to work. I was getting nasty owls threatening my potted plant by my window if I didn't come back soon.
It's my stop, I must be off.
Lily
Later, 10:26 AM
My Cubical
My dear socks. Is the magical world helpless?
Dear Miss Advice:
My niece and I have a slight disagreement. She finds it acceptable to wear silver bracelets to parties, while I think she should wear gold; it goes better with her skin. What do you think? We are almost not talking because of this!
Sincerely Missing Her Niece in Wales
Are these people helpless? Really, the color of BRACELETS? This is getting ridiculous. This world needs help. I quit.
One minute later
Same place
Okay, maybe not.
Twenty minutes later
Staff lounge
Someone sent me flowers. SOMEONE SENT ME FLOWERS! I was sent a dozen black roses with a note that said:
I hope it's not forever over, for I fear that my love for you still pounds as the beat of a drum goes on.
Yours forever,
Anonymous
Isn't it terribly romantic? I think so. I tried to find out who sent them, but the delivery owl had no hint. It was very depressing. Although, the person did say 'I hope it's not forever over,' which would imply that we would have had a former relationship. And that can only be two people, one of which is dead…
Lily
Much later
Heath's Flat, his bathroom, exactly
It was Heath. Heath sent me the roses; Heath is still in love with me. The scary thing is, is that I think I still love him too. It's all confusing. He told me that he has been pining over me for years, nine to be exact, and didn't know what to do until he saw me yesterday and decided to make his move. It's all very romantic, but the thing is, is how can I be in a relationship with a full time job and a child? That and it's very hard to deal with Dan's suicide. I mean, it was so sudden, no one knew that he was going to die like that. No one thought that he would perform the killing curse on himself, considering how much he loved Adrienne. Everyone thinks he was forced into it, though, which I think is entirely possible, but really. Adrienne hasn't gotten over Dan dieing, and me thrusting her into getting used to another man, it would just be horrible for the poor child.
I'm still confused as to what to do. I think I love Heath, I really do. I haven't felt this way since when Dan and I started dating ten years ago. But I also have that hesitation because of Adrienne. But, what is like without taking a few risks?
Lily
June 24th, 5:56 PM
My flat
I decided to go out with Heath. Adrienne like him, he came around to lunch, and she was fine with him. I hope she is okay. I really do. I might not have been that excited about taking her in at first, but the kid has really grown on me. Which is saying something, seeing as I hate kids.
Anyways, when I picked Adrienne up yesterday, Sirius was over, visiting Drew, and I saw the cutest thing. Sirius was playing with Adrienne in a corner, and was giving her some "Uncle-y Advice."
"Adrienne, it's time I give you some Uncle-y Advice. Never marry…to excess. Don't smoke to excess. And never drink…to excess." Adrienne had no idea what Sirius was saying, but it was still cute, nonetheless.
Lily
September 25th, 4:56 AM
Heath's flat
I have the most exciting news. In a little bit more than a year, I will no longer I will be Lily Audrey Potter. That's right. Heath proposed, and I accepted. I am really excited, but I have also decided that this will be my last entry in a diary called 'The Diary of Lily Audrey Potter,' because, really, I'm not a Potter anymore. I mean, yeah, in my heart and appearance I will be, but legally I won't. I'll be entering a new part of my life.
So this is Lily Audrey Potter, advice columnist extraordinaire, only woman to ever save someone from a batch of rebellious house elves, sister of a vampire, infamous prankster, the only person to have ever set fire to Gryffindor Common Room, and a mother-soon-to-be-wife, signing off for the last time.
Lily
-Cries- Well, that's it. The end. No sequel, no next part, that's it. I hope you enjoyed it, and will continue to read Harry Potter fan fiction, and anything else I have written and will write.
The Red Haired One