Eh-em. You didn't think there would be a second chapter, huh? well, foo you!
This would never actually happen in the universe of bleach, the personalities are way too different, but I wanted to write this.
Also, I looked up the profiles Kubo Tite wrote for Renji and Byakuya, and it turns out Byakuya like spicy foods...? oookay... But Renji doesn't like spicy food. He like Teriyaki. Oh, Fanfic idea! Bwahahaha!
boopkit: Thanks!
Snowmane: Bean curd... eww...well, thanks!
Aurora of the Moon: Thanks! Yay, Okashi!
Moonlight Chaos: I know Byakuya is way OOC, but thanks!
Dawnie: Renji fans unite under one common goal! Cloning him. Heh... well, yes, the captain's ego often kills small animals. BY ACCIDENT!
hatakechie: Thank you!
Ray: ...Yeah... Thanks for reviewing! Heh...
Hyourinmaru: I am so aware I use too much poetic license. I'm sorry! This whole chapter is a bleeding mass of Poetic license! Whoo... yes, well, backpack is relative to man-purse. yes, it is. I would know. Thanks!
Anon: Thank you so much! I really love being funny in my fics!
anGeL Hinaningyou: Wha! Genius? I'm not so sure, but my self esteem just shot up eight points!
Psycho-CJ: Yes. Poor Renji. Matsumoto picks on him too much!
Momiro-chan: Ohh! Thanks for the fav!
"If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut. "
-Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955), Observer, Jan. 15, 1950
The Kuchiki household had almost everything you could possibly one at almost any given time. If you where in a bookish mood, there where books. If you where in a hawkish mood, there where weapons. If you where in a cooking mood, there where pots, pans, and various weirdo ingredients.
Kuchiki Rukia is in a cooking mood. Because it was one of those rare days when Byakuya had the day off that he actually decided to take the day off, Byakuya already knew this. Because when she walked down the long, long hallway that was the Kuchiki mansion, she was humming. Byakuya stuffed his head into his pillow.
Rukia turned the corner. Illustrious Kuchiki kitchen, that was kept running at all time in case anyone ever had a midnight craving for random food items (Chooooclate...), Had three maids running around in it. Rukia had no idea what any of their names where. Neither did Byakuya. No one did. Rukia had serious doubts if the maids even knew what their names where.
Because of these misunderstandings, And Byakuya's general apathy of all things with a pulse, Rukia had invented names to call them by. After a wile, none of the maids responded to 'Hey! You! With the cake!' anymore, so everyone, Even Byakuya, ended up using the special names Rukia made.
The names where, "Ichiban", "Niban" and "Sanban", meaning "Number one", "Number two" and "Number three".
"Niban-san, I feel like cooking today." Rukia smiled.
Niban backed away a little bit.
"Could you give me some ingredients?"
Niban nodded vigorously.
Renji was asleep. It was also his day off, the difference being that Renji took all of his off days off. Everyone knew that. Except for the rather slow Rikichi (A/N: No an OC, a rather small, small character who follows Renji around. He's the one who can't take care of the hell butterfly, remember?).
"Renji-san!" Rikichi banged rather than knocked on Renji's door, "Renji-san, wake up!"
"Why should I!" Renji yelled back.
"Because you have work to do!"
There was a pause.
"No..."
"Un?" Rikichi was confused.
"...Rikichi...-san..."
Another pause.
"It's my day off!"
Renji, angry because he had been woken up early on the one day he almost always used to sleep 'till seven at night, walked down the hallway.
What was he going to do today?
Um...
"I'll go bother Rukia!"
Rukia wasn't a bad cook. She was a mediocre cook. The food was okay, not great. She was actually pretty good at cooking for someone who had never had any real formal training. Her skills failed her in the realm of tea-making, and she knew that. For that reason she would serve her poison-tasting tea to people she felt like annoying.
But she could cook spicy food fine. Why? Because Niisama likes spicy food!
Renji, standing in front of the Kuchiki mansion, could smell curry. Eww, curry. Renji pinched his nose shut. Renji hated curry. And, really, anything all that spicy.
Renji was quite aware that his captain had the day off today. Ever since it had become common knowlege that they had almost killed each other, all of their 'day-off' dates had been, ever so myteriously, on the same day. Renji guessed this ever so tactically retarded move was meant to encourage 'bonding'.
Renji also knew that Byakuya, in fear of 'bonding', very rarely used his days off, and often went into work anyway. This was the only reason Renji had the moxy to go to the Kuchiki mansion. He thought that Byakuya wasn't here.
"What are you..." Byakuya looked at the kitchen, pots, pans, and various other items askew across the floor, "...Cooking?"
"Curry noodles!" Rukia chirped.
Byakuya nodded slowly, "Ichiban, Niban, why don't you help Rukia...clean..." Byakuya was a neat freak.
"Hai, Byakuya-sama!" Ichiban and Niban said in practiced synchronization.
"Done!" Rukia sparkled with evident happiness, "Here, niisama!"
Byakuya almost backed away. They didn't look like curry noodles.
"Oi." Renji walked in through the window like it was the most normal thing in the world, "Wow, what happened here? A curry tornado?" then he spotted Byakuya. His right eye twitched.
"...I made curry." Rukia held up the bowl.
Renji twitched again.
"...okay..." Renji nodded, "I'm gonna leave now..."
Byakuya ate some of the curry. Renji recognized this as a challenge!
"...Wait." Renji stopped backing out of the aforementioned window, "I'll try some of that."
About three hours later, all of the curry was gone. Even though Byakuya had not originally mean his consumption of semi-edible food products as a challenge, he soon recognized that Renji though it was. And Byakuya, the Kuchiki heir, would not lose to his own vice captain!
Rukia, on the sidelines the entire time, watched in confused awe as her food was consumed freakishly fast.
"Wow," she said, "I'm a good cook!"
Yeah, so, I know. That would never happen. Everyone is OOC. I know. But it was so much fun to write!
REVIEW OR RENJI WILL TRY TO COOK. AND HE'S WORSE THAN RUKIA!
Renji: Hey!