HEY! People! Me like story writing! I'm back with a new story! YAY! I'll get back to the other stories later. Way later. But better late than never! But hey! HEY! GO, GO, GO WILD DANCERS! HEY! Hey Pinstripe, do the disclaimer!

Pinstripe: Must I?

Yes!

Pinstripe: (sighs) Okee!

Disclaimer: This is the UK version of "Big Brother" , seeing as I enjoyed Big Brother 2003 (and I only liked 2003! Everyone said that was boring, but I loved it!). This Big Brother: Crash Bandicoot stylee. Twelve characters are stuck in the Big Brother House for nine weeks. Only four shall make it to the final week when the viewers will vote who will be the winner and win 100,000 pounds. I do not own Crash Bandicoot or it's characters, it belongs to Naughty Dog and all the other licensees. Enjoy!

A/N: I love NEARLY all the characters! (Even Tawna!) Especially Pinstripe! He's teh best! There may be some Rilla Roo bashing and I hate him anyway! Who wins is up to you! Please enjoy!

P.S I made the awful mistake of spelling "Tropy", "Trophy". I'm sorry! My eyes suck! Thanks to Husky/Washu to pointing this out! )

Big Brother - Crash Bandicoot Stylee

WEEK 1

Day 1- Introduction

8:30 pm

"Will I get paid for presenting this nonsense! Why I'll-"

"We're live!"

Nefarious Tropy blinked, "I knew that! Welcome fools! Welcome one and all to the first edition of Big Brother 2005. Time waits for no fools, so let's get the formalities over and done with! I am your host, like it or NOT!" he barked, rolling his eyes.

The crowed roared happily, each with their own respective fanclubs frantically waving their posters.

"Tonight twelve skunks will enter the house and spend 9 weeks in there in order to win £100,000! I personally doubt I'll be able to stand the skunks that long." he growled, before transferring back into peppy presenter mode. "But only one can win all that money! Every week, one housemate is evicted. And I get to grill them! Bwhahahahahaahahahaha!"

The crowd went silent, blinking. Cough.

"What are you all so quiet for!" he enquired in annoyance. "CHEER DAMN YOU! CHEER!"

Silence.

"CHEER OR I THINK YOU'LL BE COMFORTABLE IN ANOTHER TIME ZONE!" he barked.

The audience gulped, resuming their loud cheering.

Tropy sighed. "Let's grill these dimwitted dobadders before they enter the Big Brother house."

He stands next to Tiny Tiger.

"Tiny. How do you feel about spending time in the house?" Trophy questioned, thrusting the microphone into Tiny's nose.

"Tiny want unlimited cat food supply! Tiny need money to fund for unlimited cat food supply! Tiny win, when Tiny squash the others!" he nodded incessantly.

"Fascinating I'm sure." Tropy muttered, looking at his watch. "Moving on now. We have some blonde dobadder."

"It's Tawna!" she screeched.

"Yes, sure you are you airhead marsupial. So how do you feel?" Trophy placed cotton wool in his ears.

"I'm here to prove I am not some one-dimensional bimbo! I have looks AND brains! Once I win, I can prove that!"

Wolf-whistles were heard from all around, as some members of the crowd threw pants at her. The producers were more than obliged to zoom up down her top. Tawna snarled, kicking the producer in the head.

"See what I mean?" she frowned.

"Fascinating Tarzan." Tropy was oozing with sarcasm. "Why do I bother with these morons!" he cursed under his breath.

"TAWNA!"

"Now we have..." he squinted at Crash. "...my arch nemesis. Crash...ladies and gentleman came strolling in one day and REFUSED TO GIVE ME THE DAMN CRYSTALS! You little skunk..." he received an injection from the producers to calm down, "you...little angel! How d-d-d-do you feel?"

Crash blinked confused. "You're scaring me..."

"What do you h-h-hope to acheive...i-in the Big Br-r-r-rother house?" he slurred as the injection took effect.

"This is the ultimate showdown! It's me against the music baby! Me versus everyone! I'll be the most popular! I am the damn main character! I am 100 guaranteed to win!" After his speech, Crash broke into a Irish dance making everyone squirm at his cockiness. The crowd roared in high spirits.

"CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!" the crowd chanted incessantly.

Crash bowed. "Thank you!"

The injection was wearing off on Tropy causing him to shove the arrogant Crash backwards. "MOVING ON!" he chirped walking towards Coco. "YOU!" he barked, "What brings you to Big Brother?"

"Well, I've had no luck in the love department. What better place to find love than Big Brother?" she cooed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww!" cooed the crowd sympathetically.

"Well and to buy a new laptop! Crash sat on mine!" Coco threw a dangerous look at an obivious Crash who was rubbing his sore head.

The crowd hissed, leaving Crash very sad.

"Ripper Roo! How do you feel spending time with THESE losers?"

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! HEHEEHEHEHEHEHE!" Ripper Roo shrieked with demented laughter while bouncing around in a frenzy.

Tropy raised an eyebrow. "Translation?"

Pinstripe appeared and rolled his eyes. "I provide that. Shameful. I can actually translate insanity."

"MUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! HOOOOOOOOO!" Ripper Roo spat happily.

Awkwardly, Pinstripe translated, "He said, I am happy to be going into the house."

"All that laughter for a measly sentence?" Trophy asked surprised.

"MUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he bounced on Tropy's head.

"GET HIM OFF ME!"

"He just said, I'm going to use the money for the musical I am writing called "Ripper Roo: Da Musical" and it's all about me." Pinstripe sighed, translating Ripper Roo wasn't the highlight of his life. He then yanked Ripper Roo off Tropy's head. "Easy, Ripper Roo. Easy."

Tropy was left with stratch marks engraved into his hat. He was positively furious.

"Uh oh..." the producer squirmed, "we need more calming injections!"

Skillfully, he threw a syringe straight into Tropy's right arm.

"OW! YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING F-" Tropy halted, "good person you! Let's talk to Pinstripe Potoroo! HoW dO yOu FeEl!" he thrusted the microphone into Pinstripe's eye.

"OW! What the hell are yous doin'!" Pinstripe nursed his eye, "I'm going kill every single one of yous!"

The crowd fell silent. Again.

"Uh...I'm here to fund for my gubernatiorial campaign. And I do have my...tactics!" he winked with his good eye.

"Okay then...Now we have the critically acclaimed "fatass" of the bunch Papu Papu. And how DO you feel?"

Papu Papu rose his staff as if he was going to fight off "adoring female fans", "All ladies want me! But you can't resist fat! YOU can't handle fat! Muahahahahaha!"

Haphazard crickets chirped incessantly, provoking Papu Papu to slam down his staff and kill them.

"Fascinating...I'm sure..." Tropy walked past him. "Komodo Joe?"

Komodo Joe hissed, "Yessssssss. I look forward to sssssspending time away from my dimwitted brother. We are really cramping each otherssssss sssssssstyle sssssssince our disagreement about Baywatch...it'ssssssss my favourite ssssssssshow."

Tropy nodded, pretending to listen. "Wonderful you half witted lizard. Now we have Rilla Roo."

A loud boo was heard from the centre of the audience. "GO TO HELL RILLA ROOOOOOOO!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HISSSSSSSSSSS! DIEEEEEEEE!"

Rilla Roo simply scratched his head and ate a flea he found.

"Any words you furball?"

Rilla Roo nodded, picking his nose. He blew a raspberry at the audience.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Let's leave this nasty pest behind. Dingodile, any words? I'm trying to hurry this up! I can't miss my engagement with the auction where they sell pretty clocks!"

"Yep. In the words of Shakespeare, "Coco? Where for art thou, Coco?" I'm here to prove my love to the lucky Sheila! And to make toast out of her brother!" he pointed at Crash, who taunted him by clucking like a chicken.

"Right here, right now!" he drew out his trademark flamethrower aiming at the bandicoot who was incessantly clucking. A high speed chase ensured.

Tropy sighed deeply, "Why, oh why!" he coughed. "Finally we have Dr. Cortex and Koala Kong."

"MUAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! I will win! I shall prove to those so called "scientists" that I, Neo Cortex can rule the world with half witted mutants! I shall fund this money to my "End of the world" account with the other six million pounds I made! Mama will be so proud!" he chirped manically. "Also I need the money to rebuild my castle...which was destroyed apporoximately..." he whipped out a list and scanned it. "...89038362347676479 times by that blasted bandicoot!" he shoke his fist at Crash, who was still being chased by Dingodile.

Koala Kong popped up. "Kong need money for singing career. Kong already wrote first song! Kong gonna be HUGE!"

Cortex shook his head, "He has some crazy undiabolical idea about singing. Koala Kong, can't you see! Music is not the way to rule the world!"

Tropy shook his head. "Alright morons! You've met all twelve suckers- uh...I mean housemates for Big Brother: Crash Bandicoot style 2005! Who wins? You decide? And all that nonsense."

The credits started to roll, as the guards flew outside and removed all the weapons from the guilty housemates.

"No fair!" retorted Pinstripe. "Give it back! My gun! My beloved gun!"

"Me flamethrower!"

"STAFF! NOOOOOOOOOOO! GONE!"

"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Stay away from the sword!"

All the housemates that were separated from their prized possession, simply sobbed as they entered the Big Brother House.

So they've entered! What happens next? Will Ripper Roo pull a stunt with TNT without Big Brother knowing? Will Tawna prove herself? Will Coco find love? Will Dingodile recite poetry to Coco? Do I have a burning desire to sing? Am I asking too many questions? Yes! YES! Stay tuned! R/R and no flames! Otherwise Pinstripe here will feed them to Rilla Roo!

Rilla Roo: HUH!

Grazie!

Nush xoxoxoxox