Doc stood near the door of the Longbranch and looked across the floor littered with cots and people. Dodge and its citizens had been his responsibility for a large piece of his life, and he couldn't accept that he would fail them now, when they needed him most. He felt his throat tighten up slightly with emotion, and he took his glasses off, running a hand through his unruly hair. He turned his back to them for a moment, as he felt the sting of tears. What good were all the years of study and work if he couldn't save these people? The voice behind him, jarred him from his self-pity.
"Doc Adams? The little Cooper girl's taken a turn for the worse... Doc?"
He put his glasses back on before he turned around. "Yes Mrs. Smalley, I heard ya."
He went to the cot containing the eight-year-old child, and he sat on the edge of it, wetting a fresh cloth to put on her head. She roused slightly.
"Shhh, easy now honey."
"Mama...I want my mama..."
"I know ya do, but for now, you've got ol' Doc instead."
Her brown eyes opened slightly, looking up at him. "Why do I feel so hot?"
He brushed a soothing hand across her brow. "Because you've got a fever, sweetheart."
The child began to cough and sputter. Doc rubbed a soothing hand on her chest until she calmed down, and then he listened to her heart with his stethoscope. Like all the others, it was beating erratically. She coughed again, this time resembling a barking sound, and Doc frowned. It struck a chord in him, deep down, but he was yet to place it. The little girl began to cry.
"Mama! Mama, please help me!"
Doc pulled the child into his arms and cradled her. "It's all right, Julie, just calm down honey."
The girl wailed for a few minutes, then suddenly went slack in his arms. Knowing the truth, Doc crushed her limp body to his for a moment, closing his eyes in sadness and self-inflicted recrimination for her death. Gently he lay her body back down, covering her face with a blanket. He swallowed hard: another soul that was his responsibility, an innocent one at that; another person he couldn't save, and another face that would haunt him for the rest of his days. Slowly he stood and in a slight daze, he walked toward Ma Smalley, who had witnessed the entire scene from a few feet away.
"Take her to the front door, and call for Festus. He knows what to do with her body."
She could see the guilt in the man's eyes, and felt she needed to say something to try and comfort him. "It wasn't your fault, Dr. Adams. None of this is..."
He looked up at her then, meeting her eyes. "Tell that to little Julie Cooper..."
Ma watched him as he pulled his stethoscope off, tossing it down into his bag, and with his hands in his pockets, he walked through the Longbranch, and then the door leading to Kitty's office. Doc closed the door softly behind him, trying to close out the death and the pain. He sat down in Kitty's chair, and looked at his medical books stacked upon her desk where they'd been since Festus had moved them for him. What good had it been? They hadn't saved Julie Cooper, or Audey Cantwell, or the dozen or so other people who had died in his care. All of it was a waste. He picked up a few books and threw them across the room, slamming them into the wall, where they slid down in a heap on the floor. Doc leaned his elbows on the desk, and allowed his head to sink into his hands. His sobs were silent, but as his body jerked with the emotion of a man who had seen too much, his cries grew into devastated moans of grief, muffled only by the fabric of his shirt as he pressed his face into his sleeve.