Early Winter – Chapter 2. (Angst)

She came to a stop, somewhat awkwardly, only inches away from him and started to raise her hand in salute, but paused looking at the pilot standing close beside him. Jack looked at her for a moment and then turned to the other man.

"Go ahead, Captain. I'm right behind you." As the Captain climbed into the plane, Jack turned back to face her. "Is there a problem, Carter?"

"If I could just have a minute, Sir."

She cursed herself silently for not planning the words she needed to say. She wasn't prepared and she stammered like an idiot as she stared up at him.

"I'm listening."

Man, he wasn't going to cut her any slack, all business all the time.

"Sir…" She paused again, cursing inside her head as words again failed her.

"Colonel, I'm in a bit of a hurry." He pointed to the plane coming to life loudly behind him. "I'm sure General Landry can handle whatever problems you might have."

And then he turned away quickly and panic welled up inside her. 'Dammit!' she thought. 'What can I say to stop him?' and suddenly realized it would only take one word. She took a few steps forward closing the distance between them and yelled.

"Jack!"

He stopped and turned, staring, eyes hidden behind his glasses and then continued towards the plane. Her heart pounded in her chest as she realized the finality of his actions. She was losing him

"Jack, please, wait!"

She was yelling hoping he could hear her over the roar of the engines as she started to jog towards him. She caught up with him just as he reached the stairs leading to the cockpit and reached out to grasp his arm. He turned in response, his face a mask of military calm as he studied her.

"Jack! Jack, wait!"

"Carter, there's nothing more to be said, especially not here. Just let it go."

"You set me up, Jack. What else could I say?"

She starred into his eyes, waiting for him to sort through it all.

"You could have said yes."

"Jack, I'm in the military, for God sakes…and so are you!" Her hand reached out and flipped up the collar on his flight suit. "You're a damn General! If it were that easy we could have done something years ago."

"Well, like I said, Colonel, this isn't the time or the place."

"It's exactly the right time and place, Jack, this is the only chance we get!"

He was looking directly at her, his jaw clenching slightly as he stared.

"Ask me another question."

His head tilted slightly to one side and his face donned a puzzled expression as his hand came up to remove his sunglasses.

"What?"

"Ask me another question."

For a long moment he stared at her, thinking, doubting, fighting off the desire to do exactly what she was asking of him and she could see it all in his eyes. Then his body twisted slightly and he straightened to his full height, handsome and impressive as his lips pursed in a firm line and intense eyes stared at her silently. When he finally spoke his voice was low and steady.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"You're…what? You're…"

"I'm sorry. It just isn't going to work and you know it. It never will. It's time for us to face that and get on with our lives."

"My life is you, Jack."

"I wish that were true, but you know better. There's no way for us to win at this game. The deck is stacked against us, always has been, always will be."

"No, Jack, I'll quit, I'll resign!"

He sighed and smiled slightly.

"Then why haven't you, Sam? Why haven't I?"

"But, Jack…"

"It doesn't matter what you say, Sam, it won't change my mind. Nothing can change what I saw in your eyes yesterday. You made your decision and you made the right one."

"But, I love you, Jack."

Tears were streaming down her face in a steady flow and her body was beginning to quiver as she realized he wasn't going to give in. She could see the determination in his eyes, but she refused to give up.

"I love you, too, Sam, but sometimes it just isn't enough. Time was all out of synch for us…from the very beginning we were destined to lose. It just wasn't in the cards."

"There has to be a way."

"There isn't. I've done everything I can think of and even if there was anything…"

"For God's sake, Jack! It was just one word."

He looked at her quietly; sadness spilling from his eyes the same way tears were falling from hers.

"Yeah."

He dropped his gaze from her face and sucked in a deep breath.

"I don't want to lose you, Jack. I'll do whatever it takes, right now, today. Please…forgive me."

"It's not a matter of forgiving you, Sam. It's knowing that when you had the chance, you didn't choose me."

"Jack, that's not…"

"It's okay. I understand. I just don't think I can forget that." He turned and pointed at the plane waiting behind him. "I'm sorry, I really have to go."

She just looked at him, helpless to stop him, her heart breaking.

"Good bye, Sam."

He reached long arms around her, crushing her in his embrace for a long moment and then maneuvered her into a sensual kiss, expressing all the things he would never get the chance to say. When he released her, tears were still glistening in her eyes and he brushed a thumb across her cheek, wiping away the moisture as his eyes squinted slightly trying to force a smile.

"No more tears. It'll be ok."

She didn't answer. She just stared back at him feeling lost and alone.

He smiled and leaned in to brush her lips once more in a sweet, quick kiss and then mounted the stairs. He paused at the top and turned back towards her, giving her one, final smile and reminding himself this was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt. She would realize it, too, once he was gone. She'd be ok.

He pulled the door closed and leaned against it for a moment, wiping a stubborn tear from his eye then he stowed his gear and squeezed into the left seat. He was putting on his headset when the Captain looked over at him.

"Ready to go, Sir?"

"Yeah, ready."

He snugged his harness down tightly and checked the instrument panel, preparing for takeoff. Then he glanced out his window to make sure Sam was safely out of the way. His eyes locked onto her as she ran away from the plane and with each staggering step, the cold fingers of regret slipped deeper into his heart. He wanted to pull away but his eyes refused to let go of her. They followed her as she ran towards the fence and stopped, watched as her hands covered her eyes, her body shuddered and she fell to her knees. He could tell she was crying, sobbing. He felt something inside him break as she fell forward on her face in the snow and he struggled with his own threatening emotions at the sight of her agony.

The Captain turned his head towards Jack and asked casually.

"Your wife, Sir?"

"No."

"Oh. Someone special then?"

"Yeah, definitely special. Now, let's get this bird in the air, Captain."

Jack kept his eyes on her until he received clearance for takeoff then he pushed the controls forward and rocketed down the runway. In seconds he was gone…but the picture of her sprawled helplessly in the snow, mourning the utterance of a single word, would remain emblazoned on his memory forever.

The End