My Heart Belongs to You…Again

Chapter Four: I'm Following My Heart

They sat in silence for just a moment, just staring at each other. Harry knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he didn't know how to say it. She had to know everything. So he took a deep breath and began to talk.

"I don't really know how to put everything, so if I stumble at times, just please hang in there and listen. You have to know everything. I made a mistake because I didn't follow my heart. So this time, I'm following my heart. I'm going to try to explain everything, and there are probably parts you won't want to hear. But please just listen to all of it and it might take some time-"

She put up her hand to stop him. "Harry, you're rambling."

"Sorry. Like I said, it's going to take some time, and I'll probably fumble a lot." He paused and took another deep breath. "Ok here I go…before the war came, we all knew it was coming. This part you already know, but I need to say it. And we also knew there was a chance that people were going to die. There was no stopping it. I realized that after Sirius was taking from me fifth year. Death comes when it's someone's time. And I knew that whoever went to the battle with me might not come back, so I tried to accept that. But with you…everything was different. I tried to talk to as many people as I could before we left so I could say good-bye. But out of every single person, I had to talk to you, and I knew exactly what I was going to say. So when I finally got you alone, I tried. But instead of telling you what I really wanted to say, I panicked. I got so terrified because I knew you wanted to come with me. Which means I might have lost you. It scared the hell out of me. I had already lost mom, dad, and Sirius. I was not going to lose you too. There was no way I was going to let that happen."

He paused, unsure as what to say next. Thankfully she didn't say anything. She just waited for him to continue. He prepared himself and went on.

"So I asked you…no I begged you not to come. I pleaded with you and asked you not to come. You didn't fully understand why, but you promised me you wouldn't. You promised me Hermione! And then there we are, fighting for our lives, and you're coming! After you promised me you wouldn't. Do you have any idea how terrified that made me? I couldn't focus on anything. I just kept looking over to you and praying that you would be ok. I kept hoping that you wouldn't leave. You lied to me Hermione! You looked me in the eye and promised you wouldn't come, and then you showed up anyways! What was I supposed to do?"

Hermione thought back to the moment before Harry and the others left, trying to remember all of their conversation. You did promise you know. Yes, he was wrong to shut you out, but you did break a promise to him.

"Harry, you were outnumbered! Everyone was scared you guys wouldn't last, so more and more people were going. I had people I loved fighting that battle, and I wasn't doing anything! What was I supposed to do, just wait for you all to come back, not knowing if you were alive or dead? Yes I broke a promise to you. I shouldn't have, but I did. I had to know if you were ok. I was so worried I didn't remember the promise I made to you. Besides," her voice dropped to a whisper, "You didn't lose me."

He knew that had to be very hard for her to say. It was the hardest thing he had ever done to tell her what he just had. "But I could have. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. I couldn't lose you. I couldn't live if I did. But I did anyways, and it was my fault. I pushed you away and lost you anyways because I was so scared to lose you. And it has killed me these past years. I wake up everyday and die a little more." His voice started to break toward the end, and he looked down. Hermione had tears in her eyes again, and she knew he did too. She put a hand on his cheek and made him look at her. He did have tears in his eyes.

"Harry, I could have lost you too. And it would have killed me if I had lost you. We all knew we were taking a huge risk, but we followed you because we trusted that you would bring us all home. And you did. Harry I'm sorry I broke my promise to you, but I had to. But I would break it again in a second if I had to."

He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. "Please forgive me Hermione. I made the biggest mistake I ever could have and paid for it for 3 and ½ years. I can't do it anymore. I can't wake up every morning and not see you there. I can't go all day without your smile and laugh. I can't go to sleep every night and not have your voice sooth me to sleep. I need you. Please forgive me. Please."

He opened his eyes and looked at her. She looked right back at him, then smiled. "I've waited a long time to hear you say that again. I've missed you all this time. I can't do it anymore either."

He moved away from her and pulled her into a huge hug. She hugged back, knowing this was the place she always wanted to be, in his arms. She missed it more than anything. "I hoped every day that you would come back to me. And you have. I forgive you."

"I love you Hermione. I always have."

"I love you too Harry."