Hiya's!

Before I start, I would just like to say that I wrote this at about 3:45 in the morning, when I should have been meditating... Um, well, here's the junk that nobody reads.

Warning(s): Thoughts of suicide, OOC-ness, (wow! That's unexpected!) that's about it…

Disclaimer: You lawyers suck! Okay, okay, I don't own Dragonball Z, suicide, DBZ, Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, DBZ, or any of the words that I may happen to use, BUT THE STORY AND PHRASING OF THE WORDS IS MINE!

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Breaking the Habit

I look outside of the tiny window of my pod, and I see their faces, all staring at me, hoping I would return with another. My thoughts have become a jumbled blur, should I do this, or should I not, should I do this, or should I not… it's driving me slowly insane. I just can't take anymore of Freiza's torments! The pod blasts off, and I am thrown into space.

0o0o0o0o0

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)

0o0o0o0o0

My thoughts drive me into a deep, restless sleep. They haunt me like a ghost, mercilessly following their killer. I suppose we were damned for all eternity, but I never wanted to believe it! Their faces still haunt me, the countless people I have slaughtered, theirs, fathers.

0o0o0o0o0

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

0o0o0o0o0

It's a laughable cause, a way to die in battle, an "Honorable Death". At least that's what they tell me. I'm not sure if their right, but I'm sure of one thing: For all eternity, I'll burn in Hell, for what I haven't done for myself. It's a way of survival; not for my self, but for them.

0o0o0o0o0

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Tonight

0o0o0o0o0

I see a beautiful planet ahead. Good, I made it here. Well, I suppose I have to stay strong, that is, for the time being. I feel torn, I can still see his face, my last words to him were not of love or happiness, they were of hatred and fear. A lone tear escapes my eyes, and I put up the mental walls I've struggled for so long to use. I've been hiding from this world, the world of monsters and villainy. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this charade. My charade, the only thing that may have helped them. They're relying on me, I can't just give up! Then again, what am I supposed to do, stay there and watch them be picked off, one by one?

0o0o0o0o0

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

0o0o0o0o0

No, they won't be left standing alone. I shant allow it. That's what he's for... My ship lands and I step out, putting up my act. My soul sears as I kill another man, another additive to my damnation. I look for him, and find him, hoping to any god that's out there that he will understand, and I won't have to use force. I don't need another wasted intention on my soul. I find him, he doesn't understand my meaning. As I explain, trying not to choke on my words, I sound so meaningless, my mind so eternally lost inside of my self pity. He won't listen, so I have to buckle down, even though I shant enjoy it.

0o0o0o0o0

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

0o0o0o0o0

He comes after me; that I was expecting. Although he does something unexpected, he teams up with his arch nemeses. I feel proud that he's my brother, although I wouldn't admit it. We fight, and as the final blast lurches toward us, I can't help but want to save him. I stop fighting, and whisper my apologies to him. The blast cuts through us, leaving large holes in our bodies. We fall, as brothers, and I tell the others of their plan. My executioner finishes me off, and I await my chance in the eternal realm.

0o0o0o0o0

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this
I'll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm Breaking the habit

I'm Breaking the habit
Tonight

0o0o0o0o0

"Kakarotto, Earth name "Goku", and Raditsu, please step forward!" The oni that was nearly six times my size yelled. I couldn't help but be intimidated, seriously, who wouldn't? His attendant, a scrawny guy with wire-rimmed glasses, made sure that all was safe, then blocked all of the other souls from coming through.

"Raditsu, You don't have a very good record. But I must say: that I know you really didn't mean anything you did after a certain period of time. Now, even as it is –" I cut him off at this point: "I'm going to hell for all the evil's I've done."

"Actually," the oni whispered, "you have only begun to realize what is going to happen to you. I'm now going to list off most of the things that you have done that earned you your place: Killing off the following planets:

Alabamota

Aletcha

Apocolupseta

Arecha

Armina

Aristas

Aristocia…

After he had finished listing all of the planets, I felt as if my stomach would move out of its proper place, and out my throat. I had killed off entire races, men, women, children, clones, animals. Countless innocents… I threw up. Everything that was in my soul, and I mean everything, came up. (A/N It looked kind of like ectoplasm. Enough said.) After I had stopped dry heaving, I looked up to the Oni. He looked back down at me; understanding flooded his eyes, before it left for complete blankness.

"I know that you shall atone for your sins, yet I must go on." I nodded, finding the floor, and whatever I had just thrown up, quite interesting at that moment. I felt a stare on me, so I turned to see my brother averting his eyes, as if afraid to meet my gaze. I reached out, as if to tell him that I really meant no harm, and put a hand on his arm. He jerked away, as if stung, and I pulled back. I looked up to the oni, and he begun.

"While knowing you could get others out of this lifestyle, you didn't-"

"And I fully resent that, but they will get out, someday…" My voice started strong, then faded so that no one besides myself, and maybe Kakarot, could hear me.

"I'm going to skip over a few here…" he said as he took the list of my deeds and scanned down to the end. "Hmmm, kidnapping, dragging someone with you to the grave, suicide." His eyebrows narrowed. "That doesn't go well here." He stared me down, and I whispered to myself: "I just couldn't take it anymore…" Turned, and walked to my final path, I was finally home.

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Well, that's it. I found this in the very bottom of a huge, and I mean HUGE, stack of files on my disk drive.

I actually made the list, it was about 60 pages long, and took 2 weeks to finish.

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