Cry Baby Cry

"Meyrin, honey, what's wrong?" Lunamaria gave her sister a hug. They hadn't seen much of each other over the past year, though they still spoke often by telephone.

"We had a fight. It'll be alright once things settle down. No big deal," Meyrin put on a fake smile.

One that Luna could see straight through. "How are things going?"

Before answering, Meyrin took a seat on the couch and got a good look at the place. The apartment hadn't changed much in the year since she had moved in with Athrun. "Fine. Athrun's getting better, but . . ."

"He's making things hard for you?"

"Yeah, but just recently."

"You know, it's not going to be easy for either of you to get on with your lives if you two keep living together. That kind of scares most potential dates off."

"All but the tramps," Meyrin sighed.

"So that's what it's about," Luna laughed. "He had a girl over?"

Meyrin couldn't look her sister in the eye. "She was a complete whore." Meyrin knew she was exaggerating, but she had no kind words for this girl.

"Athrun in any danger of falling for her?"

"It was just a one night stand as far as I can tell, but it still made me very uncomfortable to find that skank in my shower first thing in the morning."

Luna couldn't help but laugh, much to her sister's discomfort.

"It's not that funny."

"On the bright side, I guess it's a start. Maybe he's finally getting over Lacus."

Meyrin just shook her head. "No, she looked a lot like Lacus. So much so that it was kind of scary. But I hope nothing comes of it. He promised me it wouldn't."

"I don't think you have to worry about it, then. Athrun's one of those really great guys. Maybe he's just enjoying a brief wild streak before returning to normal."

"Let's hope so." A brief smile crossed Meyrin's lips. "Yeah, he's one to keep his word."

"You two have gotten really close," Luna conjectured.

"Yes. He's a great friend and we talk about almost everything." At least that was one objective Meyrin had soundly achieved.

"Hello? Oh, hi Meer." Meyrin rolled her eyes in borderline disgust. "No, I'm afraid he's not here. May I take a message?" Meyrin made sounds like she was hunting for a pen and paper, which of course she wasn't. "I see. I'll be sure to tell him."

The Lacus-look-alike at least knew enough not to call in the first week or so. Since then she had called at least twice a week for two weeks straight. Athrun had felt that he at least owed the girl a second date, which only made the calls more frequent afterward.

"Oh my God," Meyrin hid her face in her hands. "Can things get any worse?"

"Something wrong?"

Meyrin turned to see Athrun coming in the door. If she didn't tell him, would things be any worse than if she did? "It was Meer again."

"I see. That's why you're all in the dumps."

"Yeah. Do you like her?"

"I don't know. She's hot, but . . . I don't know. She's not exactly . . ." Athrun was searching for a way to describe the seed of doubt within him. He knew perfectly well that his initial attraction to her was because of his emotional baggage. And that it wouldn't be fair for him or for Meer to proceed from that.

"If you don't want her hounding you, maybe you should let her know." It was difficult to hide Meyrin's dislike for the girl, so she didn't really try all that hard.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll call her later."

"And I've been thinking . . ."

"Yes?" Athrun's emerald eyes betrayed confusion.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, I guess. Why?"

"I don't want to intrude on your dating life any more than I already have. Maybe it's time I moved out."

"If that's what you want."

"Is that all you have to say?" Heartbreak showed in her eyes.

"What do you want me to say, Meyrin? That I'll miss you? I will. That I really appreciate all you've done for me? I do. That you're the best friend I've had since . . ?" Athrun sighed, "Well, you are. If there's anything else you want from me you're going to have to ask. I'm not that good at reading minds."

"I just want to know that you'll be alright and that once I leave we'll still be close."

"Sure. You can keep the key if it'll make you feel any better." Unsure of what to do, he gave her a hug.

"I can't help but feel a little sad. Like things will change." She let him in on a little secret, "You know, you've been like the big brother I always wanted."

"We'll be as close as you want. But you know how I am. If we start to lose touch, just call or come by. You'll always be welcome." Athrun had an idea on how to cheer her up. "Hey, why don't we throw a little party. Invite some friends, if I still have any."

"Sure. I'll make the arrangements." Meyrin loved a good party.

This was extremely hard for him. "I owe you an apology. You see, I used to date a girl who looked a lot like you. I loved her with all my heart and soul, but it still didn't work out in the end. Maybe it was doomed from the start but I'm sure I didn't make matters any better. I was a fool and made some decisions that hurt us both."

"I don't see where this is going." She had captured his left arm, squeezing it tightly to her chest. She knew she was clingy, but she couldn't help it.

"I'm trying to say that I don't think I can love you. Not now at least. I'm sorry, Meer. I'm afraid that if we got together that it'd only be because I miss her. No one person can replace another. It wouldn't be fair to you or to me. You deserve better."

"I see. Your live-in girlfriend doesn't want to share." Tears welling in her eyes, Meer was contemplating hard on whether to smack him or kick him in the shins.

"Meyrin and I never dated," he reminded her.

Not that his explanations mattered much. She already knew there wasn't another woman in Athrun's life. Meer was hurting and she conveyed it to the object of her affection with every fiber of her being.

Searching for something to say was all he could do. He couldn't help be feel like he was pushing Lacus away all over again. Maybe because he was hurting Meer because of Lacus. "I'm telling you this because I care about you, because I don't want to hurt you worse later on. I hope you find a really great guy someday. One that can make you happier than I could."

"I thought I had found my really great guy, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't sleep with you because I'm easy. I did it because I really . . ." She was unable to go on. Meer decided against assaulting him and just left.

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon in the park. Leaves made an orange and red blanket on the grassy hills. The trees were sparse and there were not enough leaves hanging to give any shade to Athrun's chosen park bench. He had chosen the best one, in his opinion. It sat on a hill directly under an old oak. He had a great view of Meer stalking off towards her car.

Athrun's voice rang hollow as he whispered to himself, "Still have that knack for screwing things up, don't you Zala." Closing his eyes, he leaned back against the bench to stretch his back out.

"Are you doing well?"

Athrun didn't know if what he heard was real. It was her voice. Athrun didn't turn or open his eyes, afraid that the phantom voice would leave. "Isn't it obvious."

"I'm sorry, Athrun. I hope you can find happiness someday."

"How are you?" Still, Athrun couldn't tell if it was his imagination or if he was really having this conversation. He kept talking, unafraid of what others might think if he truly was just talking to himself.

"I am getting better. I met someone a few months ago and we've become rather close."

"I'm glad," he lied. He was more than a little jealous.

"There's no need to hide from me, Athrun. I know you too well. You wish that it was you instead of him."

"How very true," he admitted.

"I still care for you very deeply, so please do not feel I am telling you these things to hurt you. I wish for you to become well, to live your life to its fullest."

"I'm working on that." He felt a touch on his shoulder.

"Will you not even look at me?"

It was real. It was so real he could scream. A mix of conflicting emotions washed over him as he saw her sitting in the spot Meer had just vacated. A moment later he was hollow again. Tired. Emotionally exhausted.

"That's better." She took his hand and laced her fingers through his. "Please, do not feel sad or angry. You must do as I have done. Find out who you are and what you want."

"For seven years, all I ever wanted was you." There. He had dropped all fronts and was honest with her for the first time in a long time.

"I'm sorry. There was a time when I wanted that, too. But in the end I felt as if that was only playing it safe, that after a while I would be hollow inside. I needed something more." Her hand retreated to her lap to join its mirror image clutching a small purse.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"I wish you all the best, Athrun. I should go now. I didn't come alone."

His location gave him another great view of something more sad than the first. It hurt him much more to see Lacus walking away than it did to have dumped Meer. Athrun still spoke with Lacus occasionally, mostly so they could wish each other a happy birthday or say other niceties. It was never anything deep like about their feelings, as neither wanted the conversation to turn ugly. They just reassured each other that they were still alive. He even saw Lacus walking or driving by from time to time, though she had lived over a hundred miles away after graduating from college. Something kept bringing her to this area. Perhaps it was because she grew up here with Athrun. Maybe she had moved back. Or maybe this was where her new boyfriend lived. Athrun got a good look as a young man with chestnut brown hair and lavender eyes greeted Lacus with a kiss on the cheek. Her sadness countenance immediately faded when this newcomer joined her.

Athrun tried to be happy for her. Tried, but failed.

If his eyes could shoot daggers, Athrun would have killed many that day. Instead, all that could come from his eyes was the occasional tear.

"Athrun?"

He didn't respond.

"You look like you've been hit by a car," Meyrin observed.

"That'd be great." Without another word, he fell flat on his face on the couch.

"She took it hard?"

No response.

"Athrun? Please talk to me." Meyrin rolled him over to sit his head in her lap.

"I tried to let her down easy, but . . ."

"I see."

"And Lacus was there. With someone else."

Meyrin wiped away his tears as she had done so many times before. In fact, he used to silently cry himself to sleep when she first came. "Anything I can do?"

Athrun shook his head.

"It'll be alright. You'll see."

"Thanks, Meyrin." Athrun began to compose himself.

"It's not a problem." Meyrin didn't let him up. "Just rest like this for a while."

"Okay."

"Do you want to invite Meer to our little party?"

No response.

"I'm sorry I tried to split you two up. It wasn't my intention to make matters worse."

"I didn't do it because of you. I had doubts of my own the whole time." Athrun whined, "But she was so damn hot."

Meyrin's hearty laugh disrupted Athrun's comfort. "I know. I won't get in the way anymore."

"Meyrin, it was fine. Don't worry about it."

Cry, baby cry. Make your mother sad. She's old enough to know better so cry, baby cry . . .