My Heart Belongs To You…Again

Chapter Twelve: With You

Harry knew he had to start sometime, but he really hated this. He didn't like telling his really stupid past mistakes to Hermione. She may understand him best and always make him feel better, but he didn't like telling anyone about Sarah, especially Hermione.

He took a deep breath and looked at her. He looked deep into her eyes, reading her soul. He smiled, knowing she was doing the exact same thing. They could always communicate through their eyes. They couldn't do it with anyone else, just each other. It was a special thing between them they both loved. Hermione wasn't pushing this out of him…she just wanted to know it because it was part of his past. The past that he had shut her out of. It was his fault she didn't know this, and he was going to make damn sure she knew everything she missed these years.

"Ok." He sighed deeply again. He really, really hated this. Hermione, knowing him better than anyone else, understood he did. She picked up his hand and put it on hers.

"Harry, you don't have to tell me. It's ok. It's in your past, I don't need to know everything you've done."

Harry shook his head. "Yes you do. It's my fault that you don't know this in the first place. If I hadn't pushed you away, you probably would have stopped me from doing this anyway. If you want to know anything, I'm going to suck it up and tell you."

She gave him a reassuring smile, and he returned a confident one. Hermione always knew what to do to make him strong.

"Ok, so it started…I'd say about a year ago. Well, less than that, but I'd say around that amount of time. We meet at a party that was held for me for doing something for Ministry. I honestly don't remember, but that's not important. She was there for some reason and walked…no more like strutted…over to me with a drink and just started talking. I really hadn't met anyone quite like her. She wasn't like anyone at school, especially you."

"Is that a good thing?" Hermione just looked down. She almost looked sad. He grinned and cupped her face so she had to look at him.

"Of course not. It was just weird. You had been the only girl in my life forever, and you weren't anymore. It sucked, but of course, because of my large brain, it was my entire fault, and I wouldn't anything about it. But she was so different than anything. She kept flirting and hitting on me, so I decided 'what the hell?' So I guess we just kind of got together, I guess. We didn't sleep together or anything, but we dated for a while. It seemed so great. She always wanted to go places so people could see that we were together and everything. It was like she wanted to show me off and say look at this great guy I'm happy to be with! And then a few months later, I finally realized that she wasn't showing me off like that…she was showing off that she had hooked the rich and famous Boy-Who-Lived-and-Defeated-Voldemort. She didn't want to brag about me. It was all about her. The fact that she got someone rich and famous. So I broke it off. I felt like nothing. I remembered everything that's been in the news about me, the people who come up to me and want stuff signed, the friends who automatically introduce me as a prize they won for something. I remembered that you used to show me off and brag about me, and it pissed me off like nothing else." She looked positively beaten. She felt like her world just crashed. But he just smiled. "But with you," he grabbed her hand, "you were showing me off…because you were proud of me. You were so happy I was everything I was, you wanted the whole world to see me like you did. You wanted to share me with the world and introduce me as Harry, not Harry Potter. With you I was simply Harry, your best friend, not Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. And that was probably the day I missed you most. I missed you every single damn day but didn't do anything. But I remember, that day I just wanted you. I wanted you to hug me, support me, make me feel like I mattered, just like you used to. I even wrote you a letter, begging you to come and see me and to forgive me. But I thought you didn't care about me anymore. It's not like I deserved it or anything. Why in the hell should you give me the time of day when I did that to you? I hated myself that day, more than I ever have. I've lead my friends into danger, I've had people die because of me, I've killed someone Hermione, but I felt worse than I ever have because of what I did to you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

His head just dropped. He felt so broken. He didn't know what to do. But Hermione put her hand on his cheek and made him look at her. She had tears in her eyes, but she was smiling.

"Harry, you're right. I was proud to show you off to the world. The greatest thing was to introduce my best friend, Harry. I knew the real you. And I loved you everyday because you let me know the real you. You were so real to me. But no matter what I ever said about you, you always said something just as amazing about me. You were proud of me too Harry, and you showed me that. I felt so…god just special with you. I mattered more than anyone else in the world when I was with you. I don't care what you've done, don't you ever feel like you've done something wrong. We followed you into danger, people have died for you because they love you, and you killed the one person who would have killed anyone he possibly could. You've never done anything that shouldn't have been done. You matter to so many people. You've saved so many lives. You've done so much good Harry. I'm happy you let me show the world that I was with you."

They grabbed each other and just hugged each other. It was a longing for each other, but it was also just a loving hug between to friends who loved each other. They just held each other. The needed each other. They wanted each other. And they finally had each other back.

"I love you so much Hermione."

"I love you too Harry." She laughed. "So much for talking all about Sarah huh?"

They both laughed but refused to let go of each other.