Part 2

Harry, Seamus, Neville, Dean, and Lulu dumped the pile of shoes in front of Voldemort's lair, then ran for a hiding spot.

"Isn't it convenient that this bush happens to be here!" Seamus shouted, diving behind it.

"Yeah," said Neville. "Growing out of a pair of dirty nickers, no less."

"S'good fertilizer, that," Dean said (damn him). "And it tastes pretty good, too."

Harry shook his head and watched the shoes. A moment or two later, he saw Voldemort step sneakily out of the lair, glancing around and tapping the ends of his long, white fingers together. Then, suddenly, he lunged for the shoes.

"KOWABUNGA!"

He landed amidst them and began quickly trying them all on.

"That's our cue! Let's go!" Lulu whispered. Nobody moved.

"That's our cue! Let's go!" Harry whispered. Everybody moved.

They all ran for the side door of the lair ("Isn't it convenient this door happens to be here!" Seamus said excitedly) and darted inside. Of course, it led into a dark, musty, empty chamber.

"Alright...this is the part of the story where we scare the reader shitless," Harry said.

"Right-o," agreed Seamus.

They walked slowly along the hallway, wands out, peering left and right. Suddenly, a door loomed on their left. Harry reached for doorknob, and pushed the door open...to find nothing.

"Ugh, what's that smell?" Dean asked (I've given up), wrinkling his nose as they backed away from the door and closed it.

"Sorry, I think you guys actually scared me shitless," Neville said.

Rolling his eyes, Harry continued on, soon followed by the others. Suddenly, a door loomed up on their right. Harry reached for the doorknob, and pushed the door open...to find nothing.

"Not again, Neville," Seamus groaned, as they backed away from the door and closed it.

The suspense was killing Harry. Where could Ron possibly be? Another door passed by, and virtually the same thing occured.

"Alright, Harry, the suspense has gone on long enough," Seamus said, backing away from Neville.

"Does anyone mind changing my diaper?" Neville asked in a small voice.

"I will!" Lulu said.

"Anyone?" Neville asked again, sounding dismayed.

"I will! I will!" Lulu chanted.

"Aww...you guys are mean," Neville said, scuffing a toe.

"Yeah, alright, I agree that the suspense is so five minutes ago," Harry said. "Alright...this'll be the door..." He pushed open the door to find...nothing.

"HARRY!" Dean roared. "That's ENOUGH!"

"I couldn't resist!" Harry replied.

"Mind you resist this time," Seamus said grumpily. "I think I need a clothespin."

"You think it smells bad from there, you should try standing over here," Neville said miserably.

"Okay guys, this is it..." Harry breathed. He pushed open the door and...THERE WAS BELLATRIX LESTRANGE!

"Did we rehearse this scene?" demanded Seamus.

"I think so," Dean replied. "I'm pretty sure this is the part where we yell, 'OMYGOD!' and run."

"Aww...Harry gets to be the hero again?"

"Yeah, man. That's why the series is called 'Harry Potter'."

"Whatever."

"I AM A CRAZY NUTCASE!" Bellatrix shrieked. Clearly, she was stark-raving mad.

"Don't test her, mates," Ron said fearfully, from his perch on the toilet seat in the corner. "She force-fed me laxatives..." There was a loud farting sound, then a plop.

"Hey, Ron, mind if I empty my underwear in there?" Neville asked hopefully. Everybody ignored him...except Bellatrix.

"I know you, my dear," she said, as Neville recoiled. "Yeah...you're the one who shits his pants whenever someone opens the door!" Neville sniffed.

"I have...Runny Bowel Syndrome," he explained. "It's a medical thing. I can't help it."

"Sure you can. Pinch it off, next time," Dean choked. The smell was getting overwhelming, between Ron and Neville.

"ANYways," Harry began. "We're here to rescue Ron. So if you don't mind...we'll just...take him and...go?"

"Yeah, right on," Bellatrix said, waving a dismissive hand. "As long as you give me a new kidnap victim to take his place."

"Er...alright," Harry said.

Ron ran over to join them, and they all departed, except for Lulu, because she was left behind by default.

Suddenly, Voldemort stormed in the door.

"These shoes!" he screeched. "Not well taken care of at all!"

Bellatrix grinned.

"I got rid of the runty kid," she told him. "Meet...what's your name again?"

"Lulu."

"Oh...kay. So this chick...what's your name again?"

"Lulu!"

"Er...right, so anyways, we've got a new kidnap victim, and her name is...?"

"LULU!"

"Right, you don't need to yell."

"I WASN'T YELLING!"

"You know, I think you and me are gonna get along just fine," Bellatrix said, nodding approvingly. "Anyways...the reason we had kidnapped Ron was to give him a nice facelift. He has saggy-baggy skin. Y'all want one?"

"What's a facelift?"

So in the end, everybody won. The Gryffindors got rid of Lulu, who wasn't in Gryffindor anyways, Voldemort gave Lulu a facelift, Micheal Jackson did a concert in L.A. and had potatoes thrown at him, and Ron was back safe and sound.

And Neville changed his underwear.

THE END!