Title: What's Best

Status: Complete. Four chapters. (3 of 4)

Pairing: Spike/Angel with Angel/Buffy references

Summary: Back at the Magic Box, Angel faces off against Buffy.

Warnings: Homosexual, heterosexual relationships. Strong language. Sexual references. Brooding. Abuse. Angst. Oh, and Buffy bashing.

Author's Note the First: Words in double parentheses, i.e. ((these words)), are meant as the current character's personal thoughts. One more thing: chapters are divided up by location – one long chapter may be followed by one short chapter.

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Location: The Magic Box, Sunnydale, California

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Angel was pacing again, up and down the rather limited area of the Magic Box showroom floor. ((If it could be called that.)) Every time he stopped, he'd look up into Buffy's distraught face and feel even worse about kissing Spike. Whether it was because he had run and she had stayed, he didn't know. So Angel continued to pace. And Cordelia just shook her head.

"I knew it."

Angel looked up and saw Xander's angry eyes this time. He held the boy's gaze, silently praising him for not turning away.

Xander smirked, something he'd started to do more often. ((It isn't right for Angel to do this, to come down here and hurt Buffy like this. Not now. Why did he have to come now?)) So Xander did the only thing he could do. He twisted the knife and prayed Buffy would forgive him. "I knew it." Angel stopped and looked up. "Deadboy's gay."

Angel almost laughed, then stopped when he remembered the situation. Remembering only made him want to laugh harder. Instead, he smiled softly and shook his head. "I'm not gay. I'm a vampire."

"Yeah," said Willow, jumping to his aid. ((Dear, sweet Willow. What would I do without you?)) Angel watched as Willow actually jumped out of her seat to stand beside him. Then she turned and offered him a reassuring smile before turning back to Xander. "And all vampires are bisexual." Angel found himself wanting to laugh again.

"You knew about this?" yelled Buffy, no longer distraught but angry. "You knew and you didn't tell me? You knew that Angel and Spike were kissing behind my back?"

"But… I…" This time it was Willow who looked distraught. But the new girl ((Anya?)) stood up and decided to help her out.

"No. Willow said bisexual. That means they do more than kiss." Anya smiled and turned toward Willow. She really liked being helpful to the group. Then she turned back to Buffy. "It also means that they share orgasms."

Cordelia smiled. ((This is turning out to be better than I thought.)) As Anya continued, Cordelia heard a slight noise. She turned and saw Angel facing the wall. It took her a moment to realize that he was banging his head against the wall. ((Hmm. He's never done that before. Usually, he's more violent.)) Then she turned back to Anya's explanation of the sexual relationships between vampires.

"Vampires sires always share orgasms with their childer, no matter what the gender. Such sexual practices… What is it Xander?" Anya turned to Xander when his incessant poking had finally started to annoy her.

"Umm… Anya. I don't think this is the time to be discussing this."

"Of course it is. Buffy is quite angry with Angel for kissing Spike. She is experiencing such feelings as betrayal, jealousy, and inadequacy. I am quite sure that the act of reassurance is a traditional human ritual. I only wish to assure her that such practices are normal." Anya smiled at him.

"Oh. Okay then." Xander backed off, unsure himself whether allowing Anya to comfort Buffy was a good thing. But still, he let her continue.

"As I was saying…" Anya paused and turned to Xander. He looked as if he were berating himself. When he realized she was looking at him, he smiled and motioned for her to continue. "As I was saying, such sexual practices are used to punish or reward the vampire of lower status. And in the process, the childe learns to thoroughly pleasure the sire without seeking sexual gratification for himself."

Xander smiled and opened his eyes. That wasn't so bad. Just a little graphic information to soothe Buffy's nerves.

"Unless of course, the childe was chosen by the sire as the favored. Which Spike happens to be to Angel. Then sexual gratification has almost always been freely given between the two. In fact, they have probably been sharing orgasms with each other for several decades now, seeing as how Spike was turned in the late 1800s. Yes. I think several decades. Sires almost never tire of their favored childer and will often abandon other lovers while with them."

Xander cringed and shook his head. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see anyone blaming him for allowing Anya to continue. Dully, he noticed that the noise behind him had increased.

"But wait a minute." Again, Xander looked up expecting the worse from his girlfriend." They probably stopped sharing orgasms when Angel was cursed. Once Angel got his soul, he abandoned his vampire family. Therefore, he turned his back on Spike."

Xander smiled as he watched his girlfriend pause to think on what she had said. ((Finally, something that will help Buffy --))

"Of course, he didn't literally turn his back to Spike. Then that would mean that Angel had let Spike top him, become the dominant in their relationship. And that just doesn't happen. A sire does not play submissive to his childe. No matter what the circumstances. Although, if the sire did have a soul then he would most likely dismiss all vampire code in favor of pleasuring his childe. If he were feeling guilty about the violence that occurred between them..."

Xander dropped his head into his hands. He couldn't look at the others. He refused to look at the others. He should've stopped Anya by now. But a certain morbid curiosity had taken over him. After all, of all the vampires that deserved to die ((besides Angel)), he had always wondered why Spike had not. Sure, there was the chip now. But what about before? Spike had always been allowed to walk away from a fight. No one had ever chased him or hunted him down. Not even Angel, who by all rights, would have gotten the most out of killing him. He had been Buffy's boyfriend then, hadn't he? Xander looked up at Anya. ((If someone wants her to stop, then they'll say something. Otherwise, I think there are some things that need to be said.)) Then Xander turned his full attention to Anya once more.

"So yes. Perhaps, Angel did allow Spike to dominate him. I mean, from the way everyone describes him, Angel has become much more submissive then his demonic counterpart. But then again… Perhaps, I was wrong." Anya turned to face Buffy. "I'm sorry. It seems I've gone off on a tangent. I meant to reassure you, not trouble you with the confusion concerning your former lover, But I just realized what I meant to say. When I lost my powers, I was no longer Anyanka, the vengeance demon of scorned women. In fact, as a former demon, I have realized that I love Xander. A completely unexpected conclusion to a life of torturing men." Anya stopped and placed her hand on Xander's leg. Then she looked back at Buffy and smiled. "It is quite possible that the same thing happened to Angel. When Angel was cursed, the soul took possession of the demon. The demon no longer had control, which most likely led to the breaking of blood ties. Therefore, with the soul in place, Angel must have realized how much he hated Spike and left." Anya smiled. Xander leaned over to kiss his girlfriend.

Cordelia shook her head at the little scene. Then turned when she heard Angel mumble something from his position by the wall. "What was that? Angel, will you please repeat that? I doubt anyone was paying attention to you due to the PDAs."

Xander stopped and gave Cordelia a look. She, in turn, raised an eyebrow at him. Xander was about to say something when Anya turned his face to her. They resumed kissing.

"I said," Angel turned around to look at everyone. "I don't hate him. I don't hate Spike. I just… I just wanted what was best for him." Then he sat on the floor and brought his long legs up against his chest.

Cordelia watched him and sighed. He looked so small sitting like that. She knew then that he would explain his 'business' to them ((Not like it's their concern.)) She smiled at him, tried to give him her support from where she was sitting. He didn't even look up.

"I just wanted what was best for him. I wanted him to be happy. So I left, didn't even say goodbye But that doesn't change anything between us. Well, not for me anyway. The soul didn't break out blood ties. I did. I just didn't want him to feel my pain." Angel sighed, looked up. He saw Cordelia offering her support and he smiled at the effort. But he looked down again and continued.

"He's my youngest childe, my favored childe. And, with the way things are going, the last childe I'll ever have. He's all that I've got left, all that remains of my past, the parts I can't ever regret. And I just want what's best for him. That's why I came here to Sunnydale. To help him get the chip removed."

"Spike?" Buffy stood and moved toward Angel. She stopped within a few feet of him. She stood with her feet apart and her hands on her hips. "You came here for Spike?"

Angel refused to look up. He saw her come toward him and stop. He imagined the way she was standing ((her favorite fighting pose)) but he did not look up.

"How dare you? How dare you come to my town to help him? Some former ex-lover? When I need you so much? How dare you come for him and not for me? I can't believe you, Angel!"

Angel finally looked up into Buffy's eyes and stood. He was angry now. She was accusing him of abandoning her, of not caring, of… "And who are you to me that I should run here at your every whim? Are you my lover, my one true love who would stand y my side? No, you're not. You told me we never could be lovers. Are you my friend, one who cares for me despite my flaws? No, you're not. You forced me to leave Sunnydale because it would make things so much easier on us. But no, that wasn't enough for you. Then you had to come to my city, to LA and tell me that you had moved on. That you had found the perfect, normal guy who could give you everything I couldn't. Hmm. I don't know, Buffy. Bitter much? You forced me to leave. You moved on. You rubbed your perfect happiness in my face. And now your world's falling apart and you don't know what to do. You couldn't even pick up the phone and call me. You couldn't even ask me for help." Angel stopped, placed his hand over his eyes, and shook his head. He took a deep breath and looked up. He wasn't anymore, just sad.

"Oh gods, Buffy. Why didn't you call me when all of this started happening? Why didn't you tell me? I was… I was hunting this demon and when I found him, he was packing up. He said that he was going to Sunnydale, that the Slayer had finally lost it, that she had lost everything, that the Hellmouth would be free to the demons again. Buffy… He told me about Joyce. So I called. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, whether I should offer my condolences or wait until you told me. So I just asked if everything was okay. And you said that it was no big, that things had gotten a little tense, that you could take care of it, that you always took care of it, that you didn't need me here. You didn't want me here. With everything that was happening, your mom, the key, this Beast, you didn't want my help. You didn't want me in your life. And you never wanted to be in mine. You said that it wasn't my concern. You weren't my concern. It was just another thing on the Hellmouth. You were just another --"

"Another what, Angel?" Buffy looked down finally, breaking eye contact. She was no longer confident. The fight with Glory had seen to that. She was no longer angry. ((I pushed him away. I didn't even tell him.)) Buffy was scared. She was scared of losing… everything. ((But I'm not allowed to be scared. I'm the Slayer. I have to be strong. But all I have left is my…))

With eyes flashing in anger, Buffy looked up at Angel. She stood there and glared at him. "I'm just another what, Angel? Just another slayer? Slayers fight and slayers die. Maybe it's my turn to complete the cycle? Or maybe I'm just another lover? Just another lover to add to your long, long list of conquests. Isn't that the term they use? 'Conquests'? And it is a long list, isn't it? One of my enemies whom I have fought against and almost lost my life to is on that list. Oh, wait a minute. Not one enemy, but three. There was Darla, the sire whom you killed. Drusilla who, in the words of Spike, 'bagged herself a slayer.' Oh, and speaking of which, there was also Spike who switched sides so many times that no one knows whether he's being loyal or just trying to kill us all. Quite a list you have there, lover. One beings to wonder how long it really is."

"You don't want to know," Angel said through clenched teeth. ((She has no right to speak of them like that. Not after what I did to them…))

"Don't I? Tell me, Angel. How many lovers have you had?"

Angel laughed but kept his eyes trained on Buffy, not backing down. "I've been a vampire for two hundred forty-eight years, a human for twenty-seven before that, and considering the fact that I never cared for long commitments and tavern wenches came free with the meal, you figure it out."

Buffy blinked and stepped back. She hadn't expected an answer. She knew she was being hurtful, but she hadn't expected that.

Angel blinked as Buffy backed away from him. He hadn't meant to, hadn't meant to be so harsh. But he had already been on edge and she had just kept pushing. Angel looked away and sat on the floor again. He knew Buffy had been stressed, too. She hadn't meant t and he had been a safe outlet. ((Is that all I am?)) Instinctively, he began to curl up for protection. He bent his knees and wrapped his arms around them. He laid his head on his knees.

Buffy watched him close up. She watched him and saw his weakness. But that only restored her anger. ((If I'm not allowed to be weak, then why can he?)) So she pushed on in her attack, knowing she was hurting herself in the process.

"Oh, Angel. I hadn't realized you were so experienced. It must have been a new… experience, seeing as how I'm no tavern wench and you… you were my first."

Angel sighed. ((A virgin. She was a virgin.)) He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. This time, he didn't even try to look up at anyone.

Cordelia recognized that look on his face. ((He remembers….))

"Most of my lovers were virgins. He was a virgin." Angel stopped and smiled. "Of course, he was. In England, in that day, a man could be sent to the gallows for falling in love with the wrong person." Again, he stopped and shook his head. "And so to did Angelus, the Scourge of Europe, get thrown into the Tower because the wrong people found out about his dirty little secret. And isn't it funny? Both murderers and homosexuals, by law, deserve to burn in Hell for their crimes against nature." Angel sighed and turned away.

"His first nights were spent in a dungeon. His first meal, his first kill, the murderers who preyed on the streets of London. I hurt him so much. It wasn't supposed to be that way. And I hurt him so much. And I have to make it better. I have to do this."

Angel stood up and looked at Cordelia. "I have to do this. I know what you're going to say. That this is wrong. That he is a killer. But I have to do this."

Cordelia smiled at him, again offering support. "I know, Angel. I know and I trust you."

Then Angel turned and left. He didn't look back.

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End Chapter the Third

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Like fresh meat loves salt, an author is bland unless a reviewer is willing to add flavor.

Three chapters down, one more to go: Angel fulfills his promise.

Kamp West

PS. My apologies for the rather sporadic updates to this story. I had intended to post all four chapters within a single week. But time has gotten away from me and I got sick. To make up for it, the last two chapters (this one and the last) will be posted together.

PSS. Thank you for all the reviews that I have received for this story. And once again, my apologies for not getting this up sooner.