Thank you for the support. Here's chapter 2. The rest of the story is progressing...slowly...its one of those that writes its self in bits that aren't always in order.
Chapter 2: Fear
"I'm sorry, we can't stay here." Zoë stares at the tabletop.
Mal looks crushed for a moment. Then in a quiet voice asks, "Why?"
"Mal," Wash says, and then corrects, "Not you, baby Mal. What with your ingenious decorating its not really to our tastes."
"I understand," Mal says. "Its too dangerous. This is over for you…"
Zoë's head snaps back up. "No Mal. Fix up Serenity and we'll be back. We'll rendezvous with you on Persephone when you go for Inara's shuttle."
Mal nods slowly and a silent understanding passes between him and his first mate.
Everyone else around the table is quiet, watching. Except for Jayne who is polishing a wicked looking hunting knife, and looking bored.
"Anyone else want to tell me they're leaving?" Mal fixes everyone with a stare. "Jayne? Simon?"
Jayne stops polishing his knife, a glob of spit runs down the blade.
"I ain't leaving Serenity. Not again." Kaylee pipes up meeting his gaze evenly.
He nods to her.
Simon looks at River beside him, he hadn't counted on being made to decide this early. "I don't know," he finally says.
Kaylee's face has dropped. They're going to leave? Already? Mal sees her expression and so does Simon, who looks away.
"Jayne?" Mal presses.
Jayne looks at his Captain, then back to the Tams. "We need to talk about it," he says gruffly.
"I'll stay if you'll have me," Inara says softly.
"You better," Mal says, but not coldly, "You owe me a shuttle." He looks at the three people not meeting his eyes. His voice frosts over. "You too."
Mal stands up, and pushes his chair back roughly. "This is still Serenity. That hasn't changed."
He departs the room, leaving guilty silence in his wake.
Zoë and Wash leave to go to baby Mal, and Inara politely excuses herself. Simon stands up out of politeness. Kaylee looks at Simon, her eyes wide and hurt.
"You're leaving? Again?"
Simon shrugs and stays silent.
"Jayne?"
Jayne can't look at Kaylee and ruin her ideals. So he stares at his feet.
"You always were daì ruò mù ji Simon!"
She turns and leaves the room. Simon standing in her wake looking confused.
Inara catches Mal's arm as he steps onto the ladder to his room.
"Mal," he looks at her and his eyes are unreadable. "Don't punish us. We didn't know. Surely you understand why Simon is afraid."
Mal shakes off her hand and continues to climb down. Inara gathers up her skirts and follows him.
"Don't walk away from me Malcolm Reynolds."
Mal turns and raises an eyebrow. "Don't recall inviting you into my room."
"What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"
"That it was manly and impulsive?"
"Didn't stop you with mine." Inara steps into his personal space. Mal shivers. "If you wanted to die alone why did you find us?"
Inara kneels in front of the five white candles set on a plinth in the courtyard garden of the Guild house on Persephone, and lights them carefully, one by one.
"For Jayne Cobb, Shepard Book, Simon Tam," Inara hears a small sob from Kaylee behind her but continues, "River Tam. And Captain Malcolm Reynolds. We light these candles to bless their souls and send them to the other side. May they be watched over and always find Serenity."
Inara lights the last candle, and rocks back on her heels. She stares at the flickering flame for a long moment, feeling a tear work its way down her nose. "Goodbye Mal," she mouths silently to it.
Standing, she turns to the others, adjusting her white veil so it hangs straight on her dark hair. Zoë is standing all stoic and soldier-like. Wash looks upset, he keeps looking at Zoë. He's holding her hand tightly, his knuckles pale. Kaylee is holding a hand to her mouth and rocking gently on her feet. Her eyes are sparkling with tears. Inara puts her arms around her.
"Ssshhh mei mei. Don't cry…"
"Why them? Why us?"
Inara rubs her hands up and down Kaylee's back, and can't answer her. "I'll keep these candles burning. Least we can say goodbye this way…" she finally adds.
"Shouldn't need to be saying goodbye at all," Kaylee wrenches herself free of Inara and puts both hands firstly to her mouth to stifle another sob, then covers her whole face then rubs them agitatedly through her hair. "Should of gone back quicker." She goes to the candles, kneels and whispers something the others can't hear. Her own goodbyes, Inara guesses. She overhears something like, "you said you loved me…"
Inara's heart is like lead in her chest. She can't quite believe Mal's gone. She knew she wanted to leave Serenity but it would have always been there. Mal should have always been there. She stares hard into the flickering flame of Mal's candle. And squeezes her eyes shut against the hot tears.
Inara reaches forward and touches the scars on his face, and his skin feels like ice.
"What did they do to you?"
Inara suddenly realises that Mal is shaking under her hand; she can see how pale his face has gone.
"Mal?"
His lips have practically gone white. She's never seen Mal go like this. He balls and unballs his fists several times. His breathing is too fast and a light sheen of sweat appears on his forehead.
"Mal? Should I call for Simon?" Inara's hand drops away from his face.
He shakes his head firmly and sits on his bunk. Inara stands as though frozen.
"Mal? What is it?"
He finally looks up at her, and his eyes are haunted. His voice is a harsh whisper. "I saw them." There's a long pause. "I looked into its eyes," his lower lips trembles until he clamps his teeth onto it. "And I saw what it wanted to do. To me, to you, to Kaylee…" his voice cracks.
Inara sits beside him and lays her hand on his. "Mal…"
"I was so afraid that seeing that would drive me mad like…" he stops.
Inara remembers that poor man.
"They made him watch."
"I though I might turn into that…or them. I was so alone and I didn't know what to do."
Mal's never like this. Mal is never afraid. Not like this. Inara grips his hand, holding it tight. "You're not alone anymore Mal. You're not a monster and you're not alone."
Gorram Jayne. Setting off explosives in Serenity. He conveniently forgets that he's lobbing grenades off the catwalk. Easier to blame Jayne. Always is. There's screaming below. Good. He creeps forward along the catwalk until he reaches the blown out gap, and throws another grenade off the edge. More unearthly howling. It makes all the hairs on his body prickle and stand up. He turns to go back the way he came and comes face to face with it.
A Reaver. A gorram Reaver is eyeballing him on his own ship.
In precisely four seconds, which to Mal seem like hours, it raises its large knife with a scream and stabs downwards. Mal tried to dodge, stumbles, tries not to fall off the broken catwalk, and feels the knife enter his leg. Just above his left knee. He feels the blade scraping bone.. Mal screams. The pain is excruciating. He swings Jayne's shotgun off his shoulder by its webbing strap and fires it. He's decided to name it Daisy, after a cow his mama had. Misses. Fires again. Gorram Reaver won't die quietly. Its flails with its knife and catches Mal twice in the face as his leg buckles under him. Misses his eyes, but not by much. His cheek is bleeding; he can feel the warmth spreading down his face. And the long cut from temple to jaw means that his eye is full of blood. Gorramit that hurts like hell.
Daisy clicks. Empty. Mal tastes the fear like bile in his mouth. I'm gonna die, I'm gonna bleed out right here in the cargo bay. I won't! I won't die for them.
He resorts to punching the Reaver, then a swift grab of its clothing and he heaves it over the railing with a yell. He throws another grenade after it. No more screaming. Mal wipes his hands on his shirt and swears blind that he just grabbed skin of some kind. He clamps his hand around his leg wound. He lets out a strangled scream, god that hurts. Blood pumps hotly into his hands. A wave of nausea hits him about the same time as the smell of burning flesh.
Mal shakes it off. He won't die here. He rips a section off the bottom of his shirt and ties it tightly over the wound. It's not enough. He's going to bleed to death in the gorram cargo bay. He pulls one of his suspenders off and pulls it tight around his leg as a tourniquet. The bleeding slows. Mal grabs the railing and pulls himself to his feet. He's still the captain and there is no way he'll wait for the Reavers to come back and finish him off.
And around him Serenity smoulders.
Translation Notes
Daì ruò mù ji - dumb as a wooden chicken