Chapter 6: Can't Find It Alone
Jayne took a deep breath and actually knocked on the infirmary door before poking his head round it.
Simon looked up from the syringe he was filling with some clear liquid. He finished filling it without looking.
"Yes Jayne?"
Jayne stepped into the infirmary, making sure he wasn't close enough for Simon to get him with the syringe.
"I…err…wanted to talk to you."
"Uh huh." Simon now had the syringe clamped between his teeth while he sealed the bottle and put it back in the cupboard. He pulled the syringe out of his mouth. "Have you seen River?"
"Uhhh no," Jayne knew River was standing just out of sight down the corridor. But it felt like she was breathing on the back of his neck.
Simon frowned. "So what do you want to talk about?"
Jayne shifted his weight uncomfortably, then finally blurted out, "I like River."
Simon's frown got deeper, and for a long moment he didn't even move. Then realisation crossed his features. "What?"
"I like River," Jayne repeated, "We want to have a relationship."
Simon blinked a few times. "You what? With River?" His mouth dropped open.
"We want your blessing…I, I want your blessing."
"What? With my baby sister?" Simon started walking back and forth brandishing the syringe.
Jayne eyed it wearily.
Simon stopped and gave him a fierce glare. "We?" he asked suspiciously.
"Err yeah."
"You've talked about this? River's talked about this…with you?"
Jayne just nodded, not wanting to provoke Simon more.
Simon jabbed the syringe in Jayne's direction. "With my baby sister?" His voice had risen now.
He advances towards Jayne.
"Maybe you should put the syringe down doc."
"You son of a…" Simon's fist connects solidly with Jayne's jaw.
Jayne didn't see it coming and staggered back against the doorframe.
"What the hell is going on?" Mal appears in the doorway, Kaylee behind him.
Jayne is holding his jaw, which is already turning purple, and Simon is shaking his hand in pain. He should know better than to hit a man in the jaw, you're more likely to break fingers, which he suspects he has. Jayne doesn't even move to retaliate. He knows Simon wants to do far worse. A punch in the jaw is reasonable. Simon's well within his rights to punch him.
"What did you do?" Kaylee looks horrified.
"Punched him. He's in love with River. And apparently she feels the same." Simon barks out a short laugh. "I really am going mad." He drops the syringe and runs a hand through his hair.
"Jayne, come with me," Mal orders seeing River hovering anxiously down the corridor, and Kaylee's insistent look. She wants to talk to Simon.
Kaylee grabs Simon's elbow to stop him pacing. "Simon its alright…"
"How? Its sick. It's perverse. It's my baby sister with…with…" he can't even finish the sentence.
"With a man who has lived with you, looked out for both of you for six years, and yesterday was your wingman when pointing guns at people. Why does that change now? He cares for her. River's 23 years old Simon, she's not a child." Kaylee bites the inside of her cheek. "Maybe she isn't the one who needs to grow up."
She turns on her heel and leaves Simon clutching his injured hand, all the more confused about staying on Serenity.
River has been throwing up since the early hours, and Jayne has been awake for much of it. Gorram girl can throw up loud enough to wake even him. Now its six a.m. and he knows he's got a job on today. One that he would rather be awake for. Young upstart thief, just like Reynolds used to be, wants him to fence something, means he's likely to get shot at. Jayne doesn't like getting shot at at the best of times, especially not when he's half asleep.
Least the doc can escape to the hospital. He'll have to put up with the vomiting and screaming all day. Simon claims he only took the job so he has easy access to medical equipment and supplies. He regularly pockets medicines to experiment on River with. Quite the little thief he has become. Jayne thinks its rubbish. Simon likes escaping River, likes pretending he's normal. That they've got a normal life. Jayne can see through it like that. All just pretty lies.
Thus when Jayne goes down for breakfast he's in a very bad mood.
Simon is standing in the kitchen making eggs. There are purple shadows under his eyes.
"I must apologise for last night. River reacted badly to the new dosage I gave her. It made her sick."
Jayne just grunts, takes Simon's eggs as he's putting them on a plate, and sits at the table. He shovels the eggs into his mouth.
Simon glares at him but stays silent. Jayne's glad. He doesn't need some lecture.
"Simon…" a weak voice cries from upstairs. Simon leaves his eggs and goes running upstairs to look after his sister.
Jayne finishes his eggs and then Simon's. He hates River when she's like this. When she's weak and sick. All she wants is Simon then. She didn't seek out Simon at other times. She liked to be with him. Just staring at him. It was as unnerving as ever, but Jayne would miss her if she stopped. Then she's pretty, for a crazy girl, and full of life. But when that fades, all she wants is her big brother. He didn't drag her out of that gorram ship. Jayne had done that. Simon had gone to pieces. Simon is no good in a crisis. Jayne is…well he usually is. He couldn't save Kaylee could he? Should have grabbed her too.
Jayne felt bad that they'd died, even Wash. He was surprised that Zoë would succumb to a Reaver's death. He and Inara had never seen eye to eye, but he'd never had anything against her. He only wound her up for fun, didn't wish her dead. Of course Mal went down with his ship, rutting fool. And little Kaylee, baobei, their little Kaylee. She never deserved that. Jayne hoped it was quick for her.
They'd created a memorial in the corner of their garden, under the trees where the shuttle was hid. They'd laid out five pieces of wood carved with their names. River had laid a blue china teacup, a toy triceratops, a pink ribbon tied in a bow, a dusky plastic orchid and a small metal military badge she'd got from somewhere. Simon was trying to grow a strawberry plant with limited success. Jayne pauses there only alone, always after dark. Feels wretched and leaves.
Simon comes back into the kitchen. "I trust you'll watch her today. Its not fair to leave Book to do it alone."
Jayne shakes his head, "I got work to do."
Jayne always knew Simon had a temper simmering below the surface; he'd just never experienced its full wrath before.
"You're so gorram selfish!"
"Keep talking pretty boy," Jayne smirks.
Simon launches into a string of swear words that Jayne was sure he hadn't leant on Osiris.
"Don't get smart boy," Jayne stands up, trying to use his build to intimidate him. Simon refuses to back down. Hmm, maybe he could give the doc some credit.
"Ni zhen bushi yiban ren!" Simon snaps.
"Stop playing at being a meng gu di fu!" Jayne laughs in his face.
"Poq gai!" Simon spits at him.
"Now doc don't be getting personal," Jayne leans forward on the table with a hard look.
They find themselves nose-to-nose, just about ready to punch each other when River appears in the doorway. Wraith-like, her hair wild around a face even paler than normal. She looks from one to the other.
"Everybody's so mad," she says, her voice not her normal accent.
Simon froze his face a stunned mask, he almost looks frightened, "What did you say mei mei?"
"Everybody's so mad," she repeats the same way.
Jayne remember another girl saying those words. Another girl he cared about. The one he couldn't save. He looked at River. He wouldn't make that mistake again.
"What's going on Jayne?" Mal fixes him with a look that says 'I will hurt you if you lie to me'.
River piped up first. "We want to stay on Serenity Captain. Me and Jayne…with your permission."
"Welcome aboard," Mal says evenly. "But that don't explain the ruckus in there."
"Simon don't think I'm good enough for her," Jayne mumbled, rubbing his jaw vigorously.
"You ain't good enough for nobody Jayne," Mal says. "But since I lost my battle about shipboard romances long ago, I got no quarrel with you two. Just don't let it interfere with business."
River squeals in a way that makes Mal jump. He never took River for the squealing type of girl. She kisses Jayne on the cheek, then kisses Mal then Jayne again.
"Thank you Captain."
Mal finds it all downright disturbing. The only person who should kiss Jayne is his mother.
The house is innocuous-looking enough in the dying light of day. The shuttle hidden under the trees at the back of the house is a bit of a giveaway but not so incriminating. There is even a white picket fence.
Mal wonders for a moment if he has any right to take them away from all this. Simon and River have made a home here. The home they were denied. And Book, well he didn't choose their life. Fate chose it for him. Yeah, fate with pigtails and a parasol, Mal can't help but chuckle. And Jayne, well god knew what this held for Jayne.
Mal leans against a tree trunk, the dappled dying light on his brown coat camouflaging him well.
He'd found Jayne first. He may be laying low but this was Jayne. Hit enough brothels and bars and places like Badger's and you found traces. Jayne was never subtle.
Mal catches a movement through an upstairs open window. Just a flash of someone running, brown hair flying. There was a yell, muffled by the house but loud enough to carry to him. "River Tam I swear I will…"
What are you swearing doctor? Mal thinks with a slight smile. So much for the faked names. They always slip up.
"Will you all gorram SHUT UP!" Jayne's voice cuts across the others.
"Jayne!" River shrieks and a door bangs open. Close. Mal shrinks back behind the tree trunk as the girl leaps down three steps to the path outside, dress fluttering around her knees. She's wearing bright pink knitted gloves up her arms. She raises them above her head and does a neat pirouette.
Jayne and Book appear in the doorway, while River twirls on the path. River adapts the pirouette so she's always 'spotting' to Jayne. He walks towards her and grabs her arm, stopping her mid spin. She stops dead, and stares up at him intently. He pulls her back into the house, only slightly roughly. "Just let Simon jab you. Gotta get better girl…" The slammed door cuts off the rest of his words.
Mal wonders about River. Is she better? Is she worse? He finds his hands are shaking. He balls them up until it stops. Would she know his face if he walked back into her life. Has she forgotten? Has Simon? Have they made themselves forget? Do they even think of dead captains and lost ships? Do they dream of Companions and soldiers and men in mad Hawaiian shirts? Does Simon dream of the girl with the sunniest smile in the 'verse?
Mal shifts his weight, as the shadows grow longer over the house and wonders if he deserves this. Does he deserve the chance to find his crew? Is he finding them for their own sakes or for his?
He's come this far, they deserve to know the truth, he assures himself. They need to know if the others really lived or died. They need to find Serenity. Because Mal can't find it alone.
Translation Notes
Luh suh – crap
Ni zhen bushi yiban ren -You're unbelievable
Meng gu di fu - Witch Doctor
Poq Gai: go die in the street