Chapter 15
Neela hung up the phone and gazed out the window. Some clouds just outside caught her attention. She watched them as they drifted by almost imperceptibly slowly. She remembered how as a child she used to lie on her back outside and stare up at the sky, using her imagination to see different images within the clouds. A hippopotamus or a dinosaur she thought with a smile. I guess those days are over now, when my biggest problem of the day was trying to figure out if I was seeing a scorpion or stethoscope. In the end, it was always a stethoscope.
This isn't a problem though, is it? Ray, he's not a problem. What is the problem? Is it me? No, well—I wouldn't go that far. I think it's just the idea of…us. I mean, we're from completely different backgrounds, different worlds, really. The idea that we could have anything special is ludicrous…but why does it seem like it would be so right? Neela's brain lapsed into silence as she drew a deep breath.
Maybe I'm thinking too much. No, that's ridiculous, you can't think too much! But maybe there's a time in your life where you need to take the backseat, and trust something else to drive you. What, exactly? The…Force, or something, Neela thought, remembering the Star Wars movies Ray had once made her watch. Oh, brilliant. Yeah, now I sound like I've just about completely lost it. All I need to do is start rambling on about a fat little baby with wings shooting people in the ass with a bow and arrow. Yeah, that'd get me a Thorazine drip and a 72 hour hold. Perfect.
I need a plan. Okay, okay, a plan. Come on, think! I'm just going over there with some food and to talk. What kind of food, and what are we going to talk about? Oh, don't be an idiot Neela, you know perfectly well what we're going to talk about! How about some pizza—no, not pizza. Too impersonal, we're not going to watch a football game…oh, excuse me, American football. I'll pick up…Chinese. Excellent, yes, Chinese! And I'll just pick some up and go over to his apartment, easy as pie. Oh no, pie! Do I need to bring dessert? He didn't say anything about dessert! Honestly, am I supposed to be in charge bringing every morsel of food that is put into our mouths? Would it be so hard for him to just dig some ice cream out of the freezer? I don't even know why I'm giving this any thought, I don't even think I can eat dinner, much less anything else! I think I'm panicking. I think my brain's cranking into overdrive. I'm sure Ray's not freaking out like this. After all, he's got Emily to worry about, doesn't he? Emily! Where's she going to be? Asleep, probably. Hopefully! How awkward would that be, to be having possibly one of the most important conversations of my life, and to have his kid sister listening to the whole thing! I'm sure he's taken care of that though; this can't be easy for him, either. But there's no way he's doing this. Is there?
Neela brought her palm to her forehead with a large smack. That's it. No more thinking for you. Deep breath…that's it…now let it out…slowly…excellent. Now, no more bloody mile-a-minute thoughts!