Title: And It All Falls Down
Summary: It's just you and him and nothing else.
Warning: Lots of repetition and nonsensicalness. As well as sappy undertones.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This is my first time writing in the second person, as well as my second attempt at Yuki/Tohru. Hopefully it came out well.
A couple of things to add: This fic is composed of three parts, and each beginning and end is indicated by two dashes.
In the first part, Tohru is marrying Kyo (because everyone expects her to, and of course she wants to make them happy). In the second, she's debating separating from Kyo and at the same time is having an affair with Yuki. In the third part, she has run away with Yuki and now the two of them are together. As for Kyo, well . . let's just say that he's off snogging Kagura. :P
As for ages – in the first part, the trio are eighteen, in the second part, they are twenty, and in the final part, they are twenty-one.
"You" is Tohru, "he" is Yuki, and "them" are Yuki and Kyo.
Man, this was a long note..
Dedication: For Romy, because she asked me to write one. I'm waiting to see what you come up with, hon ;)
--
It's just you and him and nothing else.
It's always been like this – you've stuck by his side for the past two years. And now you can't imagine being anywhere else. Because you've chosen to stay here with him and be a part of his house – be a part of his family - you deal with the consequences that follow. Jealousies, threats, fights, attacks, breakdowns – you two have been through it all.
Together.
You had anticipated this – had known it from the very beginning. And yet you've stayed with him. The reason why you have been by his side, you realize, is because you love him. Because you love him, you are always with him whenever he needs you. Because you love him, you realize, it's all come down to this.
The final moment. The one time when you're truly ashamed of yourself and can't make yourself meet his eyes. You became a coward, and took the easy way out, so you wouldn't fall deep and it would too late to stop yourself from loving him, from ever loving him again. And now it's all built up to this moment. You can't bring yourself back, you can only move forward.
And you can't bring yourself to do it. This is your mistake, and you're left alone to fix it. But you don't want to confront it, because this means you'll lose them both. And you can't let that happen.
You're shaken from your buzzing thoughts by his voice. Warm, soothing, familiar.
He bittersweetly smiles at you – and you find out that you can't stand living the false lie you've mapped out for yourself anymore. But it's too late. It's always too late. Now all you can do is go a step forward and never look back.
"Are you ready to go, Honda-san?" His face is a mask, one you cannot read.
"Yes," you reply, trying to smile bravely. You can't bring yourself to lie.
Then you take his arm, and the two of you leave for the temple. You don't want to go, but you have to.
And your heart aches.
--
It's one year later. You marvel at how long you've successfully managed to live this lie. And how you got away with it.
Lying didn't come naturally to you before. But now, you feel as if you've done it your whole life. You can't picture how things would be now without it. It's become a part of you, and you feel that it has saved your life a million times over.
But then you'll only be lying to yourself this way. Like the other countless times you've done the same thing to blind yourself from reality. It's a useful cover-up for you, and you can't stop, because you've already fallen in deep –
After all, you never meant for this – all this sneaking around, this regret – it wasn't supposed to happen. You force yourself to believe that it was an honest mistake.
But it did happen, and you're left with nothing and no one to grieve for but yourself. You caused this to happen.
And you can't turn things back to the way they were. You don't regret this, being with him, but you can't forgive yourself for everything else. You can't forget all the heinous things you've done. You won't let yourself forget.
In the end you're left with only nothing except your guilt and happiness. And you feel ashamed of yourself; you shouldn't be feeling happy. You don't deserve to be. You, who brought them joy and a sense of meaning into their lives, have given nothing in return for their kindness but pain and betrayal. You're leading the both of them on; sooner or later you know you have to let go of one of them. You can't be with both.
But you're selfish. You can't be with the two of them, when you're causing them anguish. You have to choose. One or the other.
And, inevitably, this happened. You were gravitated towards the both of them, for different reasons. They had their own secrets, thoughts, hopes, desires, dreams, wishes – and you couldn't help but be intrigued. By them.
You have always been one to keep secrets yet try to find out another's. Some people might call that curious; others, nosy. You don't mind. You're trustworthy, understanding – and ultimately these qualities got you here. You led yourself to the lion's den, an innocent, naïve lamb who couldn't, in the end, be strong and try to escape. It was too late; you were weak, and the lion got you. You got in deep, you were captured and now you can't go back. No matter how desperately you want, you need to.
And now you have to face the consequences – you have to choose. Between the two of them. And you know you have to, but you can't. You just can't.
But you have to. You must force yourself to. You have to be strong. You have no choice.
If only you hadn't let yourself – if only, if only. You let yourself in, now you must let yourself out.
You close your eyes. It's so hard – you already chose, yet your decision is tearing you apart. You're falling down . . never to come back up.
You have to choose again. And you bear it silently, letting the guilt, pain and shame wash over your body, cleansing you.
It cannot go on like this forever, you know, so you choose.
You can live without one, but you can't without the other. You need him, he needs you. You give, he gives, and the two of you expect nothing in return. You just give freely from your hearts and wish all the happiness in the world for the other person. And it tears you both apart, because you can't be with each other.
But for him, you will break every rule and boundary. For him you will do this. You just can't imagine yourself without him, nor do you want to.
With a sad smile on his lips, he admits to you that he can't either. Nor does he want to.
"If it weren't for you, Honda-san, I wouldn't be who I am now. I owe you everything, and I don't know how to pay you back." His eyes soften. "I can't, even."
You only shake your head and deny everything. Because that's how truly good you are. "No, no, Yuki-kun – you don't owe me anything. At all. It is I who owes you everything. And all I do is not enough to pay you back for your kindn –"
"No, Tohru," he interrupts you quietly.
This is the first time he's ever called you by your name. You stand still, and listen.
"You don't owe me anything at all. It is I who owes you everything. Without I – all of us – wouldn't be who we are today. You've brought meaning into our lives. I . ." he hesitates. "We thank you, Tohru. All of us – what we can really do is to be your family in return for all you've done for us."
"And you all are that," you tell him. He notices that you singled him out and gives you a look. You pretend not to notice. "More than I can ever say. You've all been so kind and wonderful to me, and I can't – I don't know how I'll ever be able to pay you back."
"There's no need to pay us back," he says softly. "Families give and give and expect nothing in return. You've done the same. So we're even." He smiles slightly.
And you say nothing. You don't need words to tell how you feel.
--
He was right, you realize two years later. Everything came out even for the both of you. You finally broke free from your invisible chains and the two of you became reality. You and him were no longer a beautiful hallucination anymore. Reality came crashing down on you, but you stood tall and rebuilt your life. With him by your side. Always.
And with you by his side, he stood up to Akito and got his life back.
And you chose, and you don't regret anything at all. You don't regret being with him, you don't regret breaking up with Kyo and running away. You don't repent any of that.
"Everything fell down all around us, Tohru," he says. The two of you are thinking about the past, you know.
"And we got up and put it all back together," you reply. "We started our lives over."
Looking at each other, you both smile and walk on forward.
And you realize that the present holds the same for the beginning, as it always has –
It's just you and him and nothing else.
fin
Author's Note: I'm sorry I've been gone so long – hopefully this makes up a little for my absence? And I hope you enjoyed this – read and review, if you want. : )