DISCLAIMER: I don't own South Park (sorry to all fans bigger then I if I spelled rowshambow wrong). I don't own the Godfather, Or Playboy and Hustler magazines, sorry Brandon, no Freebies. These last few weeks me and my friends were discussing the politically correct spelling of the word "chaaa". I say three "a" s some people argue one, or four…whatever. Your comments are graciously appreciated.

Please enjoy the CRACK ROOM free to all hippies and wanabees. No loitering. Either smoke free crack or screw you guys...go home.

CHAPTER SEVEN: Pothead Meets South Park

Cartman: "Ha ha! I killed your guy Kyle. Gimmie the ten dollars you bet me."

Kyle: "Fuck you asshole, you fuckin' cheated."

Cartman: "Hey! I did nawt cheat. Naw you gimmie doz ten fuckin' dollars before I come over dere and kick your goddamn Jewish ass."

Kyle: "Stop calling me a goddamn Jew Cartman!"

Cartman: "All right, all right. Fuckin' pussy. I'll tell you what, I'll rowshambow ya for the ten dollars."

Kyle: "rowshambow?"

Cartman: "Yeah. See I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can, then you kick me in the nuts as hard as you can. We both go back and forth until one of us falls over. Here, I'll start."

Cartman kicks Kyle in the nuts, Kyle falls over screaming in pain, Kyle holds out a ten dollar bill while clutching his nuts.

Kyle: "I really fuckin' hate you Cartman."

Cartman laughs as he sticks the money in his wallet.

Cartman: "Yeah, I know"

About this time Harry Pothead, Ronald Weasel, Brandon Anderson, and Towelie noticed the boys.

Brandon: "Oh dude, It's the fuckin' kids from South Park. SWEET!"

Brandon high fives Kenny, they do a weird ghetto handshake thingy. Stan waves a short hello. Kyle gives a false smile, still hunched over on the floor holding his nuts. And Cartman, who noticed Towelie points and yells:

Cartman: "What the fuck are you doing hear?"

Kyle: "Yeah Towelie, I thought you were hiding from the CIA and Men In Black."

Brandon: "Well Duh! That's why he's HERE."

Harry: "Yeah, like Dumbledork always says:

All in a droned out tone, they have heard this a million times too many: "Hogwarts is the safest place on earth."

Towelie: "Awww….I just needed to get away from it all."

Harry hands Towelie and glass bong.

Harry: "Dis ill getcha far WAY from tall… Ahawhawhaw."

Everyone stared, slightly scared, at Harry.

Brandon: "Damn Pothead you're a SIEROUSLY fucked up man."

Suddenly the door to the room flies open. Hermione walks in, hair tousled, clothes in slight disarray, held around the waist by Draco who has a huge Cuban cigar in his mouth. Hermione see the pills on the other side of the room, graciously excuses herself and then enjoys a long, slow, passionate kiss from the Boss Man. He smacked her on the ass. And as she walked away was eyeing her up…and down…as she found her pretty colored beans, and began popping them down her throat.

Don: "Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that your hot… DAMN HOT…ahem…lady friend, has made ME an offer, and I COULDN'T refuse. If ya know what I mean."

The Don dose a double wink and Harry mutters under his breath.

Harry: "Whore."

The Don, obviously NOT hearing Harry's little comment continued, "Apparently there is a chamber underneath Hogworts filled to the brim with weed and other drugs, as Hermione has told me. I know that the place exists because it used to be a dance hall back in the 50s…"

"Wait a second," Harry interrupted. "The fifties? How old are you?" Hermione looked up for a second…let's see she's 17 and the Don is HOW OLD? (Hermione! I didn't know you went for wrinkles!)

"I'm sorry little Harry, but that's classified, If I told you, I'd have to kill you…" He reached into his tux and pulled out a 9mm pistol, "you don't want that, do you?" The Don smiled evilly.

"Our bad!" Ron spoke up. "Harry," he grabbed a hold of Harry's sleeve like a child does to their mothers skirt when she wants something. "Stop doing that!"

"Doing WHAT Ron?" Harry glared at him.

"You're gona piss him off and he's gona kill us!"

"Gawd dum it Rwon." Hermione said halfway through chewing a cheeseburger. "Guive it uppp, wiall you?"

Brandon was too busy talking with the South Park kids to notice what was going on, but he yelled anyways…"Ron, don't make me come over there and kick your ass…cause I'll do it."

After more rude comments and several cold glares at Ron for being a stupid question asking, dumbass comment making, 100 retarded retard, they stopped, the Don continued and Ron sat in a corner and cried mumbling comments about how he should just kill himself since no one loved him. (A/N: believe it or not but as a character in Harry Potter, I actually like Ron, but I had to pick on some one…and quite frankly, Ron can be a wimp.)

"Anyways", The Don continued. "I understand that you, Harry, want to go down in there an get your bag o' weed back, you too Brandon?"

"I'm goin' down there to return all the stolen weed to children and adults alike, Harry's just a selfish asshole." Brandon coolly stated.

There was a short pause, Harry was gona get pissed again and it was all Brandon's fault…god he was such a dumbass, now he had it coming…

Harry groaned and looked ready to grab the nearest lead pencil and stab Brandon to death with it…..but decided it better to play along, "Yup, that's me!"

"In that case, you boys"

"AHUM!" Hermione interrupted the Don.

"And girl, yes Hermione, I know from personal experience that you could give the Blunt Man a run for his money. You're all going to need weapons. So, what've you got?"

Hermione held out a condom (safety girl) and her wand. "Stick and a rubber, not bad." the Don approved, "Your looks are a deadly weapon too." She blushed.

Harry pulled out his wand. "That's it?" The Don asked. "Anybody gives me any problems, I'll kick their ass." "Whatever you say Harry." The Don sighed.

Brandon rolled up his sleeves and ran around the room screaming "Look at my muscles. I've got big muscles. See my muscles, Your muscles ain't as big as my muscles." (inside joke- Brandon will get it.)

Ron was still crying in the corner and Towelie took a drag of his blunt, Laughed and cried out, "I have NO idea what's goin on!"

The Don sighed again and smacked his hand over his face, slowly pulling it down his face until he was pulling on his chin. "Ok.." he said…the room got quiet all of a sudden. The Don reached into his suit and pulled out a chain watch. He unscrewed something from the side of it, which let the bottom of it pop open into a secret compartment. In this hole was a small key no longer then a thumbnail. Then he went into the closet by the TV and after rummaging around for a few minutes came back into the crack room and motioned the kids in.

Kyle: "Well, are we goin' in to?"

Stan: "I don't know dude, you think we should?"

Kyle: "Maybe, I wonder what's in there."

Kenny poked his head around the corner, and then looked back at the boys with wide eyes.

Kenny: "Holy shit guys. Mmmm mmsm m mm mm ssms ms mms smms and they're really big!"

Cartman smiled.

Cartman: "Are you sure Kenny?"

Kenny: "Mumhum."

Stan: "What did he say?"

Kyle: "He said that there is a room through a doorway and there are a bunch a really big machine guns in there."

Kenny: "They look pretty cool guys"

Cartman: "Well, then what the fuck are waiting' for, Lets go!"

The four little boys shuffle into the closet and through the secret door…..