A/N: here it is, the story is about half over…so enjoy. Oh, and (monotone) "I own nothing." enjoy!
CHAPTER EIGHT: The Armory of Clichés, Rip Offs, and Confiscated Weapons
Kyle: Holy shit dude!
Stan: Man, check out all these weapons.
Cartman: Check it out guys.
Cartman was pointing at the wall that had a little white sign saying "South Park Weapons"
Stan: That's weird…Hey look…OCAMA (sp?) Game Sphere! Stan disappears towards the wall.
Kyle: Is that a life size Mega Man suit? Kyle wanders over the heap of blue machinery.
Kenny: Wow! Kenny goes up to the ancient Japanese weapons and got the pot leaf shaped shikons (sp?) because they were only $10 and even HE could afford them.
The Hogworts kids were led through the vast room of weapons and arms from all over. There were the MIB guns, Stargate SG1 Zat guns and staff weapons, even Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth had a spot. There was all the magic things from Disney, and all the machines ever used by Warner Brothers. A shelf dedicated to the Final Fantasy video games and several closets of clothes, costumes and power suits.
The Don led the children past shelves piled with confiscated weapons from all the evil bad guys and good guys. Rows of tables with odd assortments of this-n-that and strange dohikies and whatchamacallits lined walls on which hung every clichéd horror movie weapon ever. Including The Hook and the Knife from Scream 1 and 3.
The knife from Scream 2 got stolen years ago…it was never found, but recent events have led officials into believing that the "little gray men" may have stolen it. The only question is, "what would the members of Congress want with the knife from Scream 2?"
The Don led the children up to a glass table from which large amounts of smoke billowed up from behind of. The Don, frustrated began to lean over the table, when all of a sudden…
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAW SHIT SON!" A black man, mid twenties with an afro raised up from behind the counter. The Don leaned back and Ron jumped asking "Oh bloody hell Hermione, what is it?" (FYI, this is not meant to be racist. Ron is a wimp and black peoples kick Ass! To the real "Shorty" you know who you are, I love you man! Keep it really real!)
"Shut it Ron, honestly, you are such a wimp!" Hermione whispered. (see, told ya.) The Don did not seem pleased, man he was a bitchy Don.
"Shorty?" Brandon's first word since entering the Armory. "Yo dawg what up?"
"Ah, shit son. Yo B. Randon dat you man?" The black guy squinted his eyes and took another drag of his blunt. "Well fuck my dick and call me raspberries. The King o' da Fuck has returned."
"B. Randon? King o' da Fuck?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. Taking this opportunity to impress the little wench, he cockily remarked. "Why, yes it is bitch. And I didn't get that last title from just skippin' rope." In a whispered voice, he added, "I had to play hop scotch too." Hermione giggled. Harry scowled. And the Don rolled his eyes and mouthed "skank" under his breath.
"Ok, Shorty, show these kids the weapons they need to defeat the Blunt Man." The Don pressed on with business, typical white male in corporate America…Thank god this wasn't corporate Britain. Damn Englandites. (I don't REALLY hate the British either, but it's in da rulz.)
"Ho' shit dude, man, you little smokies and smokettes goin' catch da Blunt Stealin' Man?" Shorty squinted over the glass counter, blunt still in hand.
"Yup." Harry answered. He straightened his torn denim jacket like a big shot lawyer and looked around. "We're the fuckin saviors to Pot Smoking World."
"Well, dats a'ight, little fellas. Lets gitcha all suited up. Shit son."
The pot smoking black man herded the children and Don over to the left wall in the back, through a door, and up a flight of stairs. "Dis where all da gud shitz is." He told them.
In the room was nothing more then a large black bag sprawled across the stone floor. It looked empty.
Shorty picked up the large saggy sack…(hee hee) and reached inside. "To Harry Pothead, I give a 1927 tommy gun."
"Shit man, that's cool."
"Al Capone used it several times." He commented.
"Check it out bitches, Al Capone's machine gun."
Shorty reached into the black sack again, this time pulling out a large bazooka. "This is for Hermione."
Hermione held up her hand and replied, "That's ok, I have a personal weapon of choice right here." She pointed to her crotch.
"What are you gona do, Hermione, fuck the blunt man to death?" Harry bitched at the girl.
Hermione said nothing, only pulled down her panties and revealed her Octo-pussy. Several long green and slimy tentacles shot out from her crotch.
The Don looked around, embarrassed. Scratching his head he slowly commented, "How did I miss that?" Harry turned to him and replied, "How could I miss that. You only fucked her once."
"I can hide it." She told the boys. "This is my secret weapon. I never been raped because of this."
"I didn't know you could rape the willing." Kenny added. Everyone laughed.
"Yeah, um, my mom says you're a slut." Cartman said holding a police baton.
"Haha, Cartman, your mom is the biggest slut ever." Kyle laughed.
"Seriously you guys, Stop callin' my mom a slut, Seriously, ok? DAMNIT RESPECT MY AUTHORITAL!" Cartmen yelled.
"You know Cartman, I've see your mom on the cover of Crack Whore Magazine…several times actually." B. Randon commented.
"Hey. You shut your fat mouth. Don't make me use my Authorital on you." Cartman replied matter of factly.
"No one likes Cartman with Authorital." Stan yelled.
"Everybody, seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU ALL CAN BURN IN HELL, YOU WEAK….. LITTLE…… PUSSIES. SERIOUSLY." Cartman Screamed.
Hermione stuck her tongue out at Cartman who opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the Don. "Don't make me get Dumbledork down here to separate you all. Shorty, please continue distributing the weapons."
"Awwwright, um, Towelie, you can have dis…" Shorty handed Towelie a blunt. "Smoke this Popeye Spinach enhanced blunt an' ya will have da strength to fight da blunt man, Smoke dope, an' save all ya all friends from any shit they may find themselves in. a'ight?"
"I have no idea what's goin' on."