OMG! I'm not dead! I know it's been awhile since I visited the community. Hopefully, my return brings celebration! silence sweatdrops Fine, be that way…

Summary: A reminisce of Reno. The fiery redhead questions his duty and remembers the turning point in his life that led him down his present path…And that reason re-manifests itself in the most particular and ironic way…

Warnings: As dealing with any of the Turks or ShinRa, there WILL be some violence. And dealing with Reno…do I need to give a warning for language?

Also, later, there will be recountings of abuse, alcoholism, and mentions of rape. If any of these offends you LEAVE now! I won't be too graphic (sorry, limey fans, I just don't swing that way ;P) but there will be enough for story plot development.

BTW and FYI, journal entries are done in military time. Just subtract 12 after 12 in the afternoon. Eg: 1432 hrs, would be 2:32PM and 745 hrs would be 7:45 AM. Simple, ne?

BIG thanks to "trapt-t" for betaing this fic! Thanks SO much for helping! Another author's opinion is very highly appreciated to me!

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"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to fail…"

E L O Q U E N C E

By Yami-chan

6-16-05

Chapter 1

Present Musings

June 18

1844 hrs.

Once Tseng, in one of his more eloquent moments, had called me a 'rose of the slums.'

I had followed up with a just as eloquent response of a few of my more favorite four letter words.

'Rose of the slums,' huh?

More like the common weed of the slums, as many of Midgar's residents are. Just clinging to their polluted land like a scrub perched on edge of a cliff, perched to fall over with the wind's breath.

……damn…the Boss is rubbing off on me.

It's only because of him that I'm sitting here right now with this damn journal. I'd rather be dragging Rude off to the nearest bar. But a quick glance at my wallet claims otherwise. Last time I checked, my shiny-headed partner was out like a lamp in the living room anyways. As for the other two of our little entourage…who really cares where 'Lena is? And, Tseng, like the workaholic he is, is still at the office.

There's nothing to do…except grocery shopping…

Screw that.

That's why we have a female on the team now anyway. Speak of the devil…

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Reno tipped his chair back, pen balanced on nose, to peer out of his room as a door slammed shut. The blonde of the little group stormed into the office in her normal bluster, slamming several brown bags on the counter. With a look of irritation, she threw her keys in the corner, grabbed a rather large chocolate bar out of a bag and fell on the couch, ignoring its present occupant. Rude just scrunched up his legs and rolled over to face the wall of the sofa. Alerted to a poke-and-tease session, Reno let his chair fall back and entered the living room.

"Y'know, if this session is worth that last month's, warn us guys first." Elena turned five shades of red and threw the aluminum wrapping at the redhead. However, Reno caught it mere centimeters from his face and winked. Elena went back to pouting mode and slumped back in the cushions, grabbing a crossword off the table. Reno plopped down in the vacant loveseat.

"So, when's dinner?"

"Make it yourself. I'm busy. What's a ten letter word for 'to branch off or diverge?'"

"Psfft. How the hell should I know?" He quickly got up and headed for the refrigerator in search of something edible and not expired. Settling for a beer, he leaned against the counter.

"Tseng shot me down."

Reno nearly lost his beer in a splurt. Wiping his mouth on his sleeve, he looked back into the room. He was faced with the back of the woman's head. How to approach this delicately…

"So…" He spun the can on the counter. "You finally 'fessed up?"

"Yeah. He said there wasn't room for a relationship with our line of work." Reno winced. I told him to let her down easy.

"Y'know…he's right. Emotion leads to weakness. Turks don't have time for that. You should know, 'Lena."

"I guess you're right." The redhead smiled weakly as he walked by the couch. He rubbed a finger over his cheek, where one of his twin scars rested. It was a nervous habit he tried to break. It wasn't good for a Turk to have any tells.

"Hey." He rested a hand not so gently on her head. Elena looked up, surprised by this uncharacteristic contact and the easy smile on his face. "Don't give up. I've worn the Bossman down plenty of times. Keep up the usual nagging and maybe you'll get lucky, rookie."

"But you just said--"

"The world will end before Reno's right," came Rude's voice. Elena giggled as Reno grabbed the much larger man off the couch in a chokehold. Rude just stood to his full height and Reno had to let go or face the degrading act of dangling inches off the floor. The bald Turk nonchalantly straightened his shirt and plodded off to the kitchen, still half-asleep.

"Since no one else seems to be getting around to it, I'll make dinner."

"Which involves a phone number and phone," countered Reno, tossing the said item to his comrade. Rude just grunted as he punched in the well-known number.

Elena smiled, more at ease among the antics between the two than at the office in her issued navy blue suit. Her attention was diverted by Reno as he grabbed a bag of chips and headed back to his room. The feeling of ease deepened as she watched the lanky form of her companion.

"Reno…than--"

"By the way," he interrupted, not looking back. "The word is 'divaricate.'" The blonde blinked as his door closed.

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"We have out next mission lined up. The target--"

"Cut the crap, Boss," Reno spat into the phone. Tseng was silent, waiting for the expected follow-up to Reno's obviously annoyed interruption. The redhead shook his head and held back a sigh as he fell back into bed, phone to his ear. He rubbed his eyes.

"Unless you're going to continue, I would like to pass on the information." With a scoff/sigh, Reno sat back up, now loose hair falling over his bare shoulder.

"Tseng, you know I respect you, right?"

"More times than others." Reno leaned forward, resting an elbow on his knee. "'Lena came back pretty pissed off at you."

On the other line, Tseng shook his head and sighed as he leaned back in his chair.

"I told you to let her down easy, Boss."

"Reno, listen. You're smarter than you act. Why else did I make you second-in-command?" He smiled a bit as he imagined his comrade's glare at the phone. "A relationship of any kind will only hinder both her and me in the end."

"Still…" Tseng set his pen down as he examined the other Turk's tone.

"If you're so worried, why don't you do something about it?"

"What the hell do you think I'm doing now?" came the aggravated reply. "Well…" The Wutain smiled as he looked out the office window. "Take her out to dinner tomorrow."

A deafening 'clang' was the response as the phone crashed down on the receiver. The Turk leader continued smiling as he slipped his daily report in a folder. Perfectly executed.

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June 20

243 hrs.

Turks have sometimes been called 'the devils in blue suits.' Can't argue with that. It's funny, though. As soon as any of us shed the clean, spotless blue (splashed invisibly with the blood of innocents) and don civilian's clothing, it can be difficult to tell the difference between one person and the next. The ultimate wolf in sheep's clothing. And yet…there is always still an air that lingers around us. Whether it's the way we move, adapted to our job, or the cool callousness that's instilled within us from day one, it's hard to totally melt into the crowd. It's ironic. We're trained to adopt any role, play any part to deceive and get closer to the objective and eliminate it. Yet, we can't fade into the backdrop of humanity…

…Perhaps we are closer to devils…

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"Shit." Reno pressed his back to the wall as bullets whizzed past his ear. "I thought this was supposed to be some ragtag terrorists."

"Obviously we thought wrong," came Rude's bland reply in his earpiece.

"I call dibs on the Intel. agent when we get back." Reno flipped out his mag-rod as the firing slowed fractionally. He snuck around the opposite side of the pillar and behind the three criminals. The Turk slammed the metal rod into the nearest man's head.

He fell like a rock.

Alarmed at his companion's drop, the next spun, gun leveled. The next thing he experienced was a large volt of electricity in his stomach, like a kick in the gut. He slumped down. Reno pushed the man away in disgust. It was a stand-off between the remaining terrorist and the redhead.

"Your move, man." Reno shrugged. Obviously shaken, the man didn't reply, gun pointed at his enemy. Suddenly, blood sprayed as a neat hole appeared in his forehead and he fell heavily to the ground.

"Too late," Reno whispered bitterly, though a smirk twitched across his features.

Rude threw the empty magazine of his pistol aside. "Last time I bail you out."

"I had everything in control," he retorted. He grimaced. "I just had this shirt cleaned and you ruined it," he complained.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, shut up." Movement caught the smaller Turk's eye. "Where's Elena?"

"Back near the entrance. I wanted her on guard duty, not in here."

"Good move." With a quick twist of the wrist, Reno withdrew his own pistol and shot the sneaking man that was approaching.

"Well, let's get going," the second-in-command finished nonchalantly, fitting the weapon back into his shoulder holster. "The target is just ahead."

The two Turks met little resistance as they made their way to the target. The metal reinforced doors did little to sway the professionals. Rude turned to cover his partner as Reno started decrypting the security code. It didn't take long for the tech-savvy man to break it. The doors swooshed open and the two walked in, the redhead closing the door behind them. The sparsely decorated office was empty. Quietly, Reno and Rude scanned for any telltale signs of the room's story. The windows were bricked up. No chance of escape there. Reno stepped further into the room, mag-rod ready. Rude started on the opposite side.

The redhead approached the desk. With a mild curiosity, aqua-green eyes scanned over the messily spread documents.

"These guys are nothing but cheap mercenaries," he informed the taller man. "I'm surprised anyone would even hire them."

"They almost bombed the Mako reactor in sector two. Someone has a grudge against the ShinRa."

"Doesn't everyone?" Reno grumbled as he started around the desk. He stopped suddenly. Rude instantly noticed. The redhead tilted his head to the desk.

"Yeah," he continued nonchalantly. "Maybe another corporation or maybe just some rookie." He suddenly dashed around the desk, mag-rod sparking. Crowded under the desk was a woman and a young child, who cried out at the sight of the blue suit.

"Reno!" He whirled to find Rude gun to gun with a man. He seemed to be in his early forties, a little overset which could be seen through his rumpled business suit. "Well, well," laughed Reno, weapon still pointed to the woman and child. "Who thought we'd find a priority target in a rundown heap like this, eh Mr. Lange?" The man, Lange, was set on edge, sweating visibly and gun barrel shaking. His voice was surprisingly steady despite.

"So, the ShinRa finally sent their little dogs after me. Took them awhile."

"Surrender now, Mr. Lange," interjected Rude. "There's an entire SOLDIER patrol topside. There's no use resisting."

"And we wouldn't want innocents involved, would we?" Reno yanked the child from her mother's arms, who shrieked as Lange yelled out. The redhead swapped his rod for his pistol, professional smirk in place. "Come with us."

The doors suddenly opened again. Tseng, Elena, and ShinRa troops stormed the room, weapons at ready.

Tseng, unarmed, stepped forward. "We don't want to create anymore of a scene, Mr. Lange. Come peacefully and no more blood will be shed, however…" Taking the cue, Reno cocked his gun and father and mother yelled out. Elena started a bit but a look from Tseng told her to compose herself.

Lange shook his head. "You're all murderers. Cold-blooded murderers."

"It's good money," shrugged Reno, seemingly at ease holding a gun to a young child's head.

"YOU DO IT FOR THE MONEY!" yelled Lange. "You spill innocent blood for money! I heard you were the one that dropped the Plate on sector seven! You killed thousands! Money's no excuse!"

"Not an excuse, a reason. Now I suggest you drop your gun and walk over to the nice soldiers over there. President ShinRa would like to see you face to face." The tension in the room was tight. There only needed to be a catalyst and all would turn to hell.

Lange relaxed.

"Fine, I'll go." Tseng nodded to the SOLDIER captain and he entered. "Sir, hand over your weapon and we'll proceed to headquarters." Lange nodded.

"Release my daughter, first." Tseng looked to Reno. With a scoff, he threw the girl and woman to the middle of the floor. "Hand over the weapon." Lange moved to obey. The Turks caught the motion too late. Shots rang out and the captain fell to the ground.

"Shit," hissed Reno. Tseng beat him to the punch, drawing his own weapon and firing. Lange stumbled backwards against the wall and fell, leaving a smear of blood. "You monster!"

The wife charged Reno who instantly turned. There was no hesitation in his actions and the woman fell to the feet of her daughter, who wailed in terror.

"Situation under control," Tseng radioed to HQ. "Send a dispatch to clean up the mess." The Wutain motioned the SOLDIERs out. Then he turned to his comrades, "Nice work."

"What about the brat?" asked Reno, holstering his weapon.

"We'll drop her at HQ. There's a woman named Melanie Turner who takes care of these things."

"Fine. Get up," he growled at the child, who was crying uncontrollably. The girl didn't respond to his order. "I said--"

"Reno!" Elena walked in between the two, shooting a deadly glare at her comrade. "She's just a child."

"Pffst." Reno turned and walked out of the room.

"Shhh. It's okay," Elena comforted, patting the child's head and ruffling her blonde-red hair.

Tseng and Rude exchanged glances, both men's expressions unreadable. Tseng turned for the door. "The cleanup team will be here soon. ETA seven minutes. We can go." The Turks walked out. Elena gently picked up the little girl and followed, leaving the macabre scene behind.

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June 21

132 hrs.

Duty…

A person needs to find his place in life. Mine is my job. Between each drink and each mission, there's too much time to think. I have been called a monster, a devil…anything but human. The worst condemnation of all was the look in her eyes.

She's been by my side for about half a year now. I thought she knew all sides of me, well, ones I wanted her to know, but…that night…her deep brown eyes pierced deeper than any bullet or blade ever has. That pain won't leave a scar like the others. At least on the outside.

Goddamn it…I read my own words and have to shake my head. Anyone who would stumble across this would never believe

"Hey." Reno jerked his head up as Tseng popped his head in. "Busy?"

"Not really." The redhead nonchalantly threw the journal on his nightstand as if it wasn't of any importance. Tseng chose to ignore it. "You haven't turned in your report." Reno scoffed.

"And?" His aqua gaze caught the glowing numbers of his clock. "Holy shit, boss, do'ya know what time it is!"

"Your light was on," was the matter-of-fact response. The Wutain sat on the edge of the bed. "How's Elena?"

"You see her as often as I do. By the way, it's nice to see you here in the apartment every once in awhile," he finished sarcastically. A shake of the head sent Tseng's dark bangs in his face.

"You're avoiding the topic." Reno leaned against the headboard, his own loose hair cascading over his shoulder.

"I don't ever want her to look at me like that again," he said softly. Tseng's keen ears caught the mumble.

Trying to find proper words, he approached the delicate topic from a different angle as he was trained to do. "Would you have shot the child?"

Reno looked up to his leader's face, meeting his dark gaze. "If you had ordered me to," he said in monotone. Tseng nodded as he looked to the door.

"Mmm, I see." He stood in one fluid movement. But the leader of the Turks paused at the door. "Reno, don't ever be ashamed of what you do. If you start to feel like that, I'll await your release notice." He slipped out into the dark hallway, closing the door behind him.

Left alone to muse, Reno fell back into his covers, his table lamp casting dark shadows over his face, the scars on his cheekbones deepening them even farther. He closed his eyes and rolled over. The dark maroon of his journal met his gaze. With a half-growl, he reached over and switched off the light.

"Too much damn musing for me…" he mumbled, pulling his blankets over his head.

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YC: There's the first chappie! This will eventually turn into somewhat of a past-fic for Reno. I haven't decided whether to do flashbacks or a full-fledged past fic. Probably the latter.

BTW, should I turn this into a Reno/Elena? Or just keep it as a comrade/friendship pairing?

Any kind of response is welcome. E-mail and IM's are always welcome. My IM is YamiChan222.

Flames will be used to make s'mores! Yummy!