(A/N) Thanks for pointing out that I forgot Timid in my color order, Regrem Erutaerc. I've updated chapter six so that it's fixed. I could barely sleep last night. Don't know why, but my body decided four hours was plenty and kept trying to get me out of bed. My brain fought back, thinking four hours couldn't possibly be enough, and started making up dreams about how this chapter might go. In the end, my brain only made my body more anxious to get out of bed and write down what I had thought up in my attempt at going back to sleep. So, here I am writing in the morning instead of late at night when I wrote most everything else. Wish I could have this kind of outpouring of ideas with something original…but, alas, that isn't the case right now, so I'll just keep writing this.
Disclaimer – I don't own the Teen Titans, some guy with lots more money than me does. Lucky punk.
Tamed – A Changed Man – Wherein Raven exposes herself and then asks Beast Boy to do the same.
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Beast Boy stood up from Raven's floor and helped her to her feet. "That was pretty intense in there. You feeling OK?" He stared at her in concern.
"I'm alright." She said, rubbing her tired eyes. "I just want to eat and then take a nap. We'll train later."
Beast Boy's stomach let out an approving grumble at the thought of food. He laughed. "Guess I could go for something right now too."
Raven started to walk out her door, but stopped, staring out at something that Beast Boy couldn't see. "What is it?"
She turned around and gave him half a laugh. "The sunset."
"What! How long were we in there?" His jaw had bounced off the floor and shut again on the rebound.
"I'd guess, maybe, seven hours. We did have to wait a long time for Crass to show up, and you tying up Anger took some time, and Bravery wouldn't stop bragging, and then there was going to see Serenity. Guess it all just added up." She looked longingly at her bed. "Let's just eat something and go to bed."
"Uh, Rae? If it's OK, I'm just gonna stay up for a bit…it's not like we have to have the same bedtime." He said with a sly smirk.
Raven stared at him. "Oh, yeah. Uhm, OK. I guess I was just getting into the habit of us doing the same thing all the time. Guess my head trip wasn't as draining on you."
"Head trip!" He laughed. "That's pretty funny."
She hadn't caught the joke herself when she said it. "Yeah." She chuckled. "It is. Anyway, lets eat something."
"'K, I'll make it." He laughed again to himself. I can't believe I'm so awake that I'm gonna stay up and read.
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The new day dawned and Raven was feeling much better with all the sleep she had gotten. She had remembered to keep her shades closed this time too, so the sun hadn't woke her before she wanted to get out of bed. She made more of the fruit humus for breakfast since it was the only thing she knew how to make out of the food that they had left. Beast Boy had even asked for seconds.
They decided that they needed to make up for the previous day's missed training and spent the morning reading to do the 'homework' Robin had given them. And, after lunch they were going to help each other in their goals for the day.
Raven had thought that the best thing she could do was to start getting to know Wisdom better since she was supposed to merge with her first. Beast Boy again accompanied her into her mirror and kept himself amused talking with Happy while Raven and Wisdom sat in discussion. The trip was uneventful, but Raven felt it was a good first step, especially since now she knew which direction to go.
They were going to do Beast Boy's shape shifting exercise after dinner because they both thought he would have a whomping headache after an hour of it. Raven was still trying to talk him down to half an hour, but he wouldn't have it.
"I told you, Rae, I need to get caught up!" He knew she was just trying to keep him from having too much pain, but it was starting to annoy him. "I don't want to slack off! That's what everyone thinks I'm gonna do, and I'm not gonna let them be right."
Raven sighed at his stern look. "I just don't think you should beat yourself up when nobody gave us a schedule. It's supposed to be at our own pace."
His stern look holding in place he said, "It's the pace I set. I need to keep it for myself, even if it means I'll be uncomfortable. It's just a headache. Besides…" His face softened and he looked slightly sad. "I think it's time I stopped being the flake of the group, let somebody else do it."
Raven's argument crumbled in front of her eyes. Pain was inevitable in growth she mused. I'll be going through some too. "OK, but you're going straight to bed even if it's the tiniest of headaches."
He smiled warmly at her. "Deal." Her deep purple cloak, Happy had told him it was Affection and Timid, was one of his favorite colors to see. It meant she was worried about someone she cared for.
With the bargain struck, they walked into the clearing to have room for whatever Beast Boy was going to change into. Raven looked at the stack of cards and they started. He's getting faster she thought as he went from a gnat to an anteater to a blue whale. As the hour ticked closer to it's end she was having trouble keeping up because of the animals she didn't recognize, which in turn made her have to stop to read what the card said about them. She had just finished confirming that he had gotten a grouse right and pulled up the next card. "Wildebeest." He changed, but it wasn't into a four-legged creature. Instead, he looked like a cross between a large man and the animal he was supposed to be turning into…no, he looked like a large man that she knew. He looked exactly like…
"You look like Wildebeest, wait, I mean like the guy Wildebeest!" She couldn't believe her eyes. "You can change into people!" It had finally dawned upon her.
Suddenly he was Beast Boy again. "Rae, wait! Don't tell! I don't want Ro…" His vision went blurry as the pain savagely struck. "Ow." He laughed slightly at his lack of outward reaction to his head feeling like it had cracked open and promptly blacked out, collapsing to the ground.
Raven rushed forward. "Beast Boy? Beast Boy! Wake up! What just happened?" She felt panicked and unsure of what to do when she felt Wisdom's influence strongly. Beast Boy was soon being levitated back to his room, Raven walking quickly just ahead of him.
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"Ugh…I feel like Cyborg just used my head as a trampoline." His head was still throbbing, but his forehead felt cool and slightly wet. He finally opened his eyes and saw Raven asleep sitting in a chair near the foot of his bed her head resting on her arms near his feet. He tried to look around for a clock only to remember that he didn't have one. "Uh, Raven?" She only lightly stirred. "Raven? Raven, wake up." She cracked an eye open.
"I told you an hour was too much." She was still groggy from the little bit of sleep she had gotten, but not so much that she couldn't tell him off a little. "You blacked out because of how bad it was. That's more than just a typical headache."
His eyes closed again, releasing him from her intense stare and from the light that the moon brought in. "I know, but I need to go through this or I'll always be limited. You had to go through a lot worse stuff before you beat Trigon." He didn't need to see her to know that she didn't like it when he was smart in an argument.
She sat up more fully in her chair. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean that you have to do something to try and match it. Everybody doesn't have to go through the same amount of pain."
"Yeah, but we've taken on a little more than most. If we really want to do this hero thing, then being heroic, even in our training, is the way it's gotta be." He smiled and opened his eyes to look at her reaction. She was pouting again. He liked the look of her pouting.
Her arms crossed, she just continued to try and think of a way to get around the defense of his actions. Not seeing any she only pouted more. "You're taking it easy tomorrow. You can do your drill, but you're doing the easiest changes."
He closed his eyes and smiled in victory. "I can do that. You know, you can go to bed now. Your own bed'll probably be more comfortable than that chair."
He's gloating! "Fine." She stood up and marched to the door.
"Thanks for helping me, Rae. I'm glad you were there."
She turned back around and caught the kindest smile that Beast Boy could manage. "The water bowl is right next to your bead if you need to get the towel wet again. It'll help with your head." She made to leave again, this time more sedately when she heard his voice.
"Night, Rae."
"Goodnight, Beast Boy."
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As Beast Boy stared at the pancakes that Raven had made he imagined that what he felt like must be how a hangover feels. The pancakes though were a huge improvement on Raven's last attempt. Not nearly as good as Cyborg's, but they could hold their own and the fruit on top was really tasty since it was the first of the fresh fruit they had gotten from the island's natural growing fruit trees. He had taken in another mouthful of food as Raven sat down.
"I guess this means they're OK this time." She watched him nod as he crammed another large bite into his mouth. "Let me tell you what I've got planned today. It'll be easier to do this now since you can't interrupt with your mouth full like that."
Beast Boy tried to say 'huh' and only proceeded in nearly choking. Swallowing as best he could, he gave in to a small coughing fit and quickly drank some water to try and calm everything down.
Raven continued. "Right…we'll do the whole reading thing like normal this morning, but we're going to do your morphing exercise first this afternoon. That way you can take a nap if you need it before tonight."
"What happens tonight?" He had just finished chewing and was able to get the question out before shoveling in the next bite of apple and pancake.
"I told you that I wanted to tell you that secret that Anger talked about. I kind of wanted to do that tonight, but there's a catch." Seeing the question in his eyes since his mouth was too full to say it she said, "I've been thinking, and you've had four trips into my head and I don't even know half as much about you as you got from just your first visit to Nevermore."
It always sounded weird to him to hear her call the place in her head by name. "You mean you want to know about me?" He had finished the last of his food and had just been listening to her.
"I thought it would only be fair with how much you know about me."
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Beast Boy's nap hadn't really been necessary, but he wanted the time to collect his thoughts before their talk that night. Feeling as rested and ready as he thought he could get he came out of his room and walked over to the fire that Raven had made. She had moved their chairs closer together and turned them some so that they faced each other more.
"Good nap?" She said in an effort to get the conversation started in a more casual manner.
He stretched himself out as full as he could and let out a long "Yeah." Sitting down he saw that she was fidgety. "I still think it's OK if you don't tell me."
She stiffened her resolve and pressed forward. "No. I want you to know. Anger was just upset at me for not having told you sooner." She gathered up a little more courage as she watched him waiting for her to go on. "I've been kind of spying on all the Titans. Not for some bad guy or anything like that!" She added quickly, thinking what he might have concluded by what she said. "It's just that…I can read minds…well, more like, emotions and I do that a lot around all you guys. I do it when I'm nervous about something or if one of you looks like something bad is happening or if I'm bored…"
"You read our, uhm, emotions when you're bored?" She nodded. "That's kind of funny." He said with a smile.
She looked quickly at him. "You're not mad?"
"Why should I be? Robin has most of the tower bugged, except for our bedrooms and the bathrooms, Cyborg has digitally enhanced ears, and I kinda change into some insect whenever I want to do something like that. I think Starfire is the only one who doesn't eavesdrop on anybody." He had looked away from her while admitting his own snooping, but his embarrassment didn't last since hers had been so much more in depth than anything they could pull off.
"So everybody is spying on everybody else?" Beast Boy grinned. "Guess that's what we get rooming with a bunch of busybody super heroes." Raven stated sarcastically.
"I think that being a busybody is part of the job qualifications."
She felt relieved. Time to press on though. "Good, then you won't mind all the questions I'm about to ask you." She knew her little change in topic was corny, but he liked corny humor, maybe he wouldn't mind.
She had pulled out a little set of cards from some pocket inside her robe when Beast Boy's imagination got the better of him.
"It's the Island Show with Raven Roth!" Audience applauses can be heard; a stage with a multicolored curtain is seen as a theme song plays. "Starring, Raven Roth!" Several cuts of Raven sitting at a desk with various people are shown next. "Featuring the Teen Titan Players!" A band consisting of Starfire on keyboards, Robin on bass, Cyborg on drums, and all the emotion Ravens with various brass and woodwind instruments is shown as they continue playing the theme song that is the background to this introduction. "Tonight's guests are Beast Boy, Bumblebee, and Meg Ryan!" A few pictures of each person is shown as their names are said. "And now, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Raven!" She walks out onto stage in her normal attire.
"This is some weird, wild stuff." She says in a completely toneless voice.
He started laughing and only stopped because he saw that Raven was giggling too. Raven was giggling? "You just saw that, didn't you?"
She calmed down and looked up at him, still smiling larger than she normally would have, pink firmly in place on her cloak. "Uhm, yeah…that was…pretty funny." She was glad she had seen that, it let her know that he was relaxed.
"OK, then what's your first question? And why do you need those cards?"
"The cards are so I don't forget anything, I didn't have Robin to help me memorize all this." She looked at the first card and let her mind reword the question so that it would sound natural. "What's the role that Robin thinks I fill in the Titans?" Why did it need to sound natural? He already knows I have these cards, she thought.
"I wondered when you'd ask that. Robin told me you're supposed to help us be less immature. He said you would do that by getting mad at us when we went too far."
"Makes sense." The yellow cloak let Beast Boy know that she was trying to take in his answers just intellectually. "OK, that's it for the easy ones." Beast Boy didn't feel so relaxed any more. "Why don't you date? You asked me, gotta hit you with your own question."
"Uh…" Relaxed was gone completely. "Well…I just, sort of don't get real chances." He saw that she was waiting for a more complete answer. "OK, so Cyborg and I go out to clubs and we hang out with girls, but they either want to date just because I'm a Titan or they won't date me…they laugh at my jokes, and we talk, but as soon as I ask them to some place…I think it's my skin."
Her cloak faded to a soft red. "I'm sorry about that. We'll just go to the next question. How did you change into Wildebeest?"
"I can become any animal I can picture in my head. People are animals too." He looked her in the eye. "You can't tell Robin. He'd think we could use it in some way. Like going undercover or something. And then, he would just be disappointed by it not working 'cause I still can't change my color."
"You can change into anybody? Anybody at all?" This was strange. Beast Boy normally liked to show what he could do with his powers. Why all the secrecy about being able to change into people?
"Yeah, but I don't like changing into girls…it's too weird." He smiled a little at this.
"Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be a girl either. There definitely are some downsides." She hoped this would cheer him up some.
Beast Boy smirked. "I don't mean that I don't like being a girl…sure it's weird, but not nearly as weird as changing into a girl. The changing is…uncomfortable." He looked embarrassed.
"What do you mean? Why would the changing be any different than any other time?"
He thought for a moment. He didn't want to be crude about it. "Well…imagine if a part of you turned inside out so that you could change into a guy." He was determinedly avoiding her eyes.
Raven only had to think about what he meant for a second before she felt her cheeks go crimson. "Oh."
"Yeah." He looked up to her again. "So don't tell Robin, OK?"
"Not a problem. I don't think I'd be comfortable with that either." Her blush was finally fading as she went to her next question. "When were you in Africa?"
"Uh…my parents were there when I was a little kid. I got sick out there and they used an experimental method to make me better, but it changed me." He looked a little lost in his thoughts as he spoke.
"That's how you got your powers?"
"Yeah. Kind of weird powers though. Nobody else has been able to copy it."
"Scientific fluke?" She liked hearing his story…it made her feel that they were getting onto even footing after everything he'd seen about her.
Beast Boy frowned. "I don't think my powers come from science. I think it might be some kind of magic."
"Magic?" She smiled; it was just like him to come up with a more 'out there' idea than what it probably was, but she wanted to hear this. "Why magic?"
He looked up at the skepticism in her face. "I'm serious!" Not seeing any change in her expression he sighed. "Just think about it, Rae. I can change into any animal I can picture in my head." He started counting off his points on his hand. "I can change my mass." Raven look cock-eyed at him. "My weight. Science says that you can't make something weigh more than it really is. But I can. I can go from a little gnat that doesn't weigh an ounce to a blue whale that weighs several tons. Science says that that's supposed to be impossible. I can mend my bones just by shifting from some form and back again. That's why I never have any with all the times I get slammed into something. I still know who I am and can think like normal no matter how big the brain in the thing is in the thing I changed into." Raven was becoming a lot more convinced. "My clothes disappear too. They don't rip or anything, they just kind of go away when I change and come back when I'm me again. And, I can do all of this by instinct. I never had to learn how my powers worked, they just work when I want them to."
Raven was stunned. "Wow. That's…a really well thought out argument. Uhm…I think you're probably right. Sorry." She didn't understand…why couldn't she tell if it was magic or not, normally it just sort of clicked into her head when there was magic around. What he could do behaved like magic, but she couldn't feel it.
"I didn't expect you to believe me." He finally said. "I just thought you would have already known because of you peeking into my head."
"Nope. Robin was right…AGAIN…you're too random. It was like watching Cyborg change channels inside your head. Major strobe action."
"My brain's a disco ball?"
Raven laughed. "Not quite, you just go through subjects at a mile a minute."
"The power of A.D.D." He smirked.
Raven looked back down at her cards smiling. "Where are your parents now?"
His face fell a little. "They died." Raven's face went straight to worry to follow her robe changing grey. "Don't worry about it. I've come to terms with it. Robin helped me. They're gone, but I have good memories of them that make it easier to deal with."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know…and I know that you said you're OK about it, but if it helps at all, I know what it's like. My mother has been dead for a while now too." She saw a smile on his face, but his eyes were still a little sad.
"Thanks, Raven. It does help." He smiled a little more fully.
She flipped to her next card. "This is my last question. Why do you try so hard to help me? Why do you try so hard to make me smile or laugh?"
"It's complicated." He said looking away from her, his hand going subconsciously behind his head. "You're my friend, that's a big part of it. But, I also don't like to see anybody sad or unhappy, and because of your…I mean, because of Trigon you almost always looked sad and unhappy."
"There's more to it than that." She had voiced this, though she wasn't sure why…she just knew she was right.
Beast Boy looked up nervously. "I'll finish answering if you answer a question for me first."
Raven looked at him, trying to see if this was worth it. Another question wouldn't hurt her. "Alright. What's your question?"
"OK, uhm…would you…uh…will you go on a date with me?" He was looking straight forward, both hands behind his head. He wasn't letting out the air in his lungs, waiting for her to answer.
"I don't think about you that way, Beast Boy." She hoped he wouldn't be crushed, but she didn't want to lead him on.
"Why not?" His mind was just trying to find any grain of hope he could…things didn't look good though.
"I don't think about that stuff at all. It can mess with my control if I did. Plus, you're kind of not the type of guy I normally hang out with." I can't protect you from this, Beast Boy.
"I could change."
"But you're my friend the way you are. I wouldn't feel right about you changing how you act just so that we could go out."
"I don't mean that kind of change." He shifted his form and he looked like Robin. "I can give you whatever you want." He sounded like Robin too…just…green. He shifted again and he looked like Cyborg without any cybernetics. "I can be anyone." He shifted again into Aqualad. "Anyone." He said staring at her.
Raven's mind was on fire. He was offering her anyone. Any crush she had ever allowed herself to have. Any man she thought was good looking. He must have seen how I was acting when we met Aqualad. Suddenly he was walking towards her. Her mind started to slowly take in the full scope of what was going on. "Stop!"
Beast Boy stood in place. "Isn't this who you want?"
He may look and sound like Aqualad, but Raven could still feel the pain inside him. This was hurting him to do this. To abandon his own form to try and please her, but he was doing it anyway. "No. Change back into yourself. This is wrong. I'm not going to let you tempt me with this. I don't want that."
He changed back and stood there. His face still unreadable, but his pain was radiating off of him like a lighthouse beacon. "So, instead I just get dismissed and you duck into the safety of not trying to feel?"
His words stung her. "No, but you can't expect me to just instantly fall for you just because you like me like that. You can't expect me to run to you just because you change into someone that I thought looked nice. It's not that easy."
"I wasn't asking for any of that. I asked you out. Isn't that how you're supposed to find out if you can like someone as more than just friends?" His eyes were stinging with the tears he wouldn't let out.
She didn't like being accused like this; it felt like she was being made out as the bad guy. "And what if I'm not ready for that kind of thing! It's not fair for you to push me like this, and don't even try saying that this was the kind of thing we came here for. For me to step outside my comfort zones and just feel!"
"I wasn't gonna say that! You asked why I help you out, I'm gonna tell you! It's 'cause every time I do and I see a little bit more of you that I realize you're this amazing person, and I want to get to know you more! I'm being selfish about it! So just pardon me, but I think when you see the person who might make you feel like you're never going to be alone again that you just go after them and say 'screw worrying!'"
Raven looked steadily at him, he returned her gaze. "I can't handle this all at once. I'm not strong enough yet." She looked down, breaking their stare. "I need to think about this. I'm going to my room, we'll talk about this tomorrow morning."
She was just about to walk off when Beast Boy called to her. "Raven, we can't talk about it tomorrow."
"Well, I can't talk about it now…I'm just not…" But Beast Boy cut her off.
"Tomorrow is Saturday. We'll have to talk Sunday." He still had his firm stare directed to her. "And I do want to talk about this."
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(A/N) Now, were you all paying attention, or did Saturday catch you by surprise? I hope it was a surprise. I had to reread the other chapters just to make sure I had the days passing correctly. Beast Boy doesn't want to be alone ever again. Now, am I referring to the loss of family he's had to deal with or the loss of Terra? Both? Yeah, probably. I'm kinda simple minded like that. Anyway, please review since if you're here you probably already did the whole reading bit.