Alex.
He fell in love with her the first time he saw her. Helplessly, hopelessly in love. She looked so tiny and fragile, but he could see enormous strength and ferocious determination in her eyes. He'd held out a hand to her, surprised to find himself shy around her. She'd shaken it firmly, and his heart was lost irrevocably.
He'd been in love before. Or at least, he thought he had. But what he felt then was just a pale imitation of the passion he felt for his fiery partner. It wasn't just sexual. He belonged to her, heart and body and soul.
He surprised himself by the way he behaved around her. He found himself able to relax, to allow his weirdness full rein, knowing she wouldn't react any stronger than an occasional raised eyebrow, or a sarcastic remark. Her sarcasm made him laugh. He was shyly protective towards her, never assuming she couldn't look after herself, but always watching, waiting for the moment to step in between her and danger. And sometimes he was so nervous, anxious he'd upset her or annoyed her, terrified he'd driven he away as he had driven so many people away. And he was always profoundly relieved to see that she always came back to him. That she never left him, no matter how angry or annoyed he made her.
He tried to tell himself it was ridiculous, falling like a schoolboy. He told himself firmly to act like a detective, her partner, not some romantic suitor. And he kept his longing for her under control, he really did. Until she touched him. Or teased him. Or came to the bathroom and reassured him they would stop Nicole Wallace together.
Or when they went undercover as husband and wife. He lived for those moments. Perhaps they didn't need to do it so often, but they fell into it so easily. It was one step away from their already-close partnership to wrapping their arms round each other, and calling each other 'honey' and 'darling'. But of course, that particular act had to end.
He hoped as he got to know her that the obsession would fade. Instead it got stronger. He learned to love her toughness, and her passion. He got to know her mind, that fitted so easily in with his own. He leaned on her strength, and depended on her support. He drew courage from her unwavering faith in him. She gave him so much of herself, and asked for nothing in return, and that tore him apart. He'd have given her everything he had if she only needed it. If she only needed him.
The more he got to know her, the more he needed her.
And the more he got to know her, the more he realised he could never tell her.
He had no idea if she felt the same. She never said. And he was terrified of misinterpretating the way she backed him up, protected him in her way. And if Deakins ever got the slightest hint that there was more to Eames and Bobby's intense relationship then friendship, he'd have to split them up. He was sure there were regulations about that. And more than that, if Alex ever believed he loved her, and she didn't feel the same way…she'd leave.
He couldn't lose her. Not ever. So he tried his best to keep things on an even keel. Never let himself gaze at her with love in his eyes, except when her back was turned. Never reached out to her when she was hurting, unless she wanted him to. Never took their undercover games of married couple too far. Never dared cross her boundaries.
And never ever called her Alex, even after he asked her to call him Bobby. Because he knows, if he ever calls her by her first name, she'll hear him say,
"I love you."
THE END