(A/N) At this point, I can see about how many chapters are left to write for the story. It looks like it'll be about nine more. I want to get one thing off my chest though. I really don't like peas. They're just mushy and nasty. It makes me understand why little kids spit out baby food. Just sick…unless they're snow peas in the pod or split pea soup, which isn't really peas anyway.
Disclaimer – I don't own the Teen Titans, some guy with lots more money than me does. Lucky punk.
Tamed – Pale Sea Green – What is the worth of fears, and what kind of peace can they bring?
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The next day Raven was still sulking about everything. About how she had acted, about what Robin had said, and about her still feeling like she hadn't really done much yet. It was draining, and she wanted to find a way to let go of these feelings that were bugging her. "Hey, Beast Boy…you want to go for a walk or something?" She had been reading one of the novels that Robin had sent with her, she was sure that Starfire had picked this one out since it was a light romance. "I just want to take a break from everything for a little bit."
Looking up from his own book on mythological creatures it took him a second to process what she had asked, he was still thinking about satyrs. "Huh? Uh…a walk? Sure, that sounds fun." He stood and stretched his arms out over his head. "Where did you want to go?"
"How about the beach? We haven't explored out that way yet."
Beast Boy's mind raced a little…he had always thought of walking on the beach with a girl as romantic. Was that what she was planning, or was he jumping to conclusions? "The beach sounds good." An argument broke out in his head about whether or not he should help this be a romantic trip as he and Raven started heading across the clearing in the direction that Beast Boy had said the ocean was when they had first arrived to the deserted island. He kept having to stop himself from reaching out for her hand as they went.
Raven was enjoying her break already. It was cool in the cover of the trees as they walked and Beast Boy was always taking little looks at her whenever he thought she wasn't looking. She liked it, it made her feel like he thought of her as something so special that it wasn't OK for him to even look at her. She was still enjoying the little high that this feeling had brought when she tripped on a root sticking out from a tree they were passing. Beast Boy caught her before she fell, but she was mentally cursing herself for not having been just gliding along a little off the ground like she normally did.
Now that he had a hold of her hand, Beast Boy couldn't get himself to let go. She didn't seem to mind, she still looked mad about having tripped, but he decided that it felt too nice for him to stop. They had been walking for almost half an hour when they finally broke through the cover of the trees and found themselves at the edge of a sandy beach.
They just stared out at the water watching the small waves running up the sand a few feet and then retreating again. The water was a clear crystal blue and they could make out a small bit of coral deep under the sea's surface. It reminded Raven of the way people talked about tropical islands and the clean ocean water that those islands had. She smiled a little when she realized that this probably was some tropical island too.
Beast Boy started making his way down the beach toward the water with Raven in tow. When he pulled up at the edge of the liquid glass that stood before them he let go of her hand, took off his shoes and socks, and took a few steps out. It wasn't cold at all, but it did feel good in contrast with the warm sun that shone down on them. He turned around and looked at the girl who was watching him while a smile played across her lips. "You wanna go for a swim?"
"And why would I want to do that?" He looked even more like a little kid with a new toy than usual; it made his idea seem inviting.
"'Cause it's hot and you're wearing a heavy cloak and you wanted to take a break. A nice swim would be a good break, don't you think?" He really was hoping she would say yes. He didn't even know if she could swim, but he could help with that if that's all it was.
She smiled at his eyes that just seemed to be pleading for her to join him. "Well, alright, but I need to put this back up by the trees." She said, indicating the now pink robe. She levitated over the sand and unclasped her cloak, hanging it on a low branch of a nearby branch. When she got back to the water's edge Beast Boy was already waist deep and heading farther out. "Is it cold?"
"Nope! It's perfect, so hurry up!" He turned around to see if she had even gotten her feet wet yet and his breath caught in his throat. He had never seen Raven in just her leotard before. It never occurred to him that it was pretty much a bathing suit by design, and she looked beautiful in it to him. Her pale, milky skin catching the reflection of the sun off the water made it look like the moon had decided to come down for a visit as a woman.
She saw him watching her and she noticed he didn't seem to be blinking either. Again she found she liked the way he was looking at her. "Do you like what you see?" She smiled coyly at him; trying to see if he would have one of his little panic attacks.
He did. To hide his embarrassment, Beast Boy quickly turned around, but betrayed himself by saying, "Sorry."
She let out a little laugh, which caused the green teen to turn back around to look at her. "It's OK, Beast Boy. I never said that I mind." She waded out next to him, finding the water to be perfect like he had said. "This really was a good idea. I haven't been swimming since I before I became a Titan."
"You learned to swim when you were a kid?" Curiosity allowing him to ignore how forward she was being.
She smiled at him. "I never learned how to swim, I learned how to fly while being in the water…so, it's kind of cheating."
Beast Boy laughed at the thought of flying through water. "I never thought about that, but it makes sense. I'd do it if I could. I learned to swim by watching everything else that swims. Aqualad's the only human, er, human looking thing that I've ever seen swim as quick as fish and sharks and whales can. I think it's something built in. It's probably why he's so thin and long."
Raven was laughing again. "Look what Robin's done to you. Beast Boy the intellectual."
"Intellectual? I can live with that…but…" He started to add, a mischievous grin coming to his face. "I still get to be silly when I want, so…" He quickly changed himself into seal and splashed Raven with his tail. Changing back he just leaned into the water and floated a little as he laughed.
A now thoroughly drenched Raven pulled the soaked hair from her face, smiling at the challenge of returning the favor. "Beast Boy…you should look up." She had made another of her energy spheres and it was a few feet directly over his head.
He laughed a little more and looked up but only saw the energy disappear and in its place a large ball of water that suddenly lost its fight against gravity. It hit him full in the face. After the deluge Beast Boy spit some water out of his mouth and started laughing again. "Alright, alright, I give. You're the queen of splashing."
"Good." She said smirking softly.
They spent the rest of the late morning swimming around and looking at various fish that were brave enough to come close to them. Beast Boy helped lead a few to where Raven was by changing into various things, herding them in. They finally got out and headed back up by Raven's cloak. She laid it out so that they could use it like a blanket and sit in the sun for a bit to dry off.
"Rae, how come you don't tan? I mean…we've been out here for a while and I've gotten kind of greener, but you're still that soft color." He had been lying on his stomach to dry off his back when the question had come upon him.
Her eyes still closed to the sun she was facing, she answered, "I'm part demon, they don't really get affected by heat very easily. It's also why I don't get hurt in fights, despite how small and fragile I may look."
"Do you ever wish you were…normal? I'm only asking 'cause it's something that I wish sometimes. Being green ain't all it's cracked up to be." She looked so peaceful; he hoped that his small talk wouldn't take that from her.
She sat up, crossing her legs like she would in meditation. "I guess so, but I don't know what normal feels like. I've never been normal like you were." She scooted a little closer to him. "But if you were normal, none of this would have happened…or at least, it wouldn't have happened between the two of us. I don't think I would have liked that."
Beast Boy got himself up and sat with his legs sprawled out in front of him. He was facing the opposite direction as Raven, so they were mostly still facing each other. "I don't think I would either. It's been like finding the missing half of yourself."
Raven enjoyed when he started talking with his heart. His words weren't any more thought out, but the emotion he put behind them was always so earnest and loving that she couldn't help but feel pulled in by them. She leaned forward into a crawling position and slowly closed in on him. She smiled, watching him tense up before their lips met. She closed her eyes and kissed him deeply. She wanted him to feel as wonderful as he always seemed to make her feel, and she used the most powerful way she knew.
Even though he was really enjoying the kiss, a nagging thought kept trying to poke up from the back of his mind. Feeling Raven pull herself into his lap so that she could kiss him again and again both made the thought try harder to be heard and kept the thought pushed down. However, when her hands started to roam and his had the same urge the thought won out. "Raven…" She kissed him again. "Raven, wait…stop." She had started kissing his neck. "Raven, we need to stop right now."
Stopping seemed like a bad idea, why fight this when it felt so good? "Why?" She only stopped her conquest of his throat long enough to say the one word.
"Because I promised not to take advantage of you." His resolve was finally winning out against his hormones and Beast Boy found he could resist the feelings that Raven had been stirring up.
She lifted her head to look him in the eye and smiled. "I don't think you're taking advantage of me, especially when it's what I want too."
Beast Boy's hormones had almost gotten their second wind from what Raven had said, but he had too firm a grasp on what mattered more to him. "You think you do, but you wouldn't really be doing this if you had Timid with you to balance Bravery."
Raven got out of Beast Boy's lap and glared at him a little. "Well, what if you're wrong and all you're doing is pushing me away?" Couldn't he just drop the Robin tendency for now? She wanted to spend time with Beast Boy, not the boy wonder.
"I don't think I'm wrong, and I don't want to do something that either of us might regret. I don't want to do something that, after you're whole, will make you think less of me for having done. Plus, you made me promise I wouldn't." Let her just be a little mad…a little mad is a lot better than fuming, fuming sucks, he thought as he waited for her to reply.
"Something either of us might regret? Isn't that a bit clichéd?" Raven watched to see if his face would show even the slightest sign of him not being totally firm in what he had said. Seeing that he was completely solid in his stance she scowled in defeat. She had made him promise, which right now felt like a stupid thing to do. What was so wrong with showing him how she felt? "Fine. Get off my cloak so we can go back to camp."
Beast Boy obeyed and was quickly off. He watched her grumpily shake her signature garment free from sand and set it back in place. "You want some lunch? I could make up something for us."
"Sure. I think I'm going back into Nevermore after though. I don't care how long it takes, I'm staying in there until Timid tells me what I need to do." She felt gritty, not all of the sand was out of her robe.
Beast Boy hid his smile, not wanting to worsen her mood. And, telling her that bold determination and a confrontational mindset were probably not gonna help would be no less than suicide, so those stayed neatly tucked away too.
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"Timid, please…just talk to me!" Raven had realized that cornering a coward was a bad way to get them to open up and instead had just tried begging Timid. She had come out this time, but still seemed to be mute. It took Raven almost ten minutes just to get her fearful facsimile to sit down. "Please? I'm just tired of not understanding what I need to do, and you're the only one who can help me. I know I need you with me, but I don't understand why."
Beast Boy had just sat off to the side watching everything. He was glad that Raven wasn't so mad at him that she didn't bring him, but he wasn't going to push his luck, so he stayed quiet.
"You're too free." It had been the first time Timid had said something since meeting Raven and Beast Boy at the edge of her maze that she liked to hide in.
Raven looked at Timid, to see if she was going to say anything else. When nothing else came, she thought about what had been said. "What do you mean? How can you be too free?"
Timid tried to see if there was even the slightest hint of anger in those words. Seeing it was safe, she answered, "You need boundaries to keep you safe."
"Safe from what?"
Timid's eyes widened. "From everything!"
"How about I give a situation, and you tell me what these boundaries would protect me from, can you do that?" Timid nodded. "OK, uhm, do you know what Beast Boy and I were doing after we went swimming?" Timid hid her face because of the blush she suddenly had. "I'll take that as a yes." She said, a smile creeping into her eyes. "What would those boundaries save me from with something like that?" Like showing your affection for someone needs boundaries, she thought as Timid stared at the ground.
Still not looking up, she answered quietly. "If you did…too much…you could really regret it." She saw Raven smile and roll her eyes. "You could've used Beast Boy just so you felt good." Raven's smile didn't seem big to her now. "You could get pregnant. There's no…protection…here." The smile was gone and Raven's eyes were looking more worried. "It could hurt and you could think it was all Beast Boy's fault. You could like it, but Beast Boy might not, and then he could leave you. You could get in trouble because of your ages. You could lose control of your powers because you're not whole yet. You could…"
"I think that'll be enough." Raven was looking at the nearby wall of the maze, staring at it as though it had some comforting words written on it. "I can see what you mean. Some of those things are just silly fears, but there were too many that are too…honest to be pushed aside." She smiled weakly. "I think I'm ready. I need those boundaries so that I don't do something stupid or hurtful. I'm kind of nervous though, this didn't work last time."
Timid tried smiling, but didn't quite make it. She had never been good at helping to remove that which she gave. "I don't know if it'll work either, but I hope it will. I'll do my best, but I'm sorry if it doesn't happen." She stood, but she still had her apprehensions. "Can I close my eyes?"
Raven smiled, and something about wanting to help Timid fight her nervousness pushed her own unsteady feelings aside. "Yes, you can close your eyes. And don't worry; it'll work this time. Ready?" Timid gave a meek nod as she tightly shut her eyes. Raven closed hers too and bowed her head. She locked her mind onto what she wanted to do and focused. Timid only whimpered a little as they lifted into the air and again when she started to circle Raven.
Beast Boy closed his eyes before the flash hit and opened them to Raven lightly landing on her feet. She was back to the green/grey color he had seen her in the last time she tried merging with Timid, but this time she looked strange, and after standing in place for a moment her eyes teared up.
"I don't think it's going to stay. She was too scared of me. It's just going to fall apart again."
He quickly walked over to her and pulled her into a warm hug. "Don't worry. If it does come apart again we'll just have another talk with Timid and find out what went wrong."
"She won't want to talk to me. She'll be too scared and she'll run away." She couldn't stop herself from shivering.
It was a bit unsettling to watch Raven have a nervous breakdown like this, so Beast Boy just kept holding her, telling her everything would be fine. The small scared girl in his arms just clutched onto him as though he was keeping her from drowning. They moved into a sitting position on the ground. He held Raven in his lap and rocked her gently back and forth, hoping that it would calm her distress.
He had been holding her for a while, and she was finally calm, but every time he suggested that they get heading back Raven gripped him tightly and pleaded for him to not let her go. He was still rocking her gently, hoping that she would fall asleep so that he could at least start carrying her towards the forbidden door when he felt that someone was watching them. He turned his head to look behind where he was sitting as much as he could with Raven still holding on for dear life and caught a glimpse of a blue cloak.
"Greetings. She has rejoined with Timid. That is good." Serenity spoke calmly.
After a waiting for a few minutes Raven finally opened her eyes again to look at the intruder and relaxed a little at the sight of her. "How come you're here?"
Serenity smiled reassuringly. "I often come to Timid to give her peace. She and I enjoy each other's company. She likes to not feel so afraid, and I like to provide that. It is my purpose."
Raven pulled a little farther back from Beast Boy to face the calm emotion more fully. "But since she's gone now, how come you're still here?"
"I stay because I think it would be acceptable if we rejoined now. It would be safe to say that I have more experience in this matter and am better equipped to judge the timing of it."
She leaned back into her security blanket by tightening her hold of Beast Boy. "Is that safe? Last time I joined with two in the same day I couldn't really handle what I was feeling and the feelings took over."
"It will be safe. You have more experience in this matter as well. I think it will only take a day, two at most, for you to be able to handle what rejoining me would cause. Plus, I am the balance emotion. I am your center. You would do well to have me back in place with all the emotions that you have already rejoined. Not to mention those that you will join after me. They are your most powerful, and you will need me most definitely then." Serenity felt no urgency, she just wanted to fulfill her purpose, and there was a need for her.
"I'm not sure."
Beast Boy squeezed her a little. "Come on, Rae. It'll be all right. She's the one who helped you the most before we beat Trigon. She'll be a big help now too. What do you have to worry about with her?"
"Apathy." She frowned as she said the word. "I know that I'm just being scared, but I don't want to act like everything's calm and at peace. You make me feel like I'm falling, and although it scares me, I can't stop wanting it to keep happening. I don't want that to go away."
Beast Boy rubbed her back as he spoke. "Don't worry. Even if that's exactly what happens, it'll only be for a small bit, then you'll be back to normal. You'll be OK, I promise." He pulled back some so that he could look into her eyes. "And I promise that I'll love you no matter what. I think this is a good idea because it'll help you to be happy."
"Alright, I'll try it…but will you do something for me?"
"Anything!"
She looked as much like Timid as she could without having the grey cloak. "Will you still hold me while it happens?"
Beast Boy was a little alarmed by the request. "Is that safe?"
Raven nodded her head. "When they shoot inward like they do they're not solid anymore. They're like sound, it'll just pass through you into me."
"Then I'll do it." He looked away for second. "How do I float up with you?"
Raven smiled shyly. "I'll just lift you up."
"OK, then…are you ready?"
She took a deep breath. "Yes…let's start before I can back out." She got out of Beast Boy's lap and they stood up together. Serenity had already been standing where she needed to be, patiently waiting for Raven to start. After they were all set, Raven's arms shot around Beast Boy's neck.
He placed his around her waist and caressed her back. It felt funny to him when Raven's powers seized the soles of his shoes and pushed him up into the air by them. He closed his eyes as Serenity became a gently smiling blue blur. When the moment for her to pull into Raven happened he gasped. As the emotion of tranquility had passed through him he had felt the greatest sensation of peace and contentment he had ever experienced, but just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He was still trying to remember exactly how he had felt so intensely that he didn't notice they were back on the ground.
"Beast Boy…we're done. You can let go now."
His eyes finally taking in what was around them, and he looked to the woman who seemed to fit so nicely in his arms. He let her out of his embrace, but kept one of her hands in his. "How do you feel?"
"Relaxed. Should we go?"
"Sure."
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(A/N) More and more, it feels like I can't say everything I want to in a chapter in less than four thousand words. It's pretty strange for me, 'cause I just write till I've got what I planned on getting through during the chapter I'd been writing. It's just hitting at around the same number all the time and it's a bit weird since I just write out everything, reread it to make small changes if any, and then I'm done. I don't do rewrites or anything, so it just feels strange that the numbers are so similar. Anyway, reviews are appreciated…seriously, I even say thanks every few chapters and I always answer the questions I get as best as I can without giving away future story stuff.