Disclaimer: I do not own lotr. Warning ratedHH, for Hobbit Humour. You've been warned about that. Now have I told you lately I'm crazy. No? well you are about to find out just how crazy I am. Enjoy

Melons

Sam

We started out again before dawn the next morning all of us shaken awake by Amanda the mage. Whom it seemed hadn't slept at all the previous night

"Amanda didn't you sleep," questioned her sister after she'd been shaken awake.

"No I kept watch all night," she responded. Amanda didn't really seem any worse for the wear her eyes were just slightly darker making her look justifiably angry. It was the agreed that Amanda should not take watch tonight. Poor mister Frodo seemed a bit anxious but we packed up anyhow and were quickly on our way. However a large corn field impeded our progress and we had no choice except to straight through. We went in together in a line but when we emerged on the path inside the corn field only Amanda, myself and Laurelin were present. Frodo was nowhere in sight. Frantically I looked behind us and in front of us hoping to see mister Frodo. I began jogging up the path not seeing him anywhere. I began calling his name. Then like an angel of mercy he appeared up ahead a puzzled adorning his face as I said,

"I though I'd lost you!"

"What are you talking about?" questioned Frodo as I began walking toward.

"Just something Gandalf said," I answered.

"And what did he say?"

"Don't you lose him Samwise Gamgee," I said without hesitation as the Amanda strode up toward Frodo and Laurelin stayed with me. "And I don't mean to," I added softly coming to a stop in front of him.

"Sam we're still in the Shire," retorted Frodo. "What could possibly happen?"

Amanda

At Frodo's utterance of those words a figure shot straight out of the corn field running into Sam and Laurelin knocking them into a three person sprawl. Just as suddenly Frodo and I experienced the same thing. The figure upon us said in astonishment,

"It's Frodo and a pair of melons!" My gaze shot up to see Pippin Took perched upon Frodo and I. He turned his head to the side and said,

"Look Merry it's Frodo Baggins and a pair of eeeeeeeeeeee," was as far as he got when Sam yanked him off of us calling him a lecher.

"What's the meaning of this?" asked Frodo in a high pitched surprised voice as Merry and Pippin began pitching vegetables into our arms.

"You've been into Farmer Maggots Crop," cried Sam in outrage. Barking dogs and yelling alerted us that Farmer Maggot whoever he was had figured it out too. Laurelin and I being taller than the rest of them could easily see the scythe looming above the tops of the corn stalks we broke off into a run in front of the Hobbits. Merry and Pippin were shouting back and forth arguing about Farmer Maggot overreacting. All to soon in my opinion Laurelin and I came to the edge of a hill and stopped on our toes in the nick of time. Unfortunately a wretched bump from behind sent us all tumbling down the hill anyway. Laurelin and I landed on the ground side by side but she was by far the lucky one having had no one land on her. Nothing could be seen of me except for my arms, head, and my legs from the knee down, I hoped no one could see up my dress. Pippin had landed the same way I did except for the fact that he faced to opposite way with his head resting on my rump and his feet tickled the back of my neck. Sam had landed harshly across my shoulders and back, while Merry had bumped into Pippin and I arse first and h is legs were thrown over us. Frodo was in much the same position but he been thrown to the opposite side. I heard Sam audibly spit out some dirt. I lay there head on the ground in defeat with my legs up in the air.

"Miss Amanda if I were you I wouldn't put my legs down!"

"Why not Pippin?" I asked with a groan.

"Let's just say it was close one!"

"I think I've broken something," muttered Merry pawing under himself.

"Trust a Brandybuck and Took," muttered Sam carefully lifting himself off of me beside Merry.

"What?" cried Merry in defense. "It was a detour, a shortcut."

"A shortcut to what?" scoffed Sam.

"Mushrooms!" exclaimed Pippin using one of my legs to lift himself up. Sam, Merry, and Pippin left me so fast you'd swear I farted. Frodo took his time in getting up. I guess he didn't think mushrooms were better than me.