Elliot Stabler's Residence

Queens, New York

September 3

Elliot has since put Maureen to bed and checked on her several times. He is attempting to sleep on the couch and looks out the window, "Great, at least it's raining."

He finds his mind wandering….about everything that has ever happened when it rains. It was raining when Maureen was born, he thinks. Some of the memories good, others bad. He looks down at his watch, "Sleep Stabler…..that's what you need."

He tries to let the fatigue take over so he can pass out and sleep, but he is disturbed by a knock on the door, "Who in the hell…it's one a.m.," he gets up from the couch and answers the door, "Kathy? What….why are you here?"

"I….I couldn't sleep."

He looks her over; she looks like she "couldn't sleep" for a while, "Did you walk?"

"Yeah. I wasn't counting on the rain."

"Well, to what do I owe this visit…the alimony not enough…more child support…how else can I make you more comfortable?"

She grabs him and kisses him passionately, which he returns. He runs his hands over her wet skin and clothes; runs his fingers through her soaked hair. They find their way to the couch. The moment seems to go on forever. And then, their eyes lock and he pulls away, never breaking his gaze.

"You don't feel anything, do you Kath?"

She sits in stunned silence. Finally, she shakes her head no and wipes away some tears.

"And that's what really hurts the most. That you don't love me…and me saying that….now it's real for us both. You know, just go Kathy. Pleasure letting you stomp the heart from my chest again."

She gets up from the couch. He follows her to the door, "What about you El…what do you feel?"

He seems to search for the right words, "The same way I've always felt since the first time we kissed. An unquenchable thirst….guess that's love. I still love you Kathy."

"I'm sorry."

"That I still love you? Don't be. I'm not."

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, that's a big cliché isn't it? Leaving me…taking my kids….getting a new boyfriend and parading him in front of me….and showing me how wonderful your life is now without me…..BUT you never meant to hurt me. Bull. What was it supposed to do...make me a better man?"

"Elliot."

"No. Do you know I've slept on the couch ever since you left…I can't sleep in that bed alone. I hate going in our bedroom to get my clothes. Because….yours aren't there. You're not there. And coming back to this house….I can hardly take it."

"I'm really sorry I reopened this all for you."

"Did you honestly think that all you would have to do is come here, all drenched and pathetic looking…and kiss me….get me into it and I would actually sleep with you? Just so you can prove you've still got me by the balls…."

"That's not it at all."

"To be honest, for a second…I wanted to carry you upstairs to out bed and make love to you and have you back, even if only for tonight. I didn't care…but then, I realized that in the morning, you would be gone again. And having you leave a second time….would kill me."

She reaches out her hand and strokes his face and he jerks away.

"Let me ask you something Kath, did you ever love me…even for a second?"

"When we were younger….I did. With all my heart….and I'm pretty sure I loved you when our kids where born."

"So, when did it stop…when did you stop loving me all the time?"

She stares blankly, "I don't know El, I just don't know."

He nods, almost in disbelief, and blinks back tears. He opens the door and steps back, "I'll see you Friday….when I pick up the twins."

She turns to walk out. "Wait," he says.

She turns to face him; her eyes glimmering with hope. He hands a jacket to her, "Don't want you to get sick. G'night Kathy."

She blinks back tears and puts the jacket on and leaves. He shuts the door and rests his head against it, "How could you just tear into her….how could you let her walk away….again..," He lets the tears, that he's been so desperately holding back, fall.

A hand touches his shoulder, he turns, "Maureen…."

"Daddy….I thought I heard Mom….oh God. She was here….what, what happened?"

He pulls her into his arms and he strokes her hair, "Nothing baby….nothing at all."