This is a story based a few weeks after the events of the season 2 finale. It comes from the POV of Ryan and Seth, maybe even Sandy, Kirsten, Marissa and Summer.
Let the Drama Begin!
Chapter 1
I lay awake in my bed, the only light coming from the moon, tracing the scars on my wrist.
They were my weakness and probably would be my downfall. They resembled all that I stood against. The fight or flight motto that kept me going through the hard times.
But now I had stopped fighting and couldn't seem to run. I couldn't run from the Cohen's and so I had given up the fight and put up my white flag.
That was when I began cutting myself. I used the razor that Sandy had given me in my Chrismukkah stocking.
The first time I cut my wrist was after Treys funeral. I had left earlier scared of what I would do if I stayed later.
I went straight to the Cohen's and looked myself into the pool house. I lay in my bed for ages as emotion swept through me.
ANGER. LOVE. BETRAYAL. GUILT. GRIEF.
All crammed into one causing long over due tears to spring to my eyes and my whole body to actually physically hurt.
And it hurt so much that I had to release it in some way. To let it all out.
I managed to stumble to the bathroom planning to take some sleeping tablets instead.
As I seethed through the cabinet I came across the razor. And somehow managed to bring it too my wrist. I pressed it hard and ripped it across my skin.
Blood instantly sprang to the surface and pain came too. But after a few more tries I managed to finally breathe through the emotional pain. Because I had a different pain to focus on.
I lay in my bed. The moon had disappeared behind some dark clouds. I traced the scars that I hid under my wrist cuff my day.
I had only done it a few times after that. Once when Sandy managed to save Marissa from prison and when Kirsten came back from Rehab glowing. Unlike my mother.
As my mind drifted to my mother, the phone began to ring. I let it ring twice, thinking about who would call me at this time of night.
Maybe Marissa telling me about her parent's latest debacle or maybe even Seth asking me to pick him up from Summers house.
What I hadn't been expecting was my drunken mother on the other side.
"Mum why are you ringing me now?" I asked a bit roughly.
"I just wanted to ring you" She chocked out "I didn't realize it was illegal to ring my own son."
"What do you want mum?" I asked impatiently.
"I'm sorry Ryan but I'm in trouble and I need help."
Now usually the normal Ryan would instantly help but I was different and I was feed up with her.
"Not this time mum. Not now. Don't you even care about me?" I shouted down the phone and before she could retaliate I slammed the phone down.
Big mistake on my behalf. Because right at that moment all those feeling were triggered by the call and came rushing back sweeping me off my feet.
I managed to stumble to the bathroom doubled over with the weight of the pain.
I grasped the cool surface of the razor and brought it down to my wrist. I scrapped harder and harder wanting to feel real pain. Wanting to be able to focus on something and feel it burn. And it burnt so bad.
I slid to the ground and lay on the floor. Blood seeped around me and I thought of how perfect everything would be if I were too die right now.
To leave it all behind and too escapes to something new. I was doing just that escaping without the awkward goodbye.
I closed my eyes.
Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Something was beeping when I woke up. Which I guess means I'm not dead.
Damn that means if I'm not dead then I'll be at a hospital, the last place I want to be.
God that was the weirdest thought ever. I should be pleased that I didn't die, that I lived and was being given a second chance at life. Like Sandy had given me. That I had wasted.
I shook my head trying to focus on something sane. Then it hit me. If I was at the hospital that would mean I would be at the psyche ward. Like I said, the last place I wanted to end up. That and juvie.
I opened my eyes too see if anybody else was in the room. There was no one but I could hear voices right outside my door.
My ears registered that Sandy and Kirsten were out there with someone else who I presumed was my doctor.
I flicked up my ears and began playing Seth's favourite sport. Eaves dropping.
"His condition is stable but I would recommend that he talk to a psychiatrist. From what I have seen, and this is only an estimate, it looks like he's been cutting himself for a few weeks now."
I heard a gasp come from Sandy and Kirsten begin to sob. I felt extremely bad for putting them into this situation.
The doctor began to speak again. "That is why I brought Jackie along. She is a psychiatrist at the Mountain Resort an institute just half an hours way from here. I think she could help Ryan.
What was this guy going on about? He didn't even know me and yet he wanted to ship me off. At least Caleb talked to me before he began his Hate Ryan campaign.
"Thank you very much" I heard Sandy say "But we think that Ryan just needs to get home rest and relax for a while." I smiled hoping they would all go with it.
"No Sandy I think a doctor's decision would be a good idea. Let Jackie meet Ryan and see if he needs more help. If he does then he can go with her to the Institute. You know how's he's been these past few weeks. He hardly talks, doesn't eat which I think might be bordering on anorexia and I don't think he sleeps either." I sighed. They would probably just send me to the institute on that speech.
"The facilities at the Institute are great but we won't make any decisions until we've talked to him."
They talked a bit more but I wasn't listening. I was going to be sent to a institute, they were going to abandon me there. I was going to be looked after by a nurse, live in a ward with crazy people and was going to be spoon feed drugs.
I pulled the drip out of my arm and winced with pain. But I ignored it as I swung my legs over the bed and padded to the door.
I swung it open and said quietly "I'm not going."
Everyone turned around and faced me. A ring of faces showing different emotions, Sandy tired and worried, Kirsten tear streaked and worried, the doctor tired and shocked (maybe angry too), Jackie calm and inquisitive.
The doctor was a weedy looking guy with too much wax in his hair. I already didn't' like him because of his judging me.
Jackie was slightly taller then me. She dressed casually unlike Marissa's shrink had done. She had red hair pulled back in a messy pony tail and big brown eyes. She reminded me of Sandy in that "you can trust me" look.
"Ryan we didn't say…" Kirsten started but I silenced her with a look.
"Ryan your parents think that you need help" Jackie said calmly looking into my eyes.
I pulled my eyes away from her and looked instead at Sandy. "I want to go home." I said even quieter.
"Ryan you're on a 72 hour watch. You're not allowed to leave." The weedy doctor said.
I ignored him and kept looking at Sandy. "I want to go home."
He stared at me thoughtfully. I let my eyes plead for me. Panic began rising in me.
"Ryan you have to stay here." He said not looking away.
"Nooo" I yelled. Sandy was meant to help me not abandon me.
"Ryan you need to calm down." The weedy doctor said.
"I don't want to stay here and I don't want to go to an institute. I want to go home." I yelled my body shaking with the intensity of the panic and anger in me.
"Ryan if you don't get back into that bed right now you will never see living daylight again." Kirsten finally spoke up. We stood staring at each other; her eyes were filled with sorrow, concern, weariness and antagonism.
We came to an understanding then and I backed down. Her emotions bending me to her will. I hated to see her like this.
I closed the door behind me quietly and lay down in my bed. I was shaking and panting with fear and rage.
My whole life seemed to lie on a line. On the decision they made.