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Chapter 2

I woke up with a splitting headache from too many drinks last night. I was twisted in my sheets still in the clothes I wore last night.

At least I had got past the parents without being caught.

I lent over to grab some water (slowly very slowly) as I did a note that hadn't been there last night sat next to my glass.

Dear Seth, Something's come up. Get a taxi and come to the hospital as soon as possible. When I say taxi I mean it. You are now officially grounded because of last night. Please get here fast.

Love your parents.

Shit they had seen me. Wait a second. HOSPITAL. Whoa I missed something important. Shit was someone hurt. It was only from mum and dad that meant no Ryan which equaled either a fight or something more.

I showered quickly, changed, ate, paracetamol, taxi, hospital. My thoughts jumping from one conclusion to another.

I rushed up to the receptionist prepared to make a fool of myself. Just as I opened my mouth my name was called from behind me.

I turned around to see my mum rushing towards me. Her face was puffy and red from what I thought could be tears.

"Seth I'm so glad you're here." She said as she wrapped her arms around me and buried me in her shoulder. My heart warmed at her choice of words.

Dad came up slowly behind her. He looked shattered and probably had been crying too. He wrapped his hands around us both. We held each other tightly and I had to hold myself back from saying some extremely witty remark.

"Okay guys enough with the group hug I need to know what's happening here." I finally burst.

"Ryan is hurt" Dad replied dumbly looking at me.

"Na dad you think."

"Ryan tried to kill himself." Mum mumbled into my shoulder.

I pulled myself away from her looking into her eyes trying to see the lie in her words.

But somehow it all fitted. Ryan had been really depressed lately. Only I hadn't thought much of it. I hadn't paid much attention; I only focused on me and Summer.

"Seth I think this is the longest I've heard you quiet." Dad said.

"I know… it's just Ryan. I mean he has been kind of depressed lately. But trying to… trying to…" I couldn't finish the sentence; the words stuck in my throat were they should probably stay.

"I know, I know, but we can get through it." Mum finally said as she pulled herself away from me. She wiped her eyes and finally began pulling herself together resembling the lady who was always in charge. Or at least most of the time. If she wasn't she looked like she was.

We walked up the stairs to where Ryan was staying. We stood by the counter while mum filled in more leaflets.

I recognized the floor as the one we rescued Marissa from two years ago. That felt like ages. When we were all innocent (not).

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen." A lady with red hair said as she came up to us. "Hi. Um I need you to fill out these forms. Then I can go and talk to Ryan." She noticed me and put her hand out. "Hi I'm Jackie you must be Seth."

I looked at the hand for a moment and then shook it, nodding to say yes.

"Seth this is Ryan's psychiatrist. He will be seeing her for an evaluation. If Jackie thinks he needs more help then he might go with her to the institute she works at." Mum explained.

Whoa this was going way to fast. Ryan trying to kill himself and now sending him to an institute.

"Wait a sec have you talked to Ryan." I said.

"Yes and he didn't take it so well." Jackie said and I glared at her.

"Yeah well how would you feel if you were being sent away."

"Seth" Dad said warning me but I was far to gone.

"No dad you can't just send him away. He just needs to rest and relax. He probably knows that he did wrong. Come on dad you know Ryan." I shouted.

"Seth your mother and I think he needs outside help."

"Dad…"

"Seth stop it." I was cut off. Ryan stood uncertainly outside the door. My eyes drifted to the hospital robe he wore, to the bandages on his wrist and to the thin gaunt look that I hadn't noticed before.

Ryan looked exhausted and extremely thin. How could I have not noticed that before? Had I been too caught up in Summer to not notice that my brother was killing himself one way or another?

He turned around and walked back into his room.

"Ryan, Ryan wait." I called after him and followed.

"Ryan man what's happening here." I asked as I entered the room. He stood on the other side staring out the window.

"I don't know" He answered. His voice shook but he didn't turn around so I couldn't see his face.

"Why man? Why did you do it?" I asked.

"I don't know." He answered again but without emotion this time.

"Oh come on dude. You can't just kill yourself for no reason…"

"I don't know" He shouted with force. He strode over to his bed and lay down with his back to me.

I sighed and left the room knowing he would need space.

Ryan P.O.V

I stared at the window waiting for Seth to leave. I pulled the covers over my head trying to will away the past day, to make the pain stop.

I hadn't faced him when he came after me. I couldn't knowing it would only make things worse.

My heart thumps hard in my chest and I try to calm it. I wanted to shut out the world, to shut out his words full of emotion. I only wanted to be left alone so I didn't have to feel, so I wouldn't get hurt.

Seth left the room after a moment's silence. I sighed deeply and relaxed. I was safe.

Suddenly I heard the door open and my whole body stiffened as I tried to pretend to sleep.

"Ryan" A soft voice asked. I stayed still.

"Ryan I know you're awake." The voice said this time not so softly.

I turned over to face my new psychiatrist. She stood in the middle of the room dressed casually like yesterday. She walked over to the seat beside my bed and sat down. She watched me the whole time.

"What do you want?" I asked probably too roughly.

"I want the pleasure of your company" She answered staring at me intently. A small, sly smile played along her lips.

I met her eyes and we held for a few minutes. A battle of wills.

I finally broke contact and Jackie asked. "How are you feeling?"

I looked at her and gave a very witty remark that Seth would have been proud of. "You tell me doctor. You're the expert."

And then she laughed. "That was good Ryan. I like that. But I can see you've built your steel walls. But what are you keeping out."

She stood suddenly and walked towards the door. She turned around and said. "I'm going to talk to your parents but I'll be back."

That is the weirdest conversation ever it even bets Seth's fish sex one.

Seth P.O.V

We sat in Dr. Byron's office mom, dad and I. Jackie sat opposite us. She was borrowing the office for our interview.

"So how are you all feeling?" She asked and I'm pretty sure we all gave her one of those famous looks that Ryan does. Or in my case at least tried.

"Yes well that can be imagined." She said. "I want to take this time to ask you about Ryan. I've looked at the file you gave me Mr. Cohen…"

"Sandy, call me Sandy."

"Okay Sandy. Well it's just that… Have you gone through it?" She asked eyes darting from Ryan's file to my dad.

I felt sick knowing that everything about Ryan's life was written in there. I wondered what horrible things had happened to him in Chino.

"No I haven't. I wanted to wait for Ryan to tell us himself. Ryan's a very private person and I don't think he would like it if we went prying."

"Yes I can understand that. But some of this contains evidence of abuse and…"

I choked on the coke in my hand. All the adults turned and looked at me.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked heatedly. The adults stared at me waiting for an explanation. "I mean isn't this about Ryan attempting suicide not about his past."

"Actually Seth"

"It's Mr. Cohen"

"Actually Mr. Cohen it has everything to do with everything. I was going to ask if you think that this may have some strain on Ryan. Maybe he can be jumpy or has a temper."

"Well he did fight a bit when he first moved in but he stopped after a while. Then there was the Oliver debacle and just a few weeks ago his brother." Mum answered.

"Yes his brother. Now I think it's this that has set everything off. I read the file so we don't need to go over the details."

She turned and faced me. "Mr. Cohen what has Ryan been like lately?"

I wasn't surprised at the question just surprised that she asked me. I wondered what I should do. If I should protect my brother from an Insane Asylum or do the right thing. To help him and make him better.

I decided on the second. "Ryan's been extremely quiet. I mean he was always quiet before but now he won't even talk. He just nods or shakes his head. He has this permanent stony expression on his face. He's become as thin as a stick and hardly sleeps. He pretty much looks like a zombie."

I breathed deeply. There would be some serious groveling if Ryan ever heard about this.