A Totally "Awexome" Author's Note: Well, well, well! The fifth chapter of the You Can't Scream and Vomit At the Same Time saga has arrived! Obviously... I mean, if it hadn't, what would you be reading right now? That's right - nothing. You'd be lost without your wonderful story and would die after having drunk way too much Pinot Noir and getting alcohol poisoning. Those verbs are messed up but I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I'M PLEASED THE FIFTH CHAPTER IS UP! Oh and by the way we don't own Harry Potter, but we do own the non-Harry Potter folk. We whip the teachers until they give us A's. We torture the students until they give us their money. Hex yes. Not really. We can dream, though. OH we also do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Response to Les Reviews:
orangeokapi13 - YAY! I'm happy! -dances jig- Very happy you like the story. Well, hope you like this chapter. And I have a feelingthis can be a new inside joke?
Oh, and I, Melissa, take credit for the second part of this chapter. Mwahahahaha.
Chapter Five
Mariela did not want to seem rude, so she listened intently to the headmistress' words.
"Welcome to Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! It is my pleasure to introduce you to our staff! Mr. Mathieson, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Mr. Roeder, Charms," each teacher rose at the sound of their name, "Mr. Bell, Herbology, Mrs. Lee, Potions, Ms. Sanders, our caretaker..." There was more to this immensely boring speech, but Mariela tuned out after those words.
She saw that they had paper napkins, and remembered the pen in her pocket. She began to draw a caricature of Ms. Nakathing making her speech. Melissa saw this, and started to laugh silently. It was not long before Mariela's drawing was being passed along the Gryffindor table and everyone was laughing.
All the Gryffindors were laughing as the paper was passed back into Mariela's hands. Although soon after, Mariela felt that someone was behind her. She slowly turned around. Mr. Mathieson loomed in front of her...
"Care to share the napkin in your hand?" Mr. Mathieson took the napkin, and to everyone's surprise, just smiled and handed it back. He walked away. All this time, Ms. Nakathing was still talking; droning on and on...
About forty minutes later, the feast began. Now that Ms. Nakathing was silent, it was the students' turn to talk amongst themselves. They not only spoke, they multi tasked, eating at the same time, which in a normal society is very bad manners, but no one cared at the moment. Just as Ms. Nakathing's speech had ended, so did the feast, and it was soon time to head to the different common rooms.
When Hermione, Ron, Harry, Fred, George, Hermione, Mariela, and Melissa were lounging in the Gryffindor common room, there was a commotion in one of Hogwart's secret basements. Draco Malfoy had broken into a room that had many barrels of wine stored in it. He looked about the basement greedily, and rubbed his hands together. Then he looked back up the narrow stairwell he used as an entrance, and called out, "It's safe, girls! Come on down! Don't forget the glasses!"
After several minutes of waiting, Draco sat down on a barrel of Chardonnay. After several more minutes of waiting, Samantha and Brigitte came down to the cellar.
"What took so long? What were you doing?" Draco demanded, standing up and fixing his greasy hair.
"Nothing," Brigitte said, smiling. She gave Samantha and Draco each a cup, and they decided to open a very expensive barrel of Pinot Noir. After they had a few glasses each, they were laughing their heads off. As they were totally drunk, they didn't notice how their voices echoed up the stairwell and into the corridors.
A school ghost on duty, called Bucky, was wandering a corridor when he heard the faint sounds of laughter. He floated quickly towards the noise, and it became incredibly loud when he reached an open door that led to a dirty stair well. He looked around, went down the stairwell, and reached one of Hogwarts' cellars. The view was indescribable, but I will attempt.
There were three Slytherin students, holding cups with wine in them, and singing "99 Barrels of Wine on the Wall". Their robes were all drenched with the wine, and the boy's pale blonde hair had spots of deep purple in it. How it got there, Bucky didn't know. There was an Asian girl and a Scandinavian girl on each of his sides. The Scandinavian girl was trying to stay proper, but her drunkenness was getting away. The Asian girl was spread out on the ground, having a giggle fit, as the boy and the Scandinavian had their "99 Barrels" duet.
"What is going on here?" Bucky boomed. The three students simultaneously froze, and slowly they all turned to look at him.
Suddenly, the boy sneered. "Who are you?"
"I'm Bucky, the crime slaying ghost!" Bucky said, "And you three are in SERIOUS trouble!"
"Haha, like that's going to happen! Do you know who I am? I am Draco Malfoy! I do not get in trouble!"
"Let's see what Professor Mathieson says about that!" Bucky said, and then floated through the ceiling and walls of Hogwarts so quickly, he got to Professor Mathieson's office in seconds.
Slytherin ended up with -3000 points and three months of detention for each of them. Thanks to Bucky, the crime slaying ghost!
Heh. Heh. HEH! Hope you liked that one. I really enjoyed writing the last part... well... PLEASE REVIEW!
and I LOVE BUCKY!