A Bizarre Author's Note: OK. We don't own Harry Potter. Chapter Nine is broken up into three different chapters, so yeah. Because there is Chapter Nine, a side story, and then Chapter Nine continued. That's all.
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Orangeokapi13 - Cell phones aren't electronic devices, they are magic.
Chapter Nine
Harry rolled over in his bed. He opened his eyes and squinted, as the room was very bright. Too bright, according to Harry's hangover. He moaned and rolled over again.
"Mr. Potter?" a voice said. But the room was starting to darken and spiral away, and Harry fell back asleep.
"It looks like he's unconscious, once again, Sir," Rosa Smith, a young nurse, said to the man who sat beside Harry's bed. She vaguely recognized the old man, but didn't bother to study him. She had work to do. He had a long, white beard, and long purple robes.
"Harry," he said quietly, nudging the boy he was sitting next to, "Harry!" he hissed. The boy still did not wake up. Dumbledore looked around to make sure no one was watching, then pulled out his wand. He used the thinking-magic thing to wake Harry.
"Ahhh-!" Harry started to scream, looking around, squinting. Dumbledore clamped his hand over Harry's mouth. Harry looked up into Dumbledore's eyes and screamed louder.
"My dear boy, you are at St. Mungo's hospital. I have returned from the dead, but that is much too long of a story to tell you here, especially with you in the state you are in. Oh, do shut up!" Dumbledore said, pointing his wand at Harry once again, and thinking a spell to take away his voice. Dumbledore removed his hand, and Harry's mouth was open, but no sound emitted. "Good," he said, "Very good. Anyways, Harry, I have come to kidnap you from the hospital, and I will tell you what I am planning to do once we get out of here."
Harry's eyes widened and he shook his head, but Dumbledore ignored him and prepared some serious magic.
With his super magic skills, Dumbledore shrunk Harry, and placed Harry in his coat pocket. He left St. Mungo's, with Harry still in his pocket of course. Dumbledore then walked to a small deserted park, took Harry out of his pocket and unshrunk him.
Harry took a breath, silently screamed, and then vomited all over Dumbledore (you must remember, all Harry could do was breathe, scream, and vomit).
Dumbledore was enraged!
"Dammit Harry!" he screamed. Then, he threw a cell phone at Harry, and Harry died, because cell phones are the most magical things in the universe.
"Dammit Harry!" Dumbledore screamed again, then he kicked Harry's face, and even though he was dead, Harry vomited. Harry vomited all over Dumbledore's new magical shoes.
"DAMMIT HARRY!" Dumbledore was very angry. So he kicked Harry in the crotch. Harry vomited again.
Pretty soon, the magical police came, and they arrested Dumbledore, who was later convicted of Murder of the First Degree by Use of Cell Phone. Or he would have been anyway, except he pleaded insanity. His therapist then found that he was indeed insanely insane. So Santa Clause sent Dumbledore to St. Mungo's Hospital. He spent the rest of his days in the part of the hospital which they saved for the insanely insane, where he had a room where everything was white, soft, bouncy, and covered with pillows. Dumbledore lived insanely happy ever after.