Damn Sexy Author's Note: Don't own Harry Potter. Don't own the "F-u-c-k-i-n-g" song that I heard in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Don't own any Chicken crossing road jokes. And of course we own all the non-HP characters.

Another Fiiine Author's Note: This one is a bit short, so I'll post up this along with the Mating of the Merpeople chapter.

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Chapter Eleven

The group had planned to have a serious discussion with Harry... an intervention, if you will. But Harry was nowhere to be found that evening! They split up into groups of two to go searching for him, but made little progress. After an hour, they all came together, and switched partners. Then they made much more progress through the castle this way.

Harry, however, was not in the castle. He had stolen an ancient cape from the mysterious and wonderful Cape Room in the cellars, and was trekking through the forest. He had gotten past Sanders, the caretaker, and Professor James, the groundskeeper. Amazingly, he had also gotten past the wary Professor Mathieson, who was out to get him. Actually, it seemed he was out to get everyone. But Harry didn't notice. He was too self-absorbed.

Softly, he started to sing a little song he created:

"Harry and Hermione,

Sitting in a tree,

F - u - c - k - i - n - g"

Harry smiled to himself at his clever little song, and then continued the narrow, dark path through the forest.

After an hour or so, Harry couldn't tell, he spotted eyes looking at him. Some were bright yellow, and others deep red. He wasn't frightened, because he was "brave", but I think he's just foolish. He kept walking and walking, and then finally came to a clearing. He saw the school's back fences, and a road behind it. Harry was very happy at his "accomplishment" and climbed over the fence. He didn't have much practice hopping fences, so he fell over on the other side. He then saw a chicken, and it was about to cross the road.

"Hello," Harry said politely to the poultry.

"Hello, sir," the chicken squawked back.

"Why are you crossing the road?" Harry said, puzzled.

"To get to the other side, dummy!" it said, then started crossing the road.

"But, what I meant was, what are you going to do once you cross the road?"

"I'll be on the other side," it said, puzzled.

"Then what?"

"Oh my God, I have no meaning in life!" the chicken gasped, " I'm just a chicken that crosses the road every time someone says a lame joke!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, Mister Chicken," Harry said, pitying the poor fowl.

"Leave me, let me be," the chicken said, shooing Harry away once they got to the other side.

"Oh, all right," Harry said.

"Wait!" the bird cried as Harry started to walk in the opposite direction by the road.

"Yes?" Harry asked, turning.

"Please... Please kill me," the bird said, on his knees, trying to beg. If chickens can beg, I don't know. But if they can talk, they can probably beg.

"I... I... Better go now," Harry said, then walked in the opposite direction. When he was down quite a ways, and the chicken was a mere speck on the horizon, he heard a gun shot and something fall. Poor creature, Harry thought. He looked out to his left, and saw the gate to Hogwarts, and it's magnificent trees of the forest. He looked to his right, which was barren. Huge hills loomed far away, and he knew he'd have to cross them to get where he was going: Sacramento.