Chapter 20:

„Oh Miranda – poor girl…You really believed we were gone, that you could get rid of us that easily. Ts, ts, ts – you are even more stupid then you look, girlie."

"No, no, no! This can't be!"

Miranda screamed desperately, tears forming in her eyes. It couldn't be happening. She had made a decision, had been strong, had stopped to pity herself and had been courageous and still the voices were there, insulting her. She hadn't done anything wrong, she had acted against all the things the voices had accused her for, but they wouldn't leave her alone...

"Poor little baby – you have no idea, do you? Hoping so desperately to get away from us. But we won't leave you, we will stay. Did you actually believe your little attempt to break free would scare us off?"

She felt how her heartbeat was rising and how her hands started trembling. She couldn't cope – she couldn't live through another failure, through another time of not being able to stand up against her very own demons.

"Now stop this stupid thing and behave, honey. You are only making it worse – they are going to take you to a mental institution if you don't stop it. Treat you like a damn lunatic, you wouldn't want that, would you?"

She stopped dead in tracks, thinking about the words she had just heard... Treating her like a lunatic, like a person suffering from a mental illness... They would help her! They would make the voices go away! There was a chance for her, one more chance for her to break free and get rid of her attackers, constantly causing pain.

"Nobody will listen to you, girlie! They're going to pump you up with drugs and lock you in some cell. You're never going to get out again, never going to see anyone again. They're going to lock you up and then forget you... or maybe even worse!"

She shook her head violently, trying to ignore the voices, which were getting louder and more angry now, but were still as controlled as they always were. She knew it was of no use, it had never been – they wouldn't go away.

"They won't, nobody will hurt me. You are lying to me! It's all a lie!"

"Oh come on, Miranda! You shot your fellow students. You killed a girl. They won't let you out of here alive. What the hell were you thinking – that they would understand? Good god, you are even more stupid than you look like!"

"Stop! Stop it! Leave me be! Leave me alone!"

They were doing it again – laughing at her again, for about the millionth time. She couldn't do this any more, she just couldn't. She didn't have the power any more – the power of insisting and fighting. She had tried so hard, she had done everything she could to get rid of these voices but once again she had failed...

"Hush, hush, little girl. We told it to you so many times, you should know it by now. We will never go anywhere, you will never get rid of us!"

She could feel the tears rise in her eyes and she knew they would tease her and laugh at her and make fun of her even more if she couldn't hold them back. They wouldn't stop – they would never stop. Ever.

She could feel how her legs gave way under her as she was no longer able to control her emotions and let out the tears sitting behind her eyes. She couldn't help it. It was like in one of this soap operas – she slit down the side of the wall, sobbing violently and uncontrolably, the tears streaming down her face now.

She could feel the hot tears on her cheeks and feel the salt on her tongue. At times it had been a relieveing feeling, crying her pain out. But that had stopped one day – the day her constant companions had appeared – and she hadn't been happy since that day. She stopped dead in her tracks realizing this particular fact right now... She hadn't been happy for a long, long time.

Obviously she didn't deserve to feel that way. Otherwise she wouldn't be troubled and sad and depressed. Her life was somehow wrong, in a way she couldn't explain, hadn't even the slightest idea about why. She had tried hard to change it, had tried to break free, but it wouldn't work, no matter how hard she tried.

"Look at the little Miranda, at that poor excuse of a girl. She's crying again, like we haven't seen that one before. Mourning and crying about her miserable life. We are all so sorry for you – poor little baby, think you deserve something else don't you? You don't deserve anything Miranda – you need to finally get that fact!"

Listening to the voices for once since she heard them, caused her to snort. She already was one step further, she had already gotten that fact. She knew she didn't deserve it, she didn't deserve anything..."