Chapter 21:

Maybe she was right and the cops out there would actually help her. Take her away from here unharmed and put her to a hospital where they would be able to help her. She knew she couldn't trust in the voices. For the whole time they had been there, they had never done anything but lie to and insult her.

But then again she had just hung up on that FBI agent in hysteria and she had been talking to herself. They probably considered her a security risk and would take her down as soon as she would leave this spot. They would shoot her without another word of question.

But wasn't that what she wanted? She knew she wasn't happy, didn't deserve to be and probably never would be. The voices wouldn't go away that easily, they had assured her so and in this particular matter she knew she could absolutely trust in what she was hearing. They would not leave her be – not without fighting.

She had tried once before, she had taken the medication the school psychologist had prescribed to her. It however hadn't worked. They had come back even more forcefully this time... and longer, much longer than they would normally talk to her. She had had more trouble fighting them off and she had been even more afraid afterwards.

Even if they would put her into a hospital and on medication there wasn't any guarantee she would ever be alone´ again. And apart from that – even if she was getting rid of her talkative companions – she wouldn't ever be happy again.

She had disappointed her mother to the core, she had shot at several students at her school, she would never be able to return to high school, probably be sentenced for life because of murder. She would never have any friends, her family would never want to see her again and she would have to live the rest of her miserable life alone in a cell at a state prison.

Maybe it was what she deserved, maybe it was right to sentence her – after all she had commited a major crime. But she had done it for a reason, had done it for the one thing that had mattered to her and that was being happy again. She obviously had absolutely failed on that goal.

Whatever she would do - she could no longer achieve that goal, and honestly spoken, she knew she didn't have enough courage to try once again and not enough trust to allow anyone else to try for her. To her mind there was only one more thing, one solution to come up with and she knew she would have enough courage for this step.

She stopped crying right then, having made a decision and managing to ignore the voices for at least some moments. She only needed to find enough courage to get up from her sitting spot where she had slit down the wall and get to cross the room. It wasn't the most easy thing to do, but she hoped she would manage.

She moved her hand behind her back, pressing them against the wall and moving her body upwards slowly – very, very slowly. She managed to get up on her feet, putting full weight on her legs, but these however wouldn't move. She was unable to take a step forward. She could feel the tension rise inside of her – she didn't have much time. She needed to fullfil her plan before the voices would come back and haunt her once again.

She took a deep breath and managed to take the first step. This helped – as soon as she knew she could actually do it, she could cross this room. She took another step and another and yet another until she had finally reached the table the weapon she had used to shoot down at the school yard with was lying at. It wasn't the most fitting weapon to go through with her plan, but it was the only one she had. She hadn't taken her father's second gun with her... hadn't believed she would need it.

It took her another deep breath and a few moments to take the gun – grabbing it firmly with both hands, that hard that her knuckles went wide. She slowly sat down on the table still holding the gun and not being able to move it into position.

"Miranda?"

She felt panic rise inside of her – pure and absolute panic. She didn't have any more time. They were there! They were coming back! They would try to stop her! She needed to end her plan, needed to do what she wanted to do, needed to get to her final solution of getting rid of her problems and she needed to do it in a rush.

Grim determination took a hold on her and caused her mind to become absolutely blank for a few more moments. Her reactions came almost automatically right then. She felt like a robot, like she was watching herself from some place inside this room but not really being a part of what was happening.

She positioned herself on the chair, took the gun into the right position too and managed to take an aim directly at her heart. She could feel tears rise in her eyes right then... The agent from FBI she had been talking to had been wrong – there was nobody who cared, nobody would grieve for her. It was a sad thought...

But it wouldn't change her decision – she had known nobody would. It would be the same thing in living – nobody would care for her and it would be even harder this way because she would have to... live... with that. The way she chose she didn't have to.

With trembling fingers she reached for the trigger down under her. She squezzed the tears beginning to form in her eyes from them and took another deep breath which she held for a few moments. As she exhaled them she closed her eyes, took another moment and then... pulled the trigger.

They had just come up with their decision to enter the school when they heard the sound. It was far away – as they were behind the security ring, but all of them had heard it and had been able to categorize it. The fact that it had been more muffled didn't mean anything good for Miranda Thomas' condition.

It had been a shot, definitely, which meant that Miranda Thomas had probably just killed herself. It at least was Jack's believe – the girl's last words, her psychological background, the circumstances of her disappearance – it all pointed to one probable conclusion.

He hadn't been able to save her, he had tried for the last 45 minutes, had desperately used every last of this minutes to keep her on the phone and convince her to give up. He had been close – he knew that – and it was the saddest part about the outcome of this situation. He almost had managed to make her give up.

But then something out of his control had happened and she had hung up on him. She had given in to her own demons and had listened to them. She had struggled, fought a hard battle with them and – obviously – she had lost that battle just a moment ago.

He was turned back to reality right then when the police captain addressed him.

"Agent Malone? What do you make of this? She killed herself didn't she?"

"Probably – yes."

"Alright then – we're going to get in there and find out about it."

He nodded in aprovement, but without really listening to the police officer. He had another, more urgent thing to do right now. They had just lost one life – a life they had been responsible for in a particular way. But he had yet still to take care of somebody else's life in his custody. A life he still would be able to safe.

Hopefully ...